feel let down

[katty]

hello, i couldn't think of anywhere else to air my frustrations so here i am. if i don't write it down i feel like i'm going to burst. i'm hoping someone can relate or reassure that its not just me going mad in the head lol.
i'm married to a soldier and we travel round every 3 years, so over the years i've made some close friends and we kept in touch. we meet up at least 4 times a year for girly weekends or just a night at each others houses. i always make an effort despite being a busy mum to 3 gorgeous kiddies.
so i started slimming world last august and in turn i decided to cut out alcohol 90% of the time, so i drink when i see my mates but i don't go overboard and i plan ahead so not to ruin my hard work of losing weight. i don't go on about slimming world to them as i realise i may come accross as boring or whatever to them, they've told me as much before.

the last time(3 weeks ago) i went on one of these overnighters, i planned my food and bottle of wine. i didn't join in with a kebab at 11pm.....which might i add was fine by me as i didnt want one anyway.....however the seemed quite upset that i wasn't eating one with them. the thing though that really upset me was them pouring booze in my glass when my back was turned and expecting me to drink it cos i 'wasn't drunk enough', the next day cos i was eating fruit one of my closest friends accused me of starving myself cos i wasnt joining them with pancakes.

i was invited out tonight again with them, i refused because i am so tired of trying to please them by joining in with the drinking because if i happily drink diet coke i am considered boring. i politely text to turn them down as my hubby is away soon and despite me being close to them....my family does come first. and i have recieved nothing back from them about it. so in a nutshell, i feel like i am no longer the happy, good to be around person i used to be when i ate crap and got bladdered? i feel let down because i am doing something good for myself and others don't seem to be happy for me?

i'm sorry its long, if you fell asleep at your computer i do apologise lol, i just needed to write it all down.
hope u all have a lovely weekend

 

[Princess_Stevie]

Hi Katty!
I fall in a similar situation. I'm only 19 but trying extremely hard to stick to SW and have been doing well so far, although I detest being called boring by my "friends" because I am not out getting bladdered with them every night!
Yesterday my friend and I decided to go to weatherspoons for lunch, and whilst she opted for sausage chips and beans, i went for a chicken and bacon salad. Was also accused of "starving myself", when infact a salad is what I'd prefer over greasy sausages and chips! I found myself lying to her after coming back from the bar with a diet coke, telling her it was malibu and coke instead! I shouldn't have to lie, but I don't want my friends to hold me back.
I know it can be hard, but you should be feeling proud of yourself rather than let down by so called "friends". You are doing something to better your life and you will soon reep the rewards
Keep up the good work! Good luck x

 

[dollydoodah]

The first thing I thought of when I read your post is that your friends are trying to sabotage your weight loss. Is it possible that they are jealous of how well you are doing? Well done on sticking to your guns

 

[katty]

thanks princess stevie, i'm normally so enthusiastic about everything but today i feel quite isolated, very strange.

 

[katty]

The first thing I thought of when I read your post is that your friends are trying to sabotage your weight loss. Is it possible that they are jealous of how well you are doing? Well done on sticking to your guns

hi there, well i would have thought so too but they are very pretty, not overweight ladies, they look fab so i can't understand why they would be trying to sabotage it. one of them however did make me feel about an inch big by informing us that she lost a stone in 2 weeks on the'egg' diet.....now she has been a fab friend and i love her to pieces but i knew that she was trying to belittle my efforts with this statement, trying to encourage me to join in and scrap sw.....which i would never do.
i think they think its just another fad diet and not the actual lifestyle change that i see it as.
just writing it down is making me realise how maybe they're not the 'friends' i thought they were.

 

[soccermom]

I never quite understand why just because people don't drink it's boring.

I am not a big drinker, I don't like wine and many spirits so I can't see the point.

I have done the oh its vodka and coke when its really just coke

I wouldn't thank you for a kebab either. However, I dont mind the gridddled lamb ones.

Stick to your guns. If we go out I don't mind being the designated driver as it's easier to say no to the drink.

Tell them if they were truly your friends they would support you.

 

[LittleSausage]

Hey! If you have a look on my diary, earlier on on the week I posted a link to an interesting article about skinny friends sabotaging your diet. Very interesting... Am on my phone so don't have the link.
I'm sorry they're making you feel so bad
Xx

 

[dollydoodah]

hi there, well i would have thought so too but they are very pretty, not overweight ladies, they look fab so i can't understand why they would be trying to sabotage it.

Now you see to me that makes perfect sense - they are scared of losing you as the 'bigger' friend. My mum had a friend like this a few years ago and the slimmer my mum got, the worse her friend got. Turned out that my mum being bigger than her made her feel better, more glam and sexy. Her friend didn't like my mum being an equal to her - that friendship drifted away as well.

