Crazy life of Chilli

tipperary

Gold Member
S: 88.7kg C: 82.6kg G: 68kg BMI: 36.2 Loss: 6.1kg(6.9%)

AliGal

Eating Like A Bear plus!
S: 22st10.6lb C: 21st6.2lb G: 13st0lb BMI: 48.4 Loss: 1st4.4lb(5.78%)
Loving this energy. I'm restarting Flylady's routines - so will be detail cleaning the bathroom. It makes me laugh that americans have so much stuff they have lots of unused things in their bathroom to chuck out. Those decluttering videos amaze me too. So many clothes, shoes and chldren's toys.

It also makes me realise I have done Flylady before and have also been skint the last year - as no ancient bottles of stuff in my bathroom cupboard.

The bathroom is small - a shower, basin and sink so it will take a couple of sessions and it'll be glowing. I hope to get round at last to sowing some seeds too....
 

ChilliQueen

Full Member
Wanders in to the minimins confessional... but not for the usual thing.

Despite all I have only eaten soup, a keto naan and a piece of dark chocolate so I haven't fallen off the food wagon.

It's the flying high on optimism wagon that I've fallen off. Well in fairness I think it's more my wagon broke an axle. I still have my wagon and I'm still on it, but I'll take a minute or two to fix that **** back up before I can keep going again.

I post this to offer clarity to anyone who reads and is inspired by my energy so that they know that we all fall sometimes, we can all go from high to low in an instant. The secret is to be kind and to get back up. Do it slowly if you must, cry a river if you must, but do it whilst getting back up on your feet. Never give up.

The world has not all gone wrong - everything good I have is still in it. My optimism will return and will bounce back. I've just had a really emotive day.

Over the years dealing with an ADHD child has been a challenge, learning that I am also probably ADHD and understanding the condition has been life changing. I've learned to let a lot go. But sometimes ... sometimes a wound is deeper and harder to let go.

The story is too long and too complicated and also not all mine to share, so I can't explain it all here, and it will seem very conspiratorial to try to explain it in short but for the purposes of here it's all I can do.

My daughter has said some hurtful things today and placed a burden on my shoulders that isn't mine to bear, feelings of guilt that are unjustified for me to feel and a finger of blame that absolutely needs to be pointed elsewhere. There are very few people that can affect me in this way.

She is only 16, her words came from a place of her own hurt - I know this. She doesn't really mean them - I HOPE this.

Life can be hard, what else can I say?

I'm going to make a cuppa and watch a movie. I will not comfort eat. I can choose to win that battle today, if I lose all others. It is kind to myself to remind myself that I do not deserve the words, I am content 100% that I do not deserve the blame. It is kind to attend to my wound by spending time alone, by not making myself do anything else, and today I am choosing to be kind by also not allowing my own emotional eating demons out to play.

Tomorrow is another day.
 

Susie58

Gold Member
S: 16st1.4lb C: 15st0.2lb G: 10st7lb Loss: 1st1.2lb(6.74%)
Being a mother can break your heart sometimes & words cut to the bone don't they. . Enjoy your cuppa & film & tomorrow things will hopefully have settled & been resolved a bit.

My daughter is in her 30's & was only recently given an ADHD diagnosis. She says she feels like a whole new world has opened up for her now.
 

AliGal

Eating Like A Bear plus!
S: 22st10.6lb C: 21st6.2lb G: 13st0lb BMI: 48.4 Loss: 1st4.4lb(5.78%)
And handling the rough stuff is part of life. So good to hear you have handled it well, Queen.
 

ladyfelsham

Clean green leafy machine
S: 356lb C: 314lb G: 140lb BMI: 55.6 Loss: 42lb(11.8%)
Awww darling kids can be so utterly challenging, and they know exactly the buttons to press for max hurt - but you've got this, you know it's not meant intentionally - but yes it can leave you feeling bruised. Big, big hugs!

Absolutely love the "my wagon broke an axle" - I feel like I stagger from one crisis to another these days!
 

ChilliQueen

Full Member
Morning guys, thanks for the support xx

We're still in a fallen out state as she can't see she did anything wrong.

I had some good support from my 2 closest friends and my brother last night in a group chat. I am very fortunate to have them.

In other news there is a possibility I could get a secured loan, basically a 2nd mortgage but it would settle every last penny of debt I have with a much lower monthly commitment, and I would be free to over pay to gradually remove it from my life. However I tried this last year and got nowhere so we will see... it would make life a LOT easier right now.

Yesterdays food became a bit snacky but still nothing awful. I had my soup with low carb naan, then a bit later I had the last of my low carb snickerdoodle biscuits. Then I forgot to have dinner but was hungry in the evening so I had some nuts and a yoghurt. at about 2030 as didn't want to go to bed hungry last night.

On a good point though I was in an emotional state, when we first came home my emotional eating demons were out, but I told them no, and they actually went away. I spent the whole day in that state but forgot to have dinner?

