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disappointed in myself .. is this the end of the road?

loveloveyy

Full Member
hi there all

i have a confession to make. i ate again today.. i have restarted 3 times this week. i really want to do this but find that its a split second that makes me fall down.

i am determined to do this once and for all. i have my wi on monday so i hope i havent put much on.

i am so upset and disapointed in myself... because i am cheating myself and wasting my money.

:(
 
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great things

Gold Member
why not work down the plans. start higher and go lower so it's a gradual thing rather than a sudden shock. it only takes a couple of days then you'll be ok.
 

chubbers

Full Member
When you ate was it healthy or not? How about doing 810 if you are finding it too hard to do SS without eating at all? xxx
 

Lily

Gold Member
Dieting to lose weight - it's a funny thing. After more years than I care to remember trying different diets, it seems to me that in order to be successful, you have to want the weight loss more than you want anything else in the world.

You also have to be more selfish than you've ever been before. Other people will want you to eat for all sorts of what they think are good reasons. You'll want to eat too and if you're put into a position where there's a lot of pressure on you, you'll cave if at that very moment, weight loss isn't your absolute priority.

Doing Cambridge can be both the most difficult and most easy diet in the world, sometimes at the same time. :rolleyes: It's easy in that when you're in 'the zone', you know exactly what you can have and what you can't have. It's black and white.

It's often when you try to bend the rules that you come unstuck. You think, "I'll have a bit of chicken, that won't hurt." But then you find you're still hungry and there's no chicken left. "I'll eat that ham then," you think. "That won't do much harm. There aren't many carbs in it. I'll stay in ketosis."

And then, something weird can happen. A little voice in your head starts nagging at you that you've 'cheated'. The little voice gets louder and louder, especially when you realise that the chicken and the ham together might have kept you in ketosis but you've just eaten 395 calories more than you meant to - and worse still, you're still hungry. If you're really unlucky, this is the point when your "What the hell!" chip switches on and before you know it, your head's in the fridge and you start on an eating rampage, eating stuff you don't even particularly like sometimes. It kind of feels a bit like you're punishing yourself. Which come to think of it, you kind of are. :sigh:

So... back to the start. Is losing weight your number one priority? If it isn't, is there something you need to deal with first, or deal with at the same time? I'm particularly guilty of dieting when there are lots of issues in my life but losing weight seems to be the only one I might be able to solve. All goes swimmingly for a week or three - I feel great cos I've lost a few pounds but then - KERPOW!! The other problems that I should have dealt with as well, like catching up with outstanding tasks at work, tidying my house, having a confrontation with someone (that's one I put off a lot!) rear their ugly heads.

And how do I deal with them?

You guessed it. I start eating to feel better. I feel better for approximately 5 minutes. And then I realise that now, not only have I not dealt with the issue that upset me, I've also lost control of my diet. Great... :cry:

I repeat this pattern over and over again. I might be wrong, but I think lots of us do. And then, I give myself a really hard time about falling off the wagon - when what I really should be doing is giving myself a hard time about not dealing with whatever it is that should've been my number one problem first.

Now... This could just be my particular set of problems. Your desire to lose weight might well be your number one issue. I suspect it isn't though, otherwise you'd simply power on through it. It might simply be that you're made to feel selfish for wanting to be on a strict diet when people around you want to go out for the evening. It could be something you don't even want to admit to yourself...

Add on top of all this that it really is hard to diet at this time of year. You've got parties and Christmas dinners to negotiate. You've done the calculations and realised that even if you have two 100% weeks you're only going to lose half a stone before Christmas when you really hoped you might be a stone and a half down by then. And then the other 'what the hell!' kicks in and tells you that there's no point in trying to stick to the plan now cos you aren't going to lose 'enough'.

That's where I am with it all right now, if I'm honest. I've really struggled to stay on track this week - in fact, I haven't had a single 100% day. I can be 100% all day then binge my socks off all evening. :rolleyes:

But, from tomorrow, I'm drawing a line under it. I'm going to aim to be 100% next week so that I get back, more or less, to where I was before I fell off the wagon. I'll call it damage limitation, so that I don't put all of the weight I've lost since the beginning of November back on by New Year's Eve. And then next year, the New Year, I'm going for it. And not just weight loss. I'm going to work on being better organised at work and getting to bed at a decent time too so that I can cope.

For once, my New Year's Resolution isn't only going to be to 'lose weight'. I wonder how many years I've kidded myself that that's all I need to do? :)

So loveloveyy - no, it's not the end of the road. It's a fork in the road, that's all. Maybe even a roundabout. Just pick any direction other than back the way you came, okay? :D
 

loveloveyy

Full Member
Dieting to lose weight - it's a funny thing. After more years than I care to remember trying different diets, it seems to me that in order to be successful, you have to want the weight loss more than you want anything else in the world.

