Fat, depressed and KEEN!

Elementhia

Elementhia

Full Member
Hi I'm Sam,

5'8" 18stone 1.5lbs (115kg, 253.5lbs, BMI 38.5)

I have been big since I was 16. I am now 24 and enough is enough. My weight holds me back in every. single. part. of my life. I have seen my weight slowly climb from:

me: 'Urgh I feel so fat' ---> 'dont be silly you're perfect':D
me: 'Urgh I feel so fat' ---> 'youre fine':)
me: 'Urgh I feel so fat'' ---> 'Me too we should diet together':eek:
me: 'Urgh I feel so fat' ---> 'You cant really get away with wearing that...sorry just being honest':confused:
me: 'I dont want to go shopping any more. Only shoes are my friends.' --> 'Tried Evans?' :sigh:
me: 'I am enormous' ---> silence.:(
me: silence --> 'You're enormous'.:8855:

I am a student doctor who slowly put on weight throughout university and came to final year - exams - baaad relationships - trouble at home - stress - all hit me at once and I became a blubbering useless depressed mess, stopped functioning and put on 2 stone in a year. Now, after therapy, antidepressents etc I am the biggest I have ever been and it has to stop. I am probably about 7 stone overweight.

I am on a 1 year leave of absence from university and I am going back September 2012. This is my last chance to get this right. It cannot happen again. I have 1 year (well...10 months now) to get healthy and happy and ready to do this right. Losing weight will give me the happy, healthy, energetic outlook I need to go back to university and crack this final year - be happy and fulfill my dreams. At the moment, I am temping in a job I hate, tired all the time, feel ugly and ashamed, withdrawing from meeting new people because of my weight. Pushing friends away because of my shame. I get embarrased in my own house with my family. I feel sweaty and dirty, get rashes under my boobs, have horrible nasty stretch marks on my stomach and legs and generally feel hopeless and miserable. How can this person be a good doctor? Frankly, I cant. I need to change my lifestyle completely.

It has got to stop.

So, last week I joined Slimming World. I know the plan well as I lost a stone on it before a few years ago but stopped when I got a job that kept me in until midnight every night which has now finished.

I find im good at the diet and I dont feel hungry or deprived:

so long as I have time to 1. shop frequently 2. spend an hour cooking. I really really struggle to find free food that I want to eat when im in a rush or on the go. Each meal seems to take alot more work and decision making, research etc

I am really finding it hard to do any excercise. I am not a morning person and struggle to get up as it is, go to work, come home and feel so tired as soon as I get in i usually need to lie down and inevitably then cannot get up. I am really unfit and excercise = pain and would-rather-poke-eyes-out. I might make plans to go for a run after work but realistically? Can I make myself do that? after work? really? no. I might consider jumping around my room with headphones on though noone can see me and if i get tired I dont have to run back in the cold ;)

My last big worry is ohhhh im going to miss the wine! I need to see results in the first few weeks so my instinct is to kick it completely but I will miss it in the evenings, wondering how successful I can be if I carry on having a glass of wine or two a few evenings a week. hmmm. Probably best not.

Anyway, I will keep you updated. First weight on on Wednesday eve (star week though :rolleyes:) so shall see how it goes :) Wish me luck and hope to chat to you all through my jouney.

Feel free to get in contact if you ever need a chat

x

MEWEDDINGFAT-2-1-1.jpg
 
Hey! I'm a 44 year old bloke. Divorced, lost my dad and life spiralled out of control for 4 years. 6.2 inch ex rugby player who used to also cycle alot. Always been around 20 stone but could carry it off. Nod put on alot of weight.....too ashamed to tell you what I am now. But many parallels to your feelings. Listen ... Let's help each other. I joined this to not be alone and to share my anxiety when feeling challenged by slimming world. First weigh in tonight. I just want you to know that you are brave - you have taken back control by knowing to do something about your weight. This app will help. Dont beat yourself about excercise - when you lose weight you will feel more energised to exercise. For now stay positive and focused. I know you will do it
 
Ps: I'm genuinely trying to lose weight and change my life - reason for responding to you is that I saw alot of me in you. And being a man, this app is great to share experiences with like minded slimmers !
 
You have a very reachable goal and if you just commit, stay motivated, and never give up, then and only then will reach it! As per the wine...desperate times calls for desperate measures! ;) Do what you need to do to get where you need to be...cheers.
 
Good luck for weds:)
Im doing the slimming world diet too i have been doing it for 8 weeks now and lost 15lbs.
I would encourage you to keep at it.
I feel a lot like you sometimes, im disgusted with my weight and how i look and feel fat and smelly. I dont go out much at all and my home has now become my prison. I cant exercise because i am disabled but people dont see that they just see a BIG FAT person that eats cake and slobs on the sofa all day.
I dont do people anymore.
now it is time to change and i think the with the support on here and SW it might just be posible

Keep at it girl:) your too young and got too much going for you to let life pass you by.. Go for it...
Mail me any time
 
PJstarfish: Cheers, Im going to keep track of how you're doing. Thanks for the kind words. Why not wanting to share on this site? Maybe you can make a ticker to show how much you've lost but not say your starting weight.. Glad someone out there knows how i feel though!

