Beating yourself up for getting here in the first place?

Discussion in 'WeMITTS (We Mean It This Time)' started by Wasted Ink, 24 April 2010 Social URL.

  1. Wasted Ink

    Wasted Ink Full Member

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    Sigh. That's me. I'm really pleased with how much I've achieved over the past 11 months (44 lbs lost,) and I think I should be on target to lose the final fifty or so over the next year, BUT I still can’t help being so angry at myself. I try not to blame myself entirely, I’ve had certain hormonal treatments that have SCREWED with my metabolism, but still, I know I could have done more to prevent me piling on the pounds. I still find it hard to except that I almost reached 18 stone. I have NEVER felt that overweight and even to this day I am in denial that I ever got that big. Just can’t believe it. My mother would be horrified if she had known what I weighed at the beginning of all this. It even makes me feel queasy.

    A few years ago I was about 11 and a half stone. I keep thinking, if only I’d maintained that, if only I’d thought about the long-term consequences and how tough it’s been to get off this weight. If only…

    I know you can’t think like that. But it’s hard not to. Furthermore, I find myself wondering - is it possible? Could I really be at target by the end of the year? Of course, I know, physically, it’s more than possible, but mentally I cannot imagine not being fat. I can’t imagine how different I will feel. I’m somewhat scared. I’ve allowed my weight to get in the way of so many things - social interaction, relationships ( although I am still very young.) I’ve always felt SO awkward because of my weight. Somehow, even when I reach target, I still feel I’ll be that awkward girl.

    I know a lot of this is in the mind - it’s a big physical barrier. I am losing the weight and will continue to until I reach target, but I cannot help but be filled with trepidation. :cry:

    Has anyone been through this? Does your state of mind change when you finally get there?
     
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  3. Hoz

    Hoz Full Member

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    Hi, well done on the wight you've lost so far!

    I understand where you're coming from, I know it's difficult not to beat yourself up gaining weight, I do it all the time, as I'm sure many other people do too. But what we need to remember is that at the end of the day the fact we gained weight in the first place isn't really important... The past is the past and it can't be changed.
    Instead we should be directing our efforts and thoughts to losing weight, and when we hit our targets maintaining it.
    Also you'll probably find that as the weight goes down your confidence will go up (I know mine does) and you won't feel so awkward anymore.

    And of course it's possible for you to reach your goal :D Things like breaking big challenges into smaller, more manageable goals may help the way you see things.

    Good luck with the rest of the weight loss, if you want to chat feel free to message me.
     
  4. _Gizmo_

    _Gizmo_ Silver Member

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    Yep, I keep doing this but trying to forget about it as it's happened now. Can't do anything else but try to lose the weight now :p I'm sure you'll be able to reach your target.

    I kept giving up before because I felt like there was no point and nothing would ever change. I dug out some old pics of me as a kid and in all of them I was skinny so I know I'll be able to do it. Yet still find it hard to picture myself thin much at this age, mainly due to lack of confidence. I think i'll change as I lose the weight. Atm i'm also the awkward girl. Don't want to dance when i'm out because of my weight. Don't even want to go out sometimes because I don't feel comfortable the way I am right now. I'm sure i'll get more confidence when I lose a bit more :)
     
  5. Lucky Cat

    Lucky Cat A work in progress

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    I so understand how you feel Gizmo. I was just the same. My social life was non existent. I would make up an excuse not to go on a night out when invited because I didn't have anything nice to wear and I would have felt fat, uncomfortable and awkward.

    I am slightly over the halfway stage now and you would not believe the difference it has made in me. Everyone comments about it. I can wear nice clothes again rather than tents and don't wear baggy things to cover my stomach ;). I have so much more confidence. Someone at work said this to me the other day and it really made me feel sad about the 'old me' - my old manager said that she could not believe the difference in me, I now walked with my head held high and appeared so much more confident whereas before I had always been slouched over, always looking down so that people wouldn't notice me. I know she meant well and I took it as the compliment it was intended to be, but I felt so sad at how bad I'd let myself get when in reality it would only take a few short months to make a huge difference.
     