You also have to be more selfish than you've ever been before. Other people will want you to eat for all sorts of what they think are good reasons. You'll want to eat too and if you're put into a position where there's a lot of pressure on you, you'll cave if at that very moment, weight loss isn't your absolute priority.

Doing Cambridge can be both the most difficult and most easy diet in the world, sometimes at the same time. :rolleyes: It's easy in that when you're in 'the zone', you know exactly what you can have and what you can't have. It's black and white.

It's often when you try to bend the rules that you come unstuck. You think, "I'll have a bit of chicken, that won't hurt." But then you find you're still hungry and there's no chicken left. "I'll eat that ham then," you think. "That won't do much harm. There aren't many carbs in it. I'll stay in ketosis."

And then, something weird can happen. A little voice in your head starts nagging at you that you've 'cheated'. The little voice gets louder and louder, especially when you realise that the chicken and the ham together might have kept you in ketosis but you've just eaten 395 calories more than you meant to - and worse still, you're still hungry. If you're really unlucky, this is the point when your "What the hell!" chip switches on and before you know it, your head's in the fridge and you start on an eating rampage, eating stuff you don't even particularly like sometimes. It kind of feels a bit like you're punishing yourself. Which come to think of it, you kind of are. :sigh:

So... back to the start. Is losing weight your number one priority? If it isn't, is there something you need to deal with first, or deal with at the same time? I'm particularly guilty of dieting when there are lots of issues in my life but losing weight seems to be the only one I might be able to solve. All goes swimmingly for a week or three - I feel great cos I've lost a few pounds but then - KERPOW!! The other problems that I should have dealt with as well, like catching up with outstanding tasks at work, tidying my house, having a confrontation with someone (that's one I put off a lot!) rear their ugly heads.

And how do I deal with them?

You guessed it. I start eating to feel better. I feel better for approximately 5 minutes. And then I realise that now, not only have I not dealt with the issue that upset me, I've also lost control of my diet. Great... :cry:

I repeat this pattern over and over again. I might be wrong, but I think lots of us do. And then, I give myself a really hard time about falling off the wagon - when what I really should be doing is giving myself a hard time about not dealing with whatever it is that should've been my number one problem first.

Now... This could just be my particular set of problems. Your desire to lose weight might well be your number one issue. I suspect it isn't though, otherwise you'd simply power on through it. It might simply be that you're made to feel selfish for wanting to be on a strict diet when people around you want to go out for the evening. It could be something you don't even want to admit to yourself...

Add on top of all this that it really is hard to diet at this time of year. You've got parties and Christmas dinners to negotiate. You've done the calculations and realised that even if you have two 100% weeks you're only going to lose half a stone before Christmas when you really hoped you might be a stone and a half down by then. And then the other 'what the hell!' kicks in and tells you that there's no point in trying to stick to the plan now cos you aren't going to lose 'enough'.

That's where I am with it all right now, if I'm honest. I've really struggled to stay on track this week - in fact, I haven't had a single 100% day. I can be 100% all day then binge my socks off all evening. :rolleyes:

But, from tomorrow, I'm drawing a line under it. I'm going to aim to be 100% next week so that I get back, more or less, to where I was before I fell off the wagon. I'll call it damage limitation, so that I don't put all of the weight I've lost since the beginning of November back on by New Year's Eve. And then next year, the New Year, I'm going for it. And not just weight loss. I'm going to work on being better organised at work and getting to bed at a decent time too so that I can cope.

For once, my New Year's Resolution isn't only going to be to 'lose weight'. I wonder how many years I've kidded myself that that's all I need to do? :)

So loveloveyy - no, it's not the end of the road. It's a fork in the road, that's all. Maybe even a roundabout. Just pick any direction other than back the way you came, okay? :D

lets both restart tomo 100% no more down that road again? what you say?

lets keep in contact so we dont fall
 

Candlewix

Down boy!
Wow Lily what an amazing heartfelt post. It is so true....especially this quote:
"And then, something weird can happen. A little voice in your head starts nagging at you that you've 'cheated'. The little voice gets louder and louder, especially when you realise that the chicken and the ham together might have kept you in ketosis but you've just eaten 395 calories more than you meant to - and worse still, you're still hungry. If you're really unlucky, this is the point when your "What the hell!" chip switches on and before you know it, your head's in the fridge and you start on an eating rampage, eating stuff you don't even particularly like sometimes. It kind of feels a bit like you're punishing yourself. Which come to think of it, you kind of are. :sigh: "

Its strange how we are either feasting or fasting. I'm puzzled as to why when I 'go off' I binge eat instead of 'normal eat' like normal people...whatever that is?
Hopefully this time I am trying to re-educate my thought pattern as to why I can't comfort myself in other ways rather than a huge slab of Victoria sponge et al!
This is a very difficult time of the year to be doing a VLCD. I actually wasn't going to start until after Xmas, but I'm sooo glad I did. I have already lost 12lbs, so this Xmas I am not going to be eating myself into a coma :eatdrink023:and I'm relieved because I usually feel awful and ashamed :eek:!

