Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

Karen1972 said:
You certainly take no prisoners my dear!!! I think I can safely say that it's a good job we ain't sisters!!! Lol :)

I hope you calm down and make up soon, I know how much you love your sister and that you don't hold grudges. I don't know your sister to comment but I do know you and you are a bit crazy intense sometimes, I wonder if the diet exaggerates this side of your personality?

Don't go mad at me you know I luvs ya xx
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Not going to go mad at you, lol but sometimes it really is a case of if you don't live it you don't know it. Trust me, I am as glad as you that we aren't sisters! Lol

As for being crazy intense, yep, I am at times and no its definitely not diet related its stupid bossy interefering sister related! Lol. X night night x
 
Ok - so who stole my joie do vivre (feel free to correct my rubbish French)? I feel flat as a cow pat this morning! Even been blubbing - what is that all about??

Didn't sleep at all well.. and dreamt about choosing clothes from a lovely wardrobe of floaty dresses and sleeveless summer tops... and about a horse that got loose and slammed into a house... and had to be destroyed... and about swimming in a river in glorious sunshine... ?? It was a very active dream - perhaps that's why I am so tired!

Tomorrow would've been my 15th wedding anniversary to my 2nd hub but instead is HIS 5th wedding anniversary to his current wife (the one he traded me in for)... that's assuming they are still married, which I think they will be. I found myself sitting here at work with tears running down my cheeks and can't think which part of my life has prompted that?

I am thinking of writing to my sister. I will think hard about it and probably will write it several times, sleep several nights and then eventually find the right level and send it. I learnt that from a very wise judge. "Never put in writing anything you wouldn't be happy to say openly in a court of law" - that applies to blogs, emails and texts and yes, I would be happy to say in an open court ALL the things I said to sis over the last few weeks! lol

It's not very warm today and I feel like I really need a proper break.. am going to see how much time I have left of holiday and will ask HWSNBN if he is willing to be responsible for the dog if I go away for a week. If he says yes then I am going to load the bike or car up with my camping gear and going to just get away on my own for a week - probably go up to Scarborough... I miss Scarborough and feel close to my late grandparents when I am there - it is full of happy memories..

Right - have to shake meself and crack on with work... just not sure where my head is right now... hormones, medication, family and friends sure makes life fun! lol Hmm, just thought... I might take my arty stuff away with me too... in fact... would be good to get away on the bike with just a rucksack and a sketch pad or notebook and sod off.. lol oh, and me camera! Think I may look into sending my luggage by courier and going on bike... hmm.. there's a thought...

Weigh in in 2 days.. really hope I make the 4lbs off this week so I can say I have lost 4 stone... even so., if just 2 I will be into the next stone marker so that will be good too... *sigh* wish I could hibernate for 6 months and wake up slim again... lol oh well, it will happen, just not asleep!
 
Family are difficult at times, I think it happen's to us all at some point.

It would be nice if you could make up with your sister, it would make your mom happy to see you both get along.

A trip away by yourself sounds like a wonderful idea, it's something I could do with. I like camping, caravaning or going to the cabin. I like the peace and quite.

Good luck with your weigh in.:D
 
Thankfully my mother is in blissful ignorance about our "spat" and I am sure it will stay that way.

I decided not to write to my sister at the moment and instead, as a result of something my mum said at the weekend I simply sent her a text which said I was intending to buy mum a Kindle for Christmas and did she want to contribute or pay half? So... ice broken... she said she would pay half... and that she and her boyfriend had thought the same thing.

It's a start I guess..

Having a nap now to recharge my batteries before an evening number-crunching session with local brownie leader as I have agreed to help them with their gift aid claims. I must be mad!! lol
 
Bit of a full on time you've been having there, I hope everything improves.
Look after youself and good luck for WI.
Best wishes.
 
Odd kind of feeling today - thinking about the past, wondering about the future... 15 years ago today I got married to a man I utterly adored and who (then) utterly adored me... it was a gorgeous hot day, lots and lots of laughter and fun and we were so happy... had things been different we would have been celebrating... instead, he IS celebrating HIS 5th wedding anniversary to his current wife .... and I am left with the memories, and the mortgage...

If someone had told me all those years ago that this is how it would be I would never have believed them... never... instead of snuggling up in his arms I am in a house with a man who may as well be a stranger, an actual stranger also living downstairs and a huge mortgage to try and pay (hence the man and the stranger in the house still)... I feel utterly affectionless (unloved) (except by my daughters really)... and almost bereft right now.

I MUST shake this off though - no use pining for what was and is no more... no point all the "if onlys" and "what ifs"... waste of effort and brainpower...

Think I will put on iplayer and listen to some crappy play or comedy whilst trying to sort out Inland Revenue forms and avoiding sending reactive snotty emails to people who irritate me in the extreme all the time but who I can normally be very polite and understanding with..

