Feel so low.

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Rayven, 18 January 2008 Social URL.

  1. Rayven

    Rayven Addicted to Minimins!

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    I just need to have moan i think.....I've fallen off the cd wagon (and when i say fallen off the wagon, i've fallen off the wagon and landed in about fifty feet of c*%p!) :cry: Have had probably 3 days of eating anything and everything and feel so low i don't know what to do. Has the food made me feel better - no, its just made me feel worse, so why do i carry on eating? :confused: I HATE being like this, i hate feeling so out of control. I've been sorting out some photos and two years ago I looked so much happier and healthy. I'm only 28 but i look and feel old and tired right now which just makes me feel worse. :(
    Sorry for having a moan but i don't really have anyone else to talk to. (OMG that makes me sound sooooo sad)
     
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  3. SoonToBeGorgeous

    SoonToBeGorgeous Loving the Cambridge Diet

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    What has been going on in the emotional side of your life that could have caused this?


     
  4. Dragonfly

    Dragonfly Silver Member

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    Hi Rayven, you have made a good start, get back on that wagon. Take a look at the pictures of all the people who have lost weight with this diet. Most people have their bad days don't give up stick with it. Take care
    ~Good Luck~
     
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  5. Time4ME

    Time4ME MUST get a grip

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    Hi Ray
    I'm sorry you're feeling so low - I have done what you have done countless times before & appreciate the feelings that you are encountering!
    But you can change it, honestly. BUT your heart has to follow your head, not the other way round.
    I can give you loads of advice, words of wisdom as can everyone but sometimes a hug is just as good!
    Perhaps it may be worth you discussing your bingeing with your GP, I was bingeing due to depression and the anti-depressants I now take are prescribed to control bingeing.
    It maybe something that you need a little clinical intervention with as well as dieting for 6 months....
    I really do feel for you xxxx
     
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  6. Rayven

    Rayven Addicted to Minimins!

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    I've been sorting out my photo's into photo albums this week - most of them from 5-6 years ago and they bring back memories that i don't like thinking about. I was at a very low point when those pics were taken, financially, emotionally, with my (then) partner. Ive hidden those photos away for so long because its easier not to deal with how they make me feel. I didn't think they'd bother me this much but i just seem to have fallen through the floor emotionally over the last few days. I'm trying to be positive because my life has changed so much since then (for the better) but some things you can't just forget.
     
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  7. Deb G

    Deb G Silver Member

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    As part of the LL programme of counselling we do CBT and TA which I have found have realy helped me when I'm struggling. You could possibly speak to someone involved in these fields for some help? Other than that, you've made a great step by admitting it, and the good thing about wagons is that you can always get back on them.

    Have a hug, and jump back on - we're all in this wagon together!
     
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  8. Rachel84

    Rachel84 Full Member

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    well you've taken the first step by realising that it didn't make you feel better, so now is the time to make a comitment to make yourself feel better and get back on the wagon. I know it can be hard but just think how great your gonna feel when you get to goal.
    Try making a virtual model, i've done one at my weight now and at my goal. I've put them on my fridge so when i get feeling i want to eat c**p i can see just how am gonna look if i stick to this diet. In the end it wont be forever and during the time am on this diet i can re-educate how to eat heathly.
    Hope you start to feel better soon.
     
  9. Rayven

    Rayven Addicted to Minimins!

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    Half of my problem is that i have no drive, no direction, no set goals. I don't know where i want my life to go or what i'm doing with it............I find myself going along with whatever happens whether i want whats happening or not. :( My own fault i know.
    Such as, i have two children (from a previous relationship) the circumstances around me falling pregnant and having the girls were less than ideal (infact the time when i was pregnant was the worst time of my life, I love my children more than anything in the world but i was practically living in one room, with a matress on the floor and had a lying, cheating abusive partner) and I'm not sure whether i want any more children - i don't know whether thats because i don't want another baby or whether i'm not ready to face my past and how falling pregnant again is going to make me feel but either way i've been letting myself get talked into trying for another baby now (my partner doesn't have children and really wants one of his own) but i'm not ready. But i find it hard to stand up and say what it is i really want.
    I don't want to be this size anymore - I've always (ALWAYS) had a problem with food and i can't seem to get a grip on it - that maybe because i don't really have enough drive to do anything about it - I've always been in a safe zone when i'm overweight - its my excuse to let life pass me by. 'Oh i can't do that because i'm too big, because i feel too self conscious, because everyone will look at me'. I sit in day after day, eating because it supposedly makes me feel better when in actual fact it makes me feel depressed and so much worse, i don't have a life (because i use my weight as an excuse) which makes me down and depressed, but not enough to do anything about it. *sigh*
    I think a lot of it is to do with self esteem. If i lost all the weight then i'd no longer have an excuse not to do things. I'd have to get dressed up and go out, but i'd still feel like i'm not good enough. (have been a size 12 before and still felt as if i was fat and ugly & not good enough) The worry is that I'm not good enough, that i'm going to fail regardless, that even when i get to target i'm still going to feel inadequate.
    Maybe its about time i sat down and took stock of my life and made some decisions about exactly what kind of life i want to lead.
     
  10. Rayven

    Rayven Addicted to Minimins!

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    sorry for rambling.
     
  11. Time4ME

    Time4ME MUST get a grip

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    Bless you

    ... Maybe if you discussed your feelings with regard to having children with your partner you may feel like the load is lightened a little.
    The age old saying of a problem shared is a problem halved is sooooooo true!
    You are quite wthin your personal rights to feel unsure about having a 3rd child when your instant memories of being pregnant prior to this are not altogether happy ones - however, with continued love and support & time, you may feel differently regarding this.
    Unfortunately, when you are in the downward spiral of bingeing, feelings of dispair and loath, you think the only way for further comfort is by eating more but as I have said - these nice feelings are gone as soon as the foods is gone and then replaced with very very very negative feelings.
    Until you take a 'small' step to the side to address this the spiral can continue.
    I think you need to have a chat with perhaps your GP & partner hun xxxx
     
  12. Time4ME

    Time4ME MUST get a grip

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    Please dont apologise - as I said I have been where you are & I really do feel for you xxxx
     
  13. Rayven

    Rayven Addicted to Minimins!