Don't feel bad loveloveyy. We are human, we fall down, get up start again, try get into ketosis as quick as poss then hunger really does abate. Christmas will be here and gone in the blink of an eye and you could be a few pounds less than more!
GOOD LUCK ;)
 

loveloveyy

Full Member
Thank you all so much, and Lily you are so right in what you said and that is what happened, it took a split second and i was into the food and now i feel so bad, to be the point i think why did i even do that, i feel so guilty that i let everyone down and most importantly myself as i was into my 2nd day of being 100% and prob would have been in ketosis tomorrow or day after and now i have to start all over again. i actually ate so much that i feel sick, also i find that when i do eat i over eat to compensate and i have this stupid mentailty of thinking im going to eat as much and whatever i like to the point then i feel sick and think why the hell did i do it. im going to keep a journal of everything and i want to thank everyone on here for their support and motivatation and how nice everyone is. i couldnt have done it without you lot.

i am defo going to go back tomorrow and i will not stop until i achieve my goals. im going to exercise tomorrow to try and work off some of the fat i have prob stored from eating all the carbs i did. i genuinely feel sick at the moment. trying to drink lots of water to try and flush everything out

im such a stupid girl why do i do this?????????????
 

Lara1986

Gold Member
Brilliant post lily!

Loveloveyy your gonna get there x x
 

Lily

Gold Member
Its strange how we are either feasting or fasting. I'm puzzled as to why when I 'go off' I binge eat instead of 'normal eat' like normal people...whatever that is?

Because you know that you're going to have to go back on the diet. And that you won't be able to have the food you think you want while you're on the diet - so you'd better have it now, while you're off the wagon. I rather think doing Cambridge, being such an all or nothing diet, makes that kind of behaviour a little worse. Then again, that's why Cambridge works so well for folks like us because we're "all or nothing" thinkers. While we're on plan and our heads are in the right place, nothing can stop us. The trick is staying in that place for long enough to make a significant difference to our body shape!

Hopefully this time I am trying to re-educate my thought pattern as to why I can't comfort myself in other ways rather than a huge slab of Victoria sponge et al!

It certainly helps. When you can't eat (because you're determined not to when you're 'in the zone') you're forced to find other ways of dealing with your feelings.

This is a very difficult time of the year to be doing a VLCD. I actually wasn't going to start until after Xmas, but I'm sooo glad I did. I have already lost 12lbs, so this Xmas I am not going to be eating myself into a coma :eatdrink023:and I'm relieved because I usually feel awful and ashamed :eek:!

Don't feel bad loveloveyy. We are human, we fall down, get up start again, try get into ketosis as quick as poss then hunger really does abate. Christmas will be here and gone in the blink of an eye and you could be a few pounds less than more!
GOOD LUCK ;)

So very true. There'll be other Christmases too! (well done on your 12lbs lost, by the way :clap:)

i feel so guilty that i let everyone down and most importantly myself as i was into my 2nd day of being 100% and prob would have been in ketosis tomorrow or day after and now i have to start all over again. i actually ate so much that i feel sick, also i find that when i do eat i over eat to compensate and i have this stupid mentailty of thinking im going to eat as much and whatever i like to the point then i feel sick and think why the hell did i do it. im going to keep a journal of everything and i want to thank everyone on here for their support and motivatation and how nice everyone is. i couldnt have done it without you lot.

