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Diary of a Chronic yoyoer

Well, here I am back at the start again. Except this time the finish line is alot further away.

I first went on a VLCD at 17, I was 13st 14 and after 4 months I was 11st 4.

Now at 25 i'm tipping the scales at over 19st. I've gained over 8st in 7 years. In these 7 years I've started Cambridge twise, weight watchers 3 times and slimming world once. Its pretty safe to say that my self esteem is at an all time low.

I've been on Xenical, I've even been refered for bariatric surgery but turned down because even though I have fatty liver disease I don't have type 2 diabetes or sleep apnea.

So here I am again. As determined as always but not really believing I can do it.
Plus I have the added humiliation this time of having to get signed off by a doctor because my BMI is 44.

Doctors appointment is on Monday. I'm meeting my new CDC on Thurs next week. I'll be starting on Friday 27 May.

I've been reading the diaries on this site and its really given me some inspiration.

This time has to be the last time.
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Still avidly reading everyones diaries and getting myself motivated. Unfortunately that motivation hasn't spilled over into actually cutting down carbs in preperation for starting CD next week, but I will tomorrow it will be exactly 7 days until Day 1 so thats a good starting point I think!

Weighted myself this morning and the scales say 19st 1 I'm going to go weigh myself on the super duper scales that they have in my work gym (looked into getting some for the house and they're a whopping £600... maybe not!).

Generally foodwise has been bad this week as theres been a lot of drama going on (my sister is going through a very messy break up) but I'm actually going to get to see my nephew this week for the first time since october '10 so I'm extremely excited. All this should be a good practice for trying to control emotional eating.

I just hope my doctor will sign me off!

Next friday (day 1) I have booked myself into get semi permenant eyeliner done. Bit worried about body shaking hunger pangs while essentially getting my eyes tattooed! Still... its got to be a distraction from my tummy! LOL
Ok Goals... (too early)?

Goal Weight 10st 7lbs
Loss needed 8st 8lbs

If I average about a stone a month, that will be January ish. My birthday is 4th Feb.

Goal Date 4 Feb 2011

My bf said if I manage it he will take me somewhere nice :)

Mini Goals:
Be in the 18s (should be fairly quick!)
Lose 5% (13lbs) to be 18 st 2
Be in the 17s
Lose 10% (27lbs) to be 17st 2
Be in the 16s
Be in the 15s ... etc

Ultimately I want to:

- Be able to wear heels and actually walk
- Be able to wear a pair of knee high boots
- Fit in "normal shops"
- Be able to wear things I like, not things that fit
- Go on Holiday without worrying about if I will fit in the plane seat.
- Be able to wear short sleaves
- Be able to actually wear summer clothes
- Not have my thighs rub together
- Walk across a room without mapping out my route 5 times in advance in case I dont fit between obsticals
- Go out and enjoy myself rather then worrying constantly if people are laughing/disgusted at me
- Stop automatically thinking people laughing are laughing at me
- Walk for more then 5 mins without getting out of breath
- Walk for a long time without getting out of breath
- Play with my nephew/neice/bfs son without feeling like I'm dying
- Look at a photo of myself and not hate it
- Be a better gf/friend because I'm not unhappy
- Buy a pair of louboutins!
- Be asked if I want to go for a ride on the back of my friends motocycle like everyone else.
- Go snowboarding (and have a cute outfit)
- Live Longer
- Be happy
- Edit: Have a FB profile picture thats not 2 years old and actually looks like me now!

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Gold Member
S: 19st2lb C: 16st13lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 40.7 Loss: 2st3lb(11.57%)
We young lady, are like two peas in a pod! I'm up for it, if you are!

I started my first CD journey at 18st 13lbs
I am :) Its a shame I can't start now!
I couldn't get a doctors appointment until Monday and then the CDC wasn't avaliable until Thurs.

