Choosing Food over Babies

[.Nicki.]

Ok so i'm hoping some of you will understand where i'm coming from with this.
I'm a terrible dieter, i tend to cheat when i'm sad/lonely/bored, I'm a fussy eater so i tend to get bored easily.
Anyway i'm newly married and hoping to start a family but at the moment my size makes that pretty impossible.
Well a few friends have made the comment that i'm choosing food over babies and its got me a little upset. I guess i can see where they are coming from but its not helpful. I've been like this with food for all my life and i'm struggling to turn it around. I can't eat veg it makes me gag, has done since i was force fed them as a child. I just don't no what to do, i'm desperate for a child, desperate to change and desperate to lose weight.

All my friends a skinny minis and a fair few have been or are pregnant. Just wondered if anyone was in a simlar situation or had been?

 

[sasha63]

lm sorry but what a nasty thing to say,lm not surprised you were upset
do you like fruit or salad stuff, you could try and incorporate these things into your diet just try and choose the healthier options to what your having now just a few pointers for you hun and good luck

 

[janiebaby]

Maybe they are trying to shock you into doing something . your friends .
Maybe they keep on hearing about your wish to have babies and want to help you , in a roundabout way ,
sometimes we need a harsh jolt to make us sit up and take action .

 

[Karen]

thats a really tough comment to say so flippantly. Them simplifying a very complicated and probably deep-rooted issue in such a casual way is a bit heartless i reckon. My reasons for turning to food were and are reactions or defenses i have carried since young childhood. i didnt even fully understand it myself until i had hypnotherapy and spent a lot of time coming to terms with a few things about myself.

you can just as easily say that i am depriving my children of a proper mum because my weight interferes with my relationship with them in a big way. my energy, my inability to be as active as i should be and them being teased by others. theres lots we dont do that we should do. however, simplifying it like that undermines things that are not easily tackled by me and things i need to work out with support and understanding.

Im not saying you have some deep psychological mess going on... im just saying eating is often triggered by something from our younger years and we often have no clue what it is. how can we fix something we arent aware of? your friends dont have a weight problem and cannot possibly understand what you are going through...

Well done to you for tackling your weight and working towards becoming a mum. those comments are daft and not thought out. if they say anything like that again, i'd tell them to bugger off!

xxx

 

[janiebaby]

Its a bit like if i carry on and put on weight , i wont have my op to make my back better and i need the op , which is why I'm on SW to lose the weight

 

[PinkToaster]

I haven't been where you are, but I have to say, that's such a nasty thing to say. Get new friends! They do not sound like supportive people.
The nice thing about Slimming World is that you don't HAVE to eat loads of veggies in order to lose weight. I'd say that the only veg I eat is carrots and peas and that's only when I can remember to chuck them in! I know Extra Easy does depend on a lot of fruit/veg to fill the 3rd of the plate, but don't forget there is also Green and Red to try, I do only Green days and I've lost 2 stones so it is possible.
The free foods are there for when you are hungry, try to fill up on them as much as you can, it might help you stop picking when the urge arises. Take up a new hobby or something that occupies your hands, I taught myself to play the guitar and it's amazing how time flies when your mind is absorbed in something else.

I am exactly like you in the sense that I eat when I'm bored/sad/lonely/having a bad day, and I'm a terribly picky eater (and a vegetarian) who gets bored with the same meals. Take it from me, it is possible, you CAN do it. We're here to support you.

 

[.Nicki.]

Karen did hypnotherapy help at all? I've always wanted to try it but its a bit expensive. I always wanted to by hypnatised in to liking veggies,lol.
Sasha i eat bananas and apples and cucumber but thats about it really.
I think i need to get more adventurous with the food i do eat.

 

[Karen]

it has completely changed my life. I had absolutely no confidence or self esteem and was quite depressed. I gave up smoking using a hypno book/CD and decided that if a book had worked on my 18 yr smoking habit, prehaps a real hynotherapist could help me with other things. I shopped around a lot and took my time. I found a lovely lady who charged £35 per session but there was no time limit on them. they usually lasted up to 3 hours and so was well worth it. Only saw her for a couple of months and not every week as money was tight for me too but it has transformed everything for me. i think i had about 5 sessions in all. she did some very harrowing stuff on some bigger issues and she did some lighter things as well... like getting rid of my fear of walking down steps (silly i know but was a real pain day to day lol)... she taught me to bring myself out of panics and even how to do it on other people to tackle their anxiety.

The first thing i did was enrol into college... something i never thought i could do. I have just finished the college course and am starting university in september as a mature student... i go out with my husband now and dont need to drink to feel comfortable on nights out... i am no longer a people pleaser and dont take anyones crap (i used to do everything for everyone with a smile on my face as i didnt feel worth more). My husband and sister think i am completely different and i do feel very different. Im much happier, much more focused and proud of who i am. very different to the old depressed me.

With all that said, it might not be right for you. it was for me but it took me years to find the thing that worked for me. I'd be happy to chat to you about it though.. you can always PM me.

in any event, dont take the comments to heart. even if they were trying to shock you in to action, it is a really crappy thing to say and they need a good slap!

xxxx

 

[MadameLaMinx]

CB,

I am sure your friends meant well with their comments but that doesnt make them any less hurtful or glib.

I had problems with secondary infertility when I was ttc DD1, after 2 years of nothing I went to the GP and was referred to the local fertility clinic. I was tested for all sorts, and did several cycles of Clomid with no effect (if you dont know, Clomid is a drug that stimulates ovulation) and they concluded that I "possibly" had PCOS and that it would be a good idea to lose some weight and then they could consider doing something called an ovarian section. At that point in my life, I weighed just over 21 stone.

When I walked out of the hospital, I was never more determined to lose the weight, even though I had never had a general anaesthetic before which terrified me. They wanted me to lose about 4 stone, but I didnt go back to the hospital until I had lost nearly 6, because I wanted to make sure I was up to coping with the anaesthetic.

They said that before they would go ahead with the ovarian section, they would try me again on Clomid for a further 3-6 cycles to see if the weight loss had made a difference. I didnt hold out much hope, but on the third cycle of treatment, I did in fact get caught with DD1.

I guess the point I was trying to make was, it took the threat of never being able to concieve to force me into losing weight. To this day, I am convinced that they didnt think I actually needed the ovarian section, but they said that in order to push me down the path of weight loss to see if it would aid my chances. At that point, I knew it was in my hands, and I could choose to either continue with my emotional eating, or refocus, and work on what I really wanted.

Your "friends" I suspect, are trying to be cruel to be kind. But you are already one step ahead of them, because you ARE trying to lose some weight, which is most likely why the barb stings so much.

My emotional eating recurred after the birth of DD2, which just goes to show that the issues behind my weight were not resolved at that point, I never got quite as big as I was before but I wasnt THAT far off when I started my journey this year. I know I have been remarkably lucky to keep (for the most part) focussed. This time I am not losing for such a specific purpose, but I am losing because I choose to, and because I do not want to incur health penalties further down the line, but also because I am coming up to my 10th wedding anniversary and I was such a fat bride that I feel so sad whenever I see a wedding photo, and I do not want to spend the next ten years destroying myself over and over again.

Just do not see your friends comments as a reason to push against them. As harshly as they were put, if you are overweight it CAN have an effect on your fertility and by removing that as a potential cause, it will allow any medical intervention to have its best effect, if you still need it.

(((hugs)))