Hormones having a sodding field day - read a very interesting article in the paper about a lady who was almost diagnosed as schizophrenic because of the way her hormones changed her personality every month... wonder if that would hold up in court if you do someone in for looking at you the wrong way? LMAO shouldn't think so eh? lol

HWSNBN is wandering around the house in his dressing gown like a lost sheep... all I can say to that is BAH! (dreadful pun I know - but at least I tried!!)

Harry Potter this afternoon - must try and stay awake this time!!

Roll on tomorrow and weigh in - need something to focus on.. also - trying to plan a very very cheap break away all on my lonesome... camping is so costly I am appalled that so many places charge more than a flippin Travelodge per night to pitch a tent!!

I have a week to take off in August and no idea where to go.. seriously considering just packing a rucksack with clothes and putting place names in a hat and decide that way! lol

Had considered looking at the last minute travel sites too - if it's going to cost the best part of £200 to put me tent up in Scarborough and £150 to go to Turkey for a week then I'll be packing my suncream and doing the offski to Turkey!!

Right - with thoughts of Turkish sunshine and winning the lottery so that all my financial worries are resolved (and those of ooooodles of folks I know and love)... I shall bugger off and get on with these tax forms... (via iplayer of course)...

Mantra of the day: What's been and done is just that and cannot be changed. Today is a new day. Love it for its uniqueness and all it brings.
 
((((hugs)))), Jennie.

I think what makes you feel worse is that the Twunt went and married again on the same date he married you. Cheer up my lovely because it will all come right in the end.

Must admit I would choose Turkey not because I dont like Scarborough because I love the area but the price. There are loads of cheap holidays going because people are just not going away. I have paid £125 for two nights in a Travel Lodge. Cheap? They aren't anymore unless you get one of those special deals that mean you have to book way in advance.

Good luck with the income tax forms. I really must do some too. 3 years worth because they conveniently lost mine for 2008/9 although they had previously confirmed they had got it. Still it will be a nice windfall when they finally pay me back all they owe me.

Pam xxx
 
Thanks Pam

It's been an ok kind of day.. work was good if not a bit distracted.. home and HWSNBN had doused himself in aftershave which he knows I love, and we went to see Harry Potter.. I slept through the first 15 minutes and then woke and saw the rest of it... very good and I am sure there will be more to come... can't imagine Ms Rowling will hang up her wand!

Got back and decided to go out on Hattie so went to the bike club - it was lovely to get out and ride! I declined going on the ride out and waved them all off - they tried hard to persuade me but I was adamant... not confident enough to ride in a big group and they always ***** n gripe about everyone's riding styles after so I wasn't up for that either.. lol so... chatted and then tootled off to another pub, thanked them for their help with the BBQ I held there as a fundraiser back in June.... and then rode home. HWSNBN asked if I had enjoyed the cinema (I was sure I had already thanked him - he refused to let me pay for my ticket)... he got quite emotional in the car on the way home and he was going to say something but stopped himself.. am sure he is finally getting to grips with the end of our relationship as it was... and needs to grieve for it really... his mother called as soon as we got in from the pics and I went out on bike so no chance to talk (not that I really wanted to today of all days!) - like I say, when I got back tonight he asked if I enjoyed cinema and I thanked him again... of course I enjoyed it! It was a mega film! lol Although I did find the aroma of all that yummy popcorn quite hard to deal with at times... glad I took 2 cans of DPZ with me!

So - home, Hattie put away and me showered and in bed - going to try and get to sleep in a few mins.. weigh in tomorrow - hoping for some good numbers!! Need the magic 4lbs off to make the 4stone gone, or at least 2lbs off to bring me into the next stone bracket...

A wonderful friend of mine has just started CD too and we are supporting one another massively!

Night all xxx thanks for letting me offload all this guff - I'd forgotten just how cathartic it was! lol xxx
 
So glad it's weigh-in day... but not so glad that I have to find enough cash to pay for 2 weeks in one hit as cdc is off on hols... so am a tad nervous about the 2 week "unchecked" but... am going to view it as an opportunity to lose LOADS and give us both a mega surprise when she gets back!

Feeling very very tired today... and my left arm is hurting, not mentioned it before, but after I have ridden Hattie I have noticed that my left arm (from my wrist ) hurts like hell .. I am sure it's because I am using a group of muscles in my hand not normally used (left hand is used to operate the clutch on a motorbike)..and I do change gear a heck of a lot! lol So, am going to see if I can get the clutch lever adjusted so that it's not such a reach for my short stumpy hands, lol and also get a wrist support because it really isn't funny! lol

Apart from that - am ok... mum rang yesterday, she has her MRI date now so hopefully in a couple of weeks time we will know what's what and they will crack on and get her sorted!

