Fatism

[faery_lights]

I thought this could be something interesting to discuss in regards to weightloss. For those who have lost weight and those of you losing weight, what are you experiences of prejudice in regards to your size?

Having been fat almost as long as I can remember, I've had my fair share. There's the assumption that I'm lazy and that I'm okay being called things like 'big girl' or ' a chunk of love'. There's the belief that I must want to be thin and I must currently be doing something about it. It's true now but it wasn't always. There's the inherent belief that you must be unhappy, that you don't exericse and you don't really take a pride in your appearance. There's the judgement from people in shops when you dare to buy something vaguely unhealthy. There's the assumption that your body is up for discussion. There's being used as a Token Fat Friend by some people. There's the snide comments from others.

I hate the idea that by being overweight you somehow have given permission for the world to discuss your body. It's untrue. I read articles on the internet sometimes about overweight people- particularly the morbidly obese. The comments these articles receive are abhorent- calling these people lazy and all sorts of hideous names, which these people don't deserve. I know someone who said she 'hates' fat people. She was taken aback when I asked if she hated me then, because I consider myself a 'fat person'. My own Grandmother told my Aunt that if I was her daughter I would never be in 'that state'!

This is why I tend not to discuss my attempts to change my lifestyle with too many people as many don't understand or comment patronisingly.

What negativity and stereotyping have you experienced? It's not a cheerful topic, but I think it's an important one too as I'm sure it's something many of us have experienced.

 

[Patchninja]

It's too easy to judge people because of their weight - it's visible. We live in a society that praises thinness. People assume too readily that you're overweight because you eat too much - gluttony is one of the 7 deadly sins - ingrained into many people!
From reading threads on here, I've learned just how complex weight gain is. I also have learned how people with a lot to lose struggle and achieve great results. High praise to all of them.
It might be better if people would point out a small weight gain rather than wait til the person has put on SO much that the loss is going to be such hard work. No-one ever said to me that I had got so fat. I dearly wish they had.!!!
It's hard to hear cruel comments, especially from your Gran. Can you have a good talk to her about how you feel? It might make you feel better.

 

[Suzystar]

I am technically overweight, but don't feel huge as most people I know are the same kind of size as me. While I want to lose weight for me and to be happy I don't feel pressured into doing so, but I'm getting married in December.

Since then people ask me all the time if I'm losing weight for the wedding... It's so rude and makes me feel like crap! So it doesn't surprise me that people comment about those bigger than me and make them feel rubbish (even if they are happy with there size).

These people who are judgemental should take a good look at themselves, idiots.

 

[faery_lights]

It's too easy to judge people because of their weight - it's visible. We live in a society that praises thinness. People assume too readily that you're overweight because you eat too much - gluttony is one of the 7 deadly sins - ingrained into many people!
From reading threads on here, I've learned just how complex weight gain is. I also have learned how people with a lot to lose struggle and achieve great results. High praise to all of them.
It might be better if people would point out a small weight gain rather than wait til the person has put on SO much that the loss is going to be such hard work. No-one ever said to me that I had got so fat. I dearly wish they had.!!!
It's hard to hear cruel comments, especially from your Gran. Can you have a good talk to her about how you feel? It might make you feel better.

My Grandma is pretty complicated in regards to the issue of weight. She's been on a constant diet since she was about 17. She made the comment about 9 years ago and now I'm older I see it more as a manifestation of her fears

I definitely agree that smaller gains are easier to deal with. I think part of the problem is that there is very little understanding about the root causes of weight gain and whilst health is becoming a trend, there are far too many unhealthy options around. I also think the National P.E curriculum does little to facilitate the idea that exercise is to be enjoyed and it's something we should do throughout our lives.

My friend is getting married next year and is a perfect size 10- she too got asked if she was going to lose weight. The world has so many preconceived ideas!

 

[Patchninja]

I imagine you're right about your Gran.
How mad to ask a size 10 if she's going to lose weight!
I have absolutely no idea what food is like in South Korea.Living in France, I think it's easier to eat healthily as there just isn't all the stuff "ready-to-eat" ......pasties, pies, sausage rolls, food everywhere in the UK! Also, it seems to have become the norm in the UK to eat all the time. Brits wander around with drinks and food. Jaws moving non-stop. What happened to 3 meals a day? Enough ranting!

 

[Fizzybee]

I am technically overweight, but don't feel huge as most people I know are the same kind of size as me. While I want to lose weight for me and to be happy I don't feel pressured into doing so, but I'm getting married in December.

Since then people ask me all the time if I'm losing weight for the wedding... It's so rude and makes me feel like crap! So it doesn't surprise me that people comment about those bigger than me and make them feel rubbish (even if they are happy with there size).

These people who are judgemental should take a good look at themselves, idiots.

Absolutely! It is amazing that people feel entitled to make all sorts of snide comments, but they would be highly offended if you reciprocated with such personal remarks. I always think a kind personality is much more important; yes, lose weight if you want to, and be healthy but don't let these mean-minded folk get to you!

