Been 'big' so long i'm scared of being thin....

[dietqueen82]

Didn't know what term to use so I used 'big' right a little background to this statement... Im a serial dieter my whole adult life but I've usually only ever lost 21lbs at most.. I have about 78lbs to be where I wanna be my 'goal' but anyways I'm about 1lb off my lightest when I finished slimming world and about 6lb off the lightest I can ever remember being when I done weight watchers.. Right.. So dress sizes ooh I've been 18,20,22 even 24... So currently I'm about an 18... So I've noticed even just dropping this weight im getting more male attention and it's cringe worthy maybe it's just because I'm confident on the outside anyway I'm not looking for a man I'm happily married and must have this forbidden fruit or maybe it's the weightloss... I think it's the latter.. But while my body is improving my mind is terrified... I'm scared of the unknown.. Of shedding this big body I'm hiding behind... Of the catty comments from people or the unwanted attention.. But then there's the other part I've been insulted in the street from complete strangers for no other reason then I'm big.. Anyone else have this? An I'm sorry in advance if it's in the wrong place..

 

[BarbaraG]

Hi there dietqueen. You're not alone in having those worries. I've been overweight from the age of 8. Through my teens I was a size 16+ - I would absolutely love to be there now, but at the time it was a total nightmare. Couldn't get teenage clothes to fit, couldn't get a boyfriend. I spent a long long time waiting for life to start, which I thought could only be when I was slim. In fact, a lot of the limitations I perceived were in my head. One of the benefits of maturity is increased confidence, and in my 30's and 40's, I have been a lot better at enjoying life, even though I am very big.

At the back end of last year, though, my weight was causing increasing practical and health problems, and seriously impairing my quality of life. Plus the fact that I never liked being big - I just put up with it, because changing it seemed impossible. But because of all those health and quality of life issues, I become determined to change it. So far, I'm down from a size 28-30 to 22-24.

Also feeling a bit uncomfortable with some of the attention I'm receiving - not so much male attentiveness, just general interest (nosiness?) about what and how I'm doing it. If it gets too much, I change the subject. If you do get unwanted male attention, you are within your rights to tell them firmly that you're not interested, and walk away. Sure, it's a pain - but if that's the price you have to pay for all the benefits you will get from losing your excess weight, isn't it worth paying?

Personally I think it's important to do some work on the psychological aspects of weight, especially if you've always been big. If you just concentrate on the physical aspects, you could miss out on things have contributed to you getting and staying that size - things which will still be lurking, waiting to trip you up.

Good luck,
Barbara

 

[Baby_Cakes]

hi dietqueen. did i see you were using the beck diet solution?

 

[dietqueen82]

Hi there dietqueen. You're not alone in having those worries. I've been overweight from the age of 8. Through my teens I was a size 16+ - I would absolutely love to be there now, but at the time it was a total nightmare. Couldn't get teenage clothes to fit, couldn't get a boyfriend. I spent a long long time waiting for life to start, which I thought could only be when I was slim. In fact, a lot of the limitations I perceived were in my head. One of the benefits of maturity is increased confidence, and in my 30's and 40's, I have been a lot better at enjoying life, even though I am very big.

At the back end of last year, though, my weight was causing increasing practical and health problems, and seriously impairing my quality of life. Plus the fact that I never liked being big - I just put up with it, because changing it seemed impossible. But because of all those health and quality of life issues, I become determined to change it. So far, I'm down from a size 28-30 to 22-24.

Also feeling a bit uncomfortable with some of the attention I'm receiving - not so much male attentiveness, just general interest (nosiness?) about what and how I'm doing it. If it gets too much, I change the subject. If you do get unwanted male attention, you are within your rights to tell them firmly that you're not interested, and walk away. Sure, it's a pain - but if that's the price you have to pay for all the benefits you will get from losing your excess weight, isn't it worth paying?

Personally I think it's important to do some work on the psychological aspects of weight, especially if you've always been big. If you just concentrate on the physical aspects, you could miss out on things have contributed to you getting and staying that size - things which will still be lurking, waiting to trip you up.

Good luck,
Barbara

Thank you so much I will have to find a way to try deal with this maybe talk to my doctor because I feel like my confidence is taking a bit of a knock I should be feeling more confident not less

 

[dietqueen82]

hi dietqueen. did i see you were using the beck diet solution?

No what's that I've never heard of it

 

[bethanierox1]

congrats on getting down to a size 18, what your feeling is soo normal, its just part of weight loss and everything changing, just stick with the diet and maybe get some clothes that you feel super sexy and comfortable in and you might feel better,

 

[xSinead]

This thread is amazing, i think everybody has these thoughts of feeling scared, not knowing the unknown..
for me personally i'm the opposite of being scared, i've been overweight my entire life.. each year i have always weighed my age.
I'm now 22 and 17 stone, i started this diet 12 weeks ago at 20 stone 8lb.
My goal is 11 stone for Christmas, i've tried every single diet and none has ever worked for me apart from Cambridge which is what i'm on now.
I'm not scared, because my entire life a skinny girl has been screaming inside me to come out.
People will act differently towards us when we're slim, people are already starting to talk to me on Facebook, people who have seen my pictures but never bothered to talk to me in the past. Part of me just wants to stick my middle finger up at them, but the other part of me feels happy that they're showing some kind of interest! x

 

[Jodie-D]

I would say I personally am half and half.
I too will hopefully eventually be a size I've never been before but I think/hope I'm ready for it.
It must be daunting getting any unwanted attention that you've never experienced before.. but just ignore it.. remember the support and people that have always been there.

