Desperate to get back in control

[BubblyPenguin]

I'm so unhappy. I've lost 4 stone to date (which, yesterday I learned is the weight of a Year 6 child- I picked her up- with Mum's permission, and crumbs wasn't she heavy!)
Anyway, I cannot get back in control- for weeks and weeks now I've been nibbling, ever since my trip in the summer and the last fortnight my CDC suggested 810, which I've tried, but I just over eat- I totally eat with my eyes and continue to pick even though I'm satisfied.

Yesterday I did so well at work, starting to feel the big K coldness, but when I got home OH was out so I ordered takeaway as I told myself 'I could get away with it'. Now I just feel that I've betrayed myself, my OH and my CDC.

I want so much to get back into the zone, and I know I'm the only one who can do it, but I just keep losing motivation. I'm thinner than I've ever been in my adult life and people compliment me all the time, but to be honest I just feel a fraud right now

 

[*butterfly*]

Clare, i know exactly where you are coming from hun. I've nibbled on and off for weeks, although not having meals, i can't resist a bit of cooked chicken, a pinch of grated cheese, even a nibble on chocolate. This week determined to break this habit and be 100%.

I too, am the smallest i have ever been, and wonder if this is why i feel i can be a bit more relaxed now, cause i feel good about my progress, always getting compliments, its like my head is taking his in and thinking 'ok, you've done it, now have a treat!' But this is precisely what i want to get away from, the whole concept of food as a reward. I know i feel good now, but i try to imagine how much better that will be when i am in a size 12 all over, or even smaller- who knows!?

To try and keep myself on track i also remind myself that i am paying virtually £160 per month, and that i am virtually wasting this if i don't put my effort in to use it properly. Why only lose 7lb when i could lose a stone and be at my goal.

I have too, considered 810, but to be honest i'm too inpatient and want the quicker losses, and i fear i will not get this with 810. When i move up i would like to be as low as i want to be so i will not panic by any upwards fluctuations in weight while i find my maintenance level.

I also spend a lot of time reading diaries/threads of maintenance cd'ers, to try and get a feel for what life is like when you get to goal, and the struggles i may anticipate. Whilst cd is hard, i know that changing my long term approach to food, to learn low GI, change my bad habits, portion sizes, and ultimately keep the weight off is going to be the most difficult thing i have ever tackled. So i try to be pretty harsh with myself, cause if i can't do it now, i never will. I allow myself to blip, but try to quickly move on from it. It easy to get stuck in the cycle of ' i've cheated by having a,b,c......so i'll just have x,y,z before i get back on track' yet this could be the difference between losing and gaining. In or out of ketosis.

Come on here if you feel tempted, guaranteed theres probably others feeling exactly the same and together we can support each other to get to where we want top be.

You can do this, believe in yourself, stay strong, but get back on it now! You will feel great once you do... xx

 

[kerryberry]

Thanks girls for this post I can feel myself starting to feel this way I haven't started nibbling yet but the excuses keep popping in my head it will only be a matter of time before I act on them but I hope I can keep fighting.
What upsets me is that I am the thinnest i have been since i was 16 I love it the way clothes feel, being confident, friends noticing and the achievment of losing the weight so why isn't that enough to stop the naughty feeling creeping back in my head.

and your right if i waver, feel down or things get to much then I am straight here for support.

We can do this and get through it xx

 

[BubblyPenguin]

Thanks ladies,
It's just so frustrating isn't it? I've decided to try and break the food craving by having an extra shake if I need to, that way I may just get my head back into the 'no-food' zone- It was so much easier before I allowed myself to eat and followed the rules.

So today, I will still have coffee, but I won't have solids, and I won't nibble. I'm out tonight, so that should less of a need to put my head in a fridge. Extra shake if I think I'm gonna cave in....Hopefully that might get me back somewhere in the right frame of mind?

 

[kerryberry]

Sounds like a good plan distraction and discipline I often have an extra soup in the eve if craving voices are loud.