Tempted to get some slimfast from Tesco but also just cutting down on carbs and mental preperation for the next 7 days should be a step in the right direction!


Gold Member
S: 19st2lb C: 16st13lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 40.7 Loss: 2st3lb(11.57%)
Absolutely, get the carb withdrawal out of the way first. Maybe I should do the same as you then and spend this week reducing and trying to get into ketosis and then meet with my CDC next Thursday. By which point a few lbs will have gone and I won't be quite so far from my last weigh in weight?
Would be nice to start together :) but don't delay just for me :p

My plan is:
Tomorrow and weekend no more then one portion of carbs per day (aka, small portion pasta OR 2 slices wholemeal bread).

From Monday: No carbs at all.

Thurs: SS 100% eek!


Gold Member
S: 19st2lb C: 16st13lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 40.7 Loss: 2st3lb(11.57%)
Eek! I'll see how I feel later on about seeing my CDC. I'll go home and see what I've got in the cupboard and the dates on them, I might have to go and get some.

mum of five

Full Member
S: 12st12lb C: 12st12lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 31.9 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
hi hun hope your cd journey goes brilliantly for you and were all here to support you good luck:)xx


Gold Member
S: 19st2lb C: 16st13lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 40.7 Loss: 2st3lb(11.57%)
Evening hun! I went to see my CDC, she was seeing a new lady so I fleew in and out. Picked up a load of porridges and had a maple and pecan one for tea. Yum yum!

I didn't weigh and my CDC is on holiday next week, so a good job I did pop in this week. I've decided to do the 1000 plan, so 2 shakes a day and a meal. Kind of like slimfast I guess? But better.

So, here's to two weeks till weigh in, so we'll both have our first weeks weigh in, in a fortnight!

I'm glad I didn't weigh because that takes the pressure off me and I won't be scale hopping all the time to see how I've done. Because I won't know!
Thanks guys :)

Cornish that's great you have everything! I'm jealous ur already on the journey.

I have got myself a bit drunk in my last supper before the great carb cut! Tomorrow I'm heading down to looe to get my sister and my nephew and I will have to resist the pastys! Last thing I need is a binge week :-b


Gold Member
S: 19st2lb C: 16st13lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 40.7 Loss: 2st3lb(11.57%)
Just remember that as lovely as the pasties are, they repeat on you for the rest of the day and give you heartburn! Everytime!
I definately meant to get on before now!
On Friday I was horribly sick (probably the alcohol from Thursday), which on the brightside meant that I barely ate.

On Sat me and the bf got up at 4 and drove down to cornwall. We got there for 8am, we picked up my sister and my nephew and turned around and came back! In total it was about 8.5 hours in the car and I felt awful! I spent yesterday recovering, so today is the first day I managed to get back on the internet.

Food wise its been ok. I resisted a pasty in Cornwall and yesterday I had chicken and veg cooked on the BBQ. So overall I'm pretty pleased. I have my doctors appointment tonight so I'm feeling terrified.
I just got a call from my doctor, the doctor I wanted to see isn't avaliable. So I have to see another doctor, who I don't particularly like. Now dreading the doctors even more :(
I've just got back from the doctors. Bad news all round.
At 16 I was diagnosed with a condition called ITP (low platelets) it just means I bruise easily. I had some horrific brusing a couple of weeks ago so I got a blood test on Friday.

At the doctors today I asked for the results and for him to sign off my CD form. My blood count has dropped to 47 (normal is 140 = 400). At 30 there is huge risk of internal bleeding.

I'm now pretty worried because my counts never been this low. The dr has sent for an emergency consultation, and he won't sign off the diet until my platelets have come back up. So I'm on hold for now.

mum of five

Full Member
S: 12st12lb C: 12st12lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 31.9 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
oh hun so sorry to hear that hope it all gets sorted for you and always here to talk hun :)xxx


Gold Member
S: 19st2lb C: 16st13lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 40.7 Loss: 2st3lb(11.57%)
Oh no hun, that sucks! The condition and the diet. But you're health is the most important thing, the diet will still be about in a few weeks!
Well its been a crappy week. I should have been having my first weigh in today.

