Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary
- Thread starter FatFairNForty(ish)
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HopeSprings
Gold Member
I wish I could offer you some words of comfort. Having been in your shoes I know those words are few and far between. I can feel my eyes welling up just remembering how painful it was to hear those terrible words 'terminal' and seeing Mum's brave face when she asked how long she'd got?
How long have any of us got? No-one knows.
My lovely lady boss in in hospital today having radiotherapy for her brain tumour. I was filing today when I saw a letter from her doctor in March to the holiday company saying that at the time she booked the holiday neither she nor he was aware of what she had.
The atmosphere here this morning could have been cut with a knife. Everyone walking around looking at the clock waiting for her appointment time.
As she left I told her it will soon be tomorrow and the treatment will be behind her (for now)!
My Mum took the decision NOT to have chemo as she didn't want the trauma of having it.
Each person will make their own decision and all we can do is love and support them as best we can.
Sending lots of love to you and an extra specially large hug today... bless your heart.
xxxx
How long have any of us got? No-one knows.
My lovely lady boss in in hospital today having radiotherapy for her brain tumour. I was filing today when I saw a letter from her doctor in March to the holiday company saying that at the time she booked the holiday neither she nor he was aware of what she had.
The atmosphere here this morning could have been cut with a knife. Everyone walking around looking at the clock waiting for her appointment time.
As she left I told her it will soon be tomorrow and the treatment will be behind her (for now)!
My Mum took the decision NOT to have chemo as she didn't want the trauma of having it.
Each person will make their own decision and all we can do is love and support them as best we can.
Sending lots of love to you and an extra specially large hug today... bless your heart.
xxxx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Going to bed now - eyes hurt like mad... not packed yet for my roadtrip.. so... probably up early to do that.. then,. waterproofs on and I am going, on Hattie, on a "Grand Adventure"... not sure if I'll get to update but will try... (have to borrow mates lappy) .
Thank you for your lovely words... feel so so so sad.. hoping that riding 300 miles will blow away the sorrow and instill a modicom of joy... even if very soggily! Pray for the rain to happen overnight and be gone by about 7am ish please... xxxx night night..
Thank you for your lovely words... feel so so so sad.. hoping that riding 300 miles will blow away the sorrow and instill a modicom of joy... even if very soggily! Pray for the rain to happen overnight and be gone by about 7am ish please... xxxx night night..
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Well, what a brilliant journey!! Set off in the pouring rain at 7.30am this morning and got here at 5pm FANTASTIC journey. loads of rain and got very cold at one stage but I did it! over 300 miles on Hattie! Love being here and am just off to bed now... will write more tomorrow... stuck to diet 100% today too! (Not hard when riding a bike... lol) Night all from my lovely friend K's house in Polperro.. xxxx
fatty2slim
Full Member
31 minutes before I start! That will be midnight tonight 10th October 2006.
Earlier this evening I drove to the whiles of Northamptons borders and met my Cambridge Diet Counsellor (AKB). What was supposed to be an hours intro etc turned rapidly into almost 3 hours! I know it's because I could talk for Britain, but also because she has been where I'm at, and it was SO good to speak to someone who REALLY understands!
She was lovely, and so clued up on it all, I was very impressed (also incredibly impressed with how tidy her house is!)
Having been diagnosed a few months ago with Obstructuve Sleep Apnea, and being told that the ONLY treatment was a revolting Darth Vadar/Aliens Cpap machine
Now, don't get me wrong, I have ALWAYS known my weight was unhealthy - let's face it, I've had my entire family and the world, his wife, his kids and his divorce lawyers telling me for the last 30 odd years!
I heard about CD years ago and made a half-hearted attempt last year.. I was doing really well (for 3 weeks) when I met a man who later became a very special person in my life. A very large man, I soon gave in to his persuasive offers of meals out (yeah, like I took any persuading!!), seaside trips with the obligatory donuts and weekends away - all involving copious amounts of my glorious passion - food!). So, I gave up on the diet and promptly regained it all and then some.