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    Thanks Time4Me, I have talked to my partner about my feelings regarding having another child but he wants one so badly i think 'he' thinks that if i fall pregnant i'll feel differently, but i'm worried that i'm going to feel worse if i fall pregnant, but then theres only one way out of it and i really don't want to go down 'that' road. My feelings may change in time but i get the feeling my OH is reluctant to wait. (I know this forums about CD so sorry for taking over it with this thread)
    I might see my GP, but i've had counselling before and to be honest it didn't really help. Maybe i'm just being too negative about the whole thing.
     
  14. Time4ME

    Time4ME MUST get a grip

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    Its a tough one, no one should feel under pressure to re-create another life when they're are neither ready or prepared, you could end up with all sorts of guilty feelings that lead to post natel depression and all sorts.
    Gosh your still lovely and young and have 10-15yrs to have more kiddies & he needs to accept that until you are both ready you should hold back until then.
    Def see your GP, they may advise St Johns Worts - which my friend swears have helped her through mild depression. I have had to get anti-depressants as I was in a huge binge/purge/self-worth hole for a long long time!
    I'm the other side now and want you to know that you can get there but it takes time, support and a bit more time xxx
     
  15. misscheeky

    misscheeky Gold Member

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    hi rayven, sorry that you going through a bad time at the moment. I reckon you should chat to your other half tell him that you arnt ready to have another baby yet. (do u want another baby sometime?not now (i know that!) and if you do want one tell him after youve sorted yourself out like your weight. I am mum of one and im 20stone and I feel the same way u do ie putting things of and feeling people looking at me etc but as my bf says let them if theve nuthing better to do let them. Then again with people's lives been that busy who has time to think about other people and what there doing etc I would love another baby and have been trying with no luck for nearly a year. I decided if i wasnt pregnant by xmas 07 i was gonna lose the weight and feel normal again and try for a baby then.

    sorry if I havent been much help or made any sense I hope u feel better soon hun. x
     
  16. Rayven

    Rayven Addicted to Minimins!

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    Good to know i'm not alone. The thing is most things in my life are great - lovely man, two great kids (who're both at school now), bills all get paid, but something just isn't clicking and i dont have a clue as to what that is. :S
     
  17. weepoppet

    weepoppet Full Member

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    Counselling along with anti-depressants is your only solution. You must make an appointment to see your doctor and tell him everything you have written here.

    I don't think you should attempt CD just now. The added stress of failure to stick to it along with the binge eating is just leading you on an endless cycle and not helping your low self esteem and feelings of low self worth.

    I call sole sourcing CD the marine of all diets, it is hardcore and you have to be in the right mental place for it, you are not.

    You are talking yourself out of loosing weight, you think you are not worthy of being slim, not worthy of being fit, not worthy of being healthy and counselling and cognitive behaviour can help with that but you have to be ready to put the work in.

    Believe me, there is not one person on here who has not been in the same place as you are now and for some reason in our messed up heads we have used food as an excuse to live half an exsistence with the only life we have got.

    I do wish you well.

    Alison
     
  18. Rayven

    Rayven Addicted to Minimins!

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    I can see what you're saying about the CD, but if i'm not doing ss then i'm just continually gaining weight!! :(
     
  19. Rachel84

    Rachel84 Full Member

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    your a beatiful girl rayven, what was your past is in the past and now is the time for you to discover yourself again.
    Let your girls be your drive so they dont miss out on all the things they want to do with their mum (maybe ask them if there is something they want you to do, like playing in the park etc).
    Nobody knows whats gonna happen in life all we can do is make the most of it and hopefully make great memories for those around us, everything else will just fall in to place along the way.
    Hope you find the drive you've been looking for, for a great new you.
     
  20. Sambucca

    Sambucca Gold Member

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    only just seen this Rayven, and first of all I want to send you a big hug.

    I can relate to so much of what you have written, especially the bit about feeling like you have no purpose or direction. Have you tried posting in the nlp forum? I know that Gayle and Mike are really busy in there at the moment but they will ask you the right questions to get you thinking about what it is you want.

    It might be worth a trip to the doctors as someone else suggested.

    Also, dont get bullied into having another baby if it not 110% what you want. I know you have said that your partner loves and supports you, but does he truly understand how low you were when pregnant before. Its understandable that bad feelings are coming to the surface as you are afraid to go back into that dark place again, and Im sure it would be completely different with a loving man by your side, but he needs to understand how afraid you are.
     
  21. Rayven

    Rayven Addicted to Minimins!

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    Cheers hun. And i've briefly heard about the NLP forum before but to be honest i didn't really pay much attention. How do i post there??? Doyou really think it might help. I've been to my dcs before but i always feel that unless you deal with the cause of the feelings in the first place then the pills the doc give you just cover up the symptoms.


    The thing about that is that i don't really KNOW what i want. I spent 2 and a half years with a man who, well i shant say what he was like here, but he wasn't very nice and treated me very badly - i then spent 2 years being a single mother which i found seriously hard - i now have a loving, caring man who adores me and the children and the girls are now both at school full time (which i've been looking forward to as i'd have time for 'my' life now as well) the trouble being that now i'm faced with time to do what i want, i have absolutely no idea what that is!!! And am faced with feeling a bit redundant.
     
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