So I blogged on here a couple of years ago when things were going pretty well for me health-wise. I really got a lot out of the community spirit, and wanted to come back to try and regain some of that sense, having done what all 'dieters' do and drifted away back into the realms of binge eating and self loathing that await once you stop being focused.
A few basics then - my name is Dana. I'm 33 years old and I'm female. I live in the south of England, and I work in an office job (so pretty sedentary). I'm married but I don't have any kids. I'd like to have a kid some day (the potential 'some day' is getting closer and closer, as my window narrows and I head into old age) but I am not currently, nor have I ever felt stable enough emotionally or physically to have one. If I can't get my eating disorder under control, what kind of parent would I be?
I'm a meat eater, and my favourite meal out is sushi. My ultimate comfort food is sausage, mash and gravy.
I compulsively overeat, and this sometimes leads to episodes of bulimia.
A couple of years ago, I found a Slimming World group in my local town and I lost 2 stone. I managed 6 months without a single binge, the longest I've gone in my life. Then I plateaued, and we moved house, and since then I've gradually regained all that weight plus ... you guessed it ... a little more.
I eat to get what I call 'sh!t faced'. I call it that because it's the nearest analogy I can think of to accurately describe the feelings that lead up to a binge, the feelings during, and the feelings afterwards. This is not to trivialise alcoholism or those who suffer from it, but after years of going through these cycles I can honestly say that there are some real links between whatever disease I have and what goes on in the mind of a drinker. I won't go into this here, I will undoubtedly come back to this in later posts. Suffice it to say that when I binge I do it because I want to block everything out. I want to be so 'drunk', so bloated, so physically uncomfortable that I can't think about anything else. It's a childish coping mechanism, developed (funnily enough) in childhood and nurtured throughout my life to the dizzying heights of my early 30s.
Part of dealing with this is understanding and accepting that it will never go away. It's a part of who I am, for better or worse. But I can manage it, I have managed it for short periods of time. I see this as a recovery in the sense that an alcoholic would recover - they must always be on guard, they can never have 'just one drink'. Sugar is my alcohol. My kryptonite. This is my step towards trying to lock it away for good.
A few basics then - my name is Dana. I'm 33 years old and I'm female. I live in the south of England, and I work in an office job (so pretty sedentary). I'm married but I don't have any kids. I'd like to have a kid some day (the potential 'some day' is getting closer and closer, as my window narrows and I head into old age) but I am not currently, nor have I ever felt stable enough emotionally or physically to have one. If I can't get my eating disorder under control, what kind of parent would I be?
I'm a meat eater, and my favourite meal out is sushi. My ultimate comfort food is sausage, mash and gravy.
I compulsively overeat, and this sometimes leads to episodes of bulimia.
A couple of years ago, I found a Slimming World group in my local town and I lost 2 stone. I managed 6 months without a single binge, the longest I've gone in my life. Then I plateaued, and we moved house, and since then I've gradually regained all that weight plus ... you guessed it ... a little more.
I eat to get what I call 'sh!t faced'. I call it that because it's the nearest analogy I can think of to accurately describe the feelings that lead up to a binge, the feelings during, and the feelings afterwards. This is not to trivialise alcoholism or those who suffer from it, but after years of going through these cycles I can honestly say that there are some real links between whatever disease I have and what goes on in the mind of a drinker. I won't go into this here, I will undoubtedly come back to this in later posts. Suffice it to say that when I binge I do it because I want to block everything out. I want to be so 'drunk', so bloated, so physically uncomfortable that I can't think about anything else. It's a childish coping mechanism, developed (funnily enough) in childhood and nurtured throughout my life to the dizzying heights of my early 30s.
Part of dealing with this is understanding and accepting that it will never go away. It's a part of who I am, for better or worse. But I can manage it, I have managed it for short periods of time. I see this as a recovery in the sense that an alcoholic would recover - they must always be on guard, they can never have 'just one drink'. Sugar is my alcohol. My kryptonite. This is my step towards trying to lock it away for good.
