Feeling deflated..........

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Musical Missy, 20 January 2008 Social URL.

  1. Musical Missy

    Musical Missy Full Member

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    So, last night went out with a group of old friends - some of who I haven't seen for over a year and the rest who I haven't seen since I started the diet.
    I didn't really want to tell them about the diet and have been really worrying for ages about what I was going to do about the meal. To cut a long story short - I decided to just get on with it and eat at the restaurant, as it was pointed out, one meal won't make any difference in the whole scheme of things and I've already put my life on hold enough over the last 6 months. Plus once I'd made the decision to eat - I felt so much better!
    I also spent AGES fretting over what to wear as I quite literally now have practically nothing to wear (went with a short black dress in the end which although far too big, looked alright cinched in with a belt and with knee high boots)
    Well after all the worrying I'm kinda feeling a bit deflated today. Not one single person made any comment on what I looked like!
    Don't get me wrong, comments about my appearance make me feel pretty awkward and I'm still struggling to deal with them but bear in mind I'm over 6 stone lighter than when I last saw them - surely someone must have noticed?!

    On the plus side- I bought a new skirt yesterday in a 12 and it fits! In fact - nearly all my clothes are either a 12 or 14 now. Which is kinda strange considering I've still got at least 46lb to go - I'll be a size 6 at this rate by the time I get to goal! Someone said to me the other day that I must be nearly 'finished' - think I must look lighter than I actually am!

    MM x
     
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  3. Time4ME

    Time4ME MUST get a grip

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  4. Rising_Sun

    Rising_Sun Seeking thinner peace

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    First off, congrats on your fab loss so far. I can only dream of a size 14 let alone a 12. It must be a heavenly feeling slipping on a 12 and finding it a perfect fit. Very well done :clap::clap::clap:

    I cannot account for your friends not commenting on your appearance really except to be generous and think that maybe time and distance dulled their recollection about the size you were back then. Any how, you are on this journey for yourself so eyes on the prize.

    Just can't help wondering though, if your friends are slim or on the big side??
     
  5. IWILLSUCCEED!

    IWILLSUCCEED! Banned

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    Awww - I dunno why they didn't say anything either as it must be sooooooooo obvious you have lost so much weight!
    I think they have noticed but perhaps didn't know what to say (don't forget that when people are very ill they often lose a shedload of weight and maybe they were worried this was the case???)
    Anywayz - you mustn't let other people's reactions get to you. You KNOW how well you have done and you can just feel fantastic about that. I'm gobsmacked myself that someone can have such great willpower and stick this programme out in the way you have. You are an inspiration to me and probably to several others on here. I'm in week 3 and dreaming of food constantly!lol I admire you greatly.
    Tansyx:)
     
  6. Musical Missy

    Musical Missy Full Member

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    Thanks everyone! I know I am on this journey for me and no one else but I just found it irritating that no one seemed to notice

    Plus - they're all on the smaller side, I've never had any friends oddly that are bigger than me although in a non-mean kind of way I did feel a bit smug the other day when one of my best friends pointed out that she'd noticed I'm now smaller than another old friend of ours :)

    Tansy - its been far easier than I ever thought it would be when I started this journey - I think if you're in the right place mentally then thats half the battle. You just have to keep reminding yourself of the reasons you started in the first place. Plus the fact that food is always going to be there and it'll still be there at the end of your journey - whats a couple of months or even a year compared with a whole lifetime if you're not happy with your life at the moment?
    I've also found a good way to look at the diet is logically - I've had so many people apologise for eating in front of me but as I always point out - no one's making me do this diet and I can eat anytime I like, I just choose not to.
    And if it helps, I still dream of food and have an un-natural interest in watching cookery shows - its like a strange kind of porn for me!!!

    MM x
     
  7. anoushka

    anoushka Full Member

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    Hiya MM, I've had a similar experience with my friends/colleague - it took the best part of 2 stone before anyone really said anything and I was quite put out but when I bought some clothes that actually fitted me properly all of a sudden it became much more noticeable to everyone - think they were so used to seeing me in the same old stuff that they didn't see that it was hanging off me! But even so, I've not really had anyone mention it until they got drunk at the Christmas party!

    So maybe that's it - but also maybe they didn't want to 'make a thing of it' - don't know your history obv, but my mates know I've had a problem with loosing weight before,(I always got v defensive/upset etc) so they wouldn't talk about that kind of thing around me.

    Or, and this is almost certainly partly true - they are probably a bit jealous of how well you've done! Because even if they are perceived to be 'thin' they might still have bits of their bodies that they don't like and they might be envious that you've had the will power to change yourself, which they can't do?

    Either way, you've done amazingly well to lose so much already, and even if they don't comment, you'll know that you're a winner on this journey! Anoushka xx
     
  8. Bobbin

    Bobbin Needs a flattering photo

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    Hi MM, are your friends blind?? I have just been having a look at your before and after pics and you can SO TELL you have lost heaps. You are looking fab.
     
  9. kazz

    kazz Gold Member

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    When I lost 3 stone on CD my super skinny friend never even mentioned a thing....3 stone was a significant amount of weight, so much so that when I rocked up to my parents that Christmas, they barely recognised me. People dont like other people improving themselves, takes them out of their own comfort zones. Dont worry about it, as long as you feel fab thats all that matters. The thing that bugged me soooo much was that practical strangers were telling me how good I looked, but people I was apparently close to didnt open their mouths. I got over it though...if they dont feel its worth commenting on then so be it!
     
