Freshstartnewme!
Gold Member
Hi everyone,
Well I coming back with my tail between my legs- I gave weight watchers a go last week and I am not getting on with it very well at all. I haven't got time for all this weighing and things. Also the greedy pig I am, you can't eat half as much as on slimming world.
On slimming world I used to be able to take left overs to work for lunch, you can on ww, but usually my tea is the most high pointed thing and so then it makes my lunch high points too.
Maybe I haven't given it a chance.. maybe it's because my head isn't in it that I have not got on with it, but this week has been bad. Well the weekend anyway.
I have had a horrible week emotionally, feeling very down, almost empty. I spent Thursday on the verge of tears all day. I feel like needing to lose weight is ruling my life- ruling my head. I think about it all the time, I feel a failure- why can't I do it? Its what I want more than anything- it consumes my thoughts. But obviously I don't want it or I would just do it surely? I feel like part of me is telling me I don't deserve it and that is why I subconsciously sabotage myself.
I have an unhealthy relationship with food- I have been fat since I was about 13, half my life. I have spent half my life wishing I was someone else.
It's a viscous cycle though- the want to be slim rules my life- the inability to do it makes me very sad- being sad makes me eat as I rely on food to answer my problems. Cycle begins again.
Other aspects of my life are ok- I have a loving boyfriend, a steady job. I don't feel unhappy in these parts, just a bit empty. We moved away from our friends and family in March for my OH's work so we don;t have any friend here, not that we have a lot of friends anyway, but it can be a bit lonely.
I lay awake last night and thought maybe I would go and see a doctor and ask if they can help me. I think my problem/barrier is an emotional one. I want to do it so bad, but the need to sabotage my efforts are more. Its literally like having a devil on my shoulder pushing me off the wagon.
Maybe they could give me something to help me be more emotionally stable- then if my head is clearer I might be able to really give myself a chance and lose some weight. Is this possible do you think?
I worry a lot- I seem to pin everything on the fact that if I was slim my life would be better and I would be happy. What if this isn't true? I can't see why it wouldn't improve things. At the moment I don't want to leave the house because I feel hideous in everything. I feel embarrassed for my boyfriend having to be seen with me because he is so lovely, perfect in my eyes and I Can't understand why he would want to be with me, he could do so much better.
I've not talked to anyone about how I feel, OH is very supportive but I get so embarrassed talking about my weight with him. I think he might think I am mad if I told him all this. I think men find it hard to understand these feelings, and how important being slim can be to women.
Well done if you are still reading- I am not sure why I wrote all that down, maybe just feels more manageable writing it down.
Does anyone think it might be worth my speaking to the doctor? I don't want to waste their time, I don't want to come across pathetic,- do I just need to get a grip?
I just feel like maybe if someone could help me manage my head, then things will seem easier?
Claire x
Well I coming back with my tail between my legs- I gave weight watchers a go last week and I am not getting on with it very well at all. I haven't got time for all this weighing and things. Also the greedy pig I am, you can't eat half as much as on slimming world.
On slimming world I used to be able to take left overs to work for lunch, you can on ww, but usually my tea is the most high pointed thing and so then it makes my lunch high points too.
Maybe I haven't given it a chance.. maybe it's because my head isn't in it that I have not got on with it, but this week has been bad. Well the weekend anyway.
I have had a horrible week emotionally, feeling very down, almost empty. I spent Thursday on the verge of tears all day. I feel like needing to lose weight is ruling my life- ruling my head. I think about it all the time, I feel a failure- why can't I do it? Its what I want more than anything- it consumes my thoughts. But obviously I don't want it or I would just do it surely? I feel like part of me is telling me I don't deserve it and that is why I subconsciously sabotage myself.
I have an unhealthy relationship with food- I have been fat since I was about 13, half my life. I have spent half my life wishing I was someone else.
It's a viscous cycle though- the want to be slim rules my life- the inability to do it makes me very sad- being sad makes me eat as I rely on food to answer my problems. Cycle begins again.
Other aspects of my life are ok- I have a loving boyfriend, a steady job. I don't feel unhappy in these parts, just a bit empty. We moved away from our friends and family in March for my OH's work so we don;t have any friend here, not that we have a lot of friends anyway, but it can be a bit lonely.
I lay awake last night and thought maybe I would go and see a doctor and ask if they can help me. I think my problem/barrier is an emotional one. I want to do it so bad, but the need to sabotage my efforts are more. Its literally like having a devil on my shoulder pushing me off the wagon.
Maybe they could give me something to help me be more emotionally stable- then if my head is clearer I might be able to really give myself a chance and lose some weight. Is this possible do you think?
I worry a lot- I seem to pin everything on the fact that if I was slim my life would be better and I would be happy. What if this isn't true? I can't see why it wouldn't improve things. At the moment I don't want to leave the house because I feel hideous in everything. I feel embarrassed for my boyfriend having to be seen with me because he is so lovely, perfect in my eyes and I Can't understand why he would want to be with me, he could do so much better.
I've not talked to anyone about how I feel, OH is very supportive but I get so embarrassed talking about my weight with him. I think he might think I am mad if I told him all this. I think men find it hard to understand these feelings, and how important being slim can be to women.
Well done if you are still reading- I am not sure why I wrote all that down, maybe just feels more manageable writing it down.
Does anyone think it might be worth my speaking to the doctor? I don't want to waste their time, I don't want to come across pathetic,- do I just need to get a grip?
I just feel like maybe if someone could help me manage my head, then things will seem easier?
Claire x