Arguement with OH about SW

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by Louise24, 31 October 2008.

  1. Louise24

    Louise24 Well-Known Member


    Just got off the phone to OH, was talking about SW etc and how I'm feeling empowered.

    He also wants to lose weight and is going circuit training twice a week. He thinks this is all he needs to do to lose weight. I explained that with SW you can lose weight without exercising (although it's good to do exercise). So it's important to watch what you eat.

    He then basically laid into me saying I've said I'm going to "do this" so many times before but never have etc, and I've never stuck at it or tried.

    I saw my arse at this massively and told him to f off and his attitude really doesn't help. I believe in myself at the minute and the last thing I need is him casting doubts. Ok, I know this is like my 68th attempt to do this but I don't need him doubting me before I even start!!!

    I've said, that he can stick to his way, I'll stick to mine, we'll not talk about it and time will bloody well tell.

    Oh god, I'm so wound up now, it's all given me all the determination in the world to bloody well show him.

    After all, I stick to SW during the week and just break it when I'm with HIM at the weekends as he eats crap.

    Ok, rant over, thanks for reading. I'm going to go and sit in a dark corner now and calm down.

    L x
  2. emski

    emski Well-Known Member

    Tell him to wind his neck in

    Mine's a bit like that.. thinks you need to starve to lose weight and watches me like the food police.. but hey I aint doing it for him...

    You go girly .. you do what suits you.. hey we all tried and tried again... so what?

    Prove em all wrong !!!
    You are woman hear you roar!!!!!!!!!! :D
  3. Louise24

    Louise24 Well-Known Member

    To be honest he's done me a favour Em. I'm that flipping wound up now that I've just thrown away all the biscuits and sweets in the house.

    Wooo, go Lou, go Lou. x
  4. northernboi

    northernboi Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear you've had a tough time with your fella.

    I can't and won't justify what he said, but I guess I just want to point out that weight is a pretty dodgy issue for some blokes. We're not supposed to care about it, it isn't something we can talk to women about (cause it makes us feel unattractive) or talk to our mates about (it's something women talk about) and as far as most blokes go is rubbing their bellies every now and again and thinking 'ok no chocolate this week' or 'I'm going to exercise more'.

    What he said to you was unfair, but in the same way you are struggling - it's likely he's struggling too. Does anyone actually LIKE doing circuit training? He's probably have a tough time staying committed.

    Of course, he'll never tell you this himself, but he might be feeling a bit down about his weight at the moment.

    I think you're absolutely right to say that you should do it your way, and he should do it is. But it does worry me a bit that you said 'and time will tell'. I know you were p&ssed off etc, but I don't think it's gonna help either of you to make this into a competition.

    If you do well on SW and he can see that, he'll naturally ask you about it and perhaps even begin to follow it (even if just a little!). By the same token, if things work with his training, maybe you'll be persuaded to go along with him once or twice. Maybe it'll work out his way and work out your way.

    Hope you manage to feel better soon.... don't let this put you off plan! If you can, stick to it!

    Good luck,
    Janey2004 likes this.
  5. emski

    emski Well-Known Member

    Good girl.. Im proud of you...

    When the dust settles just be as commited and if he wants to eat crap at weekends thats his choice.. you dont have to join him and vice versa.. enjoy doing this for YOU.. not to spite someone else..(although there is someone coming to my 40th who was always the slimmer one.. but no more.. moooo ha ha , Im allowed that one cos its halloween)

    Men have it tough .. yes they do.. whatever they do they cant win .. if he shows an interest he's interfering.. if he doesnt he doesnt care :D
  6. Kitteh

    Kitteh Resident geek

    you can do it.. and the best thing is.. its gonna be like sticking two fingers up.. im so stubborn tht if someone tells me i wont suceed.. ill go out of my way to do so.. MUhahahahahahaha..

    You go and kick some ass doll

    x x
  7. Louise24

    Louise24 Well-Known Member

    Ste - thank you, it is good to get male view point, I've never thought about it that way before. It just frustrated me that he didn't believe in me, but there again I think he maybe did it to motivate me, as he knows I'm stubborn and when I'm determined to show someone - I will.

