"But you don't need to lose weight..."

Discussion in 'General Weight Loss Discussion' started by Bonstar, 9 November 2009 Social URL.

  1. Bonstar

    Bonstar Member

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    I am new here and I'm REALLY sorry if this is discussed a lot, but I didn't do very well when I tried to search for it. :confused:

    I am having a lot of trouble with people who have found out I'm starting Slimming World and keep saying "You don't need to lose weight" or "But you're not fat".

    When I say to them that yes, I am overweight (I weigh 12st 7lbs and am 5'6") they say "BMI is a load of rubbish" and I know they're just doing it because they think it's what I want to hear but it REALLY isn't.

    I have to wear a size 16/18 in trousers/jeans and nobody actually believes me that I do. I think I must just choose flattering clothes. Everyone assumes I'm a size 12.

    In reality this sounds flattering and nice and everything, but I know (realistically) I am overweight, I look okay in clothes but without clothes is quite another matter and I can't wear skimpy/tight-fitting clothes. I think I must just have Gok Wan skills and dress well for my shape!

    What is the best thing to say to people who say I shouldn't try to lose weight? I've been unhappy with my weight since I was about 11 years old so surely that's reason enough? :confused: I would just like some support on this journey and would like my friends to share my successes with me but they'll probably freak out if I say I'm happy to have lost 1lb or something. :(

    Any advice?
     
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  3. Sundariel

    Sundariel Member

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    I get the same thing from my friends and family, but just be firm with them. Thank them for their kind words about saying you don't need to lose weight (as most of the time they do mean well) but that you are doing this for yourself. It shouldn't matter what other people think. It's your body and only you know truly what it needs. I'm around the same size as you too! I started a size 16/18 and after losing 9lbs I'm already down a dress size.
    I know that it's hard when you don't have a huge amount of support, but that is why we're here at Minimins.com! If you ever feel down, come here and you'll find allll the support you need!
    Once people see your amazing progress, they will start to understand and be far more supportive!

    Keep your chin up lovely! Good Luck with your weight loss! xx :D
     
  4. Starlight

    Starlight Gold Member

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    If you feel uncomfortable about your weight then by all means diet, but dont go purely on your BMI its not the best method. My brother is a firefighter, cycles to work. plays football, does lots of training at work and is in great shape. Hes in no way overweight yet his BMI says hes 'very overweight' absolute nonsense.

    Id try and play down how much I wanted to lose and say 'just a few lbs' or dont even tell them youre dieting unless you have to. They do mean well but it must be infuriating x
     
  5. Bonstar

    Bonstar Member

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    I am naturally of quite a slim build... I'm one of those people who looks bulgy and awkward with extra weight on me. Like it doesn't sit in the right places... it does with some people.

    My face, neck and shoulders are that of an average-slim person (which is why I don't mind portrait photos of me!) and I'm not busty, but all of my weight falls around my middle, my hips and my thighs.

    When you think I'm carrying 2st-3st of "overweight-ness" around my middle, my bum and my thighs, and the rest of me is slim, you can see what I mean... people look at my face and think "She's not an overweight person" but I disguise the rest of me quite well. When I'm in my underwear, it's like I'm wearing a rubber ring.

    I can understand why people say it but it's infuriating sometimes! I like the tip about saying "It's just a few pounds". I'm sure that if I do manage to get to my target weight, they'll notice the difference in the clothes I wear, etc. and will see that I look and feel better.

    Sorry for rambling! :eek:
     
  6. CrazyBrit

    CrazyBrit Silver Member

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    An awful lot of people also don't like others to lose weight because they see their own weight in your shape, and if you lose weight it shows that they can and should too ;)
     
  7. PurpleButterfly

    PurpleButterfly 16lb to go!

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    Haha I've had that from day one when I started losing weight this year. The nurse said that to me. I was over 16 stone at the time. I get it more now.

    To be honest just take it as a compliment that you dress well, and as them saying they accept you as you are. But carry on and do it anyway - if this is something you truly want for yourself, what others think shouldn't matter at all.

    Similar to this when you find the weight you're comfortable at, make sure it's the one that you are comfortable with not what any chart etc says. If you look at research, a lot of them say that BMI in the overweight range is actually one of the healthiest in terms of mortality rates & stuff.
     
