Ex bf issues, help me!

MissSlinky2011

Silver Member
S: 19st5.5lb C: 17st1lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 38.6 Loss: 2st4.5lb(11.97%)
Hi everyone,

I'm having ex bf issues, really really bad. I was totally in love with this guy when I had a miscarriage and he cheated on me. We split up but being the softie I am I told him if he ever needed me I was still there for him (like I said head over heels in love) he was in the army and seen some really bad stuff and I was the only person who could get him out of his black hole he would go into.

We didn't speak for almost 3 years he has since married, had 2 kids and in the process of getting divorced (from the girl he cheated on me with)

I am very happily married to the real love of my life.

But the ex started texting me, he's in a really bad place and I can't help but want to help him! But he keeps saying things like how much he regrets what happened how much of a d*ck he was how I'm the one that got away and how he really loved me but couldn't cope with losing the baby and that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he lost me.

I'm flattered but I don't feel anything for him, id like to help him but I feel like I'm being dishonest to my husband by talking to him.

What do I do?

X x x

Sent from my HTC Desire using MiniMins x x x
 
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Maddysmum

Gold Member
S: 13st10lb C: 12st2.5lb G: 10st1lb BMI: 30.7 Loss: 1st7.5lb(11.2%)
Run Run Run
Its not your responsibility to sort / look after this man.
Good that he regrets how he treated you, but he did and life has moved on.
If it was the other way round, what would you want your hubby to do.
Don't risk upsetting your lovely marriage.
Kindly ask him not to contact you again

Sorry if i seem blunt, but why is he turning to you now??? Why has his marriage broken down? Is he turning to you, just because he know he can?
Please think of your marriage (love of your life) and leave the past where it should be - in the past!
 

chiefbridesmaid

Silver Member
S: 15st11.5lb C: 12st4lb G: 10st11.5lb BMI: 25.4 Loss: 3st7.5lb(22.35%)
Please please please ignore him, there are other ways you can help him without feeling responsible like a recommend someone for him to talk to etc

Sounds to me that's he's one of these blokes who thinks he can pick you up and drop you when he feels like it! He left you when you had a miscarriage and cheated on you? Why would you even give him a second thought your worth so much more then that!, leave the past where it is & concentrate on your future with your fab hubby who your happy with yay :)
 

odd_sock

Full Member
S: 16st1lb C: 15st3lb G: 10st5lb BMI: 33.4 Loss: 0st12lb(5.33%)
I agree with the two posts above, run and don't look back.

You have no responsibility for your ex and would you want to potentially damage your marriage to the real love of your life trying to help a man who cheated on you after you'd had a miscarriage? If your ex needs help with the things he's seen as a solider suggest he sees his GP or other professional if you feel you have to speak to him but after that leave him in the past where he belongs x
 

MissSlinky2011

Silver Member
S: 19st5.5lb C: 17st1lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 38.6 Loss: 2st4.5lb(11.97%)
I know that's what I need to do, I just know he's suicidal (survivors guilt) and I don't know that I could have that in my conscience if I did nothing!

He was a complete .... to me though and I know all this but if he hadn't done what he did I would never have met Rob.

His wife left him because she can't deal with the depression

X x x

Sent from my HTC Desire using MiniMins x x x
 

tallsarah

Silver Member
S: 14st13lb C: 12st7.0lb G: 12st9.0lb BMI: 23.1 Loss: 2st6lb(16.27%)
He needs professional help, and you are not the best person to help him. He will ruin your marriage if you get sucked into this and past experience has taught you that he will not consider you or your situation if you two had contact again. He is trying to manipulate you already, just think how much worse that could get if you became involved. You are obviously a caring person and he will take advantage of that. You need to channel that caring to those who care for you and want the best for you.
 

MissSlinky2011

Silver Member
S: 19st5.5lb C: 17st1lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 38.6 Loss: 2st4.5lb(11.97%)
Ive decided just to ignore him, its the best thing I can do if I message him it will just encourage him!

Thanks everyone for telling me what I already knew deep down

X x x

Sent from my HTC Desire using MiniMins x x x
 

Ali*

Gold Member
S: 13st1lb C: 12st4lb G: 11st3lb BMI: 30.5 Loss: 0st11lb(6.01%)
Ive decided just to ignore him, its the best thing I can do if I message him it will just encourage him!

Thanks everyone for telling me what I already knew deep down

X x x

Sent from my HTC Desire using MiniMins x x x

Well done hun - I'm sure you are doing the right thing. If he persists then I think you may have to share this with your husband.
 

KittenKat

Operation Hottie Kidnap
S: 12st5lb C: 11st8lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 32.7 Loss: 0st11lb(6.36%)
Ive decided just to ignore him, its the best thing I can do if I message him it will just encourage him!

Thanks everyone for telling me what I already knew deep down

X x x
Sent from my HTC Desire using MiniMins x x x

I think that's the right thing to do hon.

 

SWRocks!

