Confessions of an Indecisive Dieter

[rowanx2]

Whoohoo for the sisterly compliments Use it to keep going!

Youre not missing much in my diary, its weigh in tomorrow, I've got to lose 3lb by morning to have a 1lb loss! (just been weighed) I need to do better, I hate week 2 - i wish every week was like week one blah lol.
xxxx

 

[ilikepencils]

Lol imagine if every week was like week 1 *I wish* . Keep motivated and you'll do great - let me know how your weigh-in goes xx

Yesterday I had about 1800 cals. Chicken wrap, prawn mayo roll, fruit salad, weight watchers caramel crunch x2, rose wine, gammon steak ... eeeek! if I would have left out the puddings and gammon I would have done great! Oh well, I always increase my calories on a friday and saturday. Maybe I should add some extra exercise on those days to make up for it.

I'm not a happy bunny today. Me and OH had a huge falling out which resulted in me crying myself to sleep. He is so selfish sometimes. If he doesn't apologise today, I'm not sure where that leaves us because I'm not standing for someone (who apparently loves me) treating me that way. I've had enough **** in my life - he's not going to add to it

 

[Squeezyweezy]

Sorry about the fall out hun, I really hope you sort it all out because it's not nice to leave things hanging. Don't let it affect all your hard work.

 

[rowanx2]

Hope you and your oh make up Pencils - mind you i do find when I'm on a diet that I have more arguments, not saying your oh wasnt out of order, but I think we take things more to heart and fly off the handle more when we're denying ourselves? I fell out with my daughters dad yesterday and I think at the heart of it was I was hungry! - he just said one thing and it all blew up! I've been in a better mood today as it was my diet day off... I dunno, I think it's just worth analysing maybe? Hope it blows over for you two anyway ((hugs)) xxx
And I sts this week *thumbs down* xx

 

[ilikepencils]

Thanks both of you

Yeah maybe you're right - I'm usually a monster when I'm on a diet. We fell out when I had my 'day off' though. We've sorted it out now.

Yesterday was not good calorie wise. My oh said I should just eat whatever I want and not count one day a week. Hmm, kfc box meal! Pizza, wine I'm not doing that again. I'll up the calories on a friday by a couple hundred and no more than 1500 on a saturday. I need to stay in control. Days off result in a binge and guilt, always.

I feel really depressed today. My OH has gone to his parents for a week. I can't go back with him because of the cats. I've fallen out with my mum and sister, my 'friends' live miles away and I've been avoiding them for ages because of my weight gain. I feel completely alone and lost when he's not here. I can't stand being alone which is surprising considering I push everyone away.

I just want my life back, I'm sick of being a hermit. I wish I could go out and have fun! I miss it so much but I can't deal with people seeing me like this.

Falling out with my family is really getting me down, but I'm considering completely shutting them out of my life. They always put me last. I won't go into it on here but some pretty horrible things have happened over the years. I just want to start again and forget about it but they're constant reminders of what happened in my past.

Having another period isn't helping! I'm used to having one every 5 months not two in one month. I wonder if weight loss makes them more frequent?

Oh deary me, check out that rant

 

[ilikepencils]

Saturday

Lunch
Kfc box meal (1311)


Dinner
pizza (1145)
:cry:

Snacks
Rose wine (532)

Total:2988!
I'll be including saturday into my plan next week. I first thought I'd have an off diet day - never again :/

Sunday

Lunch
half size wholemeal bread x4, flora light, small banana (339)

Dinner
Roast chicken dinner (459)

Snacks
tea with milk, crackerbread x4, beetroot, carrot, flora light (200 - next time I'll have toast!)

Water
1 litre. I'll aim for 2 tomorrow.

Total:998

Exercise

Burned 279

​

 

[rowanx2]

Awww pencils you need a HUG!:grouphugg: I hope you find some peace in your life with the desicians you might make.
it's not easy cutting everyone out but sometimes it is a relief.
I know how you feel about not wanting people to see you at a certain weight, but I honestly think people wont mind or judge as much as you think,

you did really well today xxx

 

[ilikepencils]

Thanks hun. I'm seeing the weight loss as the first part of getting my life back on track. I used to be so happy! I need to get back there. You're probably right about people I know not judging me as much as I think, its hard to get past that mental-block at the time though. Thanks again xx

 

[ilikepencils]

I need to start exercising at least 5 days a week. Back when I went down to 133lbs I exercised almost every day and I think it really helped with making sure I had no saggy skin. I'm feeling more positive now - been looking at before and after pictures and looking into a new winter wardrobe. Clothes really motivate me! No more tent tops this winter =D

 

[ilikepencils]

This diary is going to get even more self indulgent now my OH is away for a week

I found this picture on the net. I love long ish coats that go in at the waist for winter, tights and dolly shoes, I could only wear the boots in that picture on a night out - not good with heels!

I'm thinking about getting a haircut. My hair is currently down to my waist and I'm so bored of it - not sure what to do though. I'd probably end up hating it and staying indoors more than I am currently lol.

 

[wizzardkel]

weigh in

ok everyone.... wait for it!!

i've lost 5lbs this week

so happy, its finally coming off !!!!

 

[ilikepencils]

I am so annoyed! The area I live in has loads of natural beauty - you'd think it would be a really lovely place but it is full of absolute idiots (most of them not from here) my mum was just walking back from work along the seafront and she's just told me she was passed by a group of lads in a car, who shouted "OI FATTY GO ON A DIET!!" how dare they? She's a lot smaller than me and probably has a bmi of just under 30. It makes me sick that people could be so cruel. I'd never once been insulted before moving here. My doctor was really rude to me (I started a thread about it on my old account) she basically said "You have a really pretty face, its just a shame about all of THAT!" (pointing at my body) inappropriate considering I went there for help with depression and other issues. I was with three other people walking along a road and someone said something to us, we then ignored them which resulted in them shouting "FATTY" everyone likes to comment on everyone around here. I HATE it and can't wait to move back to where I was, where people have more intelligence than to verbally bully innocent people in the street. One minute someone is shouting fatty and the next they're all coming onto you and being perverts. I've never known anything like it, which is crazy considering I've lived all over the place where I live is only about 20 miles away from where I was before so hopefully I can move back there soon.