  6. Isis1981

    Isis1981 Are We There Yet?

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    You have done really well!

    Last summer I was 7 stone less then I am now. I know. I cringe even typing it and my heart hurts. But I have just got to focus on losing it. I hate that I lost so much and have put it back on and a lot more.

    Just got to get my head down and focus now :)

    Good luck with the rest of your weight loss :) xxx
     
  7. Wasted Ink

    Wasted Ink Full Member

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    Good luck to you!

    I'm trying to focus on the positives and realise that I am almost 3 1/2 stone lighter now than I was this time last year. And hopefully by next year I'll be happy with my size again. I always dislike the summer - you walk into all those shops with the gorgeous dresses and summer outfits. I can fit into standard brands at the moment, but I always feel like I can't buy lovely clothes whilst I'm still "fat." I just feel I won't look my best in them. I know I sound like the self-punishing type, but it's difficult to get out of that mind set.
     
  8. Isis1981

    Isis1981 Are We There Yet?

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    I totally understand. I have felt the same myself in the past. There will come a day when you look in the mirror and finally feel happy in your own skin. Just think, that day is well within your sights now :)
     
  9. Roosters

    Roosters Silver Member

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    Hi folks!

    I can relate to all the posts in this thread! I lost weight a couple of years ago and cd and have gained it all back and then some. I'm kicking myself that I was so blase about maintenace and went straight back into old habits.

    But like I lot of you say, the pasts in the past and it's time to concentrate on the task at hand, shrinking!

    I'm also one of these people that has lost so much confidence because I'm overweight. My Brother just called asking if I would go to see him play in town tonight (he's a singer/guitar player) and because I can be honest with him I just said "can't, sorry - too fat". :confused:

    I too dislike the summer, I don't own any summer clothes! I would love to wear one of those beautiful maxi dresses that are in shop windows at the moment, with bare shoulders and know that I look great, as opposed to a blob in a sack.

    this time next year eh ladies?
     
  10. SammyE

    SammyE Silver Member

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    I always think of when I was at certain weights and tried and failed to diet... I just think "WHYYYY didnt you stick at it back then.... you were a stone (2, 3, 4 stone depending what time im thinking of) closer to goal then... it would have been easier"

    l was 12 stone- 12 and a half stone for a long time before my weight really ballooned, ive got clothes I wore last summer, which are 5 inches from doing up now... How did that happen! If I had just done something back then I would have only had 3 stone to lose, instead of 6 and a half! But Im determind that I will never bury my head in the sand again and I will never ever have 6 and a half stone to lose again.
     
  11. Lovely_Laura

    Lovely_Laura Moooooo

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    Hi everyone, I think we've all been there or are still there with the whole beating ourselves up thing. If it's now worked to finally get us to lose then great but it's easy to let it damage us even more, if we feel stupid/pathetic/angry at ourselves for not doing something sooner then are we telling ourselves we aren't worth the effort?

    I know that over the years I've lost all self confidence and unfortunately it's been my own doing, I can't blame it on other people that I sort of lost myself. If I'd been kinder to myself perhaps I'd have got on with sorting my weight sooner. Who knows but now it's a bigger task than if I'd done it years ago. I had some therapy recently, not really due to my weight though it helped there too. My therapist just kept saying over and over that I'm so hard on myself so how did I ever expect to trust myself to take control of parts of my life. It made me stop and think about how little attention I paid to myself in a good way. Always the negatives, always worrying about things that I had little control over so when I started SW it was me taking some control back over what I could do. I now try and think of myself in gentler ways. My husband always says to me that as long as we're doing the best we can as the person we are at that point then we shouldn't be angry. Relating that to my weight I can see that yes my weight is off the charts but while I was putting it all on I was trying to deal with other crap which was more important at the time.

