Deflating the Bouncy Castle

[Sapphireblue]

Hun, i think you have a f***load to deal with and the occasional freak out is perfectly understandable.

Perhaps you react a bit more explosively because you being happier now generally means this happens less frequently so it's built up more?

Nothing i can really say of any use but positive vibes coming your way.xx

 

[Kira]

Ah! Ok I understand now. You should be able to clearbthatnup pretty quickly and it should not affect your credit score. I'll double heck that for you tomorrow as a friend who is an ex-colleague got fined in the same way. She paid it and it was sorted. As we both worked in financial services, a bank we had to be credit checked on a regular basis and I'm sure there was no issue for her.

Will get back to you on that tomorrow hon because I'm sure you old o without the stress hassle of that.

Iam concerned bout you beginning to feel anxious, especially now old is back on the agenda. It's ll very well telling you to keep being sting but I understand your concern for your mental health - particularly in regard to food.

Do you think ime has one to msube try couselling?

 

[spangles]

yes - i have been thinking about that, but sapphire might be on to something too. i did just explain to husband that exploding that way is more healthy than the months i used to just lie in bed and sleep when i got home from work.

counselling, though - will realistically be after the holiday, now. and then after the holiday i was wanting to do two floristry classes a week instead of the one i have now. but then, i won't have to go to my cdc...

got to fit in exercise as well...

 

[choufleur]

Evening spangles Unless the DVLA has applied for a CCJ against you for the fine, I'm pretty sure it won't affect your credit score as any fine they levy isn't "credit", really. It'd be the same as if you got a parking ticket and didn't pay.

However, you may want to take out a free trial with Experian to check for sure

Hope you're doing well, I haven't been around for a while to read x

 

[jessicacaca]

Hmm, tricky one but I think I get where you're coming from. I am also happier with myself as I get older but also think my mental health is slightly vulnerable as I get older - actually I've become as neurotic as you can get. In fact s bloke I work with and get on well with said he felt sorry for my husband because of my level of neurotic-ness (?).
Never suffered with depression luckily but leading up to my birthday I had a completely miserable week which I could not get myself out of mo matter how hard I tried, luckily it did pass but I have been left with a very much more heightened understanding of depression as I have been guilty in the past of the 'get some fresh air and it will all be ok' brigade - don't judge me, I know that's not right!
Spangles, I suspect its not really about the car as much as the food. You are so in tune with how your mind/body works it fascinates me. I never even realised I got pmt until recently! At least you can identify.what's occurring before its too late, right?
I can give no advice about stupid car things, my admin is nothing less than a shambles!!

 

[spangles]

thanks all. the car thing, the mortgage thing... it's all just stuff. i'm just going to bed really sad cos ii know if scared my husband and it makes him worry about us and our future. but he hates to talk and anything i say makes him more uncomfortable. he'll be happiest if i just pretend it didn't happen... but in the mean time he's all subdued and strange with me.

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Oh phoobar!

The car thing is the icing on the cake. I had a pickle of much the same nature and I am still trying to sort it out (bought a car which had been previouslynoted and fined for no road tax via a roadside camera - who knew they had such a thing) the clever cloggs selling the car put the previous month on change of owner details and I stupidly didnt clock it, bobs you uncle they chase me for the £250 fine plus costs, plus debt collection charges. I wrote to them explaining the whole deal, plus the court, the case still rumbles on. I may have to pay it *the initial fine* as there is scant proof that I wasnt the owner - lesson be learned there, check the fine detail. Boy I wish I knew Kira back then

Anyway...it never went on my credit file, as has been said, it's not credit, so not a credit file worthy debt, unless it turns into a CCJ.

Now, on the subject of mad freakouts. Well sugar. I have something to note on this. ITS CONTROL. NO. ITS LACK OF CONTROL that is the issue.

I have noticed (not in an offensive, finger pointing way) that you do like your control, and boy are you good at control when you want to be. I have the same problem myself. BUT with all those whizzy plates, with their variables up in the air this week (Mock-sted, car fine, food interaction, home chaos increasing) Control has left the building. So in comes....WIG OUT! I do this all the time. I have to "be in control" of something. If it's not my finances, it's my food, if its not my food it's my home, if its not my home, it's my husband, if it's not my husband (actually that rarely works and makes me feel more insane) it's my work - if I cant stay in control of one of them, and I mean meticulous, it all goes to pot.