This diary id turning into a huge never ending rant lately.

 

[ilikepencils]

ok everyone.... wait for it!!

i've lost 5lbs this week

so happy, its finally coming off !!!!

Well done wizzard, thats fab!! arty0011:

 

[ilikepencils]

Monday

Lunch
Same as always (339)

Dinner
jacket potato, beans, cheese (362)

Snacks
tea with milk, beans on toast, sugar free jelly (298)

Water
Bugger all

Total:999

Exercise

Burned 139 LOL

​

 

[missfortissimo]

Good luck with the calorie counting

 

[ilikepencils]

Thanks Molly

Tuesday

I'm back down to what I was before saturdays horrific disaster. Now lets push for 2-3 lbs by friday! Pleaaase yeah right! I've only had a snack so far so I wont fill in my food diary just yet.

Roll on friday! I can't wait to see my OH. I really miss him when he's gone. I think his family living a couple hundred miles away is a good thing. Absence makes the heart grow fonder as they say.

I've got two birthday meals out this month - OH and my sister. Hopefully they fall on a friday or saturday so I can have a glass of wine. I've decided I'll probably have steak and salad. No birthday cake!

The riots happening in London, Birmingham, Liverpool and Bristol are just crazy. I don't usually watch the news because it depresses me so much but it's hard to avoid what's going on right now. I know riots are apparently part of British history but it just does not seem normal. I should think the majority of the looters don't give a damn about the police shooting that guy, they're just scum who fancy a few freebies. They're not considering all the innocent people who have become homeless and unemployed because of this! It is all so upsetting Thank god I no longer live in a big city! I've not seen anything about it today, but surely it all should have been stopped by now :/

 

[missfortissimo]

OMG, I didn't even see your other post about your mum and your doctor!! :flamingmad: Ooooohhh people are so evil!!! And doctors, oh my, they are very knowledgeable medically aren't they, but some have absolutely no concept of being tactful!!! I know NOBODY who is motivated by somebody saying "Oh you're so fat," or "You're overweight," or "you need to go on a diet." And all the while you were there to get treatment for depression NOT helpful.

REALLY??? I'm overweight??? I had NO IDEA!! THANKS!!! :flamingmad:


(Sorry, stuff like that pisses me off!!! )


As for the riots being a part of British history... one of the points of being aware of yoru country's history is so that the bad stuff does not repeat itself. I'm so sorry about the havoc in your country. We are having racist mobs attacking white people over on my side of the world. I wish hate would go away.


You're doing really well on your diet, I hope that weight drops off for you. At this rate, it will sooner or later!

 

[Legomom]

Your doing well the stupid riots have spread out to where we live now too. (near birmingham) it's ridiculous!!

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[ilikepencils]

OMG, I didn't even see your other post about your mum and your doctor!! :flamingmad: Ooooohhh people are so evil!!! And doctors, oh my, they are very knowledgeable medically aren't they, but some have absolutely no concept of being tactful!!! I know NOBODY who is motivated by somebody saying "Oh you're so fat," or "You're overweight," or "you need to go on a diet." And all the while you were there to get treatment for depression NOT helpful.

REALLY??? I'm overweight??? I had NO IDEA!! THANKS!!! :flamingmad:


(Sorry, stuff like that pisses me off!!! )


As for the riots being a part of British history... one of the points of being aware of yoru country's history is so that the bad stuff does not repeat itself. I'm so sorry about the havoc in your country. We are having racist mobs attacking white people over on my side of the world. I wish hate would go away.


You're doing really well on your diet, I hope that weight drops off for you. At this rate, it will sooner or later!

Thanks Molly

I'm just as passionate about professionals not being tactful! I'm not sure if you can remember what I put in my first diary (since been edited out) but all those things I listed, that is why I went to see her. I was desperate for help and ended up coming out of there feeling worse than when I went in. I even had someone there with me, she said that in front of her . Maybe I should type out your response on the complaint form lol.

I am in so much shock over what has been happening in this country. 3 men have been killed for protecting their community in Birmingham. The video of the guy online who was attacked then helped up by people who later robbed him brought me to tears. He'd only been in the country for a month! I can't imagine what he must think of the English now There's an online site for him - I'll be donating later. He'll need loads of dentistry, poor guy!

Sorry to hear what is happening where you are. I wish people would just grow up and respect each other.

Your doing well the stupid riots have spread out to where we live now too. (near birmingham) it's ridiculous!!

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

Hope you're okay? I've been so worried because I have a lot of family members in Birmingham. My grandparents on my mums side don't really have anyone other than us, so I've been really worried about them.

What has happened to this country The army should have been called in. My cousins husband is a soldier and she said a lot the guys wish they could be in their own country helping out. Police cuts still going ahead? What a joke.

 

[ilikepencils]

Tuesday

Lunch
half size wholemeal toast x2, 1/4 beans, flora light (243)

Dinner
cheese and ham sub roll, prawn layered salad, fruit salad (767)

Snacks
none

Total:1010

Exercise

Burned 279


Wednesday

Lunch
None

Dinner
Baked potato, prawn, mayo salad, light cheese, egg white (596)

Snacks
Two teas with milk, 11 mikados! 3 half size toast with flora light (360)

Total:956

Exercise

Burned 139


​