chi
Talk to me!
Hi all! I'm still quite new to this forum so I didn't notice this diary section before. I do go on rambling away about random stuff so I may bore you to death. Meanwhile please feel free to comment or let me know I'm going off on a tangent. I do think this is a good way to stop me from reaching for the biscuit tin though because that's exactly what I want to do right this minute. I'm really hungry and I've just had a really terrible, naughty chocolate binge and I feel tormented with guilt right now I don't know whether to confess my sins to my bf and bface. (I'll explain later).
Well, about me, I'm aiming to become a slender size 12. I'm currently a wobbley 16 which makes me stick out like a sore thumb in the office I work at which is full of thin, high-heeled, skinny jean and blazer wearing continental Europeans. I'm quite frumpy looking and not fashionable at all (e.g. I use a rucksack as opposed to a handbag when I come to work) even though I'm still young. I'm also shy and very self-conscious. I don't get invited to the after work drinks organised by the other young thin people. But they are cowbags anyway. My friends at work are older and have taken me under their wing but they are very thin too. One in particular is always on at me whenever I eat junk, telling me off. She's so blunt and foreign but she means well for my health. In her culture health is VERY important and fat people virtually non-existent. She's supportive of me going on a diet but when I tell her I'm not lighter since the day before she gives me evil stares. Like today, so today I hate her. So I call her bface (b!tchface). Its a love-hate friendship, like an annoying older sister. Another woman is tiny but always going on like she needs to lose weight (she is 9 stone) and is so fat. I shut her up when I gave her my stats though and she's the same height as me so couldn't use that card. There is another friend who is a little bit bigger but she doesn't agree to this ketogenic diet at all, she thinks its bad for my health so we don't talk about it much.
Well I've been on this Slim&Save diet 3 weeks today and so far I've managed to lose 16 pounds. That sounds quite good but most of this loss was in week 1 (11lbs). Week 2 I lost 3lbs then today I only lost 2lbs. I've had naughty little insy winsy bits here and there and its obviously my biggest enemy. I really struggle when people are sat in front of me eating a greasy deep pan pepperoni passion pizza in front of me.... It makes me want a bite, the smell is titillating and I'm salivating at the prospect of a tiny small bite so I think, what can a little teeny bite do? Well lots obviously, its c0ck blocking my weight loss!! I 100% blame my bf for that one. The other day we went to the cinema and he was sat next to me munching on a giant bag full of popcorn. I couldn't resist, I ate about 15 ickle pieces. With one swig of apple juice. It was 2 days ago and I'm still racked with guilt!!! And today, I felt so bad about my bad week I just binged on some shell shaped Belgian chocolate. I polished the box justifying it by saying if I eat them all now I won't be tempted later! What logic comes in to my mind when I'm craving chocolate? Absolute rubbish. OMG I feel so BAAAD!!!! I wish I could control this horrid emotional eating problem I so obviously have. I feel even worse after reading Katja's inspirational weight loss testimony on the S&S website today. How do I control myself please?
I quit smoking cold turkey nearly 2 years ago. After I quit every so often I would have a dream where I was having a ciggie and be totally ashamed of myself for giving in after doing so well but then I'd wake up and realise I was just having a nightmare.
Now I have a similar dream but this time I'm not smoking, I'm eating carbohydrates and feeling ashamed of myself then I wake up and realise it was just a nightmare. But I'm living my nightmare this week!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Well I just have to get on with it really and stop whingeing, I know... its just hard sometimes!
x
Well, about me, I'm aiming to become a slender size 12. I'm currently a wobbley 16 which makes me stick out like a sore thumb in the office I work at which is full of thin, high-heeled, skinny jean and blazer wearing continental Europeans. I'm quite frumpy looking and not fashionable at all (e.g. I use a rucksack as opposed to a handbag when I come to work) even though I'm still young. I'm also shy and very self-conscious. I don't get invited to the after work drinks organised by the other young thin people. But they are cowbags anyway. My friends at work are older and have taken me under their wing but they are very thin too. One in particular is always on at me whenever I eat junk, telling me off. She's so blunt and foreign but she means well for my health. In her culture health is VERY important and fat people virtually non-existent. She's supportive of me going on a diet but when I tell her I'm not lighter since the day before she gives me evil stares. Like today, so today I hate her. So I call her bface (b!tchface). Its a love-hate friendship, like an annoying older sister. Another woman is tiny but always going on like she needs to lose weight (she is 9 stone) and is so fat. I shut her up when I gave her my stats though and she's the same height as me so couldn't use that card. There is another friend who is a little bit bigger but she doesn't agree to this ketogenic diet at all, she thinks its bad for my health so we don't talk about it much.
Well I've been on this Slim&Save diet 3 weeks today and so far I've managed to lose 16 pounds. That sounds quite good but most of this loss was in week 1 (11lbs). Week 2 I lost 3lbs then today I only lost 2lbs. I've had naughty little insy winsy bits here and there and its obviously my biggest enemy. I really struggle when people are sat in front of me eating a greasy deep pan pepperoni passion pizza in front of me.... It makes me want a bite, the smell is titillating and I'm salivating at the prospect of a tiny small bite so I think, what can a little teeny bite do? Well lots obviously, its c0ck blocking my weight loss!! I 100% blame my bf for that one. The other day we went to the cinema and he was sat next to me munching on a giant bag full of popcorn. I couldn't resist, I ate about 15 ickle pieces. With one swig of apple juice. It was 2 days ago and I'm still racked with guilt!!! And today, I felt so bad about my bad week I just binged on some shell shaped Belgian chocolate. I polished the box justifying it by saying if I eat them all now I won't be tempted later! What logic comes in to my mind when I'm craving chocolate? Absolute rubbish. OMG I feel so BAAAD!!!! I wish I could control this horrid emotional eating problem I so obviously have. I feel even worse after reading Katja's inspirational weight loss testimony on the S&S website today. How do I control myself please?
I quit smoking cold turkey nearly 2 years ago. After I quit every so often I would have a dream where I was having a ciggie and be totally ashamed of myself for giving in after doing so well but then I'd wake up and realise I was just having a nightmare.
Now I have a similar dream but this time I'm not smoking, I'm eating carbohydrates and feeling ashamed of myself then I wake up and realise it was just a nightmare. But I'm living my nightmare this week!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Well I just have to get on with it really and stop whingeing, I know... its just hard sometimes!
x