The problem for me is. I am. By my very nature, a tad chaotic and some may say eccentric ( others dizzy, some say just plain bonkers) I have real moments of creativity and action and some may say fleeting genius in ideas, and real moments of stasis and inertia, where I am locked in my brain wizzy thoughts a go-go. I actually think I may have an undiagnosed learning dissability, perhaps I may be ADD like my husband and that's what brought us together. Our understanding of each other???? I dont know. I am just putting that out there. But getting back to you.

I hope you managed to talk it out with your husband. I am always having to do that, even though mine doesnt like it either, but it's important to speak and he heard and to listen to him - he should also learn to talk to you. It recognises and validates what happens, you cant just sweep that under the rug with the plates and last weeks newspaper, it has a habbit of showing through the pile.

Big hugs spangle sista.

 

[jessicacaca]

I just gave you a bit of a virtual standing ovation then. Good Work! xx
Oh and I think you might have just described me a little bit - I've been saying for years I think I've got a bit of Aspurgers or summat x

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Well they do say aspies/add types can also self medicate with food! Especially sugary carbs ( it's the high)

I may, of course just me a bit mad as a result of my environment!

 

[Kira]

Oh! flippity flap!! sounds like we're all having a bit of a rough time with life's sh***!! Though have to say Spangles & Nat you still make me laugh!

Nat you're spot on as per earlier post re CCJ being registered on a credit file. Howver, one would receive notice from court about any action being taken which one woould have time to put up a defence before a CCJ made. Furthermore, even if e CCJ were made one then can still apply to have the judgment set aside prior tomth credit reference agencies recorded being updated . Banks/ lenders have agreements in place with credit reference agencies based on reciprocity and it takes a number of weeks or onths before a lender provide that data to credit reference agencies.

Do be aware misssed credit card payment mormlon payments get reported sooner to creidt agencies due to the consumer credit acts. So always try and not miss a creidtncardnormloan payment. Having a direct date up for minimum payment for a credit card helps avoid misssed payments. Even if it's just minimum amount.

Sorry got carried away!

 

[spangles]

Very relieved about the credit score implications. Will add more in the mirn, but wanted to thank you all for some real support.

 

[spangles]

So - wow, nat. Perceptive stuff. For me there are two driving personality traits in absolute conflict - entirely personified by my parents. My mum (despite her binge eating disorder) is control. Method, planning, arrive at the airport as soon as check-in opens, write lists, have long term plans that are then followed to the letter, check reciepts against bank statements... My dad was laid back, do as little as possible, prioritise the happiest route, don't sweat things you can't change, have a kittle snooze, 'they waved away the dessert trolley on the titanic, poor fools"...

And I have the drives of my mother and the methodology and lack of energy (ok, laziness) of my father. I'm all or nothing. I'll spend eight hours steam cleaning all the grouting in the bathroom, but if I haven't got time or inclination to do that, I won't wipe the sink. For six months. Or more.

Usually the Dad side wins (I like it better - it's easier to like.) but then the Mum side get really upset and uncomfortable and frustrated, and HATES the life that being lazy brings... But lacks the effort and sustained will to do anything about it.

Perhaps the Dad/Mum thing is too facile, or perhaps it's the key to a psychotheraputic goldmine. To complicate matters, my eldest sister is pure 'mum' (in fact, more extreme than she is. My mum has incredible emotional intelligence, where as I'm not sure my eldest sister doesn't have ASD) - whereas my middle sister is pure 'Dad'. Chaotic life, buckets of charm. Everyone who meets her for even seconds falls in love with her, but Christ don't expect her to stick to an appointment or be ready for anything on time.

I'm away this weekend at my in-laws 'very big house in the country'. Haggis tonight. But no boozes for me. Boo.

 

[Jelliebabe]

Hve a good weekend hun! some very good points there, some of it could be me!

