Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

Can anyone take over bike club stuff for a while , just do it takes pressure off you for a bit ? You have so much on your plate if a little slack can be cut it might help a little xx
 
to be honest I love doing my bike club "shops" just won't go to the local meetings at the moment as the nasty piece of work there is such a cow... HWSNBN is taking the cake tins and will collect the others so I don't have to go... so, instead, I am going to get the accounts up to date tonight and get them sent off so that when I go to mum's tomorrow I can relax knowing all is taken care of..

have got all the orders done and sent out so that's taken care of.. and I had my weigh in - disaster - 4lbs on... no surprises as have eaten anything and everything in sight these last few days... including cakes and biscuits and chutneys... so... back on diet 100% today so far... and am determined to stick to it at mums this time too - otherwise I am wasting money I can ill afford...

am a total stress head though and spent most of the day crying or swearing into space... wrote snotty letter to Cunard... and emailed several newspapers but no specifics so mum's privacy not in danger...

Cunard asked me to email them after I put a comment on their facebook page... fingers crossed they might reconsider as a result...

Photos of the cake I baked - lemon madeira
 

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The cake looks lovely Jennie:D

I too, hope you get a more positive response from Cunard:sigh:

Sending you lots of hugs - remember to look after you my dear :hug99:

You are all in my prayers
 
well, having put a comment on the Cunard page on Facebook I have had a phone call and they are going to "look into it further" to see what they can do, but no promises made and "it won't be a full amount as there will have been administrative costs already incurred for the booking"... like I could give a stuff about their costs!! Still - clearly ruffled some feathers - will see just how many tomorrow afternoon!
 
what a rotten night! I got up ages ago as not slept properly... still, at least I am up to date with the bike club accounts now, and orders, and all the relevant paperwork..

Got all the cake tins except half a dozen, returned to their owners,... bins emptied,.. washing on.. dishwasher loaded ... dog fed.. car loaded up for mums... and list of "to do" ready for the day ahead...

I have been having horrific dreams... and such dreadful dreadful backache... wonder if it is psychological? damn well hurts if it is!? lol

diet-wise I am intending to be 100% this time at mums, although , having chatted with her last night it sounds like it's going to be tough!

She sounds so much cheerier now they have upped her morphine and she is pain free again... the steroids have kicked in too and her appetite is back.. plus, she has seen more of her friends this week and that's done her the world of good! Am hoping to take her out and about over the next few days - she needs to live life to the max now more than ever , and , I think she has realised it... wonder if now she will do a skydive? lol lol (kidding)... hope she is still in high spirits when I get there this afternoon.

Thanks for letting me sound off when such a stresshead... think I will leave the bike club local branch.. the nasty mare there makes it very stressful and I don't need it.. so.. will see how I feel next month.. and then maybe just walk away... and become an irregular visitor..

I look as tired as I feel - can't believe how rough I look! lol lol Hopefully I shall get to bed when mum does tonight and catch up on some sleep... especially now that I don't have to worry about work or club accounts etc as all pretty much done and dusted! Nice feeling.

Am going to re-write my own will this weekend and am going to change solicitor to one my sister knows nothing about - I still do not trust her but am not going to do anything at the moment about that.

I have also asked someone to fix the offending fence at the side of my garden (the one that caused so much trouble with neighbour)... plus sent legal letter to Asda... and am waiting to hear from Cunard this afternoon... so... busy times.. but hopefully lots of loose ends being tied up..

When I get home on Sunday I am going to start sorting out my study.. need to get my own house in order now!
 
Have a lovely weekend with your mum.... remember do packs when it is possible but if you want to have a meal with your mum... just do it!!! Give yourself permission if you are going to eat... take the guilt out of it!!!!

xxxxx
 
well, diet already out the window! lol not been here 2 hours and had "naughty" stuff!! blah!

Mum in great spirits now pain gone again (hurrah for morphine I say!).. and the steroids mean she has her appetite back again too.. so that's good...

