Eddie's Journey

[Edwin]

Well I've been on here a while and have decided that now is the time to start a diary in the vain hope it might help me stick to the plan a bit better.

I have done SW on and off for years now and as a veggie find the green days work well. The plan works and I enjoy the food and I know there is absolutely no need to be hungry.

BUT I am a firm believer that for it to work your head has to be in the right place and for some reason, despite how much I want to lose weight, my head drifts off frequently leaving me in the frustrating position of not being able to stick to the plan despite wanting to.

It's no excuse but I have been suffering with PND and this affects my eating. I am also suffering from health anxiety and a severe lack of confidence at the moment. I think losing weight will help all of this. And if I can improve in these areas it may help my crumbling marriage. A long shot but fingers crossed.

So I am hoping that this diary will give me somewhere to vent as right now I feel very alone in the world and feel no-one else wants to listen to my woes. I'll try not to be too depressing!

I have a big party to go to in 7 weeks. I will be going with my 2 very slim very confident sister in laws. I can't face the thought of going like this. So this is my motivation - I want to go to that party and enjoy myself - for me to do that I need to feel better about myself and losing weight is a step towards that.

If I stick to plan for 7 weeks I will lose weight (hopefully almost a stone?). Yes I will have to make some sacrifices along the way (mainly chocolate). If I don't like the way I look, the way I feel and the enjoyment of chosing a dress in 7 weeks then I can eat all my favourite foods again and eat the weight back on. If I don't try I won't know what is the best feeling - eating the rubbish or being slimmer.

I will start tomorrow on plan as close to 100% as possible - I'm human and I have a busy life with 2 young children so cannot be 100% all the time but I will chose my 'breaks' sensibly.

Well thank you if you have got this far reading this - sorry for the waffle but I need this to be somewhere I can vent and get my head clear.

 

[room512]

Good luck. If you feel yourself slipping off track just imagine how good you'll feel at the party when you've lost a stone. That feeling will last longer than anything you can eat that gives a few minutes of delight and then hours of guilt!!!! Also remember you can have your favourite foods as syns. I'm having chocolate every day and my OH is having wine as I type this and were both losing.

 

[Edwin]

I weighed myself this morning - proper WI day is Thursday but wanted to know where I was at for fresh start today.

Well I am 13.2. I was 12.13 last Thursday so bit annoyed at the gain but we did have big family get together yesterday with all the obvious goodies!

Perhaps not the best day to start as we have 11 easter eggs in the house so I will have to resist good and proper! Chocolate is my biggest down fall.

I don't really have a plan food wise today which is not so good but with kids and hubbie at home and a half decorated bathroom it's difficult to know where the day is going to go.

 

[Magic Mummy]

I def agree that your head needs to be in the right place, I have had a few half hearted attempts at WW and SW but it is only this time around that I really know that I can do it.

I have only been doing my diary for a day or so but I think it will help me to keep focussed if I ever think about giving up.

In fact... off over there now to update I think :character00148:


BTW don't worry about having a good moan if you need to... I'm sure I will be in my diary!!!

 

[Edwin]

Well it was all going well today until apx 5pm when I got big cravings and had cake!! No surprise really as that's my usual time for sweet cravings. I just need to plan a bit better I think and have little sweet treats in stock for that time of day. Anyhows, despite little slip up I'm feeling quite positive and hoping to be on track tomorrow.

 

[albeckmum69]

Hi Edwin
check out the SW recipies there is a great one for sponge cake that is very low SYN and yummie!

 

[weemo]

Hi Edwin, just been having a read thru your diary, some of it could have been about me (ie the anxiety, lack of self confidence, slim and confident sis-in-laws!).

You can do this and 7 weeks gives you time to lose weight. It's a great incentive ~ I started SW 8 weeks ago and have lost 8lb (my mini goal was for a wedding I have to go to this Saturday and my slim in laws will be there) so if I can do it you can too.

This is your diary so you moan away ~ you can PM me too if you ever feel like it.:hug99:

Good luck with WI this week, xx

 

[Edwin]

Haven't done too bad today but am now fighting the urge to eat an easter egg.

Today went quick as I was busy at work so i didn't get the munchies. I had a banana and a crispy cake at 5pm which is my normal breaking time so feel pleased with that.

All I need to do is avoid that easter egg and think of what dress I could buy for the party if i lost a stone by then....... I think i will search for dresses on the net to keep me focused.

 

[Edwin]

Well looking at dresses has depressed me and pushed me closer to that evil egg which is shouting my name.

I can't see any dresses which I think would suit me even if I do lose a stone. The problem is that I have a 34JJ bust so finding dresses is really hard as I can't wedge them into anything. I'm so desperate not to wear black trousers again!!

 

[Edwin]

I did good today until 6pm........ was hungry needed food dinner still a while away as needed to get kids in bed......... the easter egg got it. yum yum. Anyhows, now not hungry so will probbaly skip dinner. Very bad I know as will probably snack later on. Don't have any free food in the house and have had all my HEs and syns (and then some) today. Not good planning. WI tomorrow morning. Need to do some shopping and some meal plans.
Bit worried about next two days as will be at home with the kids alone and those are the days when I give in to the cravings and what with all the easter eggs in the house I will struggle evn more. grrrrrr
But I have a new motivation.... The party we are going to in 7 weeks is at a hotel and I have arranged for my mum to have the kids for the night so hubby and I can stay the night in the poshest room they have!!! Can't afford it AT ALL but have put it on the credit card. Hubby and I desparately need some time alone in a stress free place. Hoping it will be a good night but NEED to shift this weight to feel a bit more confident.

 

[Magic Mummy]

What a fantastic incentive... A nice romantic night in a posh hotel..... Don't worry about the easter egg, you've got plenty of time

 

[Edwin]

I have done well today - about 16 syns so pleased with that. Haven't done any exercise which I should have - I could go swimming now but am so tired and lack motivation. I was planning on going for a walk today with the buggy but the weather was a bit rubbish and my little boy is potty training so being away from the potty seemed a bit challenging for him considering it's only his first few days of trying! I doubt I'll get chance to fit any in tomorrow either but will make it my priority for next week. This week I need to concentrate of getting back on plan.
I weighed in this morning and to be honest I'm a bit confused about how I've done. I've had to change scales as my old ones are reading funny - 16 stone one minute and 10 stone the next - well I know I am neither! So I don't really have a weight from last Thursday as it wasn't on my new scales and they are definitely reading higher than my old ones. But I do know I've lost 1lb since Monday so will have to go with that - I think I have put weight on since last Thursday but it has been easter!
I'm going to order some dresses for the party off the internet this weekend as extra motivation - don't know what size to order though as hoping I would be a 14 by then as on the brink now. But definitely can't afford to waste it!

 

[Edwin]

Ok, not a good day today. Don't know why. Rather not talk about what I've eaten - not loads and loads but too much and bad choices. Old habits I guess. Feel unmotivated and grumpy but that's the consequence of eating rubbish. Tomorrow will be different - will get inspired and do big SW shop.