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Dear Diary...


Full Member
S: 24st1lb C: 18st4lb G: 14st0lb BMI: 40.1 Loss: 5st11lb(24.04%)
I decided I'd give blogging a go. My weight loss - and gain - journey has been a tumultuous one.

I've always been a big girl, and for most of my younger life was a size 16/18. However I was fit with it, and so it wasn't an issue for anyone - except my hubby. He twice left me for the classic 'slimmer model', citing my size as the main issue. The second time my dad had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and so I couldn't tell him, or my mother, what had happened. Not even my brother, as he had multiple sclerosis, and was just starting to lose feeling in his legs, so was battling his own demons.

So I spent the last few months of my dad's life trying to keep the secret of my hubby's desertion from my family, whilst working less so I could visit dad as much as possible and support mum. It was hard, less money coming in, lots more suddenly going out, less hours - the only thing I took any comfort in was eating.

The hospice was great, we could always eat there with dad, and the food was fabulous - the chefs would make whatever the residents fancied, to try and tempt their appetites. So I ate, and ate, and ate... at home I had very little money, so once the bills were paid I always bought my dog's food, and the little that was left I bought the cheapest things I could with for me, so I ended up having lots of white bread - toast, sandwiches, bread and butter pudding... and the fillings were fatty foods, cheap cheese, sausages or jam. Multipacks of crisps were a staple too.
Of course my weight soared. Once dad had died, and the funeral was over, I had shot up to a size 24+
At that point hubby came back, again. Second time around and I forgave him yet again. But however much he protested that my weight no longer mattered, of course I didn't believe him. Why would I, he'd left twice because of it! So I continued to eat, not really sure why. Maybe I was punishing him by making myself fatter, or punishing myself for not being thinner, or just taking the only crumbs of comfort I could? :confused:

Anyway, all sorts of angst and several years later I ended up at 24 stone 1lb, and a size 32+

I was diagnosed with diabetes, and found myself unable to even climb one flight of stairs without getting out of breath.

Then one day I saw a photo of myself - I'll post it on here when I work out how/get enough posts. It was me buying a new Capri off a friend. Now, the friend is a small chap anyway, but suddenly looking at that pic I saw just how very large I was :cry: I looked hot, uncomfortable, huge - and at least in my late 50's.
A switch flipped in my mind, and I knew that I had to stop feeling sorry for myself, stop punishing myself - in short, I had to take control of myself! :eek:

So I've managed to lose just over 5 stone in the past 3 years, basically just by swapping my huge plate for a small one, and moving a little more. I joined the local Nuffield centre, started aqua aerobics, swimming and a little bit of gym work, and I lost the first 4 relatively easily, then my brother became very poorly, and died, and a lot of the past year's been spent in a bit of a funk. :break_diet:

Anyway, I've now decided to get back on track and put as much effort into losing the weight as I have put into making excuses for myself over the years - and that's quite a lot! I am setting my target at 14 stone for now, because to be frank even getting that low seems an impossibly distant dream - just about 4 and a half stone to go to get there, and having already lost the 5 I know that it IS doable, but....:rolleyes:

Slimming world is the best choice for me, as mentally I struggle with feeling 'deprived' if I have to count points or calories. Being allowed unlimited healthy foods, daft as it may sound, makes it easier for me to not pig out, because I know I COULD eat lots, if I *really* wanted to.

As I said, I have diabetes, so losing weight is important for my health. I've managed to drop quite a lot of medication since losing the 5 stone. :)
I've also just been diagnosed with chondromalacia patellae, basically a knackered knee, so I'm a bit peeved as it means the exercise programme I have been following now has to be radically changed.

I'm now doing badminton on a Monday evening, and have decided to weigh in every 3rd Friday.
Partly because it avoids me having the 'non loss week blues' that can crop up from time to time, and partly because that week I am able to get to a machine that prints out my weight, so I get a visual record to keep in my purse and inspire me :)

So, yesterday was my first weigh in since my initial weigh (18 stone 13lbs) and I was SO chuffed to find I had lost 9lbs, to be down to 18 stone 4lbs, yay!

I'm loving SW :D
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