 

[sue70]

I think some people dont know the boundaries not to cross. I have been asked in the past when my baby is due, by complete strangers, my answer is always, im fat not pregnant!!, Soon shuts them up as they dont know what to say. I have also speaken to people who are too thin, and have trouble to put on weight. Just shows that there is trouble on both sides of the coin. xx

 

[weightless1012]

Good idea for a topic,I've recieved remarks myself-fat @ss,stupid,some teenager said'theres a full moon tonight'once when I bent over to pick something up,guys seem to overlook you like fat makes you invisible.Very hurtful,no would get away with racism but if you're fat,people feel they can say what they like,more should be done to show people that its wrong and as bad as racism to treat people badly cause how they look.
It is often the same for very thin people too,I know of one girl shouted at 'to eat a cheeseburger' and called an 'anorexic b**ch.'She was just really thin,no eating disorder.

 

[1978Emma]

I just think some people can be so rude / nasty, when was it ever ok to tell someone how much weight they had put on as if it was a nice thing to say, I have had so many people do this as if I don't realise that over the years I have put weight on, I mean do they think I'm blind and need this pointing out arghhhh. I had one person who I hadn't seen in years keep on going on and on about how they would never have recognised me and made it pretty obvious it was because of my weight gain and then went on about how they were thinking of having liposuction as they were the "ideal candidate" as they had only a little excess body fat to lose and hadn't just let themselves go like other people and looked in my direction. I was like arghhh you b**** !! Also nobody knows why anyone has gained weight,like for me for example I gained weight after being sexually abused as a way of protecting myself , the food pushed down the emotions and the weight was like wearing a big shield, yet these people who say nasty things to me haven't a clue about the whys they just say horrible things without thinking.

Em x

 

[sue70]

That is so true em, i had something similar happen to me when i was younger with the abuse, i think i have always hidden behind my weight. Dont know why people think they have the right to make personal comments about people. As you say, people do not know the reasons behind others issues.

Hope you have had a good week. xx

 

[1978Emma]

so true sue70, I am sorry you went through such a terrible thing and you are so right people like that just don't give a thought to the why you may be bigger, sadly they just buy into the media stereotypes of you just being "greedy and lazy" when in fact sometimes it can be something that has happened to you that made you gain so much weight, some people use food like others use alcohol, drugs etc. I just wish people sometimes actually just kept quiet instead of coming out with something they know could hurt another person, I was in Tesco shopping the other day and this woman called me an f ing fat cow for no reason, I hadn't even said a word to her, it was like what??? I just don't get why people are so mean to someone they don't even know. Em xx

 

[Fran020584]

I've found that when I was at my biggest people tip toed around the subject and now I've lost quite a bit of weight their honest opinions are comng out and I don't like what I hear alot of the time - to think that was what they thought about me Horrible

 

[Annanana]

I have to say that it's been a very long time (years) since anyone insulted me to my face because of my weight. But then there are a lot of fat people in my local area and I am in no way the biggest. I am the fattest woman in my office and a lot of the girls, even/especially the thin ones, are constantly on diets and talking about how "naughty" they are for eating chips or muffins or whatever. I am pretty sure they are judging me behind my back but I don't really like anyone I work with so I don't care what they think of me.

I was brought up by my grandmother, who made a huge deal of my weight - she was constantly telling me that I had a "problem", pushing me to go on diets, and telling me I would never get a boyfriend if I didn't lose weight. She also refused to let me buy or wear anything that was clingy or revealing, and always made me buy a size bigger so that my clothes were baggy. I remember buying a miniskirt once which she hated and threw out, but not before I'd worn it to school (at that time I was in sixth form and didn't have to wear uniform any more) and a teacher had asked me not to wear it again as it was "inappropriate" for someone of my size. I was also bullied for years at school about my weight and got random comments from strangers, at one point I got into a fight at a club with someone who had insulted my weight, which resulted in them shoving me against a games machine and the joystick thing becoming embedded in my back and I had to go to hospital. Whenever I see the scar I think about all the names I was called and all that sort of thing.

I was told at EIGHT years old (by a classmate) that I was too fat to ever get a boyfriend, now at almost 25 I've only ever had one, and broke up with him because I was pretty certain he thought I was "easy" and desperate because of my weight. Almost all the girls I went to school with are married, engaged and/or have children, and I worry about never finding anyone. I've heard, and read, so many cruel comments from men about overweight women and women over 30 ...

 

[faery_lights]

I have to say that it's been a very long time (years) since anyone insulted me to my face because of my weight. But then there are a lot of fat people in my local area and I am in no way the biggest. I am the fattest woman in my office and a lot of the girls, even/especially the thin ones, are constantly on diets and talking about how "naughty" they are for eating chips or muffins or whatever. I am pretty sure they are judging me behind my back but I don't really like anyone I work with so I don't care what they think of me.

