Being hated because of my size, feeling sick and disgusted with my image!

Discussion in 'Lipotrim Forum' started by miss_unknown, 28 December 2008 Social URL.

  1. miss_unknown

    miss_unknown Banned

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    Today I called around to my best friends house as she was having her last fitting of her dress before the wedding, she is getting married on new years eve. She is also one of my bridesmaids and a beautiful person both inside and out! Anyways seeing her in her dress I honestly felt a pang of jealousy as she luked gorgeous, thin and in a dress that I could only imagine getting into as the designer only makes up to a size 14 and this girl is a slim 8-10!! To be honest it wasn't seeing her that made me feel disgusted, it was the first time I looked at myself in a full length mirror in yonks and all I could see was fat thunder thighs, arms, legs. There is more rolls on me than in a bakery!! The only part of me that has lost weight is my face and as for the boobs well they have been heading south this long time so i have given up on them!! I couldnt wait to just go home and cry!! Now I see what my future sis in law see's and I dont blame her!! In eid in December his brother asked him as well "How did I let myself get so big and that I should go on a juice only diet or get my jaws stapled together". Even though he said it in urdu I still understood what he said (learning the language as a surprise to the OH) and went red as a beetroot! After they left I asked the OH what he actually thought about my size and to be honest about it as I have always thought he spared my feelings before and he surprised me by saying that he loves me but he would prefer me to be thinner so his family would respect me more! He added I would be the happiest man alive if you were like Aishwarya Rai (indian bollywood actress). He told me that beauty is a big deal in asian families and thats why his family has acted the way they have with me. So now im feeling totally crap knowing that I am going to look ugly and fat on my wedding day and feel like hiding in a corner and never showing my face again!! It doesn't help when your OH family hate you because of your size!!:cry: Also with the move I honestly havent been sticking to the diet 100% and think I have gained but wont know until tomorrow however I have ran out of the shakes as well as the chemist is not open until the new year so I am totally buggered. I have lost over 2 stone but why am I still feeling like this? I know my confidence has hit rock bottom now......:cry::cry::cry::break_diet:
     
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  3. Purpleangel

    Purpleangel Silver Member

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    oh hunny,

    first of all congratulations on losing 2 stone, thats a brilliant achievement and you should be proud of yourself!

    That was such a mean comment your brother in law made. Especially on Eid day, when you are meant to be celebrating and enjoying each others company.

    I think you need to ignore comments and if you hear any just think that when you have finished the diet how blimmin great you are going to look and all these people are going to shower you with compliments!

    I know how it is to feel down, we all get down days. But just think you know Lipotrim works and therefore you know that one day its going to be you wearing a dress size you want to be.

    Keep going - and in the meantime why not stick to a slimfast (i know its not the same) but its liquid and will keep your stomach small,,,whereas food may stretch it. Or why not ring the Lipotrim people tomorrow and see if you can go to another pharmacy?



     
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  4. MrsFatBum

    MrsFatBum Gold Member

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    Miss Unknown, let this be the last time I ever read something like this from you!

    You are the person who told me that everyone is beautiful no matter what size they are! I can understand how you felt seeing your friend having her dress fitted but hunni thats gonna be you soon! and you are going to look damn good in that dress too! I know right now it seems like its a dream to fit into that kinda size but it is doable and I can damn well see you do it too!

    And as for you looking at yourself in the mirror and feeling like a bakery! Well either you need to get your eyes tested or that damn mirror needs breaking! You clearly sound very down at the moment and I think it has more to do with that B**** sis in law of yours than what you look like!

    Your sis in law sounds like one hell of a (dont make me swear again) and I dont think she would see how gorgeous you are even if she got smacked in the face! The OH's family sound like a right bunch of typical backward minded fools (im sorry) his brother had no right to say something like that because at the end of the day your OH chose you not him!