    Thanks everyone, I've forgiven him for it now, but I'm not going to slip from SW - it's 100% Lou now. x
  8. mod-karen79

    mod-karen79 rainbows holiday buddy :)

    the best thing is that you didn't agree with him, which shows you are determined.

    my OH is exactly the same. whenever i have a blip it's 'see, you can't stick to it', but then he offers to get me pizza hut...i just refuse and swear at him alot. he would love for me to lose weight - and who can blame him, i am morbidly obese after all!!! ....if he was my size and i'm going to be honest now, i probably wouldn't fancy him, certainly not as much as i fancy him now. so i owe it to myself, my health and my relationship to lose the weight.

    i think you have to be stubborn with yourself on SW - that's how i stick to it. especially as there are always biscuits and crisps in my house and OH sits eating nachos for dinner infront of me! ...i just make sure i eat when he does or am full by the time he starts eating. as for weekends - start with a SW fry-up and if he wants takeaway then get in the kitchen and start cooking whilst he orders ;)
  9. Well-Known Member

    my hubby was the same, when i first started sw..........but now i have his full support. infact he is startin to follow it as well.....when it suits him that is.........he still eats pies and drinks beer and goes the chippy, but not as often as he use to........hes dropped 2 st, cos he eats what i cook.........the oven is alien to him so is the hoover and
    but at least he don't have a go..............cos he knows i will stop cookin for
  10. Treats

    Treats Well-Known Member

    Its never easy when trying to loose weight and without ripping into me... as we all know that they have their hang ups... but I can totally relate to what you are all saying.

    I have been on this now for just over a month and done really well.. but my OH just gives with one hand and takes with both hands... and I have to say that it really does get me down.

    The good thing is .. I am doing this for me... it did start off that I was doing it for both of us.. so maybe things would be different.. but now I see that they won't and I am going to do this for me totally (which I should have done in the first place.. but sadly I am one of these people that everyone else comes first and that's not me!!)

    So the more I loose and the better I look and feel the worse he is becoming.. but I am not prepared to take on his baggage as well as mine at the moment... yes love is about give and take... but sometimes you just have to say.. enough is enough.. deal with it like I am... geesh do they think it is a walk in the park!!!

    Mine was a PT Instructor so too thinks that a little running here and there etc will do the trick...well without going into medical history.. its not!

    So all out there finding it hard with their OH... tell them to put up or shut-up as this battle is going to be won!! (and us women do tend to win all the time lol)

    Oh geesh.. sorry all just feeling really miserable as OH had a go at me yesterday and still very upset.. so didn't mean to rant on...
  11. mod-karen79

    mod-karen79 rainbows holiday buddy :)

    don't worry - mine's been having a go all week. it's always been in the evening - just in time for most haunted, so i've been pretending to get in a strop and going downstairs to watch tv :D
  12. Annie68

    Annie68 Well-Known Member

    I think we all get this at some point.

    Ste, great to read a man's view of things. Men are as alien to us as women are to men sometimes. (does that make sense? lol)

    My other half lost 3 stone last year. He is a pig headded stubborn git (he knows this is how I see him because I've told him lol), but once he sets his mind to a task he sticks to the task in hand 100% to the detriment of everything else. He ate what I cooked (healthy but I wasn't on SW then), and he exercised like no one had exercised before. He found it easy to do. Well he would wouldn't he.. I was cooking and providing all the food he needed and not getting anything that he shouldn't be eating. That said, I am proud of him for losing 3 stone like that.

    When I said I was joining SW, he went on and on about why on earth would I pay someone to weigh me. I should have enough will power and inner strength to just get on and do it.. .like he did. erm, excuse me? like he did? who gave him all his support? who cooked and prepared his meals? who made sure there were plenty of healthy snacks? Me! not him! He wouldn't do the same for me. I stood my ground and told him why I need a support group etc etc and he eventually agreed to disagree.. grrr. Although having been doing SW for almost 5 weeks now, he does see the importance of it for me. everyone is different.

    Sorry your OH gave you so much grief. Show him what you can do when you put your mind to it, and good luck :D
  13. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

    For what it's worth, here's another male POV;

    You have to remember that we men are simple creatures, and almost *all* of us seem to have the idea stuck in their heads that anything to do with weight, dieting, weight-loss "club", getting 'emotional' about weight (or anything else for that matter) and generally admitting that we need help is something that we ARE NOT ALLOWED to do. Stupid, eh?

    I know that's how I used to feel, and looking at my Dad, I can see why
    (I'm not blaming him, I love him and he'd do anything he could to help me) but he is exactly that way; the whole Male Bravado of "nothing bothers me." "Weight? don't be daft boy, diets are for girls" kinda thing.