Full Member
defo ignore or change your number. I had a similar situation from when i was young, my then boyfriend moved to London we were only 16 so it was obviously fizzling out. I used to see him frequently even when he had a girlfriend but it was me doing all the travelling from up north. Anyhow this went on for years even when we were both with other people it was like a hard habit to break. He then moved to oz, i got married we both had kids and i never really heard much since. However a few months ago i got a facebook message that he was over on a buisness trip and did i want to meet for old times sake. I was torn and did feel like i was virtualy cheating on hubby. I admit when he said we could meet for coffe i was tempted but then the facebook messages got a bit more personal about past events and there and then after 16 years i realised what a **** this guy was and was using me for want of a better word as a prostitute when he felt like it. I told him i was working nights and i havnt heard from him since. It took 16 years but im glad i opened my eyes, with me alone he cheated on his now wife numerous times and now im wiser i wonder just how many other women he has out there. RUN quick
 

meadowbankles

Silver Member
S: 14st3.5lb C: 14st3.5lb G: 12st0.0lb BMI: 36.5 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
Ive decided just to ignore him, its the best thing I can do if I message him it will just encourage him!

Thanks everyone for telling me what I already knew deep down

X x x

Sent from my HTC Desire using MiniMins x x x
Well done you. Remember, he's an ex for a good reason. Don't let him destroy your wonderful life.
And remember - you are in no way responsible for him and his actions.
:)
 

Maddysmum

Gold Member
S: 13st10lb C: 12st2.5lb G: 10st1lb BMI: 30.7 Loss: 1st7.5lb(11.2%)
Well done hun - I'm sure you are doing the right thing. If he persists then I think you may have to share this with your husband.

Think thats really good advice, then if he gets in contact again, you husband won't be suspicious (even though your doing nothing wrong, you don't want to plant seeds of doubt).
 

KittenKat

Operation Hottie Kidnap
S: 12st5lb C: 11st8lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 32.7 Loss: 0st11lb(6.36%)
Yep, I agree with the others. Explain to your husband what has happened and that you are ignoring the texts, etc. That way it's all in the open and you don't feel as if you are doing anything wrong. You will also have his support to turn to if the ex contacts you again.

And if he continues to make contact, speak to your mobile company about whether it is possible to get his number blocked from yours, etc.
 

Viixenx

~*I always end up back here*~
Chances are youve been a little taken back by it and your husband will probably start seeing that, my advice would be let him know whats going on, then maybe he can help decide what to do? But I agree with run run as fast as you can!
 

fillymum

synful soul
S: 107kg C: 85kg G: 79kg BMI: 33.2 Loss: 22kg(20.56%)
Ive decided just to ignore him, its the best thing I can do if I message him it will just encourage him!

Thanks everyone for telling me what I already knew deep down

X x x

Sent from my HTC Desire using MiniMins x x x


I think that is such a sensible thing to have decided. He is feeling sorry for himself and just needs someone, anyone to make him feel good again. You are that someone.

I agree with everyone else do NOT jeopardize your marriage in anyway.

Just tell hubby in such a way that he will not feel threatened. Involve him, ask him to help you get rid of your ex.

When I divorced my ex, he did something similar to me, begged me to take him back and that was the day before he was due to marry one of the women he had cheated on me with.

Thank goodness I did not allow him to get to me. I would have missed 26 years of marriage to the nicest most loving man whom I adore if I had. On the other hand ex has been married or in live in relationships 7 times.......that tells you everything.

You treasure and cherish your husband,good ones are hard come by.

hugs xxx
 

speccyblue

Full Member
S: 17st5.5lb C: 13st4lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 26.7 Loss: 4st1.5lb(23.61%)
So your ex only gets in contact when his marriage has fallen through and didn't even bother to contact you at all for the 3 years previously, that says a lot about him. I wouldn't go near him with a barge pole, he isn't your problem anymore and I suggest telling your husband the whole story. The dishonesty begins when you don't tell your husband what is going on. Hope you get it sorted x
 

MissSlinky2011

Silver Member
S: 19st5.5lb C: 17st1lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 38.6 Loss: 2st4.5lb(11.97%)
Well he has contacted me a handle of times in the past, just before I was about to get married asking me to spend one more night with and I told him f off and never contact me again. Then when my dad died he sent me a msg with his condolences saying he checks on my fb a lot to check how I'm doing. Although I was grateful for the msg about my dad let's say I quickly changed my privacy levels!

I've had a chat with my husband and he was glad I'd told him and he said if I feel the need to try and help him he understands but he was happier when I said I was going to ignore him and then got a really big head that someone else wants me because I'm his and the ex can't have me lol!

And that is why I love my hubby!

X x x

Sent from my HTC Desire using MiniMins x x x
 

fillymum

synful soul
S: 107kg C: 85kg G: 79kg BMI: 33.2 Loss: 22kg(20.56%)
So glad you told him and that he was so understanding.

I am so thankful that my ex was so horrid, violent and unfaithful. If he hadn't been I would never have met my Paul and it sounds like you have a good on in yours.

As I said look after him, they are not easy to find.

hugs xxxxxxxx
 

MissSlinky2011

Silver Member
S: 19st5.5lb C: 17st1lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 38.6 Loss: 2st4.5lb(11.97%)
Rob knows how much I love him and I know how lucky I am to have him. He means everything to me lol x x x

Sent from my HTC Desire using MiniMins x x x
 




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