being 'big' and finding a boyfriend ...

[puzzles]

I hope I don't offend anybody but just thinking about this a lot at the moment. One major motivating factor for me in doing this diet (well really the main one) is I'm hoping I'll have the confidence to meet a fella - at 30, I've never been in a relationship But so many people insist it makes no difference anyway I wonder if I am just fooling myself ... Just interested in hearing other views? x

 

[Emma1904]

I floated from affair to affair thinking that I was totally in control of what I was doing, went from man to man with no regards what so ever for their relationship status at the time and then I met my girlfriend, we started pretty much as every other 'relationship' had and then we fell in love with each other... There are occasions when I give her a really hard time and wonder why she's with me when she could be with someone skinnier than me and like she says 'I LOVE YOU'! That means she loves me for me, not for my body and not what I can do for her but just me as me.

Basically being bigger may affect your chances in the short term because of how you feel about yourself, confidence is the sexiest thing about a person, when someone is feeling confident they radiate it, on the flip side of the coin the 'right' person will see the you on the inside first and then the you on the outside will just be packaging! the 'right' person is someone you've known for years or someone you work with or someone who made a split second assessment of you in dim lighting in a bar somewhere.

Love will come when it's ready but it comes in many different forms, love yourself first and somebody else will come along after xxxx

 

[Emma1904]

someone who made a split second assessment of you in dim lighting in a bar somewhere.
xxxx

Meant to say someone who HASN'T made a split second decision!


Sorry!

Silly iPhone!

X

 

[puzzles]

Lol, thanks x

 

[PinkMantha]

Luckily for me i was i nthe 9st when i met my boyfriend and i went up to nearly 15st and he is still with me, the only downside to our relationship is, we dont have sex because i just dont feel sexy, i feel sorry for him but admire him at the same time, not many 21 year old lads that would stick by there girlfriend putting so much weight on and having a non existant sex life xxx

 

[Felix]

I was about a size 16 when I met my boyfriend and before I started CD I was pushing a size 20. I am now down to the weight I was when I first met him but throughout our relationship he's always said he loves me whatever weight I am so I'm quite lucky I have always been paranoid that he will find someone else who is slimmer because all of his ex girlfriends have been tall and skinny but he always reassures me!

I think the key to meeting someone is confidence. If losing weight will give you that confidence then go for it. Just make sure you do it for you and not for someone else!!!!

 

[hugeherbo]

I met my bf when i was size 18, he loves me no matter what size, you fill find someone special soon xx

 

[Minerva]

The only man worth sticking to is someone who doesn't look at your appearance and loves you for YOU!
I'm also lucky - I met my partner when I was a size 14, he was overweight too - so it didn't matter... We grew happier together and larger, loved each other all the same when we were both BMI 44! Then we did LL together, lost 22 stone between us in the end. Then we both regained a little, but ... the main thing is, we do everything together.

We gained, we lost, but in each other's eyes we're who we are on the inside.

Radiate your confidence - if some guy judges you for what you look like, really, don't even waste your time. Most blokes I've met actually say they don't like skinny rakes and like a nice personality. When you lose weight, there may come a dialemma that the 'new' you won't feel like the 'real' you. There may also come a huge stumbling block by trying to maintain a certai image someone fell in love with - against something that may naturally want to revert itself on occasion (many people yo-yo all their lives, just how it is.). Still, if a bloke can't handle a little bit of change in something he shouldn't care too much about - then his loss! You are a worthy person, and your self-worth shouldn't come from some non-descript, undefinable and completely socially constructed image of what 'beauty' is.

 

[Bethuk1]

I would say it was probably down to your own confidence than your weight hun, most men really lack confidence when it comes to chatting up us girls, mine was one of them! We probably wouldn't be together if I hadn't have done all the chasing! but he will openly admit that he was instantly attracted to me when we first met and was hoping I would get in touch!!..good job I did! If you're feeling a bit daunted by going out "Tomming" as my Nan would say lol why don't you do a bit of internet dating?, you might find that getting to know a bloke first would help on a first date .

I just asked my fella what he thought and he said "You're not looking in the right place!"…if only it was that simple! he also said if a man said he didn't want you because your too big then he's not worth knowing anyway!

Good luck hun…most of us have to kiss a few frogs before we find our prince! xx

 

[esk140]

I was always that fat girl.......
also a pretty girl.....
even at 17 1/2 stone I always was the one who got the cute guys...........
I could not keep them........
It is really down to your own confidence.
being thin helps , with that ..........
but you need to believe in yourself.
feel good about yourself and you will shine and good things will come to you.

 

[Jayellekay]

I met my boyfriend when I was 13st and in the 7years we've been together, I got down to 10.5st and got upto 16.5st.

I agree with the other comments. It's more about your confidence than your weight.

