miss_unknown
Banned
Today I called around to my best friends house as she was having her last fitting of her dress before the wedding, she is getting married on new years eve. She is also one of my bridesmaids and a beautiful person both inside and out! Anyways seeing her in her dress I honestly felt a pang of jealousy as she luked gorgeous, thin and in a dress that I could only imagine getting into as the designer only makes up to a size 14 and this girl is a slim 8-10!! To be honest it wasn't seeing her that made me feel disgusted, it was the first time I looked at myself in a full length mirror in yonks and all I could see was fat thunder thighs, arms, legs. There is more rolls on me than in a bakery!! The only part of me that has lost weight is my face and as for the boobs well they have been heading south this long time so i have given up on them!! I couldnt wait to just go home and cry!! Now I see what my future sis in law see's and I dont blame her!! In eid in December his brother asked him as well "How did I let myself get so big and that I should go on a juice only diet or get my jaws stapled together". Even though he said it in urdu I still understood what he said (learning the language as a surprise to the OH) and went red as a beetroot! After they left I asked the OH what he actually thought about my size and to be honest about it as I have always thought he spared my feelings before and he surprised me by saying that he loves me but he would prefer me to be thinner so his family would respect me more! He added I would be the happiest man alive if you were like Aishwarya Rai (indian bollywood actress). He told me that beauty is a big deal in asian families and thats why his family has acted the way they have with me. So now im feeling totally crap knowing that I am going to look ugly and fat on my wedding day and feel like hiding in a corner and never showing my face again!! It doesn't help when your OH family hate you because of your size!!:cry: Also with the move I honestly havent been sticking to the diet 100% and think I have gained but wont know until tomorrow however I have ran out of the shakes as well as the chemist is not open until the new year so I am totally buggered. I have lost over 2 stone but why am I still feeling like this? I know my confidence has hit rock bottom now......:cry::cry::cry::break_diet: