hannahkaye
This is it!
I've been on this diet, doing SS+, for 16 weeks and have lost 3st 13lbs so far, which is amazing. People are falling over themselves to compliment me and tell me how great I look. I've dropped 4 dress sizes, I actually buy clothes that are figure hugging as opposed to tents.
Having said all this, for the last month, I have been sabotaging myself, eating terrible things, sneaking food, not quite full out binges but I haven't been in control at all. Things at work are a nightmare at the moment and with not eating food at the moment, all my coping stategies have gone. So I've been eating, crisps, chocolate bars, basically anything with sugar or salt in.
Luckily every week I have still been losing weight, although how I have no idea. I just couldn't get it under control and had decided last night that I was going to move up the steps. If I couldn't continue to lose weight, I could at least maintain my current loss.
Then I watched "My Big Fat Fetish" last night on Channel 4. I felt sick, watching these women eat, not being able to move around, one woman spent 6 weeks in bed because she was so depressed, but then she was 44 stone and continuing to gain weight.
I suddenly realised that this was my choice, I could continue with the diet and keep focused or I could become like them, with my body being even more damaged than it already was and being a recluse. I've never been heavier than 22 stone, but it's a slippery slope and I can't say that if I'd continued the way I was, I wouldn't have ever been like them.
But I want more than that. Even though I might have hard days, fat days, I don't want to be locked in a prison of my own body. I now stand at 17st, but I still have around 6st left to lose. I have to do this because there is no other way forward.
This morning the cravings for food have all gone, because I just remember how sad that woman was, lying in her bed, unable to get up. I can't bear the thought that will happen to me, so I'll keep going until I get to where I want to be.
I can't let my emotions control my life anymore, and venting like this helps sometimes, just to get it out there in to the world and it doesn't sit with me anymore. I need to live in the moment, because right now the moment feels really good.
Hannah
:bighug:
Having said all this, for the last month, I have been sabotaging myself, eating terrible things, sneaking food, not quite full out binges but I haven't been in control at all. Things at work are a nightmare at the moment and with not eating food at the moment, all my coping stategies have gone. So I've been eating, crisps, chocolate bars, basically anything with sugar or salt in.
Luckily every week I have still been losing weight, although how I have no idea. I just couldn't get it under control and had decided last night that I was going to move up the steps. If I couldn't continue to lose weight, I could at least maintain my current loss.
Then I watched "My Big Fat Fetish" last night on Channel 4. I felt sick, watching these women eat, not being able to move around, one woman spent 6 weeks in bed because she was so depressed, but then she was 44 stone and continuing to gain weight.
I suddenly realised that this was my choice, I could continue with the diet and keep focused or I could become like them, with my body being even more damaged than it already was and being a recluse. I've never been heavier than 22 stone, but it's a slippery slope and I can't say that if I'd continued the way I was, I wouldn't have ever been like them.
But I want more than that. Even though I might have hard days, fat days, I don't want to be locked in a prison of my own body. I now stand at 17st, but I still have around 6st left to lose. I have to do this because there is no other way forward.
This morning the cravings for food have all gone, because I just remember how sad that woman was, lying in her bed, unable to get up. I can't bear the thought that will happen to me, so I'll keep going until I get to where I want to be.
I can't let my emotions control my life anymore, and venting like this helps sometimes, just to get it out there in to the world and it doesn't sit with me anymore. I need to live in the moment, because right now the moment feels really good.
Hannah
:bighug:
4 dress sizes that's amazing!! I think your wonderful for what you have done so far and you have a good head on your shoulders! Well done to you!!! 