At some level, I mentally sabotaged every diet I've ever been on......until we got engaged. Stupid really, but its as if I wanted him to prove he loved me despite my size. We got engaged when I was 16.5st. My biggest weigh ever.

So even after 7years, my confidence was the problem. Not my boyfriend.

I think some internet flirting maybe in order. Help build your confidence.

Good luck

 

[great things]

it really honestly shouldn't matter but you know what a lot of men out there are like. i met hubby on a dating website and i was a reasonable size 16, just slightly overweight. around 12st 7lbs. it was the smallest i'd been in my life. (22st being the biggest!)

i ballooned after my daughter to 17 odd stone and he still loved me. i lost it then ballooned after my son to just over 16st. again i've lost it.

they should love you no matter but i suppose being thinner does help initially as they get to know and love you. men are strange creatures and from my view point they like 'normal' but not stick thin! if you know what i mean.

 

[great things]

p.s it is down to confidence but i need to be thinner to be confident!

 

[Lily]

p.s it is down to confidence but i need to be thinner to be confident!

Me too.

But I think what that says, more than anything, is that in choosing to lose weight, we are for once choosing to put ourselves and our own needs first. In treating our own bodies with respect, we're saying, "Yes, I'm worth it! I deserve to be slimmer!"

So we raise our self-esteem - which in turn raises self-confidence.

 

[coralprincess]

Me too.

But I think what that says, more than anything, is that in choosing to lose weight, we are for once choosing to put ourselves and our own needs first. In treating our own bodies with respect, we're saying, "Yes, I'm worth it! I deserve to be slimmer!"

So we raise our self-esteem - which in turn raises self-confidence.

Agree agree agree! Totally confidence. I've also been with my OH since I was size 8 (too skinny) when we first met, grew to a size 18-20 when I had DS & now I'm a 14, the more confident I am the more he fancies me.

Plus, don't forget that think men aren't looking at our bodies being critical like we do to ourselves, they are looking at the good bits and enjoying them! Men are simple creatures

 

[peachy7]

I totally agree with the confidence not the size and 11.5 - 12 stone is hardly big!
I also know its about how you feel inside for me saying its not big if you feel it then it wont matter what anyone else says, I think I'm fat and ugly yet get told alot that I am no such thing but because its how I feel I don't believe them...

 

[kellymarie3488]

I am recently single from a long term relationship where we met at 12stone ish and after having 2 children going up to around 15stone something, i always fet rubbish at my biggest but he always said it didnt bother him, now im single 11stone 13, feeling better and better about myself every week i see the lbs go down and LOVING the male attention!! with me it is deffinatly a confidence thing for me!!

 

[wallace_g2]

So as a guy at 22 y.o and 17st not great looking but have a killer smile apparently ...

Anyway my point is I've been with girls who were what we call plastics size 6-8 etc to women at size 22-24.

I found that I had more respect and more to chat about with the bigger girl.

My current gf is 34 and is a size 20. Do I love her absolutely and she's told me I don't need to lose weight but I want to.

Anyway what I'm saying is kiss a few frogs, anyone who calls you fat, ugly etc they ain't worth knowing. There will come a time when you will meet someone who will take you're breath away and completely knock you of you're feet when you least expect it.... Could be at a bus stop.. At the cold meat aisle or even that cute guy that you see every morning on the way to work.....

The best piece of advice that someone gave me was :- always smile, be polite or you will never see what's directly in front of you. Sometimes that risk you didn't want to take is the risk you should have took. Live in the moment by moment....

Wish you all the best x

 

[TripleWhopper]

Let me quickly say, the more you are within the "norm", the more prone you are to have your heart broken.

Many women/girls think that the more guys that they can atract, the better...
But it only shows while your "pulling" number increases and your ego is polished, it just means you are failing each and every time to sucessfully maintain ONE relationship in the long term.
So I would be very careful what you wish for, and this is a friendly advice from a guy who more than once was made a shoulder to cry on from friends who thought being slim would make them happier.

Well, it doesnt make you happier, it makes you healthier.
If you still have underlying personality, character and emotional problems, being slim will not be your ticket to happiness.

Yes, you might get more attention from males and temporarely gain a boost for your ego with a "I feel sexy now!" type of feeling, but soon you will realise that by becoming what the vast majority of women let themselves to be, you will become a number in some guys "Score diary" and then the feeling of being used will dawn on you.

Being big sometimes acts as a filter, to filter out the idiot guys who use women for their own egoistic and evil intentions, thats why I get worried when the first thing I see from someone who is losing weight is that they want to be sexier.

Let the guy fall in love with YOU, not because of your body!

If you dont feel sexier now, you should because you are beautiful the way you are and who you are is neither thin or big, your heart is just one size.

I am sorry if I seem harsh on my words, but I genuinely mean wish you well.