 

[AnnieAnnie]

I'm exactly the same, totally all or nothing & I hate it. I agree with what someone posted on here a while ago about routine & order helping eating disorders. I hate routine, but the order seems to help with the disordered eating. It reduces the occasions I need to binge. Classic example is something as simple as getting petrol on a Sunday night instead of Monday morning. On a Monday it adds about 15 mins to my journey & then I meet more traffic etc. There's no reason not to do it on a Sunday except I can't be arsed. That simple. But as someone else was saying, that injects a bit of drama in to my day (sad drama albeit) so there's a bit of adrenaline about if I can be on time. And if I'm not, carbs to make me soporiphic & avoid the 'I'm such a disaster' feeling. The spiral from the initial issue to the result is ridiculous. And easily avoidable. Once I finish cd, it is this sort of stuff I need to deal with, not portion control etc. I'd only recently heard the expression 'a tidy home means a tidy mind' or something like that & I totally agree. I don't want to presume what applies to me also does to you, but your posts are entirely relatable to me. One of the reasons cd is so doable is because it's all or nothing. Remove the choice & that's just what you do. For me, remove the unnecessary stress & drama & remove the urge to binge. Once the urge is there it's too late for me. But tackling this urge & the overwhelm I seem to live my life in gives me a chance. So for me, I've transferred the non-optional element of cd to other areas - the house gets tidied, petrol is bought & washing gets done. No option, no internal drama. End of. I find making a list of 3 things I want to achieve every day & this helps. At first, my self sabotage meant I couldn't, but I persisted & I started completing this list more days than I didn't. I find the stuff on fly lady quite good for keeping order without it becoming a big deal, which leads to overwhelm which leads to bingeing.

Last of all, we are both doing this so we can try for children. The thought of that with my current habits/mindset brings on the biggest urge to binge ever!

Sorry for the mahoosive post, hope something in here might help.

Enjoy your weekend

 

[bettiesrevenge]

So - wow, nat. Perceptive stuff. For me there are two driving personality traits in absolute conflict - entirely personified by my parents. My mum (despite her binge eating disorder) is control. Method, planning, arrive at the airport as soon as check-in opens, write lists, have long term plans that are then followed to the letter, check reciepts against bank statements... My dad was laid back, do as little as possible, prioritise the happiest route, don't sweat things you can't change, have a kittle snooze, 'they waved away the dessert trolley on the titanic, poor fools"...

And I have the drives of my mother and the methodology and lack of energy (ok, laziness) of my father. I'm all or nothing. I'll spend eight hours steam cleaning all the grouting in the bathroom, but if I haven't got time or inclination to do that, I won't wipe the sink. For six months. Or more.

Usually the Dad side wins (I like it better - it's easier to like.) but then the Mum side get really upset and uncomfortable and frustrated, and HATES the life that being lazy brings... But lacks the effort and sustained will to do anything about it.

Perhaps the Dad/Mum thing is too facile, or perhaps it's the key to a psychotheraputic goldmine. To complicate matters, my eldest sister is pure 'mum' (in fact, more extreme than she is. My mum has incredible emotional intelligence, where as I'm not sure my eldest sister doesn't have ASD) - whereas my middle sister is pure 'Dad'. Chaotic life, buckets of charm. Everyone who meets her for even seconds falls in love with her, but Christ don't expect her to stick to an appointment or be ready for anything on time.

I'm away this weekend at my in-laws 'very big house in the country'. Haggis tonight. But no boozes for me. Boo.

Oh my god...are we related?


You just described my parents to a T!

Have a lovely time at the in-laws. I am sure haggis isnt that bad.

 

[xSinead]

Well done on your amazing weight loss! I read a few of the posts. How much did you weigh when you started? And how much have you lost now? You look fantastic in your picture!! I started Cambridge for the second time yesterday, i lost 4 stone the first time, but put it all back on plus a little extra. So i'm back, and ready to tackle this for the final time. You've deffinately motivated me x

 

[spangles]

Thanks. I started at 19st 4lbs, and I was 12st 7 at my last weigh-in. Good luck!

Nat- I love haggis. And mash. Going to have to be careful!

 

[xSinead]

Thanks so much How long did it take you to get down to where you are now? x

 

[spangles]

I started on 1st august.

 

[xSinead]

Wow thats amazing, so about a stone a month? I bet you feel great!