Trimmerme: Tell me about it - it is WINE O' CLOCK right now! Ive had a long day at work and diet coke just isn't cutting the mustard. I wish someone would invent calorie free alcohol!

Olise: Amzing job on the 15lb - keep it up - inspiring for me...! Can't help but feel a bit disheartened by having to lose like 100lb though 0_0 amggg cant we just cut it off? Its going to take forevverrr.. Srsly!

Having said that, clearly my attitude isn't right yet I need to start seeing this diet as a permanent thing and not just something to grin and bear - hmmm
 
Hi there glad to see another new face. Just joined 3 weeks ago and it has helped me so much! You definitely came to the right place, there is so much support here and tons of motivation.
I know exactly how you feel in so many ways. I absolutely hate the way i look and i guess ive just been this way (and getting bigger) for so long that i just got to a point where i just thought that this is me and theres nothing i can do about it, but im totally done. No one shouldhave to feel trapped or alienated from people cause theu are so ashamed of being the "cow" in the corner. Its gonna be a tough road and it is gonna take a while, but we will get there together :). But if you think about it, this time a year from now ( even 10 months ;) ) we could be totally different person. Youre such a beautiful woman, and you are definitely on your way to feeling as beautiful on the inside as people ( and i know we all like to think differently about ourselves) see that you are.
We can do this together, and i cant wait to see your amazing progress.. Ill be here if you ever need to talk, you dont have to go at it alone.. Im not doing slimming world, im doing weight watchers propoints from home, but a diets a diet if it works for you lol. Good luck on wednesday :) youll do great
 
me15.jpg
meandlinda15-1.jpg


These pics are me when I was 15/16 before I started getting big. I still have the pink dress. When I get to target I will dig it back out and try and recapture that shot :D

THIS is who I am, who I am supposed to be. Not a snivelling wreck, wasting my life away on self destruct mode pasty in hand. Its all such a waste. Let's do it people! Let's stop mucking around and just bloody do it. Blah blah ive used every excuse in the book. Its been almost a decade now wasted where I could have looked like this and loved my life. Time to SORT IT AAUTTT!
 
Elementhia said:
These pics are me when I was 15/16 before I started getting big. I still have the pink dress. When I get to target I will dig it back out and try and recapture that shot :D

THIS is who I am, who I am supposed to be. Not a snivelling wreck, wasting my life away on self destruct mode pasty in hand. Its all such a waste. Let's do it people! Let's stop mucking around and just bloody do it. Blah blah ive used every excuse in the book. Its been almost a decade now wasted where I could have looked like this and loved my life. Time to SORT IT AAUTTT!
Click to expand...

Omg wow soo jealous! Lol dont worry you will be back there, and ill actually get to find out what i look like under a size 18 :). It must be helpful to see where youcould be,for as long as i can remember ive at least been an 18 :(.. So always been a big girl.. And being 5'3 it shows.. But hey one day! Good to have people to do it with me as well.. Very helpful.. Glad to have another 'loser' buddy :D
 
Thought I would update on weight loss - weighed in for first time on Monday night. 10lbs weight loss !!!!! Very motivated and continuing to be good. Getting out all clothes in boxes that I can suddenly get into (ok - some I cannot yet) but I'm really positive. I've switched on my mind to doing this now. Target weight this week - 7lbs!!
 
Congrats on your loss pj! :)

How are you doing sam? Hope you're feeling positive and having a good day :D
 
Well done on the loss pj!!
Elementhia - wow you are stunning!! You've definitely come to the right place to get support and slimming world is a brilliant diet!
 
WOW 10LB PJ!

8lb this week for me pretty chuffed - what a good start :D

Bit awkward getting 1/2 stone sticker on first week isn't it? lolololol
 
PJ dont let yourself get disheartened though if we lose nothing near the same next week....first weekers always lose alot. 7lb expectations are pretty high imo...you might be dissapointed.

Cheers Aymz+Mrs Payne <33
 
Yaaay! Congrats on your loss and keeping a good clear head.. and half a stone down already :D.. glad to here you're doing well have a great night and keep it up
 
I know that the second week may be disappointing but I've stuck to plan so am aiming for it. Congratulations on your 8pm loss - fantastic !
 
Hiya sam, just wanted to add my hi and welcome to everyone else's. What a great start! You look so fab in the pink dress, you will have to show us a pic when you fit into it again next year.;)
 
I dont feel like ive lost anything at all this week and ive been 100% :( scales at home are just flicking between where I was and 1/2 pound less. I dont understand it! Nowhere near totm. Humph.
 
Hello there, congrats on the 8 pound loss in the first week, that's fantastic. Try not to get to disheartened if you have a stay the same this week, it happens sometimes, thing is not to let it give you a excuse to binge out, and you have nothing to feel ugly about you are good looking women :)

Good luck on your weight loss journey :)
 
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