One day, I'm going to stride up to his front door and pretend to be someone else and see if he realises it's me! In fact, I think I will return the diamond ring he gave me... that will be the clue, and when I do I'm going to flash the biggest smile at him and look him in the eye and say... "look who you could have been with all this time...oh, and by the way, I don't snore now!".. then I'll smile and leave!
It isn't his fault I am fat, just as it isn't my mums for giving me junk food, or my mates for bringing bucket loads of chocs to me when I was off my feet for 2 years in my late teens, nor is it the fault of my ex-husband for leaving me for his trim, petite, attractive floosy... I mean, um... now wife!... nor is it the fault of my nan for her home baking, or the chippy for piling extras in for me coz I used to flirt with him (lol)... nope... as I was trying to explain to one of my endless slimming club leaders once... it's not my thyroid, it's not my metabolism, it's not my build, it's not in my genes (hell, I haven't even worn jeans for at least 3 years!)... it is simply me! I have put every single morsel into this bottomless (well, no, that's not true, it has a very large bottom at the moment!!!
So now, it's time to change.
I want to be me, the real me, the me who is desperate to make a break, the me who wants to wear jeans again, who wants to go up the stairs without sounding like she's run a marathon. I want to be the me I've never been.. I want to be the me who can actually go and buy clothes that fit from Primark, Matalan (see, I know the designer names... lol)... I want to be the me who can sit in a restaurant and know that people aren't checking every forkful and looking away tut-tutting in that oh-so-pi*sing-me-off
Gosh... this isn't how I meant to be in this diary
I also,... I know revenge is a BAD thing.. but anyway... I also want to send my ex a photo of the new me (when I arrive!) stuck on a postcard from the caribbean - with a note attached saying..."glad you're not here!
I know I sound bitter and twisted, and maybe I am, but you know what... maybe when there is less of me physically there will be more of me emotionally and the bitterness will leave and the need for revenge will fade away into oblivion.. maybe..
Well, off to bed now and so to awake on my first day of my big adventure!
lool good on you! Exes can go die of jealousy! Good luck m'love! xxx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Blimey - that's a blast from the past - reading that very first post from - eek - how many years ago?? still - back in the saddle again (diet wise) so hopefully when I see my cdc next week there will be good figures.,.. mind you... from the discussions here with K methinks it would be downright rude to come all the way to Cornwall and not try their specialist ice cream... and pasties... and clotted cream teas... lol but only once of each mebbe... and not all on the same day... coz as we ALL know... if you eat them all on the same day they triple in calories... space 'em out and they are far less fattening!
Had a lovely chat on the phone with mum yesterday evening - she has had her first bone drug drip, x-ray and radiation tatoos... I told her she should ask them to add hearts and flowers and a banner with the word mum in it.. lol PLUS because she named herself "mummy 2 poos" I've said I'm going to get a t-shirt with it on.. lol I also told her that today (Weds) she's going to be a "ping-ding mum" too, and be sure to make sure they remove the outer packaging first and then asked her if they will need to stir her half way through the time... it made us both laugh... it was lovely to hear her laugh... she is incredibly tired but less tense and was treated superbly by the Dr and the team at the hospital, it makes such a difference.
I sat up with K until midnight last night - talking, crying., reminiscing (we have been friends since our girls were in nappies).. it's going to be a really good week. I told her that when my lodger moves out next August I am going to sell up and move down here... and you know what... I mean it too... I'll get a little flat with a garage for the car and Hattie and I'll be sorted.. enough space for a spare airbed so girls can come and stay and that'll be me sorted... apart from the small detail of how to support myself.. lol I'll just hook up with some knackered old Cornishman who's loaded... LMFAO Still, it sounds like a plan... stunning places , great biking, seagulls and sand... bliss!!
Slept fitfully last night and got a stonking headache and neck and backache but think that's probably tiredness, emotion and dehydration.. so , I can deal with 1 and 3 ..and as the song says... 2 out of 3 ain't bad...
