Chafing the dream!

Cheese Thief

Gold Member
Hi guys!

It's very unlikely, but you might remember me from about 4 years back. I had a very successful stint on SW where I lost 8.5 stone and I posted a diary along the way. I 'met' some lovely people on here so if you remember me, please pipe up!

Anyways, time for a quick introduction - I'm Bev, aged 32 from Sheffield. I recently qualified as a Diagnostic Radiographer and now I'm studying for a postgraduate diploma in mammography, while working full time in an NHS breast care unit. I absolutely love my job and for the first time in my life I don't dread going to work on a Monday! After being a full time student for the past 4 years it's been so lovely to have some cash again, and apart from buying a house with my hubby, most of my wage goes on my obsession with holidays. Oh and cocktails, eating out, and CHOCOLATE! :whistle:

Anyway, I was blown away last timewith my SW success, and although I never reached my ultimate target I achieved a body I was very happy with in just over a year and a half, in time for my wedding. Of course, there was no happy ending where I walked off all skinny into the sunset. Life happened, the weight gradually came back on as I progressed through uni (I'm a complete stress eater), Then in December 2016 my Mum was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic melanoma, and the bottom fell out of my world.

Over the next 6 months of scans, medication and seizures I was by her side, trying to be there for her as much as possible while writing my dissertation and scraping through the final year of my degree. Food was once again my comfort blanket and binge eating became a regular thing. Sadly in June last year my Mum died, it was such a shock as before last December she was fit as a fiddle and I couldn't even comprehend a world without her. How tragic and unpredictable life can be!

After Mum died I was a complete mess, but not quite as bad as my Dad. Within 5 months he'd remarried, sold the house and was gone to live across the country! As an only child it just added to the feelings of loneliness, and I was (and still am) worried sick that his new wife is just after him for the money (but lets save that story for another day!). Anyway, as a result of all this, and ultimately my actions and bad relationship with food, I'm almost back at square one. Thankfully I'm still around 2 stone lighter than I was back then, but I'm still morbidly obese and need to change.

Its only 9 months since Mum died, and I'm still very much going through the grieving process, but I feel like its the right time to make some changes. I want a challenge. I want to look forward to the future again, and more than anything I want my life back. We want to have kids in the next couple of years, but before we start trying for a baby I want to be a healthy weight. I also really want to run the London Marathon and raise some money for Melanoma UK. You just can't do that at 23 stone! At the minute I'm out of puff running up the stairs and if I was to tell anyone in 'real life' that was my goal they'd probably just laugh at me :( Not that that'll stop me though, it'll just make the achievement feel even better!


So here it is, my first diary entry, and the first time I've made a real commitment to re-joining Slimming World and getting my life on track again. I've found a group just down the road from me that I can join tomorrow night after work. It's daft but i'm nervous about going. I hate seeing that number on the scale and feel embarrassed. It'll be so much better the week after when i've got a nice loss to celebrate!

I'm quite a logical person, so it really helps me keeping a diary and having somewhere I can voice all my thoughts and concerns. The hardest thing about weight loss for me isn't choosing the right foods, its getting my mind to a place where I WANT to eat those foods. Realistically I know if I can manage a month on plan that i'll be so motivated by the results that it'll propel me forwards. I just need to get that first month under my belt!

So anyway, here's a list of my goals and a bit of a plan as to how I get there!

Ultimate Goals
- Run the London Marathon
- Get to a healthy weight for me - around 13 stone (I'm tall!)

Goals this week
- Join SW
- Lose at my first weigh in
- Join the leisure centre
- Go for a swim

Challenges this week
- Afternoon tea on Saturday - it's been booked for about a month, so I'm determined to just go and enjoy it with my friends
- Friday night - we have a friend coming over and I know she'll want to get a kebab with my hubby and have some drinks. I've got slimline tonic in so I can enjoy a few low sun gins and I'm going to nip to subway on my way home for a nice big salad while they nom on the kebab - now thats commitment!


Anyway sorry for bombarding you all with a wall of text. Well done if you got this far without nodding off! I need to go shopping after group tomorrow so i'm all set for starting on Friday. I'll keep you posted tomorrow with how it goes at group. Hopefully I'll find the time to browse some new diaries too!
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I'm so sorry for your loss and pain, but thrilled you have a job you love. I think I remember you, I was franalamadingdong back then though I think (I actually couldn't remember my screen name!). I've had similarities of illnesses and bereavements and regaining weight. Happy to be along side you on your path to weightloss 😊
Arghhh, so I totally chickened out of joining group tonight and instead of going I ate a McDonalds and drank gin! NOT a good start. But I won't let this stop me. Once I'm over that initial hurdle and a group member I KNOW I can do this. So the next group I can join is on Saturday morning, just before my afternoon tea - FFS! I'm determined to go there though and start on Sunday.

I promise I'll stop procrastinating and grow some balls now, I already feel like an idiot!

Fran - I think I remember you! Do you have a diary on here now?
You're not an idiot, just scared. Saturday sounds good for joining, I don't think the afternoon tea will have a big impact given it's on day one of your first week. Don't fret.

I have started a diary; "slimming down" - I was too lazy to think of anything amusing or inspiring!
Hi Bev,I remember you. I'm so sorry for what you have been through,I can't imagine.

You will get there,that first day is always the hardest but it will just click.

Keep your chin up lovely xx
Hi, and welcome back. I am sorry about your loss, losing a loved one is a pain no one can describe and consumes you, but while the pain never goes away we get better at dealing with it.

Take one day at a time with your grief and one day at a time with your weight loss, and remember to be kind to yourself.
Well a quick update - I'm a gym member, swim 5 times a week and have lost 9lbs so far! Long way to go but its a good start :)
Just read this and really feel for you and your loss. I too comfort from stress, and considering the irreversible life changing events of your mums death it's understandable you find it difficult with slimming, finding solace in food..been there too
Running the marathon in support of your mum would be an AWESOME achievement!!
Well a quick update - I'm a gym member, swim 5 times a week and have lost 9lbs so far! Long way to go but its a good start :)

Well done Bev on losing 9lbs and for the swimming 🏊‍♀️ 👏👏👏

I’m very sorry for the loss of your Mum (((HUGS))) I think getting fit and healthy and running the London Marathon is a lovely, positive way to honour your Mum.

You are off to a good start!
I'm so sorry to read about your loss.

Congratulations on the 9lb loss and the swimming - I've also hooked on the swimming bug x
CT you are back!!

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I've also lost my dad to cancer since we last "spoke".

I've had a baby (well a 3 year old now). I had gestational diabetes in pregnancy and gained a lot of weight but it taught me a lot and my husband and I have decided to follow a keto diet which we are just over a month into at the moment. I'd gained most of my weight back too over the years but I've lost 21lb so far.

Hope to see you back here again soon. Take care xx
I remember you! And I always enjoyed reading your entries 😊. You won’t remember me, as I’m more of a lurker than a poster 🙂. I did ask for your advice about freelance writing once, which you were very helpful about, however it’s only now that I’m actually trying to embark on being a freelancer. Anyway enough about me!

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I cannot imagine the pain and devastation of losing your Mum. I love your idea of running the London marathon and raising money for Melanoma U.K. - you can do it! 😀

Good luck in your weight loss journey. Hope to read more from you soon.