CD AND ME :O )

[Sarah Lou]

As the title suggests and after a long think I am doing this for the last time and in my last attempt I am aiming to change parts of my life. The parts I can change at least.

In the next few weeks my job will change and I am hoping (actually praying) that the stress will be less. I then have two years to re-train and to move on before we are hit with a massive pay cut. We are three years into a pay freeze, we have had our second restructure and whilst I am very grateful to have a job I find it hard to stomach that in two years I will be on less than when I started and I would of given them 14yrs service.. so I have alot to think about.

I have had a tough few years and I have talked this through with friends and basically my job is my life and I don't want it to be.

My energy levels can be quite low due to a permanent health condition so at weekends I don't do much apart from the house work and shopping :sigh: I've been single for a few years and I could not have children. I had a Birthday last week and I am still in my early 40's but I do't feel feminine or attractive.

I was walking to my car last week and my legs felt like lead and it was the first time I noticed my weight. ??? It was like walking in one of those old fashioned diver suits.. I just could not get my legs working. I have now tipped over into the next stone bracket and I am ashamed of how heavy I am. I know it's my fault I have put the food in my mouth but that's all I have at the moment to fill the void, to soothe my feelings and to do on my own.

I'm certainly not new to CD and I have not got passed a week before I have caved. I need to remember that I am currently hurting my body and I and it deserves to be looked after.. that sounds weird me saying that I did think I would not start again until I started my new role and work but by the time that happens I could do yet more damage!!

Well enough of me rambling, Day 1 is done

 

[Ela ine]

YAY! GOOD LUCK!

xx

 

[Worried-Chick (o_0)]

Good Luck Hunny !! Day one is done and dusted now and before you know it you will be done... keep up to date with your diary and the time will fly - i am going to be around on the site for a while i think, so we can support each other with this !! We can do this together x

 

[Worried-Chick (o_0)]

Hiya Hun, Just thoguht i would check in to see how you are doing today

 

[Lily]

Yay, new diary thread!

I started a new one last week - but I've already chosen to let it die cos it's still too negative. The idea was to put the past behind me and leave it where it should be - in the past - but it was still overwhelmingly moany-whingey.

Then Spangles (clever clever Spangles!) wrote something in reply that's stayed with me ever since, about working out what it means for me personally to stay the weight I am. And that set me off on a quest to find a new way at looking at all this.

The words 'Be Your Own Life Coach' popped into my head (yes, honestly - just like that). And when I Googled it, I found it was the name of a book by Fiona Harrold. Well, long story short, I downloaded the thing to my Kindle - and kapow! - I've read the first few chapters, done all the exercises so far and right now, feel the most positive I've felt in a very very long time.

She says that therapy can be really helpful - but having therapy tends to make people focus on looking backwards to find the root of a problem. Whereas life coaching is all about putting your life straight from this moment on. That whatever happened yesterday doesn't have to affect today or tomorrow. That you can choose, yes, choose how you're going to live your life from now on. Because even when crap things happen, there's usually a positive slant you can put on it - and that's what we should learn to do.

So. A brand new positive version of me has been born. And I've got to tell you, it's been a revelation!

Hope you've had another good day. We really can do this, you know. x x

 

[Sarah Lou]

Thanks girls for your posts x I will be here a good while as well.. but it will be more positive. So I'm coming to the end of my current job at work and there is still a lot to do before I change roles and I was ok until late afternoon, but I felt a tad edgy so that is one of my triggers for eating! Another danger time is a buffet and that's what i face tomorrow as i have a training day.

I am doing 810 this week and my cdc is joining me for a bit of moral support I'm doing 810 as I am going out for a belated Birthday meal on Saturday. I've made sure that where we are going does a healthy option. I will then step down to ss plus on Sunday. I have then got a clear 6 week before my weekend away. I have no idea how much I can loose in six weeks but anything is very welcome, I really don't want to get hooked on numbers.. (please remind me of that if i have a bad week)

 

[Sarah Lou]

Lily my friend as I was typing away you must of posted.. I have just had a look at the book on amazon.. one of the reviews mentions being stuck in a rut.. these were the words that were in my head last night as I started my new diary thread. I had a lovely chat with me cdc and I told her that I was amazed she had not banned me from seeing her. She is a lovely person and cd is her job and I believe her vocation. She has opened an actual cd shop which is great as she has exercise equipment and it feels a nice place to be.

She said that I help her??? and when I asked how the heck did I do that and she said I had guts and determination?? but whilst having these qualities I needed to use them for my own well being as I give a lot to others in my job. So it seems we have been having similiar thoughts and yes we are doing this.

 

[Worried-Chick (o_0)]

Hope you have had a good day hunny

 

[Sarah Lou]

Evening all ladies.. I am sooooooooooo tired tonight :4633: and it won't be long before I go to bed. Today was frustrating.. I have a ton of work to do and I had to have a day out of the office. It took me over an hour to drive there but I tootled along without hitting the major rush hour. So, no biscuits on arrival which I was happy about.. another one of my little temptations.. i really hoped the training would be good but we lerched from one thing to another and I could feel myself drifiting off. The guy forgot to let us have coffee so we took an early lunch.. guess what a clever girl I was??? yep no packs, suddenly I saw my kitchen work top in my mind and there they were

I had my water! so I was happy to see that they had raw veg crudities and fruit. So that's what I had.. before the round of applause my tea time hunger struck and I had that horrible sick shakey feeling.. I am going to keep a bar in the car from now on.. in case of emergencies. So I ate a naughty thing.

Now I am home I have had my normal packs and water. As i mentioned last night I am doing 810 this week as I am out for a meal Saturday night.. well I'm changing to sole source plus..