HWSNBN is going to a bike show on Saturday and did the sad little boy thing again last night of "I'm going on my own"... I know that this will be good for him though... as .. if I am seen to be with him it will perpetuate his, what can I call it, not quite delusion, but almost! I know he had said he was going to HIS branch Roast on Sunday and now, all of a sudden he has decided to wear his martyr crown "I won't go and I will look after the dog"... he doesn't have to. I had planned to go in the car as I want to swim (they have a poll at the place I am attending the roast at) and I was going to make arrangements to either take the mutt or have my mate let him out throughout the day and early eve.. I would only be out for about 12 hours in all...

So you see... I think HWSNBN is still not quite "getting it"... *sigh* but, the more I do alone and the more he does alone the better and the louder the message will be! I can't believe that he still seems to kind of think we are together... he hasn't said anything... (as if he would) ... but it's just some of the reactions... I dunno... I have a feeling he is in complete denial (not a first!!)... and if it continues I will have to sit him down and set him straight - AGAIN!

*sigh* it's a bit like a little boy who is told he cannot have a certain toy but he still persists in telling others he is getting it for Christmas... as if , if he says it enough it will happen? Not the best analogy but you know the kind of thing I mean??

Sorry - waffled on again about HWSNBN again... I told him last night that I have to take some time off next month and asked if he would mind dog-sitting for a week if I go away? Felt a bit cruel asking but at the same time, I would ask any lodger the same and if he had said no I would have asked my female lodger ... and if she had said no I would have asked my mum! lol He looked hurt.. but you know... we had, in all the time we were together, just 1 weekend away that wasn't a rally or at his mothers or with his mother... and... I have not had a holiday which I can TRULY relax on for years... so... me me ME time now!

Really don't know what to do or where to go... lack of funds makes it very restrictive as could mean I have to stay with friends which again isn't FULLY relaxing if you know what I mean..

More googling is in order methinks! lol

Right - only 3 1/2 hours 'til weigh in and I can't wait! Feel like I should've done well this week even with the food I ate whilst with mum.. although that was pretty much just chicken and salad.. and veg... lol so... fingers crossed!

Will update later and probably bore the pants off you some more about HWSNBN too!
 
Doh! Sorry - got a bit "caught up" with things here ... found out this eve that a so-called "mate" spent her time at the bike club the other night showing HWSNBN the texts and pm's in facebook that I had exchanged with her about him !! Can't believe it! I trusted her! Well - lesson learned!

HE hasn't told me... someone else did!!! Grrrr

Anyway - good news! Lost another 5lbs this week, 5!!! Am amazed and delighted as that means I have not only lost just over 4stone I have smashed into the next "stone" down!

Was sooooooooo pleased I let out a whoop! lol

2 weeks to get through until next weigh in now... am determined it's going to be a real cracker!! Will only be having about 3 meals out (for that read, poultry (no skin) and piles of veg... over the next 14 days so I know no damage will be done - in fact, it really does look like my body appreciates the occasional bit of protein! lol lol lol

So - off to bed now wondering just what was shown and why and also how come HWSNBN never mentioned it... although it MIGHT explain that he has done a teensy weensy bit of weeding (block paving - no more than 4 square foot...) and vacuumed his nasty black rug in the living room.. lol problem is I can't remember what was said etc but I cannot imagine any of it will come as much of a surprise to him... I am very very very disappointed in her.. and sorry for him.. as all it could have done was hurt him..

Right - bed now with me crossword puzzle!

G'night fellow miniminers... am trying to find someone who needs a house/pet sitter for August 23rd ish to 30th ish... I desperately need some me time and can't afford hotels etc and foreign travel with the value of the Euro seems highly unlikely so.. if you know of anyone! I am fully housetrained AND can garden! lol PLUS I have an enhanced CRB disclosure... and won't need paying! lol SO this is NOT an advert!

(If anyone lives abroad and has a spare room going begging... I will bring all my own food! lol CD!) I can babysit... go out... won't be a disturbance... blah de blah blah... just joshing... but not about the house/pet sitting thing... would be a good way to stay somewhere not here and be warm and comfy - would mean I could go on my Hattie too! lol

Night night folks xxx hope if you've had a weigh-in that it's been what you had hoped for too!
 
About bloomin' time. Whoooooooooo hoooooooooo, well done you.

Now will read the rest of your post x x
 
How bloomin' mean of your "friend" to do that, does she have plans for Voldermort by any chance?

Wish I could fit in with your holidays x x
 
Eclipse said:
How bloomin' mean of your "friend" to do that, does she have plans for Voldermort by any chance?

