Belle's Journey

[bellefrogette]

I was looking at a title of a book on mindful eating, but though the real deal for me would be mindful food/nourishment preparation then eating .Even making a shake and sittiing down to drink it can be done more mindfully than I do at the moment and the environment in which I eat is important. One thing that struck me while having the salad yesterday was that the environment was as nourishing as the food. The salad was nothing special but the spirit with which it was served and eaten was brilliant..and that got me thinking of Oryoki, the tradition of eating with mindfulness and a lack of waste


it would be brilliant to be able to live and eat that way.

Maybe I can, maybe I can make even a shake a special event, instead of nourishing myself so distracted?

 

[bellefrogette]

its cold, I feel very fuzzy, I am going to sit and center myself and drink hot water:sigh:

 

[bellefrogette]

Booked an appointment with the doc for mor antibotics.it was one of those mornings woke up tired.Checked, there is a Cdthread on facebook sort of. Not too much happening there. I want to spend much of today in the gym, if I can, but I have only been awake 2 hours and I want to go back to bed...not good...or rather ..why?

 

[bellefrogette]

Back from Docs with more antibiotics but asked to see if I need to continue past another week, perhaps not. BUt she was the first to mention that sometimes a soreness like the one I was taking to be cleared up was due to no more than poor circulation..then I recalled that once I had known that. infact if my leg became sore I knew it was because I was not walking enough.


its not as cold as I thought out and I was thinking aboput exercise and ketosis ..strong ketosis .. both take , in the first instance a 3 day blast through cycle.


anyway for now, a hot vanila cambridge with rose water essence and general potting about..I should be spending a full day in the photography studio at uni but I could not face the long ride and packed buses..who knows , it may not even have been that bad. I am wearing 3 layers of jumpers..its a myth that extra fat keeps one warm

 

[bellefrogette]

/10-still

Good morning to me , though I have not slept. I want something so precious to me that this process in part a manifestation of. More later because I must get some sleep. But its a type of freedom, for all time, its not just weight loss this time or even a fit body, I just want to be free of all all. I think that is why I won't talk about my body and weight outside this forum and one phone meeting I still phone into. Its something to be free of all conversations and all concerns that women have to be go through regarding body..especially conversations..its mind numbing how often , womens conversation go between body and relationship and yet women have so much creativty, so many talents so much that women are about or could be about but often all of that gets contained within just two areas, relationship and body.

I'll do what I need to , I'll pay my dues now, because I want no more of it when I have completed this time...


A book I want to read but probably won't because I get it by the title.

 

[bellefrogette]

week 30 -workbook-WFG- Prologue

Week30/1- /10
-Prologue: The World on Our Plates


1. If you were asked to be silent
and pay attention to yourself , your hunger and your many feelings about food, how do you
think you would feel?


2. From page 2: “Your relationship to food is an exact microcosm of your relationship to life itself.
You are a walking and talking expressions of your deepest convictions; everything you believe
about love, fear, transformation and God is revealed in how, when and what you eat.”

What are your deepest convictions, and how do you think they show up on your plate every day?



3. On page 5, Laurie says that things are hard, but at least she has food. Do you relate to her?
Do you use food when things get hard? If so, does using food make things easier?

4. On page 13, author Geneen Roth writes about her many diets and her weight history. Take a
moment to consider your own food and weight history. What has it been like? Did the ups and
downs of it correspond with particular events in your life? As you begin to read Women, Food
and God, notice the feelings you have about what has and hasn’t happened in your relationship
with food. As you enter a brand new process and start a new journey, do you feel discouraged?
Hopeless? Excited? Does a part of you believe that nothing will work? It’s good to name those
feelings so that you don’t sabotage yourself with them.



5. From page 16: “Not sure what you really believe? Pay attention to the way you act—and to
what you do when things don’t go the way you think they should. Just for today, pay attention to
what you value. Reflect on how you spend your time and your money. Pay attention to what you
eat.” What do you do when things don’t go the way you want them to go? What do you really
believe about your place here on earth? Do you think your life has meaning? Do you believe
you are doomed to fail or that you are worthy no matter what you weigh?

6. How has food served in your life? What do you think
it would take for you to really change your relationship with food?





 

[bellefrogette]

Week30/1- /10
-Prologue: The World on Our Plates



First off, I promised myself I would get the workbook printed out at Uni yesterday, but I did not go in, and now this morning my sink is blocked again so I'll have to ring the council again and that means I do not get out till sometime in the afternoon and that means ..and so it goes on.

The main thing for me was privacy, but really the main thing is doing what I need to do when I need to do it, and I am online in the mornings anyway and the workbook questions what ever their inadequacy offers a structure and structure is what I need as much as I need support.

 

[bellefrogette]

Week30/1- /10
-Women Food and God -Prologue: The World on Our Plates


1. If you were asked to be silent
and pay attention to yourself , your hunger and your many feelings about food, how do you
think you would feel?

Silence is so rare and a deep silence within which is rarer still. But I would love a silence within which to feel the answer to this question.


In my periods of silence, I feel a desire to be still, but restlessness. When I pay attention to myself I feel muffled, I cannot feel myself clearly. I do not feel hunger though. I never really feel hunger when I am still. As for food, when I get really still… (Perhaps being still is the operative word most applicable to me, not silence) I am pretty indifferent. And when I am still and silent, my appetite is tiny or non-existent. It’s almost like a prelude to the state that some enter into when they are fasting. Food and eating begins to feel too noisy an activity and when I am still, really still food and eating can even feel distasteful? But tea, especially green tea, hot sweet green tea… That would be bliss.

