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Down In The Dumps & Need A Bit Of Friendly Encouragement

#1
Afternoon all.

I'm sure many of you are aware that I recently went through the destruction of my 7 year relationship with my OH.
Now whether it's anything to do with that or if it's just my depression starting up again I'm not sure, but I just feel really down in the dumps today and have been for a couple of days now.
I can't talk to my mum about it, friends are working so I just really need a shoulder at the moment and someone with a magic solution to help cheer me up :)

Love to you all
xXx
 
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Mummoth

Silver Member
#3
I don't anything about your relationship hun but didn't want to read and run. No magic wands but you're bound to be feeling down, if your 7 yr relationship is over. Take things one day at a time - if a day is too long, then an hour at a time. You'll get through this and come out stronger the other side. Having said that, if you're still feeling low in a few days please go and talk to your GP.

I know it's hard, but try to think of positives in your life. Your achievements, your pretty face, anything else. Those little things all add up. My son suffers badly with depression (anxiety too) and I give him my shoulder to lean on. I have big shoulders, so feel free to lean :)
 
#4
I hope you are feeling a bit better now it is an awful feeling,i am on antidepressants and they are such a help.Before i started them i was such a mess nothing made sense,just take each day as it comes and go to your doc if you cant cope.x
 
#5
Well, I have never had a big relationship break up but I have been very depressed over my weight before. I have always been big, bigger than everyone else and have been moderatly sucessful at losing weight over the yrs then piling it all back. BUT I do know how it feels to feel so big, it seems too big to tackle IYSWIM and then have another bad day and another and another....

I felt pretty low about it in my 20's and thought I would never meet the right one, there wasnt a big queue for me. It was me, my cat and a sucessful career for a long time, I hated going out and on a Friday i'd get in from work and often not see anyone til I went back to work on Monday and hear about there fab weekends. I remember feeling so low on night I ate the top layer of a box of chocs for supper and had the bottom layer for breakfast.
Somehow you have to find a way forward. Be it taking each meal at a time and once you get the first couple of days under your belt, you will feel better and that will spur you on. Keep coming on here, we do understand. Life will get better.

I am 41 now and hated my 20's with a passion. I met my man and the day I met him I knew we would marry. We havent had it easy and have adopted three times and have been though all the nightmare of infertility but life is good but like everyones it has been up and down.

You can do it, you have to find a glimpse of positivity and hold fast to it. You can do it Emma- you have to search deep and find a way forward,

Much love

Lucia x
 
#6
Thank you for your replies ladies, I do really appreciate them.
I think I will be making an appointment at the doctors on monday and see about getting back on antidepressants
xXx
 
#8
Hi Emma,

Don't have a magic solution I'm afraid, but didn't just want to read and run. I've not been on the board very long, so don't really know your story, but a split from a relationship is like any loss, and there are stages of grieving for what you have lost, including anger, frustration, sadness, a mix of all those and more, and eventually acceptance. I'm sorry that you're feeling sad at the moment. It's no magic solution and I know it's a cliche, but time will ease the pain.

If you have suffered from depression in the past and feel you are heading that way again - is there a close friend or relative you can speak to who you trust, who can look at the situation from the 'outside' and tell you if they feel you are heading down that path again, or just the sadness that you'd expect after the end of a relationship.

The forum is quiet at the weekends, so probably there will be some other replies after the weekend. Sending you plenty of :bighug: in the meantime.
 
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#9
No there isn't really any friends that I could call, and to be honest I think I'd feel a bit silly ringing them at this time of night to say "i'm depressed" if you see what I mean.

Thank you all for your support and kindness, it's just really hard at the moment, especially because I feel like I can't close that chapter of my life due to financial reasons at the moment (he owes me quite a bit on the credit card)
I feel like things would be much easier if i could just erase everything to do with him from my life, I don't know if that would actually help but who knows! I have deleted his sisters from my facebook but still feel like there's a few people that either it would be rude to delete or are sort of my friends too so that's kind of another open wound if you like.

It's such a shame that I'm feeling like this because in my opinion I had been doing so well with dealing with it all, but when I think about it I actually think I was just bottling it all up and packing it away so that I didn't have to come to terms with it.

((and also the fact that i should be excited about finally doing SW properly and actually joining a class!!))
 

Tinytootz

Mini crazy cat lady
#10
Heya :)

Not a lot to add really I suppose, other than been there, done that, got the tshirt, got the mental 'scars', got the empty hole in the heart, but honest, there is light at the end of the tunnel. At the moment it may seem more like a dying glow bug, but it does get brighter with time. Time is a brilliant healer if you let it. I also thought erasing the whole sorry incident would make me feel better, but then how would you learn from it and grow?

Take each day as it comes, tackle every hurdle that is thrown at you the best you can, and just take your time. Some days you will be on top of the world Titanic style-ee, others it will feel like the worlds biggest cow has s**t on you. But they will pass eventually :)

Going to the doctors is a brilliant step in the right direction. I hope you get the help that you want on Monday, and you can start rebuilding things from then on. It doesn't matter how long it takes, or how many times you feel like this, as long as baby steps are being taken towards the light x
 
#11
IYSWIM Please what does that mean....I know I am pretty thick.

I too do not have a magic wand to help you get over this awful time quickly. I don't think there is any quickly in a situation like yours. It has to run it's course.

When my ex husband of 20 years announced that he had another woman and wanted me out of his life and out of the family home as fast as possible, I thought my life had ended.

How wrong I was.

