sorcha
Likes to change diets...
Hopefully writing this down will help me get back on track. If you wanna read, please do...but it wont make sense. I needed to get it in writing
Due to financial commitments and OH moaning about LL ( money, waste of time,blah, blah), I sent my LL counseller an email saying I couldn't afford to do LL anymore. This was week 9 of total.
I felt so upset as I was so determined to lose weight this time and keep it off. I even cried about not having my food packs.
Anyway, I decided to follow Atkins for the rest of my weighloss journey and started eating food the next day. I hadn't been totally abstinent on LL...the odd pick of ham/cheese, so eating food was not that big a deal...or so I thought. That week was awful...I joined the Atkins forum on here as i thought I was going to put all the weight on again and felt so frightened. I just couldn't do it....I wanted to finish my journey with LL, so I emailed my counseller and asked if I could come back and returned the following week.
This caused alot of arguments between me and my OH. He hates the fact it costs £70 a week and as I don't have a regular wage at the moment ( I work on a self-employed basis for a local farmer and work is sporadic) he sees it as wasting money, ie it could go towards paying bills. I agree with him in a way, but this is the first time I have done anything for me. (We have 5 children together between the ages of 22 and 14, and its my time now. We had our family young and I have been with him since I was 14. Things have been extremely hard sometimes but like most couples you get through it.)
He doesn't like the fact I'm looking better and I am also becoming stronger. We are spending less and less time together now which I don't mind at all to be honest.
The thing is since I had my week off LL, I can't stop picking at food and gorging. Its driving me mad as I'm really pleased to be back on LL. What going on?? I can't figure out the thought records, I have tried writing down my feelings but stop when I feel something coming to the surface. I think its because i actually hate my OH sometimes and then the next minute feel guilty for hating him and try and go over the reasons we are still together...mainly habit I guess.
I want to lose another 2 1/2 stone to be at my target. The quickest way for me to do this is developers ( on week 13 atm ). But what about the money and arguments. Why am I frightened of telling him I'm going to continue with LL? Why do I lie to him and tell him what he wants to hear? ie.. i've only got 2 weeks left and then I will be finished. His answer to that is good. Why can't he understand how much this means to me?
Oh ffs I'm so bloody mixed up...and I can't stop picking at food. I am eating when I feel bad about lieing to him.
What has LL done to me?? I was a fat, sad, loser who used to drink everynight and gorge on food...and now all these feelings are coming up and i don't like it.
Due to financial commitments and OH moaning about LL ( money, waste of time,blah, blah), I sent my LL counseller an email saying I couldn't afford to do LL anymore. This was week 9 of total.
I felt so upset as I was so determined to lose weight this time and keep it off. I even cried about not having my food packs.
Anyway, I decided to follow Atkins for the rest of my weighloss journey and started eating food the next day. I hadn't been totally abstinent on LL...the odd pick of ham/cheese, so eating food was not that big a deal...or so I thought. That week was awful...I joined the Atkins forum on here as i thought I was going to put all the weight on again and felt so frightened. I just couldn't do it....I wanted to finish my journey with LL, so I emailed my counseller and asked if I could come back and returned the following week.
This caused alot of arguments between me and my OH. He hates the fact it costs £70 a week and as I don't have a regular wage at the moment ( I work on a self-employed basis for a local farmer and work is sporadic) he sees it as wasting money, ie it could go towards paying bills. I agree with him in a way, but this is the first time I have done anything for me. (We have 5 children together between the ages of 22 and 14, and its my time now. We had our family young and I have been with him since I was 14. Things have been extremely hard sometimes but like most couples you get through it.)
He doesn't like the fact I'm looking better and I am also becoming stronger. We are spending less and less time together now which I don't mind at all to be honest.
The thing is since I had my week off LL, I can't stop picking at food and gorging. Its driving me mad as I'm really pleased to be back on LL. What going on?? I can't figure out the thought records, I have tried writing down my feelings but stop when I feel something coming to the surface. I think its because i actually hate my OH sometimes and then the next minute feel guilty for hating him and try and go over the reasons we are still together...mainly habit I guess.
I want to lose another 2 1/2 stone to be at my target. The quickest way for me to do this is developers ( on week 13 atm ). But what about the money and arguments. Why am I frightened of telling him I'm going to continue with LL? Why do I lie to him and tell him what he wants to hear? ie.. i've only got 2 weeks left and then I will be finished. His answer to that is good. Why can't he understand how much this means to me?
Oh ffs I'm so bloody mixed up...and I can't stop picking at food. I am eating when I feel bad about lieing to him.
What has LL done to me?? I was a fat, sad, loser who used to drink everynight and gorge on food...and now all these feelings are coming up and i don't like it.