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Diary of a struggler!

I've found myself at a point in my life where I have never been happier. I'm secure in my job, I feel I am going somewhere with it. I am with the most lovely man who (so far!) seems to really love me for me, despite the fact i am huuuge haha. My family are all healthy and we are as strong as ever. I know that if i dont tackle my weight now, I will forever find an excuse. Despite knowing I NEED to do this. I know how terrible I look, and i'm aware how unhealthy I am. I think being in love changes you, you start to see a whole other future, marriage, kids - and I dont want to spend my life feeling like this. I want to be healthy, I want to feel confident, and I want to wear whatever I bloody want, (and not pay 40quid for a t-shirt in evans!! where do they get their prices!)

So I'm just going to use this diary for me, I dont expect anyone to read or even care - I just want somewhere to document my thoughts. Vent when I need to, and look back and see all the reasons I'm doing this. I'm a self sabotager, but im so determined to do it this time. No more giving up!!!!!

My aim for the next week is to:

Really get back into the swing of SW.
Go back to Zumba classes.
Lose 4lbs.

Goodbye fat person, hello me!
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Hay. I myself started back yesterday and like you everything in my life is great at the moment. We moved into our new home after two years planning and six months building. Got engaged at Christmas after 10 years together. All that's left is these few pounds of weight. I'll keep jumping in and out to see how your getting on. I will get there this time. I know I can do it and I'm sure you can to. Best of luck.
Hi Claire your words made me laugh in a nice way of course esp about the tee shirt in Evans. It is only right they should cost more cos they use so much more material and here speaks me a size 20!
Like you I self-sabotage and I have everything going for me and am happy in my life maybe therein lies the problem.
Anyway I have recommitted to SW and have been exercising like a fool.
Good luck to us all
Hiya Claire, just wanted to say good luck for the journey, and I love your countdown ticker... I have one with 3 more days on it than you, so if you could make them both go a bit quicker I'd be delighted;) xxx
So today was my first full day on the diet, and I weighed myself for the first time in a while. My heart sank to be honest. How on earth have I let myself get to this point?! I'm so glad I'm doing something about it, although I felt like crap when I weighed myself, I feel so good being back in control. I was being so ridiculous before now, eating anything and everything.

I definately don't think I've eaten enough though today....but it was only day one!

None. Oops.

Prawn Salad,
synned the prawn sauce

Baked salmon
Mashed potato

Muller Light

Ending day one feeling v positive! Just so ready to take control of this.
So yesterday was a bit of a mess as I was so unorganised and rushing around! I didnt go majorly off plan, I just hardly found time to eat! No breakfast & no tea. I know this is a big no no, and I need to eat to lose weight on this plan but I just genuinely didnt have time! I had quite a few syns at lunch (oops) though so hoping it evens out. Today i'm working as its flu jab day (hooray...not), so i've ordered a jacket potato with beans for lunch.

I really need to eat properly today!
So just wanted to update my diary with what I ate today. I've been doing it so far with just what I have in the cupboards, but after work today I went and did a big shop. So now I am fully prepared & have some alpen bars so I can have breakfast. I find it too hard to have breakfast in the morning I just usually grab two alpen bars and have them as my HeExB :). But anyway, here we go


Jacket potato with beans and cheese for HeExA

Haddock fillett in SW breadcrumbs
SW chips
Garlic Sauce (synned)

Packet of SunBites

Feeling so good!!!
I've just had a revelation. I made myself a SW breakfast, and i'm munching my way through it, getting towards finishing, had an egg and a half left and a piece of toast and a few beans, and I realise that i'm so full and im forcing it down. WHY? I literally thought to myself, why on earth am i still eating when i'm full? Why am i forcing this down, making myself feel ill im so full! I can't believe i've only just noticed i do this! I promptly stopped, chucked the rest in the bin and feel just right. Not overly full, just satisfied.

I definitely need to be more aware when im eating.
I do this too, eat until the plate is empty regardless of whether I'm actually hungry, I struggle to know when I'm full... That said, on SW I can still eat loads and lose weight so win win!!! xx
I do this too, eat until the plate is empty regardless of whether I'm actually hungry, I struggle to know when I'm full... That said, on SW I can still eat loads and lose weight so win win!!! xx
haha the beauty of sw eh! Trying to re-educate myself and completley change my attitude towards food though. I have such a bad relationship with it!
So i'm trying to change my attitude and how I work my weak points. When im bored at home, alone, sitting in front of the tv, i can quite happily eat and eat and eat. I have decided to treat myself to a chilled out afternoon on the sofa (stressful morning at work!) so to make sure i dont do this, i made myself a lovely diet coke chicken with baby spinach, spring onion and mushrooms. I am now satisfied (but not overly full!) and don't feel the need to pick at all.

I'm so proud of myself! I feel like this time is so different to any other time i've tried to lose weight. I'm learning so much about myself, about my bad habits, about how to overcome my bad attitude to food and to learn from it.

Now - back to sex and the city :)
So yesterdays food:

Two alpen lights (HExB)

Diet Coke Chicken
Baby Spinach
Spring onion


pack of Sunbites

I also attempted to do some excercise. Which at my fitness level (non existent) is tough! I didn't do anything too hardcore, I took the dogs to the field, and I jogged, power walked, walked and got my heart rate going. Going to build my fitness up (hopefully). Yesterday was a good day!

Only 3 days until I see my lovely man, cannot wait!!!
Oops neglected my diary for a day but i'm back!

Had a good day yesterday, did a bit more walking, and food wise I was 100%. Ate lots of veggies too.

Today I weighed in, i was a day early but wednesdays are just so much more convinient for me. So after 6 days on plan, I have lost 4.5lb! YAY! Off to a good start :)

Today I haven't exactly had a cheat day, because I am totally avoiding going off plan at all, but i have just been a bit more relaxed with my syns. I had a small bag of winegums, and a mr kipling cake which I obviously normally wouldnt have! But all my meals were SW friendly. Back on 100% tomorrow!

Worrying about friday, as my boyfriend is coming over for the night and he is like a lean mean eating machine haha. We are going to a firework display on the prom, hoping i will be able to avoid the chippy on the way home! Gotta keep my head in the game, haha.
So my lovely man has left to go home and to work :( rubbish. Yesterday was umm...a little bit iffy!

I didn't have any breakfast, or any lunch (whoops) and then for tea I had 4 slices of dominos! argh! Buuut we walked a 4 mile walk...all in all, a bit of an oops day. But on the upside, i spent a lovely day with my boyfriend, we watched crap tv, ate pizza and spent all evening cuddled up on the sofa. So maybe i'll forgive the 4 slices of pizza as I had such a nice time haha!

Back on today, drinking water and ordered a jacket potato with beans for lunch.

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