Dealing with compliments?!

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Poppysparkle, 13 January 2009 Social URL.

  1. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    Just wanted to know what you do when you are starting to get compliments off people?

    Not sure if it was the new haircut, new Gucci glasses, or just that I was wearing a tighter fitting top after being encouraged to do so by my other half, but yesterday in work I got so many compliments all day long. It was really wearing to be honest, and I was also told at least seven times that I had to stop and had lost enough! Grr! One of the docs in work looked me up and down and just said "impressive". Yikes!! Now that nearly turned me back to food!

    All I said all day was, I'm still a BMI of 27, still overweight and still have a good stone and a half to go (at least, but didn't add this as they were already telling me I wasn't to lose any more!).

    What do you say when you get a compliment. If you are anything like me, you like being a bit invisible and I find this really hard.

    In fact, that's just dragged up a memory for me - I was about 16 years old and went to Rhyl with my parents and sister, and I was wearing a little cerise mini skirt and white t-shirt. I remember all day getting wolf whistles, and comments from passing boys, and I HATED it!! I bet that has a little something to do with why I ended up at 15 stone +!!

    Don't like people looking at me and almost ran down the aisle on my wedding day, but I know I have to get used to it - how do you deal??!
     
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  3. roundrachel

    roundrachel Silver Member

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    the way you deal with it is to say 'thank you'!! Don't undersell your achievements. It's time to stop hiding and making comments like 'I'm still a 27 BMI' or my one which is 'not quite there yet' .
    It's an incredibly hard thing to do, especially as most of us have spent years putting ourselves down. But lap up the fuss! It doesn't make you arrogant or self centred. People pay you a compliment because it's the truth. If they thought you looked awful they wouln't say anything!
    I still find it hard now and know that eventually compliments will dry up and I'll just be 'normal'. People will forget the size I used to be. So stand with your head held high and take it on the chin!!
     
  4. Kerrimc74

    Kerrimc74 Full Member

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    I love the compliments I am getting and feel that is what is keeping me on the straight and narrow. Today I am wearing a dress to work and have never worn a dress/skirt to work in the 9 years I have been here. Everyone has complimented me and I'm loving it!!! I know there are people who don't take compliments well but remember it's taken a lot of hard work to get where you are and you should be proud of yourself and how you look - show it off. I do the same as you though - keep saying 'Yes well same to go again before I'll be normal weight!

    Kx
     
  5. Huseyin

    Huseyin Silver Member

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    People will always say to you "you have lost enough weight stop now" or "you are looking really skinny now" its a negative compliment really and just pay no heed, i have said this before in other forums, nobody ever says "you look unhealthy when you are overweight" or "its dangerous for you"

    All negative. Just ignore them, you look fabulous and you are doing it for yourself not for anyones personal approval. Just say thank you that is very kind but i have more to loose yet and walk off. The doc sounds perverted, stay away form him lol
     
  6. annaphylactic

    annaphylactic Guess who's back...?

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    Hey - just popped my head in and saw this post... I'm not so much going to offer my advice on how to deal with the compliments, and what you should do... rather, I am going to tell you what NOT to do... hehe.

    It was because of EXACTLY the reasons you've said in your post, that I lapsed for the first time. I was hearing "You look great!" everywhere I went, told that "Surely you're done now, yeah?" by a few people that I trust and admire... and I just lost the plot.

    As much as you shouldn't admonish yourself and put yourself down- you also must stick to your guns, keep your goal in mind... thank the compliment givers graciously and carrying on down the road.

    I am not too far off, but since my lapse in mid-Dec I have REALLY struggled to do full abstinance and it's been a nightmare... I really do believe if I hadn't had the wolf whistles, the compliments etc etc, I'd be there already. Hey ho.

    By the way- I know there was nothing in your post to suggest it was even on your mind, or likely to be... it is just a pre-warning from me... and a, huge, loud, scream-from-the-rooftops DON'T DO IT!! if the opportunity/thought happens to crop up!!

