Suzie_
Full Member
Why is it that, no matter how illogical it is, even if you know that you’re going to hate the repercussions, sometimes you still start eating anyway? Why is it that you can stick to CD for days on end, find that grim determination to keep drinking water rather than give in – and then in the space of an hour, go from diet hero to zero? That suddenly you can justify eating, when you’ve done everything in your power for nearly a fortnight to justify not eating? 
How is it that you can manage to persuade yourself that it won’t matter, that it won’t do too much damage because tomorrow, you promise yourself, you’ll jump straight back on the diet and within a day or so it’ll be as though nothing ever happened? Well, I suppose because that last one’s actually true. If you can actually follow through with that promise you made to yourself. And that’s the tough part. Because the following day, the self-loathing sets in. The voices in your head start telling you how stupid you were, how you won’t manage to get back on track that easily, and what the hell, why not carry on eating, cos you’re a sad loser?
I really want to get to the stage that if I have a diet blip, I can just put it behind me. How do you learn to draw that ‘line underneath’ that everyone tells you about – when all you can hear in your head is that little voice telling you you’re stupid? Why does it nearly always take me several days – not just one day – to stop listening to it?
I’ve deliberately not mentioned what I ate – cos I think it’s pretty self-explanatory that I ate plenty of stuff I shouldn’t and the details don’t really matter here.
But how does everyone pick themselves up again? Why is it that the first time I did CD, I managed 6 months without falling off the wagon – and now I can’t manage to do more than a fortnight?
How is it that you can manage to persuade yourself that it won’t matter, that it won’t do too much damage because tomorrow, you promise yourself, you’ll jump straight back on the diet and within a day or so it’ll be as though nothing ever happened? Well, I suppose because that last one’s actually true. If you can actually follow through with that promise you made to yourself. And that’s the tough part. Because the following day, the self-loathing sets in. The voices in your head start telling you how stupid you were, how you won’t manage to get back on track that easily, and what the hell, why not carry on eating, cos you’re a sad loser?
I really want to get to the stage that if I have a diet blip, I can just put it behind me. How do you learn to draw that ‘line underneath’ that everyone tells you about – when all you can hear in your head is that little voice telling you you’re stupid? Why does it nearly always take me several days – not just one day – to stop listening to it?
I’ve deliberately not mentioned what I ate – cos I think it’s pretty self-explanatory that I ate plenty of stuff I shouldn’t and the details don’t really matter here.
But how does everyone pick themselves up again? Why is it that the first time I did CD, I managed 6 months without falling off the wagon – and now I can’t manage to do more than a fortnight?