Here I am nearly 30 years later and so happy I can not explain it or expect you to understand. In 2 weeks time I celebrate the 26th wedding anniversary to my beloved Paul, my reward in life.

I only tell you all of this because like you I needed anti d's, I thought my world had ended, I still loved my ex, or so I thought. Little did I know that he had done me the greatest favour he could ever have done me.

He is now a miserable, lonely old man and I have my soul mate, my love....

This could be what is waiting for you. Fate is a strange thing........

enormous hugs and lots of love xxxxxx
 

bilsat

Really likes to cook
#12
Hi Elb4160.
Hope you don't mind a comment from a man!
Today is the first day of your new life, plan your future, join your local SW club and go and make new friends, remember when you have lost your weight and have a new look then it's his loss and I am sure Mr Right will appear.
As time goes on the pain will disappear and for now maybe a Doctor can help but if you can try to leave the tablet route, the easier it will be to recover.
Good luck and remember you have your friends on here.
Pete
 
#13
elb4160 said:
No there isn't really any friends that I could call, and to be honest I think I'd feel a bit silly ringing them at this time of night to say "i'm depressed" if you see what I mean.

Thank you all for your support and kindness, it's just really hard at the moment, especially because I feel like I can't close that chapter of my life due to financial reasons at the moment (he owes me quite a bit on the credit card)
I feel like things would be much easier if i could just erase everything to do with him from my life, I don't know if that would actually help but who knows! I have deleted his sisters from my facebook but still feel like there's a few people that either it would be rude to delete or are sort of my friends too so that's kind of another open wound if you like.

It's such a shame that I'm feeling like this because in my opinion I had been doing so well with dealing with it all, but when I think about it I actually think I was just bottling it all up and packing it away so that I didn't have to come to terms with it.

((and also the fact that i should be excited about finally doing SW properly and actually joining a class!!))
If my friend was feeling this crap at night after a 7 year relationship breakdown I'd be really mad at her that she didn't just ring me, cause as a friend that's what I'm there for!
For the money he owes up could you come up with a mutual solution between you where you don't have to see each other? Maybe he could pay it into your account every month of week, or post it through your door in an envelope?
I'm glad your going to see a doctor and taking the first big step toasted getting better.
And just remember men are not worth the heartbreak we give them! You are a beautiful strong woman who can stand on her own two feet and show the world what you can do x
 
#14
Sorry things are so unhappy at the moment but it's times like this you need to dig deep into the very person you are and make a change. You mentioned being depressed before, I take it you were diagnosed etc...my issue is the minute you tell a doctor you are depressed, they prescribe a pill. I am all for this, should it be right for you, but you need to try and be strong (unless you are suicidal, then docs is the best option).

Ok so your relationship ended, you are having weight issues as we all are on here, your self-esteem is at an all time low....BUT, pick yourself up, dust yourself down and look forward to a new life, a life where you are a strong woman taking charge of her life. If the friends you have are worthy, then pick up that phone regardless! Stop the woe is me and move on and do something about it. You have the potential to be anything you want in life, if you carry on procrastinating and thinking everything is doom and gloom, then doom and gloom is what will happen. I always believe you get what you settle for. Don't settle! You are as special as every other human being on this planet and you owe it to yourself to be happy.

Make a change, stand tall when dealing with your ex's friends, money issues etc....stand tall and you will get through it.

Please make a start as soon as possible, life is too short Emma, GO AND TAKE CONTROL! Get that life back.

Lots of hugs and please make use of any external help, including me, just send me a message if you ever want a chat xx
 

xMandyDx

Determination is Key
#16
I agree with the comment about holding off on the meds if you can. When I had my baby two years ago I spiralled into a depression so black I couldn't even get dressed during the day because...what was the point?! I went to see my doctor and she put me on anti depressants, and I took them for a few days, but felt even worse that I had to take them. So I took myself off them, and forced myself to get up every morning, to get dressed every day, to do my make up, and brush my hair, to dress nicely and go out somewhere for a walk or call to see friends. After the first month it wasn't such a chore anymore, and after a few months, I looked forward to getting out.
Fast forward about six months from there, and I was fighting fit again and back on track.

Sometimes tablets are the answer, other times, you just need to give yourself a kick up the bum!

A breakup is never easy or pleasant, but in time you'll see it's not the end of the world.
Good luck, and *hugs* to you!
 
#17
Hi not on the boards as much as I'd like but hope you are feeling better xx
 

KittenKat

Operation Hottie Kidnap
#18
Hope you're feeling better hon. I know how you feel as I'm going through the very same thing at the moment. There are good days and bad days, and even a good day can change over the smallest, more simple thing.

I was diagnosed with depression nearly 3 years ago but the Dr didn't want to give me tablets if I could fight it on my own, which I have tried to do over the years. Now, I'm at rock bottom but still trying to fight it without any meds if I can. I promised to give myself 2 months from the break up before I went back to the Dr to see if they would give me anything. I'm 5 weeks in now and still finding it as hard as ever, but I WILL sit out the 2 months before doing anything.

Then, if I still feel like I need help to deal with it, then I'll ask, but wanted to give myself a chance first :)
 
#19
I would just like to say a massive thank you to everyone who has posted in here to support me and offer advice.
I didn't go to the doctors in the end, after a lot of you said about trying to wait and see how things went I did. I am feeling a little better right now, after a good result at my first "official" WI last night I am feeling motivated!
The underlying problem is of course still there, and I don't think my depression will ever go away, but at the moment I'm managing :)

I may go to the doctors at some point to see if I can get some sort of counciling or something, but as things stand at the moment I am doing ok.
 


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