    You look ace by the way - just think how much acer (if that is indeed a word) you will look when you reach your goal!! :) xxx
     
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  7. Huseyin

    Huseyin Silver Member

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    lapsing is a problem, in the past i used to lapse from healthy eating in general, this is before lighterlife. people would say you look fine all the time even though i was gaining weight, nobody would tell me the truth, until i saw holiday pics and though...hmmm yeeees somebody is in need of lighterlife... so here we are.
     
  8. Mini_Me

    Mini_Me LighterLife Returner

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    Hi,

    I'm in the last stages of RTM, and its worth pointing out that the compliments are only temporary - once people get used to you, and you meet new people who never knew the previous you, you will become invisible again.

    its hard to explain, but don't rely on compliments - positive or 'negative' - to motivate you. Cos the compliments won't last, but you need to make sure your healthier body weight does...

    I'm not saying you are relying on compliments at all, just a reflection of my experience...
     
  9. PurpleButterfly

    PurpleButterfly 16lb to go!

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    I think sometimes people say things like "That's enough weightloss" or stuff like that because they somehow feel uncomfortable that you've been able to lose so much. I think partly it's out of concern that they don't want you to go too far and turn anorexic or something. But I reckon part of it is that they have labelled you and put you 'in a box' and by changing the way you appear, you've forced them to reappraise it, and it makes them feel less safe I suppose about their own judgements. Maybe it's about power issues as well, i.e. they see that you've been powerful enough to make those big external and/or internal changes and it questions their own powerfulness (if that is even a word!).

    I might be talking rubbish here, and probably am. But essentially what I'm saying is that when people make comments like you have to stop losing weight now, I reckon it's their issues coming out. As long as you are healthy and happy mentally and physically, you continue to rock their little worlds. :D

    Oh and as for what to say to compliments, I just smile and say thank you. Accept it, because as roundrachel said, it doesn't make you arrogant and self centred, it just means that you have managed to actually make them notice what you have achieved! (Think about it, for example when someone's had a haircut, you would say "I like your haircut!" but it doesn't necessarily mean that, more often it means "I notice your haircut". Similar thing when you ask "How are you?" - it's a greeting not a question.)

    Sorry, I'm rambling here. I'll stop ;)

    But please don't let it lead to a wobble, you can always take it step by step when it comes to wearing tighter clothes etc and as your confidence grows, maybe those comments will affect you less and you'll feel more comfortable wearing tighter clothes?
     
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  10. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    I love it when I get compliments, only today one of the Case workers here said to me after I'd fixed her pc "woooo, you've gotten all thin all of a sudden!" I was SO loving it! Me! Described as thin!!!!

    OK, so there is no *way* that I am anywhere close to being thin (yet!) but still, I loved it all the same.


    As for being invisible, ask yourself why?
    If you are like me, you wanted to be invisible as you don't want people to judge you on your size. But guess what?

    YOU AIN'T THAT SIZE ANYMORE HUN! :D

    Before I always felt like people were looking at me as "the fat bloke wandering in town drooling at Greggs" (even though I have never 'drooled' at anything.... well, maybe Anna's undie pic.......... whoa TMI there........... back up Pete, back up.......)
    Now I don't even think about it.

    And if someone was to look at me, I think of it as a good reason.
    Maybe they like my hair, my glasses, my shirt, whatever, or maybe they were even just looking at the shop behind me; point is, its not cos I'm so fat anymore.

    It's all about positive thinking.

    Remember, other people arn't constantly looking at your trying to judge your insecurities; they are too busy worrying that you are doing the same thing to them! :)
     
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  11. roundrachel

    roundrachel Silver Member

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    completely agree with Mini me about the compliments phasing out. We had a big intake of new staff before christmas and funnily enough, none of them say 'you're looking great' at all. Because they've only ever know the slim me!
    But I pay myself a compliment every day and that's the one that matters most to me. The others are just a bonus!
     
  12. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Flash them a great big cheshire cat grin, and say "Thank you!" :)

    It does get easier, and I am afraid you will have to get used to it, as people get really interested once they know what you are doing.