    Okay this next bit perhaps you will not like me saying but I think your OH really needs to stand up for you a bit more when it comes to this matter. He should tell his family not to say things like that about you and to also see past what size you are because it does not matter to him!... Also, if my OH said he would love it if I looked like Aishwariya Rai then I would be horrified... I dream of being like that but its not realistic. As for him preferring you to be thinner so that his family respects you more... ! grrr... I think his family need to learn to respect you regardless!... they need to respect you as a person which does not require you to be a particular shape or size!... Honey, the reason I am saying this to you is because I know the score with asian families and I also know that it is very important for our OHs to stand up for us coz no one else will. Im a monstrosity at the moment but every minute of the day my OH tells me how perfect I am. Even tho we both know that it isnt true it still makes me feel so good and it makes me wanna work even harder to get to my goal!...
    I havent met his family yet and will be meeting them for the first time at end of Jan and I am horrified at what they may think of me... but he keeps on telling me over and over again that they will not think anything of my size and if anyone says anything they will get hell from him. And he always reminds me that at the end of the day no matter what happens he loves me just the way I am and wouldnt change me for the world....

    Your OH needs to be a lil stronger I think, and also needs to be more supportive of you. Fair enough asian families are big on beauty! but its stupid coz at the end of the day... even if their son looked like a donkey's backside they would still want a beautiful woman for him. and no matter how beautiful you are they will always say that you are not good enough for their son!... its ridiculous!!!!!

    Please do not feel crap about yourself because you are not going to look fat and ugly on your wedding day. You are already so beautiful and you are just gonna knock the socks off everyone on your wedding day... and your sister in laws nasty face will be one for the photo album :)

    Im sorry if I have gotten the wrong end of the stick re: the OH... but speaking from experience I think it is important for him to stick up for you at all costs!... I'm sure your OH is a lovely guy but his family dont sound nice at all!...

    I can see that your confidence is definitely rock bottom at the moment but you have to pick yourself up!... You have achieved so much and 2 stones is a massive achievement!!! You should be so proud of yourself.. you have come a long way hun!.. How many people can say that they have lost 2stones in the time that you have!...

    Mantra for you : I am beautiful and I am going to be even more beautiful on my wedding day and nobody or nothing is gonna get in my way!!!

    Big hug hunni, sorry for the massive reply but I was near to tears when I read your post and it really hit home with me coz I know how I have been feeling with my wedding coming up but my other half has been a rock. I really think that you should speak to your OH about how his family are making you feel. you shouldnt have to deal with it on your own. Your OH loves you and wants to marry you and im sure he does not want anyone hurting your feelings over something so small....

    Love you xxxx... and please cheer up xxxxx
     
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  5. preetone

    preetone Silver Member

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    that is horrible ((((hugs)))) i too am from an asian family and know how 'honest' ppl can be. its horrible and its a big joke when they are 'kidding' about. i'm very aware of being at familes house for dinner and them looking at how much i eat.

    also today my bf saw a pic of me two years ago, when i was at my slimmest. his face lit up he couldnt believe how amazing i looked. now i wasnt slim, had a 26BMI about 2 stone lighter then now, but i could see how he wanted the me in the picture rather then the me now.

    guys aint always considerate of our feelings, lets face it they just think different. an Ex of mine explained it to me. he loved me as i was, he did not care if i put on another few stones, however he wanted me to loose weight.... strange i know, but he said he didnt like that i got upset after i ate 'bad' foods. he could see it was what i wanted and just wanted to help me get slim cos he thought then i would be happy.

    you know what, u have done great, and u will continue to do great as long as u brush these stuipd comments aside.

    on the no more shakes front, i agree with slim fasts get them from a big super market and try proteins rich no carbs diet.