Scales this morning show me down 0.5 woohoo. I hope I can lose another 0.5 at least as then I'll be able to check off another 5lb. Mine is so slow but I know I need to keep going. after all if I'd done nothing 8 weeks ago I'd still be 9.5lbs heavier. Although at this rate it'll take me another 10 weeks to lose half a stone but that's still better than doing nothing, or putting it back on. This is a constant conversation I have with myself.

Comparison is truly the thief of joy, we MUST not compare each others journeys to our own.

I'm happy I'm progressing.
 

ladybird777

Silver Member
S: 15st2lb C: 13st9lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 32.8 Loss: 1st7lb(9.91%)
I cried when I read you post ChillieQueen cos I know how it feels. Mine grew up and broke my heart. 3 of my daughters have. They ripped me to bits, to the point I spent evenings crying in the dark in the garden, prior to me splitting with ex and have never spoken to me since. All 3 have ADHD and one is autistic too. I never got why they were so angry cos they didn't want me and ex to stay together but they blamed me for everything. It was my fault he drank, my fault I was such a pushover, my fault I couldn't make it stop. Everything was my fault. Some of it obviously was but it was so unfair. My other 4 are mystified by their attitudes.

Well done on the weight loss and (((massive hugs)))
 

ChilliQueen

Full Member
I'm sorry I brought up those memories in you @ladybird777 life and people can be so cruel at times.

Daughter is wandering around pretending everything is fine and has no intention of apologising as she thinks she's done nothing. At some point I'll need to let it go but I haven't yet. She's staying out most of the time.

Scales tell me I've lost another 0.5 today so that's 1lb down on friday. I'm hoping it sticks as that will be 10 down and on to the next 5lb chunk. Progress is slow but from the outset I was prepared for that and have to keep talking to myself about it lol.

10lbs is a lot of fat.

Yesterdays food was salt and vinegar chick peas ( a recipe I found years ago) you boil chick peas in vinegar, let them sit a while, drain them, then toss them in olive oil and salt and bake. I had a bunch of those, some dark choc, a keto naan pizza, and I made some 'chocolate mousse - recipe on the diet doc. You basically whip cream adding cocoa powder, vanilla essence and sweetner. It's yummy and amazingly filling I only ate a tiny amount. The rest is in the fridge, I'll eat some today and then freeze the rest and see if it goes remotely like ice cream! That would be amazing if it does. I was also very naughty... I visited a friend. We sat in her shed outside whilst our dogs played and I ate a small crunchie. Not a perfect food day, but I am pleased that I don't 'go off the rails' I've never just given up and eaten crap for a whole day since I started this, I guess one day it may happen but for now it has not.

Today for food, no idea other than a bit more of that mousse. I have bacon that needs used up so might make something with that, even if it ends up bacon, egg and tomato.

My curtain rail has arrived so I might put that up today, I'm still waiting for the hooks tho, so the curtains will have to wait. I have a hole to fix in a blanket for a friend so need to find my needles in my crazy disorganised craft room.

Then tonight all being well - My friend will turn up with 2 lovely chests of drawers for my craft room, and we'll nip to pick up a sofa from a friend of daughters.

I need to print and scan stuff to send to the mortgage company as well. It will change our lives here if they loan us that cash. At the moment I really only scrape by most of the time, anything big like a car repair or whatever I always have to add to my credit card debt, if they give me this mortgage we will be comfortable and I will be able to save a bit, and overpay the mortgage regularly. It's a lot to wish for, but perhaps...
 

ladyfelsham

Clean green leafy machine
S: 356lb C: 314lb G: 140lb BMI: 55.6 Loss: 42lb(11.8%)
All fingers and toes crossed for the consolidated loan being approved, when will you know?

And fab news on the C of D's so you can really get your craft room sorted. I've just moved a few things around this morning to make my 'kitchen in the parlour' thing work better, and feel a lot happier about it :).

You have some great friends hun, they are absolutely there for you, especially right now when your daughter is being such a mare. Best just to ignore her for now, I think? Anyway, big hugs, you're making great steps forward in improving day to day life x

@ladybird777 sweetheart I don't have any words, so here's a big hug for you ((((xxx)))) and really hope your three girls come to their senses, and soon! xx
 

AliGal

Eating Like A Bear plus!
S: 22st10.6lb C: 21st6.2lb G: 13st0lb BMI: 48.4 Loss: 1st4.4lb(5.78%)
Fingers & toes crossed here for you too.
 

ChilliQueen

Full Member
Thanks @ladyfelsham and @AliGal

I'm not sure how long the loan will take to find out or complete. I sent a bunch of stuff yesterday and they've asked for some more stuff so I'll need to see about those things today. We will see what happens but I've nothing to lose by trying to see other than the time I've spent (AGES!)