    ANd heck - you're working hard for this, and doing brill - you deserve the strokes - so accept them. They are yours, well deserved. :)

    xx
     
  13. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    Thanks to you all for your input and thoughts. Very interesting way of looking at things some of them, and I definitely will take it on board.

    Anna, I don't feel like I'm wobbling yet, but really appreciate that I suppose I could!! I watched what you went through and felt for you, and how difficult it was. This has definitely encouraged me to stay 100% on programme. I think this time will be different, purely because I'm aware of the crooked thinking now!

    Pete, I so agree that I am still thinking of myself as larger size! I was sat outside the school today in the car (I know, I know, I usually walk but Charlie decided he needed a nap and it was too late to get the pram out!) and watching one of the mums walking up the road and thinking "I'd love to look like that, she has a lovely figure", and I was thinking she was probably a size 12 or 14. Well, I suddenly realised, I possiby DO look like that!! Best thing I can do is appreciate what I've acheived and stop focussing on the muffin top, etc!! ;-)

    BL, will definitely try the simple 'thank you'. Seems very difficult sitting her thinking about saying that, but I'm sure after a couple of times it will get easier!

    Ellie, I definitely agree that we have people in boxes, and when someone jumps out of that box, then it is uncomfortable until we reassess.

    And Rachel and Mini, I know it won't last and I might as well try and enjoy, as I do realise I will become normal to people soon enough! Wonder if I will then be annoyed that no one says anything?!!
     
  14. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Good advice here Poppy

    Everyone has made good suggestions I think.
    It was when i had about 1.5 stone to go when people started saying, surely you must stop now, or soon or you've lost too much. What business is it of theirs?
    I used to tell them I still had a way to go and they would go on, so I knnew i needed a different tactic. so I changed to just saying yes, thanks, almost there now. and sometimes that I've come this far I want to complete the job.
    I was so disappointed to find that a couple of separate friends I've known for years can't deal with it at all. It transpires I was okay as a "fat friend" but that seems to be all. I'm not chasing after them. Not my problem.
    I have noticed the compliments slowing down now from people at work who are getting used to seeing me slim. Soon i'm changing jobs and most people won't know me from before so maybe I'll become invisible again. It'll be interesting and I know it'll be different. I hoe i can cope okay.
    In the meantime I'd say be proud of what you are achieving, enjoy your success and accept the compliments graciously while they are coming. People will soon shift their focus to someone else.
    Just one more thing. I know someone who lost about 10stone on LL.She listened to peole say she was getting too thin about 1.5stone away from her goal. She stopped LL,didn't do RTM and is now really struggling.
    Enjoy your success, you deserve it and you have earned it. xxxx
     
  15. emzski

    emzski Full Member

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    Hi

    PS I am the same as you, I find it SO hard to take a compliment. Its weird cause when I lost 2 stone only the people who knew I was on LL commented nobody else did, which really really upset me. Yesterday I had a day of LOADS of people commenting on my weight lose and I felt embarrassed. I tried to just say "thank you" but they just kept going on and on. Also talking about how they want to lose weight etc. I felt really uncomfortable and I feel I may have come across as a bit rude cause I went all quite. Its hard and something I will have to really work on.
     
  16. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    SB - I still find that so sad about your "friend" - which really turned out not to be friends. Shame really - they are missing out. ;)

    Whenever people told me "Surely you are nearly done - you've lost enough - don;t lose too much more, etc., etc.,", I simply smiled and said, "Trust me, there is still plenty of me to keep me on the ground", smiled and walked away.

    Only once did I have to get stroppy and say, exactly like this, "Look Anne - it's not your business anyway is it - and the diet is done, when I say its done, not you." ANd then closed the conversation by saying, "When are you going back to WW again?" hehe evil :D. SHe soon left me alone.

    What always made me laugh is it was slim people saying to stop. They get nervous. lol

    What SB said has ben happening for me too - the compliments from everyday people are waning as they are all used to it. Although yesterday I had 3 or 4 people tell me I looked like I was losing again, and I have over the past three weeks. I enjoyed that. I miss the compliments! :D

    You DO get used to them. ;)

    xx
     
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