    good luck
    good luck
     
  6. miss_unknown

    miss_unknown Banned

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    Thanks guyz for your very touching replies. I have honestly considered calling the wedding off now as the OH's family are stressing me out completely. Its true when they say ya are not only marrying the guy but also his family and I seriously cant continue with this for the rest of my life even my work is starting to suffer as a result!! I am feeling very down at the moment and should hopefully be back on form again. I think everyone dreams of being gorgeous on their wedding day I really cant see that happening now as I have only 10 weeks left to the wedding and the only thing that has kept me going is to swipe the smirk off his sisters face. Then again it got me thinking like fbtb said, if I was thin it would be something else that his family wouldnt like about me. I have to say my OH did stand up for me regarding his sister but as he explained to me he can't fall out with his relatives because I am not prepared to make the change to better myself and to prove them wrong!! One thing for sure he is going to have a shock on the wedding night cause I aint anything like that bollywood actress. Anyways dont mind me just feeling a bit lost and lonely at the moment, will be back on form again soon, god willing! Take care
     
  7. preetone

    preetone Silver Member

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    ten weeks, could loose another stone at least, u know what, u mite not think 3 stone in total would make a big difference, but u would be more upset if u didnt loose any of it all. at least its something, u say u can only tell your lost weight on ur face... speak to your photo ppl and ask for lots of head shots!
     
  8. perfectorchid

    perfectorchid Below 190lbs... wohooo

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    Darling I can promise you that you WILL be gorgeous on your wedding day. Keep your chin up and try to stay positive. Sod the family, you lose your weight for you and bloody well show them. It sounds like even if you lose weight they'll find something else to pick on. I'm sure that with losing weight your confidence will grow and it won't bother you what they think. It sounds like they want you to fail - DONT LET THEM WIN
     
  9. Purpleangel

    Purpleangel Silver Member

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    10 weeks you could do a stone easily on LT :D

    Keep going and ignore the family! as long as you don't live with them you will be fine ;)
     
  10. miss_unknown

    miss_unknown Banned

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    Ya have a good point, I just didnt see it until now, I am hoping to do about another 2 stone about then so that will make me around 15 stone when i get married I can live with that!
     
  11. miss_unknown

    miss_unknown Banned

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    going to stock up on slim fast tomorrow until my next LT meeting on the 10th january so hopefully I wont go stir crazy without it
     
  12. perfectorchid

    perfectorchid Below 190lbs... wohooo

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    See you have a focus now, hang on in there x
     
  13. Purpleangel

    Purpleangel Silver Member

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    its your big day you should feel beautiful whatever you weigh, and I am sure you are gonna look fab on your special day!

    Hold you head up high and be strong :)
     
  14. perfectorchid

    perfectorchid Below 190lbs... wohooo

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    I am sure that it says you can lose 1 stone per month... in 10 weeks that could easily be 2 stone
     
  15. Purpleangel

    Purpleangel Silver Member

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    also just seen another poster who lost 3 stone in 10 weeks, so i reckon a regular LT'er could shift 1.5 no probs. You will be well on your way!
     
  16. MrsFatBum

    MrsFatBum Gold Member

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    big big hug hun!! you will be fine, promise yoU!.. you still have time to lose at least another stone or even 2!!! you will look perfect on your wedding day and im sure once you get another stone off you will feel alot more confident in yourself too!!! you truly will be a princess at your wedding :) ignore the family hun, you got it spot on when you said that when your marrying the damn family too!.. it shouldnt be like that but unfortunately in many cases it is.

    try your best to stay focused and remember that you are doing this for yourself! be strong!... from everything the family have said about you im sure you can see for yourself that they are not worth a second thought!... at the end of the day when you lose weight and stuff they are gonna be completely different with you but you know the real side of them that they are selfish and horrid people who dont deserve to have you as part of their family!...

    Im glad your OH is by your side. just remember that your wedding is your special day, it is about you and him.. dont let it be about anything else ! xxxx

    10 weeks left hunni... plenty time!... i gotta get at least another stone off for end of jan so lets be there for eachother ok? we can do this! xxx
     
  17. blue eyes

    blue eyes Positive and focused!

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    Unfortunately there are people like that in the world!! I'm not going to talk about them its not worth my time.


    I think if you go back on lipotrim fully that is something you can take control of and maybe focus on. In 10 weeks I lost 3 stone!! You cannot control how those people think!


