Being hated because of my size, feeling sick and disgusted with my image!

[miss_unknown]

To make maters worse I have got weighed and gained 8lbs since 5th dec until now due to having no LT and still dont have any until 10th January. But have stocked up on slimfast until then so hoping they willl do the trick for the next couple of days :sigh:, thanks everyone

 

[MrsFatBum]

hey again hun,
how are ya? just read the getting married 4 times bit!!! i know that according to islamic law he can get married four times... but he lives in this country so he can only get married once !! i think.. so you have nothing to worry about.. and woman you are just being paranoid... he'd be crazy to wanna marry another woman!

little concerned about him checking out other women coz his family want him to because that is giving the completely wrong signal to his family!... by even agreeing to see these other women "out of respect" he is saying to them that it is something that maybe considered.. "to make them happy". i understand that he may very well be torn between you and his family but believe me.. coming from an asian family i can tell you that no matter what a son does...his mother and father forgive him for it and especially if he is the provider they will accept anything and everything!... my brother was married to a white girl for 10 years before they got divorced (nothing to do with my family) and even tho my mum wasnt happy about the marriage in the first place she accepted his wife... and his kids with open arms. and i know at the end of the day it is because he is a guy.. i dont think she would have been as forgiving if i had done that.

What i mean to say is that the OH has definitely got the upper hand... he should not see these women because his family want him to... it sort of gives the impression that he is not all that serious about you (im sorry... im just trying to be completely honest with you coz i dont want you to get hurt) he needs to tell his family that you are the one he is going to marry and AT NO COST is he going to check out other women!...

he really needs to be strong and stick up for you!... your getting married in 10 weeks... there is no way on earth he should be checking anything out .. even if it is just outta respect!.. im sorry hun, but you really have a battle on your hands and the only way your gonna win this one is if your OH fights on your side too!...

dont worry about the weight that you have put on, that will be gone in the first week back on LT... most of it is probs water and stuff anyway!...

i really really strongly suggest that you speak to the OH and see where you stand in the whole situation. Tell him that you are not happy about the fact that his parents want him to check out other girls... and if he is damn well serious about you then he should be refusing point blank.. (sorry if that one causes an argument but you have every right to say that to him)

from everything that you have said and everything that you are putting up with I can see that you are a very strong person and you can handle this. However it is not fair for you to have to be put through this. his family need to accept his choice.. and if they dont then you have a serious problem on your hands. asian mums and dads are a handful.. and unfortunately its always the daughter in law who has to bear the brunt of it all.

Good luck hun... xxx

 

[MrsFatBum]

sorry i just realised how long that post was. please dont take offence to anything i've said... xxx

 

[miss_unknown]

Hiya hunni,

No I totally appreciate everything that ya have to say and ya probably know more about this thing than anyone else and I appreciate your input over the past few days. Your words have meant alot and you are being helpful and friendly and not being vindicitive so dont think otherwise. I have thought about everything alot today and think its all down to my mood of puting on weight and being the way I am and its only me who can change. Thankfully I can change with everyones support behind me!! Thanks again

 

[Purpleangel]

Hi hun, hope you are feeling better today. Stick with the slimfast and you will lose some weight before the 10th January.

 

[dietingqueen]

HI Hun,

I've just seen this post.... and i know where your coming from being asian myself.... they just seem to think it's fine to make nasty comments to your face.....Your H2B needs to get his finger out though and stick up for you.... do you have to live with the in laws once ya get married???

take Care.... I'm sure you'll look fab.... BTW Make sure you make these changes for you... and not other people x

Love Nas x

 

[summerscream]

Just thinking to give you some :flowers:
Maybe hard to imagine for you but some of your family in law could be jeaulous of you!

You are trying to loose weight, don't let them win show them :girlpower: and be a

 

[miss_unknown]

HI Hun,

I've just seen this post.... and i know where your coming from being asian myself.... they just seem to think it's fine to make nasty comments to your face.....Your H2B needs to get his finger out though and stick up for you.... do you have to live with the in laws once ya get married???

take Care.... I'm sure you'll look fab.... BTW Make sure you make these changes for you... and not other people x

Love Nas x

Yes I will have to live with his brother, dad and two mums (his dad married twice), thankfully the evil sister is living with her husband in America. I just wish I had more confidence to stand up for myself!!

 

[miss_unknown]

Just thinking to give you some :flowers:
Maybe hard to imagine for you but some of your family in law could be jeaulous of you!

You are trying to loose weight, don't let them win show them :girlpower: and be a

Thanks for your kind sentiments!

 

[Yasmine]

I just wanted to say that I truly admire you. You are such a powerful girl putting up with your in laws pigheaded opinions, sorry if that was rude but hey, It's the truth. I was so bloody pissed off when you wrote that your future hub said that he wanted you to look like Ashawarai, I can never get her bloody name right LOL. That was just damned ignorant! He should love you for who you are!

So what if you're not the skinniest girl in your family? so what? You've lost 2 stone, 2 stone!!! I dare you, go to sainsbury's or tesco, whatever the shop is near you, and go and put in 56 bars of Anchore butter. That is an incredible achievement love, you and you're family, and his family should all be damn proud of you!