Cunard have called and have promised a FULL refund! So - mum is REALLY thrilled about that! I did a victory jig in her bedroom, lol

So, all I need now is for Asda to stump up for mullering my flowers and fencing and all will (almost) be well with the world!!
 
Sod the diet!

Brilliant news regarding Cunard as well, and so they should!!

Does Asda have a Fb page? That might work with them too lol x

Have a great time with your mum x
 
What a terrible night! lol Asleep lovely and early - awake (first time) at 10.45pm... fell back to sleep pretty fast then weird weird dreams... involving turkey soup with dumplings, big party, lots of folks who I dunno but who, in the dream, were clearly great friends, dancing, singing, boats, messing about on water, eating., laughing.. mum was with me - still ill but more mobile and joined in all the fun.. until she slipped into the water and dropped like a stone and I hauled her out... after which she was ok (still dying though).. heard her talking to the friends whilst I got dried off and she was saying how she didn't want me to know how bad things are.. and I told her I knew before she did and not to worry about me.. and things would be fine... partied on...

Then awake again at around 2.30am til 5am... at around 4am mum got up to go to the loo and slipped so I dashed in and set her right... this is the 2nd time she has lost her balance in the night when going to the loo... seriously hope she is never left alone at night as it could be catastrophic... her right leg is getting weaker and weaker.. I guess the tumour is growing..

She was in good spirits but of course it broke our night (although mine was already in bits, lol)... and she fell back to sleep around 5am.. I, on the other hand went on a mission to raid the fridge... mega FAIL though as it's full of activia yogurt, bottled water, Dr Pepper Zero, butter (for sis), stork margarine, various chutneys, potatos, onions and food supplement drinks (aka gloop)..! Biscuit barrels duly scoured but decided have had enough of those as sis will make another comment if I scoff those! lol So.. Dr Pepper Zero in huge amounts duly consumed ... and back to bed feeling hungry, tired and disgruntled!

Finally fell back to sleep around 6.30am.. to then wake again when mum got up at 7.30 to go to the loo again.. lol Something tells me that when she has her afternoon "siesta" I shall be doing similarly in the living room! lol lol lol

Beautiful sunrise here this morning and feeling remarkably upbeat despite everything... mum in no pain is wonderful.. sis and I had a much more relaxed discussion yesterday when I got here... she is clearly more chilled out when mum is like this, and I totally understand that! It is easier to cope with a positive, painfree mum than a desperately ill, tired and crippled with pain mum!

She has clearly been discussing mums funeral with her and told me she is doing the eulogy, and I can do the readings.. that mum wants to be in her wedding dress.. and wear her ring as long as possible so I told her mum can keep her ring on forever and wants to.. so that was that!

She hasn't mentioned the extra bit of sorting out the mum and she were supposed to be doing but I had a look last night and I have found it.. it is just absolutely as I expected.. lol... all changes made are in favour of sis and HER children .. but that's ok.. I don't mind. At the end of the day, if that is how mum wants things then , so be it. I think its a tad biased but hey ho. That's how it's been all my life, why would I expect it to be any different now?!

I am still going to keep an eye on her finances though....
It's so good to see mum eating and drinking again and chatting and getting out.. she is going to her "red hat" club this morning - every month there are a group of WI ladies who all meet up for coffee and cake somewhere, and they all wear red hats... lol It’s to do with the poem about wearing purple when you grow old and, apparantly, is a worldwide thing.. and why not!!

So – she had a snooze and we set off….. parked wonderfully close, got the wheelchair out (am sure that’s why my back is giving me hell right now!) and took her to meet everyone – what a lovely bunch of ladies! ALL proudly sporting their red hats!

Once settled at the table, and drink provided, umbrella for shade too.. as blazing hot sunshine!. And I set off with my “list” of jobs… I was heading back to the car after completing half of them when mum asked me to take some photos of them all so I dashed back to the house and got my camera – I have taken some real beauties!

She was thrilled to bits and they had such a good turnout too! Best in months! (and possibly the last mum will get to, but you never know !)

