Confessional time...

Discussion in 'Lipotrim Forum' started by Elle-Emm, 16 September 2009 Social URL.

  1. Elle-Emm

    Elle-Emm Gold Member

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    Well,

    I did always know that eating again would be the hard part but my GOD the past weekend something snapped in me, I felt weak, pathetic, in a bad mood - like nothing I normally feel.

    So, I had a lovely day out, I made a lovely roast dinner for my friend. And then I ate. Chicken, stuffing, one roast potato, a chocolate orange pot dessert, more chocolate. And since then I've had quite a few biscuits, some cereal and hot chocolate sachets.

    I know on Saturday I will have put on weight but I have hopefully stopped eating. NOw I am away frm home for a few days I should have less temptation in my path - and when I get back home the temptations have gone.

    It was quite scary, and having the food didn't make me feel better really -as I felt/feel guilty, like i've failed at the last hurdle. And i have - i managed 6 months of this, why did i sabotage myself?! So annoying.

    Anyway, bring on the whup-assing i deserve.

    But, what I guess I'm saying - to myself as much as anyone else here - is that LT isn't a quick fix, I knew that, and I hope I am more determined now to get on with my final few weeks (prob an additional 1 or 2 after my gobbling!).

    I don't want to concentrate on the negative feelings I've now got about this lapse/blip/cheat - that won't ultimately help. I need to focus on getting to goal and successfully refeeding. And i WILL do that! In a way it's a good warning, a reminder that the hard work is still to come.

    I'm even looking for positives in my binge - i didn't buy anything extra, i ate things that i already had, i threw some things away. OK, not very positive but i need to think of them!!

    Long post - sorry guys, just wanted to get this off my chest. I am not looking for or expecting sympathy - i guess i want a reminder why i'm doing this and that i actually can finish something i start (not my strongest personality aspect that!!)

    Got a really busy week but want to look through and get inspired by all your weight losses and posts when i get chance :) :)
     
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  3. IrishMum

    IrishMum A little of everything!

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    (((HUGS))) Not much I can say Elle-emm? I think the best plan is to recognise the 'trigger' for your eating, and why you ate what you did? You could've chose chicken and some veg, but went for the roastie and choc dessert? So the 'bold' foods are still a temptation for you?
    I'm not going to lecture, my journey is far from over too, and I'm no angel. Just try to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and re-find your motivation? Good luck!
     
  4. Elle-Emm

    Elle-Emm Gold Member

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    Because those foods are all just soooooooo much nicer than the only veg - a single carrot!! lol.

    I overmelted the choc for the dessert so just kept tasting it... and the stuffing was sitting there looking at me begging to be eaten. the roast potato i should have thrown away, or left for my friend to take home. i honestly don't know why. i wasn't hungry - so that old need to eat for the sake of tasting something 'nice' is still there.

    I won't be cooking again until refeed, that's just too much temptation.

    I guess too there's an element of "wow, i've lost over 8 stone now - how much can a few mouthfuls of food really hurt..."

    Thanks Irish. I think it's good to confront all these issues. I am wondering now too about trying some counselling about food issues. I had a wonderful counsellor earlier this year when i was going through depression and grief for my dad's death. That is nearly a year ago too, and i am wondering if the feelings that has stirred up have anythng to do with why i ate again after all this time. Hmmm.

    I tried justifying it to my friend and he was far too relaxed about it - i wanted a telling off, lol - but that's my job, as an adult, lol. I need to control myself - no one else can do it for me.
     
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  5. j-lo_00b

    j-lo_00b Success leads to success

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    Well done for stopping though elle-em you could have easily just have thrown in the towel but youve thought about what youve done and summoned the determination to get on track again. Youve done incredibly well to lose the amount you have and stuck to it 100% too. These things happen, its just recognising why. Your by no means a failure and are so close to goal now- so get back on track and keep being positive :D x
     
  6. Elle-Emm

    Elle-Emm Gold Member

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    Thank you Jodie :) being positive is so much a nicer feeling isn't it?! I will do that!

    Staying with my best friend tonight, seeing her, her husband and her little boy (my god son), need to get my mind off food after a lot of time spent in my house since friday. OK, so there's a new learning point - staying in my house on my own makes me eat, THat's something to remedy come refeed and maintenance - get out more ;)

    the positivity is flooding back just being here (minimins, not sat at desk working... lol)
     
  7. tafflass

    tafflass Silver Member

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    you're so close hun.
    just put that behind you.
    it happened and as you said you now realise the hard work is still ahead keeping it off and adjusting your eating.
    i think the councelling would be a great idea though x
     
  8. BetsyBotox

    BetsyBotox Silver Member

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    You know what's great about your post? You're a realist. You recognise that you've still got food issues. You succumbed to the food demons, yet you know deep down why you did it. You're controlling your emotions with food. You still haven't realised that food is a fuel not a comfort. You know it, and you admit it. That's half if the problem sorted already.

    Yes, if I was you I would go and see a counsellor. When my Mama died my life was in ruins. I seen no way out of my grief, and a counsellor was my saviour. Although saying that it takes years to properly grieve, and even now 16 years later I have rushes of grief when things are getting on top of me, and of course I thought food would soothe the pain away, when in fact it increases the pain. Over indulging makes you miserable and guilty. Horrible emotions, that can stay with us for days, so we overeat again to get rid of the horrible feelings. It's a vicious circle.