    It's a really hard thing to do but we need to be nicer to ourselves. I think I've always found it easier to hate myself than other people in the hope it would make me a better person but actually all it's done is harm me. Let's all try and notice the times we're down on ourselves and give us some credit. We may not be where we'd like to be but it could be worse.:)
     
  12. gonnagetslim

    gonnagetslim size 14 here I come

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    Your so so right Laura, I could have wrote that post myself! and yes, it could be alot worse. I am actually sick of feeling down on myself so I am embracing this weight loss journey and actually looking forward to feeling proud of myself when I lose even more...exciting stuff :D
     
  13. colly strings

    colly strings ooh la la

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    OMG could not be more jealous at how well you've done!!!
     
  14. elizabeth

    elizabeth Silver Member

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    For anyone feeling angry at getting so big, it might help to just take a look around you. There are many, many people in exactly the same boat. Obesity is everywhere, and although we all have a personal responsibility for ourselves, the junk food / food as distraction rather than nourishment culture we live in also has a part to play.

    We live in a time when it's never been easier to glut ourselves on instantly-accessible food. It's no wonder there's so much obesity! It's a problem with cultural as well as personal aspects, so don't feel like you're some uniquely awful person for getting big. So many people are in that situation.

    It *is* possible to change your whole attitude, habits and behaviour around food, and well worth investing your time and attention to do so. The rewards are fantastic in terms of self-esteem and confidence, never mind health and well-being. :)
     
  15. colly strings

    colly strings ooh la la

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    OHHH now my jealousy meter is through the roof!! well done elizabeth, you have done so well. how long did it take you to lose your weight all in?
     
  16. elizabeth

    elizabeth Silver Member

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    Started in November '08 on the SW plan, followed that for a year and then felt confident enough to just establish my own way of eating for life, using what I'd learned from SW.

    I hit my goal very recently but at the moment I'm still losing. I might see if I can settle around 9st. :)

    It's only been 18 months, but my eating habits have changed completely. I know it might seem like an age away, but believe me, when you get here it seems like the blink of an eye! It's so worth it.
     
  17. colly strings

    colly strings ooh la la

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    i can only imagine how amazing it feels to have lost all that weight- well done. it's a feeling i dont know if i'll ever get to experience, but we can live in hope...
     
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  19. elizabeth

    elizabeth Silver Member

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    Just take it one day at a time hon, don't look too far ahead or put any unnecessary pressure on yourself. Think about long term changes in your habits, rather than 'being on a diet'. Thing is, once you get to goal you have to stay there, and only permanent change in how you eat will accomplish that.

    I can really recommend taking the 'change for life' approach rather than the 'how fast can I get this weight off' approach. You'll get there either way, but with the first one you're far more likely to stay there. :)
     
  20. colly strings

    colly strings ooh la la

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    thanks x

    my problem is that food is my vice in life... gave up smoking no probs at all, just decided one day that i was sick of it and that was that. but giving up the foods i love...much harder. i lost about 2 stone this year and rapidly regained it. hope i can find some inner strength too, i used to come on here and feel motivated by others success but now it just makes me feel sad for being weak!
     
  21. Lucky Cat

    Lucky Cat A work in progress

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    That is so, so true. That's why we end up being yo-yo dieters - we diet, lose weight, stop dieting and revert back to our old eating habits, put weight back on!

    I have realised this time (finally!) that I have to look on what I'm doing as a lifelong thing, not just until the weight comes off.

    BTW Elizabeth, you have done fantastically well. What an amazing achievement :clap:
     
  22. elizabeth

    elizabeth Silver Member

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    I know it seems impossible mate, I remember that feeling so well. If it's any help, I've managed to achieve all this change after being a chronic binge-eater for 20 years. I was honestly suicidal over my eating 18 months ago. I gave SW a go as a last-gasp thing, not expecting it to work, never mind that I would find myself almost 10 stones lighter within 18 months!

    It is possible, believe me. Even for people like us who feel they can never eat normally. I would not have believed 18 months ago that such change was possible for me, but it WAS, here I am at a normal weight eating like a normal person!

    One day at a time. Permanent change, not 'dieting'. You *can* do it.
     
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