Podcast 1

The hunger artist By Franz Kafka

 

[bellefrogette]

4.05am

The air around me is freezing. took some ducolax last night so I was in and out of bed.Had another Antony Robbins dream. Listing to yesterdays podcast - peter holmes on the fasting journey..while the book might be very good , chances are that I won't read it. The podcast has a good enough overview.But I might buy it.


In an early post I spoke of the only way I can really gain the benefits of a VLCD is to see it as a fast, because the diet is powdered skimmed milk fortified with minerals and vitamins.That's it. So I suppose this is another reason that Geneen Roths book - Women Food and God feels important to me..not the book itself, but herone statement , that if one is willing one can adopt a perspective that one's relationship with food and eating and dieting and body image ( all of it , I guess ) can be the doorway to something vast and sacred and powerful, something that others might travel half way round the world to find at the foot of one guru or the other.

 

[bellefrogette]

keep smiling

 

[bellefrogette]

Rewards and treats

things i like

 

[bellefrogette]

keeping on

 

[bellefrogette]

-Prologue: The World on Our Plates

 

[bellefrogette]

from a novel I am listening to


"you are a tiger studying to be a mouse"

 

[bellefrogette]

Week30/1- /10
-Prologue: The World on Our Plates



4a. On page 13, author Geneen Roth writes about her many diets and her weight history. Take a moment to consider your own food and weight history. What has it been like? Did the ups and downs of it correspond with particular events in your life? As you begin to read Women, Food
and God, notice the feelings you have about what has and hasn’t happened in your relationship
with food.


4(b) As you enter a brand new process and start a new journey, do you feel discouraged? Hopeless? Excited? Does a part of you believe that nothing will work? It’s good to name those feelings so that you don’t sabotage yourself with them.




4a. Take a moment to consider your own food and weight history.


I do not know if I can just take that moment. When I thought of it just now I felt a pulling back and assumption that it will be painful. Too painful to go down that memory lane, those memory lanes

What has it been like?
It’s been perplexing, frustrating, grey, repetitive, mind numbingly boring and painful in a heavy dull fashion.


Did the ups and downs of it correspond with particular events in your life?
They might have once, but over the last few years, the ‘trance’ has been all pervasive, more intense in places and less in others… the highs and lows of my life have been muted somewhat by the trance..a type of flatlining.


what feelings you have about what has and hasn’t happened in your relationship
with food.
I have not allowed food to be food. I have never known the space in which food is food. Food is not food. Food is love, comfort, anaesthesia; food is soothing, escape, solace. But food is not food.

Food being food would be nourishment, would be tasty, and would be a way to delight my body, keep my body vibrant and radiant. I would eat and be done with eating. I would enjoy it, but that would be it. I would not make magic of food, nor would I be open to food being made out to have any magical properties. I would not get tied up in the whole world of food and cooking that is supposed to be the lot of being a woman.

The kitchen would not be my home. The kitchen would be part of my home. Food cooking and eating would just take its rightful place in the scheme of things.

Even dieting is still part of this obsession with food. Food become like a God, like magic and diets do the same thing.

I feel as if a great psychic charge has been captured and conditioned to be focussed into food, body and eating and I feel that is part of the condition of being female. I do not know of any female who escapes this toured relationship with food from which she has to extract herself.

The diet and beauty industry just perpetuate the ’net’. The net, which captures the life force, energies and creativities. Until one see it and I see it.

 

[Goreygirl]

Hi Belle

Just read your post about your OH. He sounds like what is known as an EUM (emotionally unavailable male) and is potentially an Assclown (a game player) too.

We can have core beliefs which cause us to not recognise healthy love and instead respond to the other person distancing themselves, feelings of abandonment and other dysfunctional "love". We respond to this because at some time in our past we learned that this is what love is. I was embroiled in a situation for 2 years and still battle with the "draw" to him and the craving for him but now recognise that this is more about me than about him now.

One of the blogs that really helped me is Baggagereclaim - can I suggest you start having a read around the site before you make any decisions about going to see this guy? Also DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED? is very insightful and aspects of it may resonate with you.

Take care xx

 

[bellefrogette]

stillness

 

[bellefrogette]

Hi Belle



We can have core beliefs which cause us to not recognise healthy love and instead respond to the other person distancing themselves, feelings of abandonment and other dysfunctional "love". We respond to this because at some time in our past we learned that this is what love is. I was embroiled in a situation for 2 years and still battle with the "draw" to him and the craving for him but now recognise that this is more about me than about him now.


Take care xx

Well CG, I'll definately check out the site..and I am really evaluating me by looking at my overly dramatic response ( the urge to wade through the snow in the middle of the night to find an open shop to get ice-cream cos he said he was busy?) he might be emotionally unavailabe in that moment and says so in an abrupt manner but my emotions and I must be in different solar systems if this is what I feel like doing to get my own attention that something isn't right.

I do have had dysfunctional love patterns in relationships but the most dysfunctional is the one I have had with myself ..its not all bad by any means but it is a work in progress but I feel the care I am taking with the weight loss this time round , might be the road less travelled that I have always needed to go down.

 

[bellefrogette]

I loved it then,I love it today

 

[bellefrogette]

Week30/1- /10
-Prologue: The World on Our Plates



5. From page 16: “Not sure what you really believe? Pay attention to the way you act—and to
what you do when things don’t go the way you think they should. Just for today, pay attention to
what you value. Reflect on how you spend your time and your money. Pay attention to what you
eat.” What do you do when things don’t go the way you want them to go? What do you really
believe about your place here on earth? Do you think your life has meaning? Do you believe
you are doomed to fail or that you are worthy no matter what you weigh?

6. How has food served in your life? What do you think
it would take for you to really change your relationship with food?





Sunday -week 30 , week 30 untill strong ketosis