Feeling Blue - sorry for uber-post!

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by KerrieW, 5 November 2007 Social URL.

  1. KerrieW

    KerrieW Full Member

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    I am feeling quite low today. I have also considered myself a die-hard abstainer - after all I managed to get through a 3 week holiday with my family without having any food at all. But at the weekend I had a major lapse, borne out of a moment of idiocy that was entirely my own fault and entirely avoidable.

    I went home to Mum's for the weekend (she is also on Cambridge but quite successfully has occasional days off for meals) and we decided to pop up to Sheffield to see my brother. Its about 2 hours away and knowing we would probably spend the whole day there I still decided not to take any packs with me thinking that as I hadn't bought any tetras home it would be a pain having a lumpy shake at my brother's place. Made it through loads of the day - even through a meal where my Mum decided to eat and I just had water. By about 2pm I was starting to feel awful - we had been walking around a lot and I had my breakfast shake very early. BY 3pm I was barely staying on my feet and my family were quite concerned I was about to pass out. They told me I needed some food as it would be at least 3-4 hours before getting home as we were out and about. So, in tears, I had the biscuit they bought me and very quickly felt a lot better. But then my little voice started telling me I was already out of ketosis so I may as well write off Saturday and eat what I liked. So I did. I binged and ignored any hint that I might be full, telling myself I needed to cram in all the things I wanted before Sunday when I would be back abstaining and I went to bed feeling bloated and sluggish.

    On Sunday I got up fully planning to abstain all day. Had my shake and went out shopping with Mum. She made some off-hand comment about food and almost immediately I was bargaining about how I may as well have the rest of the weekend eating. So yesterday was a write-off too. Today, back at home alone I am back on abstinence and I think I will manage to get back on OK but I am still feeling rubbish about the weekend.

    Part of me is glad that I ate because I was terrified of going back to food which is crazy but part of me is still terrified because I have proved I still have no self control and now I am scared about getting near target and moving into food again. I am also worried because I do want to have set days over the Christmas period where I am not dieting but equally I want these days to be times where I can eat what I like but NOT binge and now I am not sure I have the control to do that. I just thought 5 months of perfect abstinence would have taught me something and I feel a bit of a failure for not being able to stop.

    I have emailed my CDC this morning because I feel like I have let her down and in my warped head that is an excuse not to go back cos she might be cross with me so I have been brave and explained it to her this morning and she has already emailed with some very supportive comments. I still want to prove I have the self-control to eat on isolated occasions at Xmas without turning into a food-monster but for now I am back SS'ing I hope.

    Sorry for the long post, I just needed to get it out somewhere! Am freaked I will have gained weight but not being weighed till next monday so fingers crossed 7 days abstinence will fix it!
    Hope everyone else had a good weekend,
    Kerrie x
     
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  3. SteveM

    SteveM Silver Member

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    Kerrie;

    It was just a moment of weakness, caused by bad planning. It is not a life or death situation!! So you made a mistake, learn and move on. What happened is in the past and there is nothing you can do about it so there is no point in worrying about it.

    Learn from it, but put it behind you and move on. You are not the first one to break, not by a long chalk, nor will you be the last.

    We all make mistakes, but the only true mistake we make is not learning from them.

    That is something that someone said to me and I think it is an excellent way of looking at this diet, and in fact at life itself.
     
  4. KerrieW

    KerrieW Full Member

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    Thanks Steve, I am pretty sure I'll be on 1000kcal by Xmas so it won't be a case of swinging in and out of ketosis if I do have some Xmas nibbles moments! It's silly to feel so guilty but I do. Still today is going well, have abstained but my water intake is suffering so I might go work on that right now!
     
  5. Sussex Girl

    Sussex Girl Full Member

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    Kerrie

    Please stop beating yourself up about one weekend eating food. Look at your ticker ..

    YOU HAVE DONE FANTASTICALLY WELL:D

    Put the weekend behind you and learn from it. If you go back to SS by the time your next weigh in comes round you will have lost the glycogen weight you've put back on.