You are a lovely person, and everyone in your family should see that, especially that man of yours.On your wedding day, you will be so so so so so beautiful! As every bride does no matter what shape or form.

 

[perfectorchid]

Just checking up on how you are doing, glad to see you haven't let them beat you. 8lb isn't a massive gain you can get rid again easily. JUST DONT GIVE UP. Try looking for the positives, what are you looking forward to on your wedding day? Why do you love your OH? Tell me some nice things. Tell me about you!! x Stay strong x

 

[marmite 330]

Hi, seen your post and know the doubts and fears you are having, i am ten years older than my husband, he was 21 when we started. I married him in August after nearly 14 years together and I am sure his family still expect him to leave me!. I was at my heaviest when we did the dirty deed and hate looking at the photos of me, (nearly 25st), My father in law got a digital photo frame at xmas and there are loads of pictures of OH on the day but none of me. speaks volumes. but I know he loves me and that is all that matters. Good luck and just remember if you believe in each other and trust each other then nothing else matters. best wishes and enjoy yourself its only one day of the rest of your life, seriously!! xx

 

[cah-ching]

Today I called around to my best friends house as she was having her last fitting of her dress before the wedding, she is getting married on new years eve. She is also one of my bridesmaids and a beautiful person both inside and out! Anyways seeing her in her dress I honestly felt a pang of jealousy as she luked gorgeous, thin and in a dress that I could only imagine getting into as the designer only makes up to a size 14 and this girl is a slim 8-10!! To be honest it wasn't seeing her that made me feel disgusted, it was the first time I looked at myself in a full length mirror in yonks and all I could see was fat thunder thighs, arms, legs. There is more rolls on me than in a bakery!! The only part of me that has lost weight is my face and as for the boobs well they have been heading south this long time so i have given up on them!! I couldnt wait to just go home and cry!! Now I see what my future sis in law see's and I dont blame her!! In eid in December his brother asked him as well "How did I let myself get so big and that I should go on a juice only diet or get my jaws stapled together". Even though he said it in urdu I still understood what he said (learning the language as a surprise to the OH) and went red as a beetroot! After they left I asked the OH what he actually thought about my size and to be honest about it as I have always thought he spared my feelings before and he surprised me by saying that he loves me but he would prefer me to be thinner so his family would respect me more! He added I would be the happiest man alive if you were like Aishwarya Rai (indian bollywood actress). He told me that beauty is a big deal in asian families and thats why his family has acted the way they have with me. So now im feeling totally crap knowing that I am going to look ugly and fat on my wedding day and feel like hiding in a corner and never showing my face again!! It doesn't help when your OH family hate you because of your size!!:cry: Also with the move I honestly havent been sticking to the diet 100% and think I have gained but wont know until tomorrow however I have ran out of the shakes as well as the chemist is not open until the new year so I am totally buggered. I have lost over 2 stone but why am I still feeling like this? I know my confidence has hit rock bottom now......:cry::cry::cry::break_diet:

Don't know what to say! :hug99:

 

[MrsFatBum]

hey hunni xxxx
glad your feeling more positive about this. stay strong and everything will be fine. I think perhaps a good idea may be for you not to live with your in laws after you get married... its horrible but i think they would be the kind of people who would try and come between you and OH every chance they could get!... take things with the in laws a step at a time and dont think you have to go out of your way to please them because at the end of the day they're not exactly making life easy for you!...
i pray that they have the sense to give you a chance and themselves a chance to get to know what a lovely person you are. im glad you've come online and had a chat with us all.. and hope its made you feel better.

Remember what i said... your marriage is about you and him. dont let it be about anything or anybody else. You are doing alot to please him and his family... dont lose yourself and your wishes in the middle of it all...

 

[loulouless]

miss, it makes me sad to hear those sort of things, do this for you, not for what anyone else wants you to be, we are all hear to support you through this I too have a long way to go, you can do it!

 

[miss_unknown]

Thanks everyone, well I am going to start 2009 with a bang and get this diet back on track and hopefully my confidence will follow!

 

[MrsFatBum]

thats the spirit!!! good luck hunni!... im starting refeed tomorrow coz im away from 2nd to 5th! but when I get back im gonna need you guys to get me back on the straight and narrow!!!... you will be fine when you get back onto LT hun!... 2009 is gonna be a big year for all of us...!

 

[miss_unknown]

Thanks hun, decided to keep a diary now, maybe in time i can see myself in a different light!! All the best with refeed and I hope everything works out for ya and your family and let us know how it goes. I will be praying for ya but i am sure they will love ya!! Take care of yourself and happy new year

 

[MrsFatBum]

awww thank you huni!... i will definitely back on here on the 6th! and back on LT... im surprised coz I havent gone off yet and Im looking forward to coming back on it!... eyes on the prize thats all im thinking... hehe
I hope things are better for you soon hun.. and im sure when the in laws get over themselves they will love you to bits too! xxxx happy new year .. thats incase i dont come back online till then.. my laptop is playing up and i have to do all these magic spells to turn it oN!

 

[miss_unknown]

well we will all defintely miss ya around here and ya are such an inspiration to me especially and always offering support. A true and wonderful person, its hard to meet people like that these days!! Have a gud one anyways!!