Well as i sit here tonight i feel like i have taken the first small steps towards facing reality and issues that control my life.
I started this diary 2 weeks ago and over the past 12 days or so i have been having a hard time emotionally and have not been around.
In the past month i lost 24 pounds with sw and over the last 12 days i have gained most of that back infact 20lbs,so all the good work has just gone down the drain,i know some of it is water retention as i am suffering quite bad from that and been put on tabs from my doc.
I decided a couple of weeks ago to see a therapist for some talk therapy which i felt was a starting point for me, and encouraged me to see my doc a few days ago to be referred to a therapist.
Well out of the blue this afternoon i got a phone call from the therapist from my docs surgery and she asked me if i could come in to the surgery in 30 mins time as she had a cancellation,so i jumped at the chance.
She is a humanistic therapist and we spent an hour doing an assesment,i felt very comfortable with her and was able to open up to her about alot of issues concerning my childhood.
She has aggreed to set up weekly seessions for the next 10 weeks.
She asked me what do i expect out of thes ssessions and i told her i have no expectations just that i am on the bottom step of a ladder and that i can only go up but i am finding it hard and need some help.
I told her that i want to try cd again and i feel that my weight issues go back to my childhood and i feel i need to tackle the issue of emotional eating so i can try and sucseed at cd.
I feel depression is a stigma in our society and all these years i have not sought the help i need and today was my first step to helping myself emotionally which will lead to changing phyisically.
From tomorrow i am cutting out carbs for 2 days and on monday i will attempt ss again,TOTM has arrived today and am on antibiotics till monday,so that is why i will not try and ss tomorrow.
The thing is i have failed so many times,that i am scared to even say i am trying again,as deep down i dont believe in myself,and that is something i need to change !!!