    Don't let all your hard work be spoiled by making yourself feel bad for eating.

    I think lots of us are dreading Christmas. I fully intended to have a few days off SS but I'm not sure I can trust myself not to binge, so I have no idea what I'm going to do yet. You're not alone with your thoughts, believe me.

    Sending you a big :hug99:because it sounds like you need one
    xxx
     
  6. KerrieW

    KerrieW Full Member

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    Thanks for the hug - definately needed it! Made the mistake of confiding in a previously supportive colleague that I had lapsed and that I was feeling rough about it and he is frankly being an arse about it which is not helping me get over it at all. Still managing to SS so far - gotta walk home near the chip shop that I used to go to all the time though - that'll be the test!

    I am thinking that around Xmas I will definately go up to 1000cal (think to be honest I'll be there naturally) which might help me feel less deprived and able to control any non-CD eating to isolated days plus no swinging in and out of ketosis which would be hell.
     
  7. Sussex Girl

    Sussex Girl Full Member

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    You haven't got that far to go really, compared to some of us, so you're probably right about the 1000 calories by Christmas.

    Please don't go near the chip shop. It will just make you feel bad about yourself. Promise yourself a nice portion when you get to goal instead.

    Re-focus and full steam ahead till Christmas now :D
     
  8. SoonToBeGorgeous

    SoonToBeGorgeous Loving the Cambridge Diet

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    Concentrate on the wonderful losses you have had already and just move forward.

    The binge might have even done you good!

    The moral of your story is that whenever you go out for the day take a tetra and a bar with you, just in case!

    Hope all goes well for you x
     
  9. KerrieW

    KerrieW Full Member

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    Will attempt to resist chip shop smell (combined with the garlic bread aroma coming from italian restaurant down road) but no way of not walking close if I want to go home - it'll depend on which way the wind blows as to the strength of the smell which will be directly in proportion to my chances of resisting. Really hope I can though, I am stronger than this!!!

    Plus if I really really push then in 4 weeks or less I will be 10 stone something for the first (conscious) time in my life! So there is a target. That and Mum has bought me a beautiful jade silk dress for a christmas party that is one size too small as I knew the size 14 would be too big by then. SO lots to aim for this month!
     
  10. Sussex Girl

    Sussex Girl Full Member

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    Kerrie,

    There will always be food smells to tempt you, each and every day. Just resist them and think of that lovely dress you want to wear at Christmas.

    10 stone something sounds brilliant to me. Who cares if the chips and garlic bread smell nice. They will still be there in 1 month, 2 months or 6 months time.

    Being slim and proud of yourself is worth abstaining from something that is always going to be there.

    I'm feeling so positive right now, I just hope some of it rubs off onto you :D
     
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  11. KerrieW

    KerrieW Full Member

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    I think the positivity is definately rubbing off and the next time my 'friend' makes a snide comment I might just kick him where it hurts. Or rise above it. I haven't decided yet... :D

    I am strong, I am SS'ing and I will be slim for Christmas!!!

    Thanks for the advice guys, just the pick me up I needed, Kx
     
  12. Sussex Girl

    Sussex Girl Full Member

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    Well done Kerrie.

    What you have achieved so far is totally amazing and I'm full of admiration for you.

    I look forward to seeing pics of the lovely, slim Kerrie in her beautiful dress :D
     
  13. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    Kerrie please don't be down on yourself as you have done fabulously well and should focus on the massive achievement rather than one hiccup. Try to learn from it, as Steve said our maintenance is going to be based around planning our meals as the most dangerous times are when we haven't planned and act on impulse.

    Big HUGS!

    Georgie

    xx
     
  14. KerrieW

    KerrieW Full Member

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    Thanks everyone, just wanted to say I made it home without heading to take away so that's one day's SS under my belt and I'm feeling better about tomorrow now. I just keep looking at my Xmas party dress to keep me motivated!
     
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