    Just under 10 weeks I had a down couple of days when I just looked at my sagging skin and being just 46 thought is it worth it? Let me tell you yes it is!! You are a nice person and people like that are not worth you losing any sleep over, just remember that!! After a few days and getting into size 14 jeans easily I thought yes it is worth it!!

    Please cheer up you are a lovely person and if you want you can change your outside, they cannot change their inside so easily!1XX

    Big hugs:hug99:


    People like that make me so mad, who do they think they are?
     
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  19. Shazpaz

    Shazpaz Regular Member

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    Orrr hun, just read this thread.

    Huge hugs to you.

    Firstly in 10 weeks you can lose 2 stones easily. A stone a month they say on LT so another 2 stones gone.

    My brother (who is white) is married to an asian girl. Can you imagine her family when after 5 years of keeping it secret she decided to tell them she was getting engaged to her boyfriend. They threatened to disown her....they said she was bringing shame on the family in the community. She respectfully told them she loved them all hugely, but that my brother was a good man and she loved him and was marrying him.

    It took a lot of negotiating, but they came round. She had a fantastic wedding.....a real mixtures of cultures. They now LOVE my brother. They took him to India to show off their 'white' family LOL. He is treated like royalty and all because she stood by her man. I'm afraid I agree with a previous poster, that your future husband has to choose you. He needs to stick up for you and not allow his family to be so cruel. This is not the way you want to go into the marriage.

    Good luck hun.....with whatever you decide. You shouldn't feel pressured to lose weight for other people. You do it because you want to. You have done so well up to now. Again, good luck. xxx
     
  20. mommyB

    mommyB love it

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    oh my heart goes out to you, we all have days when we feel really fat and ugly, but obviously your feelings are being compounded by other things that are going on within the family.
    I have no personal expereince of such a situation but have always nhad a rocky relationship with my mum. She is a very negative person and really brings me down, making negative comments, making me feel like nothing i do is good enough, wrecking my confidence. It has taken me a while to realise that she's never going to change (she's in her 70's) but whilst i cant change her I CAN change to way i react to it all. So now, sometimes with a lot of effoert i have started to ignore her negative comments or say to myself she is wrong ,etc. What i think i'm trying to say is that you might have to accept that your oh's family are just bitter,negative people but you are better than that and can rise above it
     
  21. miss_unknown

    miss_unknown Banned

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    Thanks for your lovely messages, just feeling really down over the last couple of days and getting prejittery wedding nerves.

    Shazpaz - the oh's family threatened to do the same only he looks after them finacially so their threats were empty to him however they are putting all their efforts towards me and hoping I will leave. The oh has explained to his parents that he wants to marry me no matter what but I think the pressure is getting to him, last month when he went back home again, his family had women lined up for him to choose and out of respect to these women he met them as it was considered rude. I only found out at eid when his brother told me and I was very angry that he had even considered viewing these other women for marriage no matter how rude it was. He showed me the pictures of the women and they are all extremley beautiful but unfortunately most asian men want trophies on their arms and i am thinking he will regret marrying me and marry again (he can marry up to 4 times). My family have told me once his family get to know what im like they will be alright but I dont know......
     
  22. trimlee

    trimlee Love God; Love People

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    Hi Miss Unknown,
    I'm sorry to hear of the difficulites you're facing. Please KNOW that your value is not determined by the negative things others say about you. You husband-to-be chose you and that speaks volumes.
    You can definitely lose 2 stone in 10 weeks on lipotrim. However, you need to like yourself (personality) regardless of your weight so that nothing gets to yo. By the time you are down to your target weight, you'll not only like yourself but have added confidence about your appearance.
    Also, you need to be sure about the values you share with your husband-to-be. Does he believe in polygamy in accordance with his religion and would he like to practice that? Would you go along with that? I think this is something you should both be clear on as it will impact on the way you see yourself.
    This phase has been tough but you will feel better about yourself; hang in there, and we will support you here too. God bless.
     
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