So, off I shot to the local Budgens and tried to complete the next job on the list.. partly successful but what a miserable old fart was serving me!! He was dreadful! So rude about the area, the people, everything! I asked him why he worked there if he hated it so much? I advised him to take up another line of work as clearly this wasn’t his “gift!” lol… I asked him what his neighbours thought of his feelings about where he lives and he said they don’t like him.. I couldn’t help myself … “I can’t imagine why” says I… “although I can hazard a guess!” I am sure I heard chuckling in the queue behind me as he huffed and puffed his way through my shopping!

Next chap in line wished him a cheery “Good Morning” to which Grouch replied “What’s good about it?” so I turned back and told him… “The fact the sun is shining, you are able to stand here and do a job, you have your mobility, you have work, you have a home and breath in your body – THAT’s what’s good about it! So stop being so bloody miserable!” and I strode off…

Well…. I know, it was bad of me.. but SOMEONE had to say SOMETHING! If you are in a customer service, frontline position then you ought to at least pretend to be polite!!! Rude old git!

Told mum, and got her home… she’s worn out now so is back in bed… fan on.. and ready for a kip after her lunch…

EPIC Fail on diet front… ho hum… need to accept that I just ain’t gonna be good when here! End of! I have to TRY though… otherwise it’s a waste of money that I just can’t afford.. so… back on track tomorrow – honest injun! Told mum she has to encourage me too! Lol Bless her.. I just munch my way through her cupboards like a swarm of locusts… there’s a particularly tempting bag of rice crackers sitting in there calling to me right now.. but.. to be honest.. I am so stuffed from all the other stuff that I can’t face ‘em! Lol

Think I’ll try and snooze before mum gets up again at 4pm and her next visitors arrive… ladies from the British Legion… time for me to go out and complete the list methinks….
 
Afternoon, Jennie.

So pleased that your Mum is in no pain and is enjoying meeting her friends.

On the need for the loo in the night you could get a her a commode chair which could sit by her bed at night so she does not have to walk to the bathroom. It has been a boon for my Mum. Obviously you would not want to buy one but your can hire them from the Red Cross very cheaply. You just have to pay a couple of pounds for the bucket that fits in it. My brother did this when my Mum stayed with him. It would be so much easier for your Mum.

I can understand your feelings about needing food while at your Mums but dont know what the answer is, I'm afraid.

Pam xxx
 
Afternoon Jen! Isn't it interesting how our guages of a good day change when faced with something like this? Now so long as your mum is pain-free and able to eat then that is a positive and makes you feel stronger and happier. It just shows how strong we really are and adapt to what we need to as circumstances change. You are doing so well. I don't know what to say on the eating front really. On one hand I feel like saying stuff the diet but on the other if the over-eating is depressing you then you should endeavour to stick to it. Only what has most likely gone through your own mind I'm sure.x
 
Jennie, if a commode might be a good idea then contact Social Services. They provide them for free and they had one at my dad's within 2 hours. They can also help with things like putting a second banister up the stairs (which they did for mum) which helped her a lot.

On the will front, talk to a solicitor NOW. Changes to wills at this time can be challenged, especially if they have been done under duress!

Sending you ((( big hugs ))) and warm thoughts chica.
 
well, a MUCH better night last night - woke several times but that was ok as went back to sleep pretty quickly - apart from around 4am... mum in good spirits but wanted to shower and was saying how tiring it is for her.. so.. I suggested she sits and I wash!

We worked it all out and sussed it! She went in, sat facing the wall and washed her front whilst I washed her back.. I stood outside the shower wrapped in a towel, lol, and within less than 10 minutes it was a done deal and she didn't feel tired but instead, refreshed, and very happy! We have agreed that there is NOTHING we can't do as long as we take time to think out a solution carefully and then just do it! lol

I saw how big the tumour is , it is massive now... I could feel the heat from it too... no wonder she struggles to get comfortable with a lump like that on her back and side...

Still, we both felt a sense of achievement and she said she couldn't believe how quick it was and how little effort was needed! Hurrah!!

So - time for me to sit and find some photos and do some paperwork whilst mum snoozes for another hour or so... we've decided to have a dvd fest today as I brought my dvd player from home for her to use...

