This is more of a thought expulsion than anything else. I am at the end of day one and started the day with water, then chicken soup (leaving a quarter in the botton of the bowl), then water and some oriental chilli soup and finishing with some veryy lumpy hot chocolate.
I have to say that I am struggling to get the soups down me, quantity wise they are too much. I am not sure if i am not enjoying the soups because my mouth just feels SO weird: furry, fuzzy, sticky, raw, metallic - just weird. I hope this passes as it is disgusting but makes me wanna drink more water.
My mind is doing battle with me at the moment and I keep askingmyself why I am doing this, and how my life got to a point where this was a solution. I know I want to do this but my brain keeps telling me to stop. Funnily, i have not been very hungry today, just very headachy and very depressed. I have read numerous posts about these first few days so know what to expect, but it is so unpleasant. I leep asking myself whether I can stcik another hour/day/week/month. I have put so much on this diet that failure would take me lower than before i started. i am praying that the soups taste better tomorrow, and that the headaches subside.
i also tell myself that i can always go back to my CDC and swap the soups for other flavours or for porrige, and if all esle fails I can add one meal a day. anything to keep going. I would be devastated to stop and KNOW i can do this, so why does that little voice in my head keep asking me if it is worth it and telling me to go to the gym. I am so full of self doubt and have convinced myself that i cannot do this and this is not the diet for me - but then what do i go back to? I know I was desperate and that is what led me here so why go back now????
My mind also plays little tricks on me like telling me to have some chicken or omelette as that is low carb, but again I do not want to give in. Its not only the money i have spent on the packs, its the emotional investment i have made. I want to be here next saturday posting my loss and hurraying, not feeling crap.
After all, isn't it better to feel depressed doing this than be depressed having eaten crap. I want to lose 2 stone - that would take me a weight I would be happy with. One small number, and one HUGE mountain for me to climb.
Will I get through this and why has giving up food made me so introspective and made me think about myself and why I eat??
thanks for reading, and you don't have to reply (I have posted 3 times today so may have done your head in already today!)
I have to say that I am struggling to get the soups down me, quantity wise they are too much. I am not sure if i am not enjoying the soups because my mouth just feels SO weird: furry, fuzzy, sticky, raw, metallic - just weird. I hope this passes as it is disgusting but makes me wanna drink more water.
My mind is doing battle with me at the moment and I keep askingmyself why I am doing this, and how my life got to a point where this was a solution. I know I want to do this but my brain keeps telling me to stop. Funnily, i have not been very hungry today, just very headachy and very depressed. I have read numerous posts about these first few days so know what to expect, but it is so unpleasant. I leep asking myself whether I can stcik another hour/day/week/month. I have put so much on this diet that failure would take me lower than before i started. i am praying that the soups taste better tomorrow, and that the headaches subside.
i also tell myself that i can always go back to my CDC and swap the soups for other flavours or for porrige, and if all esle fails I can add one meal a day. anything to keep going. I would be devastated to stop and KNOW i can do this, so why does that little voice in my head keep asking me if it is worth it and telling me to go to the gym. I am so full of self doubt and have convinced myself that i cannot do this and this is not the diet for me - but then what do i go back to? I know I was desperate and that is what led me here so why go back now????
My mind also plays little tricks on me like telling me to have some chicken or omelette as that is low carb, but again I do not want to give in. Its not only the money i have spent on the packs, its the emotional investment i have made. I want to be here next saturday posting my loss and hurraying, not feeling crap.
After all, isn't it better to feel depressed doing this than be depressed having eaten crap. I want to lose 2 stone - that would take me a weight I would be happy with. One small number, and one HUGE mountain for me to climb.
Will I get through this and why has giving up food made me so introspective and made me think about myself and why I eat??
thanks for reading, and you don't have to reply (I have posted 3 times today so may have done your head in already today!)