    But probably the biggest thing on your guy's mind right now, especially if he is a little overweight too, (and whatever you say or think, I guarantee he's had this though several times) is this;

    "If she loses all the weight, and looks as hot as she used to, she'll find herself another skinny, hot guy instead of me"

    It's sad, a little self-centered, and totally wrong to think it, but in a guy's mind, if his girl is bit overweight, he see's other guys as being far, FAR less of a risk to his relationship with her (which is main cause for the phrase "I love you just the way you are" )
    But of course, this doesn't mean he thinks you are unnattractive - just in our heads, somehow, magically, no other guy will see you. :confused:
    I know, it sounds totally dumb, but then hey, most of us Men are when you get down to it :p
    And I know, from personal experience AND what all my mates have said, that almost all guys (at least all guys in my town) almost ALWAYS feel like their girl has "settled" for them; that for some reason, the guy actually isn't good enough for her, but she gave him a chance anyway; ultimately, it's all linked to fear of losing the one you love.

    So I think that he might have been getting defensive/annoyed, not at YOU per sé, but at the idea that he might lose you if you get Fit and he doesn't, and because he doesn't really know or understand why you need SW, he's more annoyed at himself for not understanding - but of course, being a MAN he can never admit that.

    Like I said, we are simple creatures, sadly
    (well, aside from the few "enlightened" of us ;) )
    Janey2004 likes this.
  14. Irene

    Irene Well-Known Member

    Hi Lou
    Men can be so damn annoying - I have hubby, 2 sons and even the cat is male.:eek:
    I am so glad you feel better after your rant - must say it puts you in a positive mood.
    The males in my life are good regarding SW but can be pains in the a**e is so many other ways.
    You do what you want and then he will see that you are right.
  15. northernboi

    northernboi Well-Known Member

    That's totally true.

    The vast majority of straight men that I know that are with women think they have somehow managed to 'win her over' even though they are not good enough themselves.

    Give him hell for having a go at you. But bear in mind that it aint all that easy to be a bloke sometimes either and Slimming World just isn't an option for many men.

    Hope all is good today.

  16. princessria

    princessria is a pirate arrrgggghhhh

    I have dieted and dieted and my partner is a big bloke and he thinks starving yourself is the only way forward but your body don't work like that i try tell him time and again but he doesn listen he looses it puts it back on, slimming worldmakes it easier to maintain once you have lost and the support really helps.
  17. Louise24

    Louise24 Well-Known Member

    Wow - I seem to have lost track of this thread over the weekend. Thank you all so much for what you have said. It's made me look at it in a different way.
    I am going to do this for me, and me only, but I'm also going to reassure Marc as I can see how he may be feeling.

    All in all though - we both need a kick up the bum. We've made the first step together as we cooked on Saturday night instead of getting take away, we both prepared stuff and said afterwards how much more satisfying it was cooking together than ordering a takeaway together.

    I told him I'm buying 12 weeks at SW tonight, and he actually said "go girl" instead of "why bother wasting all that money when you won't go.."

    So "go girl" it is from now on.

    Thanks everyone xxx
  18. victoria sponge

    victoria sponge Well-Known Member

    oh thats fab honey...
  19. Minders

    Minders Finding inspiration

    As if accepting that we need to lose weight and then doing something about it isn't hard enough... we then have all the "politics" to deal with. It's crazy isn't it? I've been living with a guy for nearly a year and in that time, I have put on nearly four stone!!! Shocker! I realised that his very indulgent eating habits were sabotaging me, but didn't have the heart to say that I wanted to start shopping and cooking for myself only. For me, joining SW was the excuse I needed to draw that line, and I said from the outset, I am doing this 100%. You're welcome to join me, but realise that I am not straying at all. He decided to keep eating his own types of food (pizzas, chips, pies, etc) and in the last month has seen my weight melting off. And even looks on with envy at my meals! How healthy and varied my diet is now. But I was really firm about it. Made it clear that I need to do this for myself and he could do whatever he wanted. He occasionally tries to lead me astray with a glass of cider or something, but I just stick to my guns, and with each week that passes, I feel my clothes getting looser, I look at him and how lethargic he is and don't regret for one minute the decision I made to join SW and get my life back in order. I think he wishes he had the courage to ditch his comfort food and get himself in shape too, but he has to make that decision for himself, when he's ready. Firm boundaries worked for me, and I don't go off plan just to make him happy. This is for ME! Stick to it girl...:)
    Louise24 likes this.
  20. gillybeans

    gillybeans want to be me again ...

    yes go girl!!! what a great thread and hearing the mans point of view is very enlightning ....maybe cos i am an old fart thats found the man of her dreams a bit later in life , Mr beans supports me so much and makes it so much easier ....keep going Lou you are doing fab!!!
    gilly xxxxx
    Louise24 likes this.

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