  10. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    I also found it took over 2.5 stone before people started to comment, and 4.5 before others did!! Sometimes people look, but they don't see if you know what I mean. So many people have said to me that they never really saw me as being that big. When people know you well they just see you and not necessarily your size if you know what I mean. The other thing I found was that some people felt really uncomfortable about saying anything and I would get comments like, you look well have you had your hair done etc etc. Having said all that 6 stone is a huge amount and your friends are clearly blind!!!!!!

    Georgie
    xx
     
  11. Mary Poppins

    Mary Poppins Gold Member

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    I can imagine you must have felt very deflated when your friends didn't notice.I know we should all be losing weight for ourselves,but we do all like it when friends give us compliments.
    A few years ago I lost 4 stone and went to a party where there were people who hadn't seen me and I thought I looked great,and none of them said anything.Well once I'd had a couple? of glasses of wine I picked up the courage and just said "Is anyone going to say anything" and then everyone rushed to say how great I looked etc.I think they just felt if they said it,they were pointing out that I'd put the weight on in the first place,which they were all too polite to do.The other thing is that people who we have known for a long time don't always see us at the size we are now,more the size we were when they first met us.A friend of mine the other day said she thought I was the same size as I was when she got married!!I was only a 16 then(22/20 now)
    Susan
     
  12. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    I think that is a really good point MP - by saying you've lost weight they are drawing attention to the fact that you are overweight and some people feel awkward doing that. The other thing I found was that when I went on holiday half way through alot of colleagues were asking the lady I sat with whether I had lost weight and if I was ill as it had been so fast. They were concerned about saying something in case it was due to a health issue.

    Gx
     
  13. Musical Missy

    Musical Missy Full Member

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    Aw thanks guys - I'm glad I can always rely on you lot to make me feel better!

    Bobbin - I've also just looked at my photos and scared myself! The 'after' was taken in October and I'm another 2 and a bit stone lighter than that photo - even I can see I'm significantly smaller now than in that after photo - must get another one done!

    I suppose I should think myself lucky that the friends I was with last night weren't close friends. My closest friends have been nothing except supportive (although my best friend is always whining about the fact we can't go out to dinner!) and are always telling me how great I look. Its just nice when people who don't know about the diet comment because in my mind that makes them more valid - I sometimes think my friends are just saying stuff to be nice!!

    MM x
     
  14. Rising_Sun

    Rising_Sun Seeking thinner peace

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    I asked because I read somewhere, most probably the O Magazine, that 'the fat' friend losing weight upsets the status quo. Suddenly there's no reference point for the skinny friends to console themselves with, i.e, "Well my boyfriend might have left me for a younger woman but at least I'm not as fat and therefore not as pathetic as X". I'm not at all suggesting this is the case with your friends but you have to wonder about not noticing 6st.
     
  15. prettyfromtheback

    prettyfromtheback Full Member

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    that's such a shame that your friends didn't comment. Everyone wants and expects their friends to be encouraging and supportive. They were probably jealous of your new appearance. Don't let it get you down, you know you look fab and what you are doing is making you feel better in yourself.
     
  16. Frejja

    Frejja Silver Member

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    Hi MM

    Just wanted to add that I understand how you feel. I had lost a whopping 5 stone before anyone apart from my closest friend noticed! My OH lost at the same time as me and I found that although we both lost the same amount, slim girls we know would comment on his weight loss and ignore mine completely, even when we had both lost 6 stone. I've given up wondering about people's motives...there's none so queer as folk. You have done fabulously well so don't get derailed by the weirdness of others!
     
  17. cddietgal

    cddietgal Full Member

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    Try not to let it upset you,2 things jump out to me tbh.

    Firstly my DH always says when I have been gutted people havn't noticed that with some people they don't like to go OMG LOOK AT YOU because they don't want it to come across as 'you were so fat before'...does that make sense?
    Also my skinny bestest friend never ever really made a comment but when I mentioned it she said,I never noticed you were that big tbh.We have been best friends for over 15yrs so she just sees me as me rather than I want from slim to big to slim to big (and soon to be slim again LOL)

    You have done absolutly fab,well done!
    Cddietgalx
     
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  19. Sweetpea

    Sweetpea Full Member

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    HI MM

    Congratulations on your fabulous weight loss.

    There is no way that people can fail to notice a 6 stone weight loss unless you were totally gi-normous to start. I was 4 and a half stones overweight and I don't think it showed to others generally until I'd lost two stones and I must admit to not noticing weight loss on others until it's around that amount.

    People around you are so strange when you lose weight. Often thinnies see you as some sort of rival and other tubbies who can't manage to diet can often be envious.

    I am sure that my own mother is now jealous of me....which I know is a terrible thing to think but she has been behaving very off with me. She knows I'm on CD and can see how much weight I've lost but all she has said is that I look like my bust is a size 30" or when I mentioned nothing fitting me any more and needing new clothes she matter-of-factly stated that I would do as I'd lost so much weight.

    No comments as to how good or healthy I look and no compliments on new clothes or change of style. She's even pretending not to notice all the slices of colour in my hair after not doing anything like that for years.

    I didn't notice that she had put weight on and my OH thinks it has something to do with that.

    I think it's great when others lose weight and look fab and tell them so. Still I'm just grateful I'm not the jealous type ....it must me horrible to be eaten up with it and be nasty to people.

    Just remember it's what you ultimately think and feel about yourself that is the most important.

    Keep up the good work - you'll soon be at target.
     
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