I don't have time to think and plan my meals in advance, I have to much going on at work. So I will pack my bag the night before so I don't forget them and on Saturday I will have my chicken and salad as planned. I txt my CDC and she was ok with me changing mid week, I just need to do what is right for me. Next stage??? sort the rest of my life out xx

 

[Worried-Chick (o_0)]

Sounds like ur doing gooood dnt worry about a couple of little blips I'm sure they happen to everyone from time to time( I bet I'll 'blip' soon !! ) and your right about txting your consultant, you do whatever is best for you take care and update us soon xx

 

[Yolande]

Yay for you and good luck!!

 

[Sarah Lou]

Its official some people give me the hump. i won't bore you all to death but I am cross... as cross as cross can be. Why is it that whatever you do be it loose weight or makes changes there are people in a line ready to ruin your day

I am also wondering whether lack of calories affects your mood? everything has bothered me today and after the nonsense earlier I sat at my desk and just wanted to be quite and that in our office is a rare thing. Hmmm not sure about things tonight so perhaps I might need to have a think.. I guess I go so far and then I get uptight and worry about things.. but since before Christmas life on the work front has been very up and down and I guess it's all part and parcel of my big change.. seeing my cdc tomorrow but as it will only be five day's I'm going to hold out for another week to be weighed.. sorry gals for the gloomy post

Hi girls I crossed posts with you both xx

 

[Worried-Chick (o_0)]

Hey lovely , I totally understand what ur saying tonight, everyone and everything has bugged me today, especially as my work colleagues are starting to notice I'm not eating and I'm starting to get lectures !! Even was told today I was being lazy and taking the easy way out !!! The cheek eh !! Vent on here hunny with people who understand ...xxx

 

[Sarah Lou]

Let me at them hunni... taking the easy way out good god.. it's the bl**dy hardest route!!! oh I ask you who do these people think they are!!! I sometimes think we can't do right from wrong..

if you are over weight its a crime and people think they can treat us like second class citizens, you then decide to take positive action and that's wrong.. if I was a little girl I would quite happily throw myself on the floor and have a tantrum

Right now I'm on one I will tell you about today i lost my job before Christmas, a job I have done for thirteen years.. so after a few days of shock I was then offerred a new position.. totally new and a bit scary so next week I will start it. Someone asked me about it and I was honest and said it was a development role.. she then said I hope you don't think I am rude.. but what is the actual point of you being here?? I was stunned and stupidly ended up almost apologising for my existence.. so I stupidly let it bother me as I am not always very confident and sort of slunked away.. it then just plays on my mind and it manifests into what I look like and my abilities.

I would never say that to anyone.. it just re-enforces how low my self esteem can be.. I wish I wish I could be stronger.. if it were any one else I would defend them to the hilt. Thanks for listening x

 

[Worried-Chick (o_0)]

Aw Hun I can 100% relate to what youv written, sometimes the smallest thing can chip away all day until it's all you can think about, j do it myself all the time... Try snd think positive, ignore the negativity and people trying to put you down, I bet you whoever said that to you won't have thought about it again !!! And that's not fair, that you feel do bad about it, be positive, look at all the good things, like you lost your job, but you are obviously so good, you have been given another straight away chin up love!! We'll show em all xx

 

[Sarah Lou]

Awww bless you, what a kind post x You are so right she is the type to not give a monkeys and there I am being all sad.. i went to another office yesterday and I had not been there for ages and everyone seemed really pleased to see me, even my old manager came hurtling down the stairs and gave me a hug and said oh come for coffee we need a catch up.

I think its bothered me as that is the second comment like that I have had now and I did discuss it just before it happened again with my manager and he sort of glossed over it and made excuses for the other person. I think what I am really hurt about is that someone else who I have stood up for, supported them and given them every encouragement over the last few weeks dismissed me as if I was being neurotic and that hurt like hell and it goes deep.. BUT what I am learning very quickly is yet again I am there for other people are down but when I need a little pick me up they don't give a stuff.

Thanks again and fingers xxx for a better day tomorrow x

 

[Worried-Chick (o_0)]

I'm the same... It sucks to be that girl, always listening to others problems, feeling like no1 else gives a crap.... Keep smiling ..... Because life is a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about <3

 

[Lily]

I'm kind of stunned, yet at the same time, not entirely surprised, that some people think it's okay to say the first thing that pops into their heads. How very rude.

The thing is, we live in a world where, if our employers couldn't see we were needed, we'd definitely be out on our ears. And yes, maybe no one can articulate exactly what it is you're going to be doing (I've been doing my job 18m now and I'm only just getting a bit more of an outline!) but it's clear you're needed, and what's more, someone's decided you're precisely the right person for the job. You wouldn't have that job otherwise - it's as simple as that. You've kind of been head-hunted, LOL.

I know (and I reckon your employers know too) that whatever you end up doing, you'll put your heart and soul into doing a great job. Some roles have to be created as you go along. Mine has. It was clear to everyone in my team that there was a 'gap', which somehow I've begun to plug. There's loads more to do but I've been working flat out for over a year now and find new stuff to work on every day. I bet it'll end up being the same for you.

It sounds to me like a touch of jealousy, you know. She can't see what's so special about you. Ha! We can. x x x

I'm so sorry that no one in your place of work can do that 'pick me up' role for you. But we're here for you, darling. :hug99:

 

[Sarah Lou]

Evening ladies not feeling great tonight so a quick post and a catch up on your diaries and that will be it for tonight, hope your all doing ok x

 

[Lozzypop]

Howcome you're not feeling great?

Like physically or emotionally?

xxxx