You didn't let us down. You didn't even let yourself down, you just drifted into a familiar thought pattern. I'm firmly of the opinion that every time you realise that's what you've done, you're better prepared for the next time. So it might take a few more goes - but you'll get there in the end. Believe in yourself!

lets both restart tomo 100% no more down that road again? what you say?

lets keep in contact so we dont fall

Let's. :) One day at a time though, okay? We'll get through tomorrow first, then aim to get through Monday and so on. Once we're back in ketosis it'll all get easier x x

Big hugs :bighug:
 

loveloveyy

Full Member
yes i will take each day as it comes instead of being so hard on myself and seeing it in the long run, just handle each day and make sure i stick to it day by day.

i have started to keep a journey and have a lovely motivation buddy lara1986 who we keep in contact and support each other.

i will start tomo, i havent eaten again and will not i drank plenty of water hoping to flush it all out. tomorrow is a new day and i will keep focused
 

Setas

Silver Member
Amazing post lily- i struggled like that all summer - restarted then binged everyday and regained more than 1/2 of what i had lost. What gave me the kick up the bum was feeling fat and orrible and realising that i was the same weight as i was this time last year- ok not the full 8 stone back on but 5 of them. Argh-

Good luck for tomorrow both of you.....
 

Bess

Plod, plod, plod.....
Brilliant post Lily, I identify with every word but wish I could work out what it is I'm trying to deal with rather than dieting. (Today it's the house, rammed full of stuff which we seem to need, no where to put it and too full of people.) Real winter blues.....However, it's not usually that, especially in the summer when we all spill outside and there's plenty of room for us all.
I like the roundabout analogy very much. xx
 
Lily,
What a great post! I'm definitely going through what you described. I'm also trying to take it one day at a time .......

Lovelovey,
You've been given some great advice already. Don't think that I can add anymore to what's already been said.
Good Lu k sweets, you can do it with the help of this forum.
 

desperate2Bslim

Reaching the goal
Hi loveloveyy! Been there too. I've done different programs and did a lot of crash diet. Only to find out that they just put weight on me. I then realized that it's not the food we eat but it's how we eat. Don't deprive yourself. Like what has been said, do it gradually. Take one step at a time. Don't starve yourself. Eat. Food is a basic need. Our body needs it for it to function properly. Set a goal. Set a time line. Limit your intake. Don't bite more than what you can chew. :eek:
 

loveloveyy

Full Member
Hi all just an update im on day 4 ive been good everyday and it feels good ive not cheated i am determined to do this also im taking each day as it cones x thank you for everyones moruvational wirds x
 

shini

Silver Member
LL keep it really enjoyed reading ur posts n can honestly relate to the way u been tinking n eating !! I've failed my self tooo many times in the start of my cd jorney ! But then one day I realised I could not waste money n eat at same time .. I stuck to diet n now I'm Almost at target !! Best thing I ever did.. I have weeks were I dont c my CDC n just check weight at home n send CDC my scale pic!! N everytime she replies wiv (well done babe xx)) n it keeps me going !! I have had odd days off for special occasions but next day got bak on diet wivout any cheats!! I did realise dat I would take each day as it comes n have done !! U too can do it ... We r humans after all ... N it's just about picking up restarting n never giving up!! Good luck Hun xxxx
 

Clear As yoghurt

Full Member
Keep going Loveyloveyy! You have done the very hardest bit now :) I agree with Shini very much, I had an episode with some salami sandwich meat last week :( I was so angry at myself as for me, where I am, this diet is NOT cheap and I could not understand why I was basically throwing money down the toilet! The thought of just wasting money and knowing it meant an extra day on the diet soon made me pull my socks up. If I ever feel like cheating ( usually evenings) I always tell myself that the day that I have almost completed will HAVE to be done again at the end of the diet...it will just extend everything.

Good luck! xx
 

bettiesrevenge

Gold Member
Hey there.

I thought I would just chime in and say well done for being on day 4...all down hill from here.

Can I suggest that, following the wonderful lily's post, you may want to start using your time (you know the time, where in the evening, it's past your last shake and your mind wanders to food) to check out some books which deal with dysfunctional eating behaviours. I would NEVER have got to where I am now without them.

I am a habitual restarter, well, I was. BUT now I make it work for me, not the other way around, and that is really how I made it to being 19lbs away from goal.

Those that followed my diary, know what a struggle it has been at times, but, I was resolute...no matter how many wide road experiences I had, no matter how many off track days I had. I pulled it back around. I chalked it up to experience, I took my licks and ploughed on.

Try looking at why weight by Geneen Roth first...it's more of a journal which is less eating orientated.

YOU CAN DO IT.....
 

Pommette

Trying - very!
LL - well done for getting to day 4 chica. You can do this.

Lily - a wonderful truly, heartfelt post.

Some of you know me, I don't do CD but I can still identify with everything you said. I went for months without falling of the SW wagon. Got to target the day before going on holiday and then what? Ate for England for 10 days and put lots of lbs back on. Just kept eating and pigging out 'cos I kept telling myself I was cold, I was hungry and I NEEDED more food.

So it ain't just CD that can cause the problem - it happens to us all at times.

:bighug: to you all and good luck for the future
 




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