Now I just need to remember how to work it! lol Between us we will suss it out though!

The sun is shining, the washing is drying and the next load is in, kitchen is sparkling clean, as are both me and mum (I had a shower and washed my hair first thing after getting her breakfast).. sis is being really nice to me (am sure that's 'cos mum and we have begun to be more practical about things and with the pain under control you can sort of 'forget' what's going on.. if you know what I mean)... but we are also (sis and me) talking on better terms now and finding agreement pretty easy about what is to come.. and how we will manage things..

Mum and I had another lovely "moment" last night as I was moisturising her hands and legs... we are so very lucky to have this time... and I am glad of it, although I am sad of it too...

Sleep is a great leveller of thinking too... lol I intend to get some this afternoon when mum does... we have no plans at all but to chill out today.. no visitors scheduled, no lists to do , (although I will do some cleaning)., and food all taken care of as I roasted a chicken last night and have a salad prepared.. plus am going to make a lovely fresh fruit salad for mum this morning too... to aid the digestive tract as no sign of 'movement' yesterday which means a dose of yukky 'jollop' if nothing doing by this afternoon!

So... a calm, quiet, and clean household in sunny Buckinghamshire.. even the birds seem to sing more this morning... how nice is that...
 
Another lovely day today - very relaxed and chilled out. No visitors, no shopping, no appointments...

I set up the dvd player from home and, after breakfast and a snooze, we sat and watched Rango on the telly downstairs... I made her a light lunch of assorted cheeses and chutneys followed by some fresh fruit salad with grapes, melon, strawberries and plums. When mum went back up to bed I did a quick tidy up and then sat in the sunshine reading my book... I began to nod off so went indoors and fell asleep on the sofa for half an hour.. managed to quietly polish everywhere and sweep up downstairs before waking mum up... we sat together downstairs and I made a chicken dinner and we sat and ate together whilst watching Strictly Come Dancing...

I nipped out to the shed and lugged "Henry" upstairs and vacuumed before heading back downstairs with it...

Mum got a bit tetchy about me not sitting to watch telly (it was some cop show) and I pointed out that she was behaving like my late stepdad used to when he was watching something and she wouldn't sit and watch with him... we laughed and made a joke of it... but my point was made and she accepted that I would be 10 minutes then would sit again.

As soon as mum was settled in bed I quickly vacuumed downstairs, unloaded the dishwasher, swept up and then washed the floors... so... house is lovely and clean and tidy again - all washing is done and dried and away (except bedding which I will do in the morning).. and pots watered.. bins emptied...dishwasher emptied and reloaded.. freezer cleaned, fridge cleaned... every biscuit in the house devoured.. lol

Planning on a pampering session in the morning - have been moisturising mums hands every night with the cream I bought in Cornwall, and her hands are getting much nicer now.. tomorrow I'm giving her a manicure and pedicure.. and hopefully moisturising her legs too as her skin is getting very dry now..

There's not a lot of food around now, so I've made a list for sis when she arrives.. hopefully she won't be cross as mum said she (sis) should do the shopping... I would gladly do it but I'm just going to do what mum wants..

Her leg kind of gave way under her this afternoon but she recovered her balance...

She said this evening that she hated the fact that she sleeps so much .. it's the morphine, she knows that... and she was very sad when she said she knew she would be spending more and more time sleeping...

She is eating and drinking really well still and enjoyed the cream slice I gave her, and the chicken dinner and also the fruit salad... she's not in pain but is in increasing discomfort because of where the tumour is...

I wish I was going to the meeting with her Oncologist on Tuesday... wish I wasn't going home tomorrow too...

Ohh... some GREAT news! HWSNBN has got a job!!!!! He starts on October 10th! Hurrah!! Hurrah!! Hurrah!!!
 
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Morning Jen! Great update-what a lovely weekend you have spent together. Also wonderful news about the job. That will take some pressure off you both. I'm glad you have managed to enjoy the sunshine and top up your vitamin D!x
 
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