DarceyRose' Shame Not Included Calorie Counting Diary

Well here i am...again....4 stones heavier than when i first opened a diary here on mini's. The diary which i didn't even reply once too.
Oh dear....i'd like to say that i happily gave up dieting and accepted myself and all the weight gain. I wish that were true.
I didn't. I tried diet after diet and gave up after a few days, exercise programs, meal replacements, sugar elimination, counting carbs, i just could not stick to anything. I tried intuitive eating and body positivity as a way of embracing what is. I didn't and still don't hate myself, but i hate the way i feel being this overweight.
I could go on and on, but i need to accept responsibility that this problem will not just go away and i need to deal with it in the best way i know how. I want and deserve a healthy body and mind. So i will do my best to get there....one day at a time....no hard and fast rules....just stick to a calorie budget and keep ploughing on.

I don't want to eliminate any foods (been there, done that, hello rebound weight gain)
I want to eat foods i enjoy, move my body a bit and see where it goes.
This flies in the face of having a structured eating and exercise plan but i will rebel against anything if i don't enjoy doing it.

So this leads me to calorie counting on my terms. I am setting myself a calories goal of around 1,200. Yes i know its low....that may change in time but for now, it suits me.
Oh and no shame. When has shame ever worked for me? Never. I will not shame myself or hate myself for where i am. I have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful children who adore me no matter what, but i need to now work on myself.....so here goes...

Breakfast: I'm not a breakfast eater so i use milk for coffees which keeps ok until lunch 126 Calories
Lunch: One slice of toast with pate and redcurrant jelly (its a thing of mine :)) 281 Calories

I will record dinner and snack later on tonight. Now i know this doesn't look a lot at the moment, but my problem has never been big meals. I am a terrible grazer, I can easily put away 3 or 4 packets of crisps, half a packet of biscuits, a couple of chocolate bars, a bowl of sweet cereal and a cake, plus whatever i am cooking for the family. So let's just see how this pans out. No judgements.

My recorded weight today was 15st 10 pounds (220 Pounds)

To be updated.....
Good luck to you.
I am following Slumming World, but increasingly have been calorie counting as well (using My Fitness Pal) to re-educate myself on portion sizes and choices. I’ll follow your diary with interest
Thank you, I followed SW for a while and out of all of them i liked it the most but the amount of fibre was bloating me quite badly and i wasn't losing much weight. Good luck with your journey xx
Welcome back.

Do what you feel is right for you. No one here will judge you. :)

Thank you so much.

So the rest of the evening has gone very well. Took the dog for a long walk with the family and i'm definitely feeling it now in my legs.

For dinner i had a Green Thai Curry with Rice which came in at 342 Calories followed by a Weight watchers brownie ice cream dessert pot which was 167 calories and a miniature bottle of wine which was 130 calories

will have a milky coffee tonight which will bring me out at about 1,150 calories for the day. I'm ok with that and i will see this first day as a success :)