 

[toxicsgrl]

i keep trying to imagine myself thin, but i really cant!! been big for over 10 years and am just used to it! i think as i'll lose the weight gradually i wont notice it so much, as much as i would if i woke up a size 12 tomorrow! that would be scary! i'd have nothing to wear!!!

 

[BarbaraG]

i keep trying to imagine myself thin, but i really cant!

Have a look at Welcome - My Body Gallery - What Real Women Look Like - you type in a height and weight, and it brings up loads of pictures of real, ordinary women who match those statistics. A real eye-opener - the variation in shape and size of women of the same height and weight!

Just goes to show that any target weight which you pick off an ideal weight chart can only ever be a first approximation - it might look fabulous on your friend who's the same height as you, and completely wrong on you. Also, I think it shows the importance of exercise, especially strength training. The more you do, the leaner you will be, and the slimmer you will look at any given weight. And forget the idea of spot reduction - your basic shape is dictated by genetics, but exercise and good eating choices enable you to be the best "you" that you can.

Barbara

 

[Alderica]

I totally sympathise with these feelings of fear - I see my extra weight as a form of "protection" from emotions or situations, and taking the decision to peel off the layers was scary. In fact, if I weren't undergoing a major life change anyway which means I no longer require this form of "protection" (I'm getting divorced), I don't think I could do it. It's a bit like hiding under your duvet so as not to have to face the day - for me, anyway. I think talking to a counsellor is really a good idea.
In any case, much to my surprise I find I am feeling empowered rather than weakened by having less "substance". My slimmer me is already attracting more attention, but I'm not complaining Although I can't remember people making rude remarks about my weight either - maybe it has to do with the message you subconsciously give out about yourself?
Sorry about the stream of consciousness, hope that makes some sort of sense....

 

[Crazyarmywife]

Wow this thread has really opened up my mind, Makes you ask yourselves about how you really feel, I have to admit, As i am getting smaller the better i am feeling, Not everyone has noticed my weightloss, Not people who i see every day but people i have recenty met up with and not seen in a while as. I can't see how i look any different but i certainly feel so much better, I have more confidence and i am alot happier, This shows to other people therefore you have more attention from men. Its the confidence they notice not so much how big/small the person is. That link above was brilliant, I put my stats in and it really is a eye opener, Thank you for posting it. I think we all have to deal and ask ourselves about the emotional issues but the ultimate goal is getting the point where we are happy and healthy, Thats the most important thing i think x

 

[rockford]

Hi girls. First post and really interesting thread. Ive been overweight all my life and am certainly a little scared about how I will feel if / when I get down to my goal weight. I've been much larger and know that when I am, i feel very negative and it brings out the prickly side to my personality. When I lose weight, I feel much more positive and give off happier and more positive vibes. I am a little flirty already and am concerned that if I am smaller and more aattractive, what that will do to my relationship with my husband (whom I adore). Let face it ladies, weight gain and loss is all about a state of mind - and the state of our fridges!

 

[Patchninja]

Rockford, make sure you're flirting with your husband!
And Dietqueen, let your husband be your shining knight too! Ignore other men - they don't count. It's what you and your hubby think that counts.

 

[Tilleigh-Bea]

Great thread, i think when your a larger person, everyone tends to have a larger than life personality, not that its real, its just our way of pretending that were not hurting inside because of our weight ,i joke about my weight with friends and come over as secure and confidence and really when i look in the mirror I feel physical sick, I hate the fact that when Im looking for clothes it has to be ones that hide my extra pounds and certain colours so they dont make me look bigger than what I am,I wont go swimming with the kids or join a gym because i feel to self concieous ( excuse spelling) lol but i am now kicking arse and I will lose the weight, I will smile when I look in the mirror and I will go swimming so often with my little uns that my skin wrinkles

 

[Eli]

I also get terrified, whiles I want to be slim I've not been slim for over 10 years and never in my adult life.. So I have no idea what am going to be like, how am going to look.. everything is new and new things make me scared. Sometimes I even get moments when I think I really don't want to lose weight.. One thing you also mentioned is that male attention.. It scares me. I never get any male attention, even though I'm size 14 I guess It's still just too much for them lol..! Anyway I don't know how I'll cope if I ever manage to get some male attention.. Gosh I sound so pathetic!

 

[Miss_J]

I always felt like i am the only person to feel like this, thank god im not!
Its like your venturing into the unknown and you will be a whole new person, as exciting as it is, its also scary as hell. I have seen how people act differently if someone changes and its quite sad actually. I just hope i remember those who have been there when i was 'the fat friend'.

I think once you get used to the weightloss you will find a way of dealing with it. x