Determinator is Determined to get to goal :)

[Starlit_Cazza]

Everyone has told me I am mad giving up working for the NHS

Not mad at all - I left the NHS nearly a year ago and am so glad I did!!! Worked for a private hospital company for 4 months and didn't much like that, and now work for a not-for-profit hospital group doing a job I absolutely love!!!

My last NHS job nearly destroyed me. I was on a temporary contract because I just could not find a full time job anywhere. the contract was 6 months initially, then renewed for a year...then another year...then on Christmas eve 2009 we got told the contracts wouldn't be renewed again and all 10 of us would be out of work in 3 months. The job was crap as it was - worked on a community team, but because we didn't know how long we would be around, we were only allowed to take on very small case loads...which meant a lot of time sat around the office losing the will to live. The contract ending was the best possible thing to happen to be honest - I got the new job, which completely rebuilt my confidence, which allowed me to apply for the Deputy Managers post that I now hold.

I work in mental health and learning disabilities. Having been out the NHS for nearly a year now, I recently went to visit an NHS unit to assess someone. My god, it reminded me exactly why I had got out, and why I never intend to go back!!!!

 

[determinator]

thanks hun , i am happy with my decision but people act like I have gone from being a brain surgeon to stacking shelves ...... I am so loving the hands on care I am doing and I am still nursing .. just with less pressure !!

 

[determinator]

slip up yesterday

hey , well yesterday was day 6 back on plan and I still wasnt in ketosis for some reason so was still hungry but managed to get to yesterday evening .. then was sooo hungry and fed up I ate and did I pick something sensible ??? did I heck , I ate 1/2 a pack of biscuits !! why oh why , I never ate biscuits before doing CD but they seem to be the one thing that I want so much when on TFR .. maybe its the complete opposite texture to the shakes .. i dont know but every time the kids have a biscuits , part of me dies !! a

so i have completelly ruined any chance of getting into ketosis any time soon , and the chances of getting to my pre crimbo weight at weigh in on monday .... I did only have 1 pack yesterday ( dont shout .. naughty I know ) to try and make up for it , and the scales this morning show I havent gained .. but if I hadnt done it I may be another lb or 2 down
Oh well I have still lost 13 lb since sunday , so only another 5lb to go to rectify my christmas gain of 18 lb .. but grrrrrrrr to me !!!

I am on nights again tonight aswell which is confusing for me with my packs .... i have just had my 1st shake and plan to have a 810 plan meal and another pack before i start .. then another at 4 am .. but that will class as todays or tomorrows ??? hmmmmmmm

I know that I wont loose all of my gain this week but know it will be gone by next week then I am planning to go back on 810 till I reach goal , then 1000 for a while , then hopefully follow SW red type plan ( low carb ) for the rest of my life

 

[leeds123]

keep at it lady! i can tell you from experience that the last stone or two is really really tough. almost as if an agressive form of self sabotage develops in your body. i know you'll get there soon though!

lovely to read aswell that you are enjoying your new job, uplifting for someone who hates their job and wants to move but doesnt have the courage. yet!

 

[determinator]

Hey , well my night went great I had my 810 meal ( and 1 biscuits .... why ????????) and a bar before I went to work , then had a tetra at 4am which was my 3rd for yesterday ....
today has been great ... got home ( after another brilliant shift ) and slept till 1pm , got up and had my 1st shake , had my 2nd at 5pm and now have a frozen tetra to have about 8 or 9

weigh in tomorrow .. my scales are showing about 12-13 lb loss , so another week of SS and I should be nealry back to pre crimbo weight . As soon as I hit this ( 11,4) I will start 810 again , then at 10,7 I will start on 1000 .. I will get there ... I wont give in to the biscuit barrel again .... COME ON !!!!
Leeds , it is totally soul destroying to have a job you hate , if you are full time work takes up more of your life than home so I do think its important to be happy in your job , I hope you find soemthing that makes you happy soon

 

[determinator]

weigh in ....

had weigh in this morning after my first week back after crimbo when I gained 17 lb ... and i lost 12lb of it very happy and hopefully the other 5 will be off by next week then I can return to 810

 

[rubyangel]

well done on your fab losses,you must feel like a different person.