No plans made really for the coming week and I like that... K is a wonderful friend and we talked about how she felt when she went through this with her mum... it is so good to talk to someone who actually truly knows how I'm feeling and what is coming.. and who knows me and my family so so well. Our kids are great pals... and such a lovely bunch... we are so lucky. We were laughing last night when my elder daughter rang to see how I was doing... how thoughtful is that! I asked her (jokingly) if she would look after me if I were old and sick and she said... without hesitation... "me and Zoe would draw straws" LMAO lol lol I roared laughing... then K said that her girls had said to her "the first time you pi$$ yourself mum you're going in a home" ... LOL LOL we all laughed so much... laughter with your loved ones is SUCH good medicine...
Right - the seagulls never sleep here in Polperro... and I love it... no idea what we're doing (if anything) today... might wash Hattie... might go out for a ride... might go back to bed... might go for a mooch around... might do none of the above... lol
Thank you all for being there and letting me just keep trolling on about all this... so today is now officially "Microwaving Mum" day... lol
(Cheryl (Eclipse) - lets sort out meeting up! Cheryl (Pandora) yes, Salisbury on the way back for coffee and a catch up would be fantastic!! Text me and we'll get it arranged! Love you both. xxx
Had a lovely chat on the phone with mum yesterday evening - she has had her first bone drug drip, x-ray and radiation tatoos... I told her she should ask them to add hearts and flowers and a banner with the word mum in it.. lol PLUS because she named herself "mummy 2 poos" I've said I'm going to get a t-shirt with it on.. lol I also told her that today (Weds) she's going to be a "ping-ding mum" too, and be sure to make sure they remove the outer packaging first and then asked her if they will need to stir her half way through the time... it made us both laugh... it was lovely to hear her laugh... she is incredibly tired but less tense and was treated superbly by the Dr and the team at the hospital, it makes such a difference.
I sat up with K until midnight last night - talking, crying., reminiscing (we have been friends since our girls were in nappies).. it's going to be a really good week. I told her that when my lodger moves out next August I am going to sell up and move down here... and you know what... I mean it too... I'll get a little flat with a garage for the car and Hattie and I'll be sorted.. enough space for a spare airbed so girls can come and stay and that'll be me sorted... apart from the small detail of how to support myself.. lol I'll just hook up with some knackered old Cornishman who's loaded... LMFAO Still, it sounds like a plan... stunning places , great biking, seagulls and sand... bliss!!
Slept fitfully last night and got a stonking headache and neck and backache but think that's probably tiredness, emotion and dehydration.. so , I can deal with 1 and 3 ..and as the song says... 2 out of 3 ain't bad...
No plans made really for the coming week and I like that... K is a wonderful friend and we talked about how she felt when she went through this with her mum... it is so good to talk to someone who actually truly knows how I'm feeling and what is coming.. and who knows me and my family so so well. Our kids are great pals... and such a lovely bunch... we are so lucky. We were laughing last night when my elder daughter rang to see how I was doing... how thoughtful is that! I asked her (jokingly) if she would look after me if I were old and sick and she said... without hesitation... "me and Zoe would draw straws" LMAO lol lol I roared laughing... then K said that her girls had said to her "the first time you pi$$ yourself mum you're going in a home" ... LOL LOL we all laughed so much... laughter with your loved ones is SUCH good medicine...
Right - the seagulls never sleep here in Polperro... and I love it... no idea what we're doing (if anything) today... might wash Hattie... might go out for a ride... might go back to bed... might go for a mooch around... might do none of the above... lol
Thank you all for being there and letting me just keep trolling on about all this... so today is now officially "Microwaving Mum" day... lol
(Cheryl (Eclipse) - lets sort out meeting up! Cheryl (Pandora) yes, Salisbury on the way back for coffee and a catch up would be fantastic!! Text me and we'll get it arranged! Love you both. xxx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Lol that's ok. Have texted to ask where and when... Just let me know and mr and Hattie will be there xxxx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Very bad diet day yesterday,,, we went to st Austell and pizza hut !! Bad bad !! But oh sooooo scrummy! I had felt dreadful on journey there as head was splitting and felt like I was going to be sick, even to stop the car so I could swap places with her hubby and me sit in front! When we got to st Austell I thought I was going to keel over! So decision was made that I needed food. I had more salad than Gillian mckeith has ever seen and, bad food alert now .... Several slices of pizza.