The furniture removals never happened, my friend was very apologetic but had been let down himself over getting his vehicle MOT'd, so it's going to be next week now, but none of us mind and the friend of daughters with the sofa is fine about it as well. I did consider going and tying it to the top of my trailer tent but... my daughter was mortified I would consider such a thing and as we're still not really talking I let it go. A week makes little difference.

I do have some wonderful friends (and family) I'm very lucky, and many of them have been around for highs and lows of my life for a very long time. The owner of the drawers has been in my life for 26 years, the person doing the driving 15 years. I have some equally important people who've been around less time too. I really am fortunate.

Food yesterday was as expected, choccy mousse (some in freezer we'll see how that works out) egg, bacon, tomato plus cauli hash browns. Some nuts too.

This morning the scales tell me I'm another 0.5 down so thats 1.5 since Friday. Staying hopeful. Last day of my 8 weeks although I'm not expecting to make a big change to how I'm living. Having said that, you'll have already seen how often I change my mind haha.

My curtain hooks arrived so I have the lovely re-purposed and dyed grey curtains up over the back door and they look great, now it will be easy to cosy the place up when it's colder and dark, and also we can open and close one or the other as the sun moves around the back to stop the sunlight being blinding.

My dog has eaten a roll of sellotape :rolleyes: She's adorable but a hooligan.

Not sure what I'm up to today really but it's a lovely day, I'll at least catch up with my laundry lol. I might change my bedding. Ah the strain of living the high life... Back to work for 6 nights tomorrow tho.
 

ChilliQueen

Full Member
I've just remembered what the numbers mean too... I'm under 13stones! 182 is 13 st and I'm at 180.5 this morning.

I'm only counting recent known loss from 191, but it is likely I was an lb or two higher with the wonky scales incident.

As I am motivated by numbers I am enjoying that I am now 12st something as opposed to 13st something, and whilst doing so I am remembering that several times over the years I have hit my highest known weight at 14st 4. I know for many on here that won't seem much but I am only 5ft tall. Collectively I am 19.5 less than that peak at the moment.

I have a random urge to draw a graph.

I'm such a geek.
 

AliGal

Eating Like A Bear plus!
S: 22st10.6lb C: 21st6.2lb G: 13st0lb BMI: 48.4 Loss: 1st4.4lb(5.78%)
Well down both on the scales results!
 

ladyfelsham

Clean green leafy machine
S: 356lb C: 314lb G: 140lb BMI: 55.6 Loss: 42lb(11.8%)
Draw that graph! :D. I'm a list person, and I also like diagrams without the benefit of perspective lol (eg my kitchen plans).

Great news on being in the 12s, that's a really fabulous achievement. Hilarious about your dog, the friend I visited today has a dog who always makes a beeline for my crotch as a hello!
 

ChilliQueen

Full Member
I made a spreadsheet 🤣

With actual weight logged since I started this, and projections based on different average losses. From 0.5 per week to 1.75

What can I say I was procrastinating.

I watched the first episode of sewing bee which I forgot started last night, quite good too.

Food has been some nuts, cheese and tomato omelette, fish with mixed root fries.
 

ChilliQueen

Full Member
ahem. to reveal my complete geekyness (now I'm all chilled as spent ages in the bath)

if I lose 0.5lb's per week for ages I will eventually hit my target at the end of July... 2023, that's 23!!!

if I lose 0.75lb's per week I will eventually hit target in November 2022

1lb a week gets me there May 22

1.25 lb a week... feb 22

1.5.... dec 21 (wouldn't that be awesome? a little unrealistic for me tho sadly)

1.75 nov 21 and finally 2lbs per week would see me at target in October.

going on the journey so far even 1lb per week is a bit optimistic but you never can tell what might happen next. I think the reality is sometime in 2022. The thing is even just going on 1lb per week I should hit 12 st in July, 11st (and officially be overweight and not obese) in October and 10 stone by feb. Then I'd be on the last stone... but I know I feel good by that weight anyway. I feel quite good anything under 11st actually. So plenty to look forward to.

I'll stop being such a geek now and go to bed!
 

ladyfelsham

Clean green leafy machine
S: 356lb C: 314lb G: 140lb BMI: 55.6 Loss: 42lb(11.8%)
I love these figures - I'm always working and reworking household money - "If I do this then i can do that..." etc.

And I don't think 1.5lbs a week is unrealistic, and a good goal to keep in your mind - but allow for the human elements where sometimes not everything goes to plan - or the flipside of the coin, when you have big, unexpected losses :D.
 

tipperary

Gold Member
S: 88.7kg C: 82.6kg G: 68kg BMI: 36.2 Loss: 6.1kg(6.9%)
I like graphs too. Im a visual person. And if you made a spreadsheet doesn't one click just convert it to a graph.? 😉Yep, i enjoyed Sewing Bee too. I thought they all did terrible in the t shirt challenge and that actually made mr enjoy it more.
 




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