 

[kimmi1982]

Just read your diary from the beginning - what a journey you have been and your so nearly there!! Well done for your losses to date , its stories like yours that give me so much inspiration to lose the 70lbs i need to! Keep Going!! Kim x x

 

[determinator]

thanks kim and I can assure you if I can do this then ANYONE can , I never thought I would make it through the first week let alone get this far just this last bit that is being stubborn !!

 

[determinator]

tuesday 11th Jan

Morning diary well I weighed this morning and another 2lb lost since yesterday so only 3lb left of my christmas gain I am still not in ketosis .. day 3 of 100% today and I hope to be in tomorrow or thurs .. if not I really dont understand .. but hey I am loosing and only have 7 lb to go before i am in the 10 stones ... OMFG !!!!!!!! Crazy crazy , never ever thought I would get anywhere near 10 stone but iwill , and it will be soon !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[rubyangel]

wow.well done you,hope ketosis visits soon.x

 

[determinator]

I am soooooo angry at myself , today should have been day 4 100 % ( after a week of doing it 98%) so i would have been hitting ketosis .. so what did i do yesterday .. hit the flippling biscuit barrel again !!! why biscuits ???? why why ???? grrrrr sooo stupid , I seem to do it every time and its always the damn biscuits , which I never ate before CD so why do I want them so much ????
My scales are showing no damage , but i have damaged my getting into ketosis grrrrr BUT line to be drawn
---------------------------------------------

today I am taking Elena ( 4) and Abigail (1) to playgroup then going to my parents for lunch ( I am taking my porridge) , my mum has broken her arm so will give them a hand with anything that needs doing , then maybe go for a walk .

I am wokring night shift tomorrow night and it would have been easier if i had been in ketosis but i will manage .. I need to stop buying biscuits but the kids love them as a treat ....

 

[leeds123]

never mind D. just walk extra fast when you do your walk and burn some of it off. as for the night shift i am amazed every timei read of someone doing cd during a night shift. hats off to you lot!

 

[determinator]

thurs 13th

thanks Leeds , have only just started doing nights so still getting used to how to split my meals ....

well yesterday was ok , till about 6pm and then the hunger struck ..... I have never felt it so raw before and I couldnt sit still at all it was aweful and made me cry like a baby ... so ..... I had an extra bar ! Not ideal but in no way BAD

Today has been ok so far , had a bar at 1pm and will have a 810 meal at tea time and a shake , and then a porridge before I go to work at 9pm . Then I will have 1 of tomorrows bars on my break at 4am ..... hope it works out ok !!!

I am now sitting watching the kids eat my nemesis .. biscuits .. its tough but I am resisting !!! I also have a sausage casserole in the slow cooker which has been producing lovely smells all day !!!

I also have a few worries today .. my Hubby has a severe ear infection and ended up in a walk in centre as was in so much pain, then I found out that the 3 week old baby of a friend from playgroup is in hospital with meningitis , she is very poorly but responding to drugs so fingers crossed , this is also worrying as me and the kids were holding her for about an hour yesterday , although the kids are vaccinated I am not sure what strain it is .... its an extra worry that I am at work tonight and Hubby just doesnt wake up in the night if the kids start crying .... aqrgggg

also been watching the news about the mud slides in Brazil near Rio .. well my cousin has been in Brazil with his girlfriend for a few months and they are travelling to Rio at the moment to get a plane home , just hope they havent been caught up in it


stress !!!!!