  8. ohtobeslinky

    ohtobeslinky Silver Member

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    Oh I hate that - I have friends who say "but we love you as you are" or "but you're our Katy" - I wish they would turn round and go "keep going on the diet babe - it'll be brill when you're slimmer". Or even something harsher to kick me up the butt! I hold my weight quite well - yes I look overweight but I don't think my friends realise my true weight. They always say I dress well for my size - nice compliment - but if they knew they would be shocked.

    Keep going hun - it's for you and not them in the end! x
     
  9. vgstar44

    vgstar44 Full Member

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    Ahhhh...yes hun. Its rather annoying but try taking it as a compliment.

    Like you say its not them having to look at you in the mirror every morning as its such a personal thing to have niggles about.

    I actually didnt tell anyone i started losing weight as when i told them i was thinknig about it..they all told me i was fine ect and didnt need to.

    It feels so much better for people to be complimenting now saying how fab i look and feeling like a million dollars.

    I have never wanted to be skinny like i was as a teenager but i want to feel like im happy and not worried something wont fit.

    Keep your chin up and stay true to yourself....
     
  10. CrazyBrit

    CrazyBrit Silver Member

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    I think if people's reaction to you losing weight is "But you're our Katy", they evidently view you as "the fat one", and changing your size will alter their whole view of you.
     
  11. Spannerwanner

    Spannerwanner technologically ignorant

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    I would actually tell them that what they are saying isn't helping. They probably think they are being nice but would change what they say if they realised it wasn't what you wanted to hear.

    Since I hit around BMI 30 I've started to get people saying I don't need to lose any more and if you just look at my face I can see that is how it looks but I still have huge rolls of fat on my thighs, tummy and upper arms that must die!!
     
  12. Tiitanium

    Tiitanium Gold Member

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    i think its bad when we have to battle not with our selfs but we feel like we are doing something wrong by loosing weight and being around friends makes it hard..

    Just stick at it and know that your doing it for you , my best mate used to say "you wont suit being slim" but now im nearly ten stone lighter she says wow and when we look at pics she says thats when u had all ure chins (shes not being nasty and i dont take it that way lol)... she agrees i look and behave better now..

    so stick at it and if they ask just say , your doing it for you and also for health reasons :) xx
     
  13. ohtobeslinky

    ohtobeslinky Silver Member

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    CrazyBrit - would you believe it one friend did turn round and say "you know what Katy - you're my fat friend" - I can't tell you how much that hurt...
     
  14. Tiitanium

    Tiitanium Gold Member

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    thats not nice at all :(
     
  15. CrazyBrit

    CrazyBrit Silver Member

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    I can believe it. Was your response "That's awesome! 'Cause you're my c*** friend! BFFs?"
     
  16. Tiitanium

    Tiitanium Gold Member

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    lol i like it
     
  17. ohtobeslinky

    ohtobeslinky Silver Member

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    Heheheh I was just a little shocked. Same friend decided that I should only come on the last day of her birthday weekend as they will all be hiking in the hills and I "wouldn't be able to cope" apparently! I guess this should motivate me but it just makes me want to go Krispy Kreme! x
     
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  19. CrazyBrit

    CrazyBrit Silver Member

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    Aw, bless. Maybe she thinks she's being nice :D
     
  20. ohtobeslinky

    ohtobeslinky Silver Member

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    Hmm maybe - but I just want to kick her! *grin* x
     
  21. Icklemissmosh

    Icklemissmosh Full Member

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    One of my mates says this too if i mention trying to lose weight, i take it to mean they just cant picture me that way, maybe like a haircut that takes getting used to.
     
  22. *gold.emerald*

    *gold.emerald* dancing queen ;)

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    hun, you know you are doing this only for yourself, so it should not matter what your friends and family say- and as they are your friends and family, they will just like you the way you are- and when you loose the weight and gain more confindence and dress differently, they'll still like you, and i bet they'll be really proud of you
    have have lost quite a bit, and the other day, one of my friends whom I hadn't seen since I started loosing weight, said she did not not realize I had to loose that much, and she did pay me a lot of compliments back in the days, and I know she never lies...but she said she can now see a positive difference for example in the way I dress and I am more outgoing...
    I guess, first i thought, I wish somone had told me to get loosing, but I guess I am the only person who had to realize I had to loose weight and I'm not sure, if it would have done me any good, if my friends would have kept telling me to loose weight!
    Hun, you are on the right way and we are here!!!
     
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