Instead I've just booked in for another blood test next tues so hopefully my blood counts back up and the doctor will sign me off to start.

I'm going out tonight, I'm dreading it. We going to a club, all my friends are size 10 and I'm squeezing into a 20 tonight. I don't want to dance, all I can think is what if people laugh at me because I'm wobbling. Or what if they're genuinely worried i'll squash them? I'm so down I just wrote to the hospital Patient Advice and Liason service (names changed):
Dear PALS,

Apologies that this email does not contain a lot of detail. I just wanted to see if you could help me before I provide in depth information.

At 16 I was diagnosed with ITP (Low platelets) and fatty liver by the hospital. I'm now 25 and still under your care, not much has changed except that my liver is now showing signs of cirrhosis and I have gained a considerable amount of weight.

Since diagnosis (When I was roughly 90kg) at 16 I have tried lots of different eating plans I was sent to the dietician at the hospital but was unsuccessful at losing weight, I got into a pattern of starving myself for days before I saw the dietician because I was afraid of failing then binging directly after because I was so hungry. As you can imagine I ended up putting on more weight then I lost. I eventually stopped going.

After this I went on a very low calorie diet (VCLD) at 19 and got my weight down to 70kg. Unfortunately being so young and at university I couldn’t afford to continue on the diet or maintenance and without the support my weight quickly shot up to over 100kg. In the last 3 years since leaving university I have been put on experimental injections by the hospital, given xenical, followed weight watchers, slimming world and tried to start a VCLD again multiple times and ended up at my current weight of over 120kg.

At one point I was seeing 4 different consultants at the hospital. Every time I go to hospital I feel more and more like a failure and I'm scared that everyone has given up on me.
My dad died a few years ago from pneumonia but was also suffering from osteoarthritis, my mum is not overweight but has type 1 diabetes and her side of the family has a strong history of both type 1 and 2 diabetes. She also has osteoarthritis and thyroid problems.

My blood suger has begun to fluctuate between 3.2 and 13.7 (tested on an accu check of my mothers).
I saw Dr C at the hospital referred me for bariatric surgery at UCL with Dr M, but this was rejected because apparently that hospital does not cover my postcode.
They sent the referral onto another hospital who rejected me because I do not have diabetes or sleep apnoea. This combined with my blood sugar prompted my GP to test me for both conditions, neither of which I have.

I know that at my current weight I have a high risk of developing arthritis and diabetes for which I already have a strong family history. Also I have been told that my liver will not last under the strain of the excess weight forever.

I don't have a normal life anymore, I hate going out in public, my hormones are up and down, my joints hurt, I get shin splints when I walk any distence. I get out of breath going up the stairs. I'm a bad girlfriend/ daughter/ sister/ friend because I'm miserable and I have no self esteem.

I don't know how to appeal to have this surgery. I really need your help.
Please help me.

As you guys can tell. I'm getting desperate. I know I'm not even on CD yet and the letter doesn't relate to CD, but I'm down and this is the only place i could really voice that. :(


Full Member
S: 12st2.2lb C: 12st2.2lb G: 9st7lb BMI: 28.3 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
Oh Hun, I just want to give you a big hug! Hang in there, life is so worth living and although it may not seem like it sometimes (particularly with illness) there are always things you can do for yourself to help improve things... Even if what you improve is simply your outlook. I can't offer any advice on the appeal I'm afraid but just wanted to give you sone encouragement. You sound very much like someone who could do with someone to chat to about some ways to cope with some of the things that have been thrown at you over the years. Never mind all the medics giving you advice ( essential though it is) how about the you that isn't your size or weight? She needs lots of looking after too. Have you ever thought about or been offered counselling? It can be soooo helpful trust me xx

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