 

[Blingbabe]

Just had a chance to catch up with this post.
It must be hard to get back into the correct 'zone' bubbly penguin - actually I know this because I have done Lighterlife in the past a few times and regained stones plus even more weight, you really do not want that to happen as it is so very demoralising.
Wishing you good luck to find your CD 'mojo' again - you've come so far and you can do it x

 

[curlywurly1234]

Clare,
Just wanted to say hang in there hon you have done so well. Are you drinking plenty of water. Have you tried splitting your shakes, soups or bars so you can spread them out throughout the day if you are more hungry at certain times?
Some days can be harder than others but you have done incredibly well hon so stick with it. x

 

[BubblyPenguin]

Thanks guys, I had a much better day yesterday and just SSed.

I'm sure I'm not drinking enough lately (I've normally been really good) but I have been struggling. I'm back in the pink zone this morning, but I have a dreadful cold explosion and feel crap!

I just want to get back in the swing of things, it was so much easier before food became an option.

I usually split my shakes into 6, thanks Curly, however yesterday I had a full soup at 5 and didn't want anything else after for a long while- I didn't have my usual 4pm hot choc, but I also had a full shake for lunch- this seemed to help alot. The only thing Ijust realised is that I had an extra half bar in the evening, but if that's what it takes- half a shake/bar more to keep me there, I'll do it.

This has shown me that I'm simply not ready for food yet and that I'm gonna have to be extremely careful with control when I start to go up the plans and onto maintenence. The good news is that I haven't put any back on and I'm down 1.25lbs this morning and in ketosis. I do have a full blown cold and feel terrible, but that may discourage me to eat, so maybe a blessing in disguise!

 

[*butterfly*]

Well done Clare, just take it one day at a time. Thats some weight shifted already, just imagine what a full week could do for your losses. I've managed a few days ss now so hoping i'm over my bad patch too. It'll be so worth it to get into even more smaller clothes and into the next stone bracket! Hope your cold goes quickly, or at least helps you stick to ss! (joking). Take care xx

 

[Klev]

*hugs*

I'm sorry hun that your a bit down, but you'll come around i promis, and though i am not yet "knowing" on how it feels, i hope to come and hang around this place more often in about 2 weeks, cause if everything goes as planned, i will start CD then as well. Then maybe i can support you better cause then i might know what i'm talking about .

i do want to give you a suggestion though, you should really try out that book i told you about. Maybe get it from a library before you buy it? It's really good and it helps you change the way you think about food. Gosh i'm tempted to buy it for you or maybe start translating my book for you!

And just remember, you have come such a long way already! 55 lbs!! you are my major example hun! So what if it didnt go well last few weeks, you already achieved so much!! You can still be proud of yourself and your certainly NOT a fraud!

Love Klev

 

[trisha]

I know exactly how you feel, I am just the same, been struggling for weeks and weeks like you since the holidays really, and I also had a blip in february got back in control then the holidays! aarrgghh and I've been struggling ever since. I've had countless restarts only to fail. Like you it was 810 and even ss+ with food, that seem to trigger the nibbling for me, so I decieded yesterday that I would also have an extra shake if necessary.

I am also the lightest I've been for years

 

[BubblyPenguin]

Thank you so much for this guys, it means alot and makes me feel that I'm not alone!

I had success yesterday and I'm so pleased- this cold has killed my appetite and my stomach is sore, but gonna have some chilli soup in a wee while- might put extra chilli in- extra spice might send it away!

I've just completed a task mentioned in Mike Scott's newsletter (letter to me) which has seriously helped put things in perspective, I may post it in a thread later on. I've remember why I'm doing this and all the things I have to gain. I've also realised that I am strong enough; I'm over half way and, while I've had support, ultimately it's been down to me and that I'm the only one who can do this. I am strong enough, so I'm gonna kick myself in the backside and get moving!

Well, that's after some serious snuggling on the sofa with a blanket, hot soup and Saturday TV!

 

[Klev]

You go girl!!