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
...and... When we got back to the house I spent 3 hours baking! Made my very first coffee and walnut cake plus shortbread, a coconut loaf,and 2doz butterfly cakes. My way of thanking my wonderful friends for letting me come down and stay. K loves the coffee and walnut as it's her favourite! I'm glad as I hate coffee so am not in the least bit interested in trying it, lol. I ate one fairy cake and 3 shortbread bits ( not successful) lol and several biscuits during rest of day!! Told k that I must get back on diet so no more cheats! Lol
Had chat with sis too, dr has filled in a ds1500 for mums attendance allowance. Also , mum is dehydrated. Again!!! It infuriates me as she just doesnt seem to understand that she must drink!! Grrrrr!!! Shes been told if she doesn't drink more she'll end up in hospital!! FFS! She can do nothing about the rest of her health but she CAN control her fluid intake!!!!
Really frustrated about it as, I know, if I was there I would have a 2litre bottle of water and would ensure she damn well drank it through the day! If she ends up hospital because of this I will give her such a telling off!!!
Went to bed at about 9 as was shattered. Awake now - 4.30am but going back to sleep. Signal here is intermittent but hoping to see Cheryl today.. Hattie time I reckon- forecast not great but don't care . Lol
Had chat with sis too, dr has filled in a ds1500 for mums attendance allowance. Also , mum is dehydrated. Again!!! It infuriates me as she just doesnt seem to understand that she must drink!! Grrrrr!!! Shes been told if she doesn't drink more she'll end up in hospital!! FFS! She can do nothing about the rest of her health but she CAN control her fluid intake!!!!
Really frustrated about it as, I know, if I was there I would have a 2litre bottle of water and would ensure she damn well drank it through the day! If she ends up hospital because of this I will give her such a telling off!!!
Went to bed at about 9 as was shattered. Awake now - 4.30am but going back to sleep. Signal here is intermittent but hoping to see Cheryl today.. Hattie time I reckon- forecast not great but don't care . Lol
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Another lovely day- got soaking wet
But didn't care as got to see my lively friend Cheryl
Hopefully going for ride with a guy from the bike club to a couple if places where
Bikers meet up)
Mum not so good today as now on drugs and has had radiation too ..
Diet went great until half an hour ago when I succumbed to a slice of cake!! Grrrr
Still, new day tomorrow. And being out on Hattie will mean limited opportunities to "cheat"
Really need to get to grips with it again!!!
But didn't care as got to see my lively friend Cheryl
Hopefully going for ride with a guy from the bike club to a couple if places where
Bikers meet up
) Mum not so good today as now on drugs and has had radiation too ..
Diet went great until half an hour ago when I succumbed to a slice of cake!! Grrrr
Still, new day tomorrow. And being out on Hattie will mean limited opportunities to "cheat"
Really need to get to grips with it again!!!
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Incredible storm last night! Hope it heralds the end of this crappy weather! Looking at the sky now and i don't think it is ... Oh well. Mad dreams last night about mum and about sis, not good at all.
Shed some tears last night and younger daughter sent me text to ask me to listen to Heartlands "I loved her first" and, if she got married would I dance with her to it . How lovely is that!! Iwas so moved. Whenever my girls marry I'll be the one giving them away, making a speech ... Bless 'em. Will not be paying for it though, lololol
Right, time to get up and maybe have a bath as my friends sleep... Don't think Hattie will be going far today ...
Going to TRY to be 100% today... Lol
Shed some tears last night and younger daughter sent me text to ask me to listen to Heartlands "I loved her first" and, if she got married would I dance with her to it . How lovely is that!! Iwas so moved. Whenever my girls marry I'll be the one giving them away, making a speech ... Bless 'em. Will not be paying for it though, lololol
Right, time to get up and maybe have a bath as my friends sleep... Don't think Hattie will be going far today ...
Going to TRY to be 100% today... Lol