    You've lost 8 bloody stone in 6 months Elle Emm! That is inspiring and amazing! It is not an excuse to treat yourself to artery clogging food! It's a time to celebrate with fabulous clothes to show of your fantastic figure. You look absolutely stunning in your pictures. The difference is amazing. You're going to stay at that healthy, happy weight and banish those food demons forever. You're an intelligent, determined lady. Your will power and focus throughout your LT journey has been phenomenal! I think you know deep down what you have to do!
     
  9. xsarahloux

    xsarahloux ~~someday!~~

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    oh elle bless your heart! :hug99:

    the advice is good - just put it behind you and use it as a reminder for the future! when you are refeeding remember how you are feeling and hopefully it'll deter you from doing something similar.

    i would ordinarily give you an ass whoop but what will that do? you have been spectacular on lipotrim and all this has done is remind you that this will never be easy for people like us. we will always have a couple of days where we go off track - because...we're human!!

    well done for facing the problems and for thinking about it long and hard rather than just sweeping it away and carrying on with the destructive path.

    i still think you're fab elle, as does everyone else on here.

    good luck for carrying on! xxx
     
  10. Jeep

    Jeep Otherwise known as Jools

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    Elle-emm - we are only human. You should marvel at the achievements you have done so far. Don't beat yourself up too much over this blip - move on and be extra determined to get to goal - you will be there so very soon.
     
  11. Elle-Emm

    Elle-Emm Gold Member

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    top quote!! I mean, how much of a treat is it to shorten your life?! :sigh:
     
  12. BetsyBotox

    BetsyBotox Silver Member

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    Your new body is your temple. It needs to be worshiped and adored (by you firstly and anyone else who tickles your fancy) ;)

    You'll be grand Elle Emm. You're an amazing lady who has helped and supported so many people on this forum. I really respect people who admit that they're not perfect. We all have have blips but it takes someone really strong to recognise the flaws, admit them and work hard to sort them out. You're that strong person.
     
  13. jarym

    jarym Member

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    My dad always says there's no harm in enjoying good food. And he's absolutely right and even though I'm on LT I agree with him.

    If you enjoy good food and don't want to watch yourself too much then one option is to increase sport, physical activity (swimming?) or cardio at the gym. 30-40 mins cardio might burn a few hundred calories but your body will be using more energy in the food you eat rather than depositing it as fat.

    You've done really well on LT but with such little left to lose and the extremeness of the diet you may be better of considering normal food and lots of exercise. Anyway, just an alternative to think about :)
     
  14. Han_Han

    Han_Han ...

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    I think it's great that you posted this & really thought about the problems & looked at learning something from it :) Also, this may well be a good wake-up call, I think when we're on LT, it's all too easy to think that things will fall into place when we start eating & knowing that it won't, while not the most comforting, is probably a great help!

    You've done so well so far, I hope your last month or so goes well, best of luck!!

    Hannah
     
  15. summergurl

    summergurl ♥3 Years Maintaining♥

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    Well firstly as im the queen of whoop assing here you go :whoopass:

    Although i imagine that is not what you need as you know you shouldnt have done it etc etc.

    Elle you have done so fantastically well to fall now at the last hurdle so you know, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again (im sure they are lyrics to a song! :giggle:)

    You have just 13lbs to go - 4 more weeks ... you can do it :) Keep your chin up mrs :) xxxxx :hug99:
     
  16. IrishMum

    IrishMum A little of everything!

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    And she strikes again.... :p;):D
     
  17. Elle-Emm

    Elle-Emm Gold Member

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    lol - all ass-whupping appreciated!

    I'm definitely continuing with LT, never for a moment thought of giving up entirely (even with a gob full of viennese finger, ah sweet mistress biscuit....). I've got 13lb (well, i did on saturday morning) and if i can reach this goal and achieve it 100% then i will. I have been guilty too many times in my life of not fulfilling my potential and this time i'm damn well going to do it!!!

    ROOOAAAAARRRRRR! I'M A TIGER!
     
  18. summergurl

    summergurl ♥3 Years Maintaining♥

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    :giggle:

    good for you elle :) x
     
  19. TobeaSkinnyMe

    TobeaSkinnyMe Full Member

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    hi elle

    Sometimes it takes a relapse for you to become more determined.. and to realise it is important to keep going...

    You got back on the horse and admitted defeat......... i say you are winner here!! Well done for admitting and realising..

    best of luck!
     
  20. Determined Girl

    Determined Girl Here's hoping

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    Elle-

    I absolutely love your honesty. Thanks so much for telling us and 'fessing up'! To be honest I just still think you're doing so amazingly well. Yes you ate..but it wasn't exactly a huge binge or anything.

    I'm sure when you've been on it as long as you have and are so close to goal it most be SO hard to resist food. I think you just need to stay positive and proud of what you're doing.

    You're back on it now and that's all that matters.

    You'll always be my thinspiration hun!

    x
     
  21. BlackRose

    BlackRose Gold Member

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    Well Tiger, if you're looking for positives, your honesty is one. It can be daunting for ppl who struggle or cheat their way through lt to look at ppl who've never slipped and it can make them feel worse about themselves. On a previous attempt I was on here and had posted about a slip up only to find myself in the middle of a big debate about whether or not this diet is for me and others like me! The person in question (who at the time I thought smug and self righteous) is back with some gain and I hold no grudges whatsoever and feel quite sorry taht they're having to do it again as they'd done AMAZINGLY well. The lesson to be learned is, we're all human and it's easy for everyone to think after an 8 stone loss you'd be super woman, but you're not and you still have your demons and we're all gladly here to help you deal with them as you help us deal with ours.

    So as you've already dusted it off and are looking forward all I can say is take comfort in the knowledge that even in your blip times, you still give us hope!

    And you know, sometimes, 'the only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.' ;) :D
     
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