It's like they say that beautiful people surrounding themselves with uglier ones to make them look better.

 

[juicygooseface]

well done for sticking to your guns! dont let ur "friends" sabotage u, you may not be the person they used to know but your a better one. good luck hunni xxxx

 

[katty]

Hey! If you have a look on my diary, earlier on on the week I posted a link to an interesting article about skinny friends sabotaging your diet. Very interesting... Am on my phone so don't have the link.
I'm sorry they're making you feel so bad
Xx

thanks, i'll have a little look x

 

[katty]

Now you see to me that makes perfect sense - they are scared of losing you as the 'bigger' friend. My mum had a friend like this a few years ago and the slimmer my mum got, the worse her friend got. Turned out that my mum being bigger than her made her feel better, more glam and sexy. Her friend didn't like my mum being an equal to her - that friendship drifted away as well.

It's like they say that beautiful people surrounding themselves with uglier ones to make them look better.

its so very sad though, looking back i can see that might make sense. i think my next phonecall might be a proper explanation as to why i avoid these occasions. thanks x

well done for sticking to your guns! dont let ur "friends" sabotage u, you may not be the person they used to know but your a better one. good luck hunni xxxx

thank you, i'm glad i'm not just cracking up and overreacting by their behavior lol

 

[juicygooseface]

no your not at all, i know people like that, just keep to ur guns like u have xxx

 

[Lisy]

I'm new but I have had the same problem. I'm not friends with people like that now. I have friends who encourage me. Although my OH can be like it sometimes which maybe is because he is scared of losing me if I lost weight. But just stick to your guns and tell them how you feel. Your not starving yourself. Maybe they are jealous of you.

 

[wenchie]

I've had several friends be a bit peculiar with me since I started SW - some of whom don't know I'm doing it and have only seen the results.

It's really likely to be them - especially seeing as it sounds like they were actively trying to sabotage you. It can take quite a bit for someone to change the image they have in their head for you (you're no longer fitting into the "fat friend who'll collude with them making bad choices" box) and, additionally, because how you're living now is healthy and happy then that throws up all their own issues with themselves and their weight & health.


Not that that makes the hurtful rejection any less hurtful, admittedly. Is there any way you could see/talk to any of your friends separately? Maybe tell them how wonderfully supportive and happy someone ELSE is for you (so, instead of saying something negative to them, you're leaving it for them to see how revoltingly they're treating you)?

 

[Cherylsmith2011]

Katty .. I have noticed this with people who are "skinnier" i dont think they like the fact that your going 2 be slimmer like them 1 day and your probabaly alot prettier so they want you 2 be fat its all JELOUSY ive been there trust me ..

You keep going your doing amazing

Cheryl x

 

[aislingb]

Hi katty

firstly friends should be there for support! its hard enough sometimes we need all the support we can get.
honestly to me it looks like they are trying to sabotage your weight loss maybe theres a hint of jealously there, you've done amazingly!
keep it up hun
xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

I think this happens alot honey (

When i first started i decided to cut alcohol out too- and as result i very very rarely drink- infact once a year do i drink is the truth.
everyone would do the same, tip alcohol into my diet coke, pick on me for not eating pizza or certain foods.. eating fruit god forbid would always spark some comment.. in the end only my closest friend, who was difficult in the beginning realised i was being serious and eventually joined sw herself, the rest i no longer see.. they couldnt be happy or supportive.

xx

 

[Helen Clark]

Hi Katty

Certainly sounds to me like they are a bit jealous as you are trying to take control over something that has maybe blighted your life for some time.

People/friends get used to the way we are - being slim or not, does not change the person inside. A present in a big box is no different than the same present in a small box - it's only the packaging. And some people are just resistant to change.

The best one I have ever heard being said is "You are fine as you are".... obviously said by somebody under a size 12!

This is your life - your diet - and you should only surround yourself with positive thoughts, and positive people.

Try to talk to them if you want, but don't beat yourself up over it. If they choose not to accept that you are taking steps to better your life/health - that is there loss.

Why don't you treat yourself instead of going away with them - book a manicure or pedicure - something reward to yourself.

 

[katty]

you are all right, thank you so much for all of your comments, it means a lot. my friends mean such a lot to me, i can count them on 1 hand, i think thats why its so disappointing. because we don't spend much time together i guess they expect me to be the same as i always was...which i am....just a bit smaller. i'm ok now, they know how i feel because i am convinced they know exactly what they are doing when i get 'the backhanded comments', i wonder if they realise how hurtful it is. and i dread to think what they'll say when i am at target, they'll probably imply ive got an eating disorder or something.

but again....thanks for the encouragement xxxx