Wish I could fit in with your holidays x x
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well, if you have been following things on fb you will have seen how things got, but I edited so it's all a bit more dignified lol

I don't know Cheryl... how on earth could she possibly think it helped??? I will never ever trust or confide in her again. I have told her to find someone else to share with for the Christmas bike club "do" and to be a good friend to HWSNBN as he needs them.

I texted HWSNBN and told him how I felt about it all and we are going to meet for "lunch" (chicken and salad) and hopefully clear the air a bit. I have told him very clearly that as "partners" we were very bad for one another but as friends we can make each other laugh and chat (we had quite a cheery banter about mothers just last night - before all this fb nonsense kicked off)... so.. neutral territory as he has asked if I want him to move out. I told him he is a grown man who can make his own decisions and if he wants to go he should go, if he wants to stay he should stay but on the basis of friends only and no other. He mentioned how no-one knows how he feels and no-one asks... OMGoodness! I reminded him that when he WAS asked he would just shrug say dunno and/or clam up so how was anyone supposed to know anything!!!!

He is on a real "I am rubbish, no-one cares, I'm a loser" roll at the moment.. so I am going to try, over lunch, to persuade him to see a Dr and get some proper help... also I am going to try (again) to persuade him to do volunteer work or SOMETHING other than nothing!

I heard him trying to convince a recruitment company yesterday that his reason for still being out of work was that he didn't start looking until Feb this year after he had moved up here, and that he was selective about his applications because of his wealth of experience within his field (customer service management)... I would think they were probably as unimpressed about that as I am! lol

In a weird way - this so-called "friend" may actually help him sort himself out... but it has hurt him very deeply - and he was already hurting , and, I'm sorry, she's not an idiot and she's not a child (she's 40) she would KNOW it would hurt him... so all this "I did it for the best" is baloney!

I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her - and I couldn't throw her very far!!

Right - have wasted enough of my working day on all this - will have to stay late now to make up for it!

Glad about the loss though - and feels good to be able to say I've lost 4stone... still... 6 more to go! (Well... maybe 5 and half.. will see how I feel as I get closer...)

Happy Friday!
 
Holiday sorted!! Am going down to stay with my mate who lives in Looe! Long way to ride as am going on bike so need to plan route carefully to avoid motorways (don't like them on bike)... and pack very light! (Toughie!)

Will be so good to get away and be somewhere hopefully warm, but better still, near the sea!! I have arranged dog care and have booked time off now so all done! Just need to plan route and budget for fuel and work out how to pack a weeks clothes plus CD for a week in a rucksack! lol Going to be a long way so will plan a stop on the way down so riding only in daylight hours.. lol (what a wuss!)... will have to see how close Looe is to youuuu Cheryl :eek:D so will get to see you toooo!! xxxxxxxxxx
 
Looe is a bit of a distance away, but we can always arrange to meet halfway, or I can come up to see you in Looe for a day out lol x x x
 
Stunning - absolutely stunning! Well, well done Jennie - put a HUGE smile on my face that did

and - great news on the break being sorted - I reckon you can plan a stunning ride down to there!

x
 
well, what a morning it's already turning out to be! Been up for hours, baked some fairy cakes, decorated them and a victoria sponge (now cooling on the rack)... kitchen spick and span, washing all done and a list as long as me arm of work I should do but am thinking "sod it" and may just go out on Hattie for a bimble to Billing Bike Fest... lol

I baked because some mates from darn sarf are coming up to Billing and I've extended an invitation to them to call in for a coffee (and now cake too!) on their way home! lol

The "friend" who broke my trust and has also, by showing him my thoughts, sooo badly hurt HWSNBN, is turning into psycho woman! She keeps texting me and messaging me to try and "justify" her actions.. trouble is she is saying WAY too much on open facebook and I have had to delete 2 of her posts as a result... I know she didn't mean any malice (well, I think that's the case)... but she has done so much damage it's unbelievable... HWSNBN has selfesteem lower than a snails belly and she has just made it a bazillion % worse!!! I have not responded to her other than to say I will not discuss my private life with her any further.. she flipped so I told her to reign her neck in and deal with her guilt. (Subtle huh?) lol

Still,,, she should get the message now... I am a onemillion% true friend, UNTIL you break my trust... INSTANT non-existence time then... as far as I'm concerned she doesn't count in my life any more... must be the Scorpio in me... lol... Ho hum.. just hope she leaves HWSNBN alone now as he is so so low... feel very sorry for him. Hopefully day among his other "friends" will help... hope so... hopefully when he gets back he will be a bit more chipper as a result..

Right - best get this cake out of it's tin and fling on my bike gear and go for a bimble! lol

Ohh, spent 4 hours at hairdressers yesterday and LOVE what she's done with my mop! Chopped lots off and layered it loads.. love it!

Have a lovely Saturday my friends! Mindey - ta , glad it put a smile on your ever-slimming face! lol xxx
 
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