Another hurdle crossed.........Christmas without Mom.
Well, I made it. Christmas has come and gone, the first without my mother.
We kept it quiet and low key - me, my DH and my out-laws. It was peaceful, relaxing and I thouht a lot about mom throughout the day - but I felt good - I was not alone.
My sad brother caused us some stress at the last moment. He was in Florida, and just days from being out of money and homeless. We managed at the last minute to find a way to get cash transfered to him....and that was a huge relief. He spent the day going nowhere on a train. He is such a worry.
A few days before Christmas, I changed my mind and decided I would allow myself a few choices to nibble on on Christmas day and Boxing day. Hi protein, no carb stuff. I stayed on packs all day on xmas, then had a virtually carb free slice of low to no fat cake while they had xmas pudding.
Then Boxing day I had dinnner which was cold meats, and green salaed. And again, a peice of cake.
Boxing Day night, on my own, I went a little nuts with some truffles
- but by 7am the next morning I was back in full swing in abstinance. I stayed in ketosis, as never felt hunger or headache afterwards, and the scales today show a loss for the week - but cant count on the amount as I have never synched my scales with LLs scales. But happy with my decision, and it was no prob hopping right back to where I left off.
My darling husband has been an absolute legend these past few weeks. Out of the blue - after living 4 or 5 years with an unfinished bathroom (you will notice in all my photos unfinished tile/grout, plywood side to the tub, etc.) Well he had a few days off and he broke his back working at finishing the bathroom - he completed the tiling, tiled the floor, painted the ceiling, made an airing cupboard wiht a little counter below, big enough for a few candles - and that partition wall he made a big glass brick (4x3 bricks) window so you can see the candles when you are reclined in the tub. He is going to put low lights under the cupboard and a slow mo clolour changer....so you can have different shades of colour while you soak!!
For my CHirstmas present, he told me a few weeks ago he did not want to give me something that I would have forever, because it would always be associated wiht the "first" christmas. So h has lavished me with beautiful spa products - too many lovely bottles of lotions and potions to even begin to tell what all was there - they are gorgeous, and more posh then anything I would treat myself too.
They are from Rituals - I have never heard of them, but wow!!
He also included a beautiiful oil burner and some scents - and the softest, plushest, whitest cozy spa/hotel style egyptian cotton robe.
He knows how I struggle taking a hot bath now, after moms accident. It used to be my "happy place" - soaking and spalshing around in a nice warm bubble bath - could easily spend an hour there relaxing, even reading. We did not have a shower (thats next) so a bath was all I had. It was also one of the best things I could do when my arthritis and fibromyalgia flares up - it really helped ease the pain.
But since mom died, the moment I recline and feel hot water on my back I need to hurry up, scrub up, rinse and get out as fast as I can. Its been really hard.
So bless him, he has built me a little safe haven - a little spa in the midst of all the rubble of DIY projects. He tried so hard to get it 100% complete for xmas, and he came very close. I think that is the nicest gift he could have given me. Love and strength.
I had my first long bath Boxing Day night - Have not been able to since yet, but one step at a time.
I love him for that. I am so lucky to have found him, some 6500 miles away, coincidentilly on the same little peice of bandwith that I was, and <click> an instant message - and now 15 years later.....that was the one of the luckiest moments of my life.
I am open to the beginning of a new year - and I welcome any change that comes. My heart is more open now then it has been for years, because there is no longer any point in feeling the guilt I felt for the past 10 years, for being here so far from mom. That pressure is gone - and I miss her so - but I feel the freest I have ever felt. Now perhaps when I open my heart I will feel life.
I'm lucky to live the life I'm living.
Wishing all of you a Happy New Year.
xxx