I was brought up by my grandmother, who made a huge deal of my weight - she was constantly telling me that I had a "problem", pushing me to go on diets, and telling me I would never get a boyfriend if I didn't lose weight. She also refused to let me buy or wear anything that was clingy or revealing, and always made me buy a size bigger so that my clothes were baggy. I remember buying a miniskirt once which she hated and threw out, but not before I'd worn it to school (at that time I was in sixth form and didn't have to wear uniform any more) and a teacher had asked me not to wear it again as it was "inappropriate" for someone of my size. I was also bullied for years at school about my weight and got random comments from strangers, at one point I got into a fight at a club with someone who had insulted my weight, which resulted in them shoving me against a games machine and the joystick thing becoming embedded in my back and I had to go to hospital. Whenever I see the scar I think about all the names I was called and all that sort of thing.

I was told at EIGHT years old (by a classmate) that I was too fat to ever get a boyfriend, now at almost 25 I've only ever had one, and broke up with him because I was pretty certain he thought I was "easy" and desperate because of my weight. Almost all the girls I went to school with are married, engaged and/or have children, and I worry about never finding anyone. I've heard, and read, so many cruel comments from men about overweight women and women over 30 ...

I don't think your problem with men is from your weight, but rather from a lack of confidence. I know some bigger girls who have loads of luck with men because they are happy and confident in themselves. I am not so that's why I am doing something to change it. I hope you are able to find a way to make yourself feel good about yourself!

 

[SmileyMan]

I went to an interview once, and as I walked in I passed the piles of sports bags with racquet handles sticking out. It was made pretty clear during the interview that I wouldn't really fit in.

 

[SmileyMan]

I was told at EIGHT years old (by a classmate) that I was too fat to ever get a boyfriend, now at almost 25 I've only ever had one, and broke up with him because I was pretty certain he thought I was "easy" and desperate because of my weight. Almost all the girls I went to school with are married, engaged and/or have children, and I worry about never finding anyone. I've heard, and read, so many cruel comments from men about overweight women and women over 30 ...

The only men who care about a woman's age and appearance are the shallow idiots that are best avoided anyway. Self-confidence, a good sense of humour and a witty intelligence are far more attractive.

 

[Annanana]

That's very sweet! Thank you :thankyou:

I think confidence does have a lot to do with it in my case but it is not helped by the kind of attitude towards fat people that we have detailed in this thread!

 

[1978Emma]

The thing is when it comes to finding people attractive, whilst for some weight will be an issue for many others its just not an issue for example I had this mega crush when I was younger on this older guy, we flirted for years but we were both with other people so it never went further than that but wow he made me literally go weak at the knees, now my friends just saw this older tubby guy and couldn't see the attraction at all whereas everytime I saw him my heart used to beat so fast, I felt all fuzzy inside and couldn't think straight when talking with him, I was just so attracted to him, what I am trying to say is we are all individuals and what one person finds attractive isn't what the next person would find attractive. I mean my best mate has the most wonderful partner, hes got a wonderful personality, is I guess good looking in the traditional sense but doesn't do a thing for me, its just not a case of one size fits all. Please just never think you can't find love because of your size, I'm not with anyone at the moment but sure hope in the future I get to have a loving relationship whether I lose all the weight or not. The main thing is I'm losing the weight for me , for my health and to make me feel better so then if I meet someone then great if it takes a while so be it. Em xx

 

[Zanna]

Am fairly sure I've lost out on jobs due to my size, seem to be able to get to the interview stage and no further - and I know that it's not my interview technique as I've had friends in the recruitment industry overhaul my cv and give me mock interviews to see where I'm going wrong and apparently I'm doing everything I can. I'm convinced that when I walk into an interview I am not the thin sporty girl they picture from my cv (my listed hobbies include hockey, swimming and skiing - all true i do theses activities regularly) and that when I walk into the room they just go through the motions of the interview as a formality.

A university study I read in a newspaper a while back confirmed that overweight females were less likely to be employed due to their size. Overweight men were found to be no more and no less likely to be employed due to their size at all. I have to say I've noticed this myself, it seems to be more acceptable to be 'big' if you are a man rather than a woman.

I'm big and overweight and I know it, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy playing sport or that I'm somehow lying on my cv - for a big lass I'm fairly fit and have often shocked little blonde things in the gym by outrunning them on treadmills and things lol.

I also found that in school even though I loved hockey, was good at it and played for my town the school PE teachers seemed to pick out anyone who was visibly overweight and stuff them in the "C" group where you weren't allowed to play fun things like hockey, instead you had to do silly made up games with cones and bean bags. Consequently you had a group of overweight girls who had any enthusiasm they once had for sport totally crushed and then you had the skinny girls in the A and B group who didn't care about playing hockey and weren't that bothered about playing the game, they were just there because they were told they had to be - meaning that they didn't put their all into it and the school team was cr*p.

 

[Carrieblue]

Yeah I think when I'm big I get treated differently, than Shen I'm smaller, I can defo see the difference, even with friends