 

[determinator]

Friday 14th

well had a great night at work enjoyed my meal at tea time , I stuck to SS+ portions as i want to get into ketosis as soon as possible so had a small amount of chicken and cabbage 'fried' in balsamic vinegar .. yum . I managed the night with a bar at 3am and then have slept all day today and just got up and had a shake , so will have a tetra icecream at 9pm before work then a bar at 3-4 am again
I may end up having 4 products tomorrow as will be having the bar in the night then will only be sleeping for a few hours so may need 3 during the day , but I am not having a SS+ meal today so am happy to have a 4th product

My scales are showing a 3lb loss since monday which I will be very very happy with considering my affair with the biscuit barren on tuesday !!! I am hoping to be in ketosis either tomorrow or sunday , I seem to find it harder getting into at the moment for some reason , althugh I havent been hungry last night or today so maybe I am getting there ??

i am confused with my bowels ( TMI sorry !!!) I have always had terrible constipation on CD , but I took 2 Duclolax pico pearls on monday , and OMG I had horrendous cramps and have had terrible runs ever since !! Now I am bit worried if I have the runs properly or if its 'overflow ' ( where the back up of fluid 'overflows' the solid ..) hmmm i think I am going to have a couple of movicol tonight and hope for the best .. I find it the gentlest thing and the only one thast doesnt leave me with horrendous cramps ...

 

[kimmi1982]

Sorry to heAr about the bowels!!! Dulcolax is ultra strong- even people with severe ibs get prescribed this! If I take only one I get horrendous cramps and then the runs! It also stays in the system longer so if you then eat something, it's likely to give your more runs!! I'd stay away, movical is much gentler!! Xx

 

[determinator]

saturday 15th Jan

hey , having a good day and so so happy to say that i am finally in ketosis .. after 2 weeks of trying and a few accidents with the biscuit barrel , but finally got a pink stick today so happy

I ahd another great night at work , had a shake at 6pm last night and one at 9pm before work and then a bar from today allowance at 3am .... got home at 8am and had to go and pick hubbys car up which has finally been reapired following a crash on 3rd dec in snow !!! Then Hubby went to have hair cut and I had a awander round town and averted my eyes when hubby and the kids got the yummiest sausage cobs and then went to birds and had cream doughnuts and elephants feet

but I survived and managed to get a nap then cook the tea and had my porridge , leaving me a choc tatra icecream for tonight

I cannot wait till weigh in on monday , another week on SS and then back to 810 to work up the plans ready to hit goal in about 20 lb time

 

[rubyangel]

20 lb,is nothing ,you go girl!x

 

[determinator]

sunday 16th jan

Hey , had a lovely day . We took my parents and the kids on a surprise trip to the National Railway Museum in York and it was great . I took a bar for my 1st pack at lunch time, had this and to be honest I have felt aweful all day , zero energy ( and considering I got into ketosis yesterday this is very weird ) , pounding headache and felt really sick .. anyway managed to get through the day but we were there later than we expected .
The kids have tea at 5pm and were starving on the way back ( 2 hour drive ) so hubby decides to stop for tea at a fish and chip restraurant of course I didnt have a pack with me and was feeling really sick and weak , so I ate .. BUT I am very happy to say i just had a fish , and I removed every last bit of batter ( which I loooooove) so really just had a SS+ day

Got home and just had a tetra milkshake and gonna have a choc mint shake in a min for my 3rd pack .. I am really happy that I didnt decide to go mad and just had something that wouldnt ruin my hard work ! I have my weigh in in the morning and am hoping for at least a 3lb loss ( although I guess after my biscuit binge on tuesday i any loss will be good ...)

 

[determinator]

Monday 17th Jan - weigh in ....

well had weigh in this morning and after a few ups and downs this week I lost 5 lb very very happy , I am now back to the weight I was before christmas .. so 2 weeks to gain it and 2 weeks to get it off .. not bad

Now I have 1 more week of SS then onwards and upward to 810 as i will be around BMI of 25 my origanal goal is 4lb away but I changed it as realised that it was actually going to happen so thought I would go a but lower , now I have changed it again so another 18 lb to go , still not much

We have booked a holiday today, just a week at a haven site near whitby in april , I am sooo excited , we didnt manage to get away apart from 3 days in London for our honeymoon last year so it will be fabulous to have a proper break , I am just praying that no one else at work is off that week or I wont be able to have it off