feeling FAT (even tho I am losing weight)

[single+2angel]

Afternoon all,

I have a few minutes to post today, the last couple of days been hectic.
I am here to moan a bit, feel free not to reply but I just have to get it out of my system.

Before LT I went through different diets, like other people changing their underwear. I lost some weight than put it back, than put on some more. Over the years I ballooned up.
I always showed other people I am happy: I don't care about my weight; I put on a happy face.
To tell you the truth at home when I looked into the mirror I saw a fat blob, but did not really bothered to do something about it, because I saw this as THIS IS ME. This fat woman IS me. That's it. I stopped caring about my weight and surprisingly I stopped putting on weight. I stopped at 97 kg and maintained it for nearly 15 months.
BUT..
Now I am losing weight with LT and slowly-slowly I can get into my 32' Diesel jeans. Didn't wear that size the last 12 years.
Anyways... The last couple of days I am obsessed with the way I look. I am going to my bedroom umpteen times a day to see myself. If I going out, all the car windows I pass, I am looking into them if any flab on top of my jeans is out, is my bra too tight....etc....?
I never worried about how I looked like before LT. Sometimes I had gone days without seeing myself in the mirror. Now I feel I am still so fat ,(more fat than I was before-does it make any sense?????)
I know I losing weight but feel I need to lose more and more and more)
I don't like it!!!
It's like something inside pushing me to loose more and more.
What if I will not be able to stop LT? I fear from re-feed (way down the line, not yet) from maintenance, portion control...Etc... I DO NOT WANT TO BE FAT AGAIN…..
I was so comfortable being big sized(maybe because I thought I will never be able to change it), but now I feel the NEED to get new clothes, do my hair, maybe some make-up. I stressing out on all the little things, it’s unbelievable.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the new me, I love the compliments and to be able to fit into clothes I never imagined I could wear before.
I know I am getting healthier for myself and for my children. But I don’t like what is starting to be some kind of obsession. I need some kind of help because I think I am going mental. LOL
Sorry for the long rant, if you made it to the end…
If you have anything to say please add your comment, suggestions.
Thank you for reading it.
X:family2:

 

[Han_Han]

I can't exactly identify with not having cared before I started the diet, as I did. But, I know that I'm looking at myself a lot more & singling out all the things that bother me & worrying that they won't be gone when I'm at my goal weight & I'll have to lose more...I think it's just part of the process - it's an extreme diet & takes a lot of focus, so I think it's natural to start thinking about ourselves a lot more & actually allowing ourselves to look at what we're not happy with - I know that when I was obese I thought, "there's so much wrong it's not worth even thinking about..." If you see what I mean. Once you've finished LT I'm sure it'll calm down again

Hannah

 

[Determined Girl]

I can't fully identify with how you're feeling as you're a heck of a lot slimmer than me and at a different place with your weight loss.
I would say tho, that since starting LT I'm a lot more pre-occupied with my appearance. I think that maybe as we're losing weight we become more aware of our physical selves...something we've either ignored, neglected, feared or despised previously. We start to get a picture in our heads of a 'dream' self....the slim person we've always fantasised about being, but never really thought we could be.
I think it's understandable that when you've lost a lot and are fitting into smaller clothes you will be scared that it won't last and that you'll put it on. All I'd say is that it's only you who can control that. You ultimately have the power to maintain your brilliant losses.

I must say that I'm at a point where I still can't look in the mirror without feeling disgusted but I imagine that if I do lose a good chunk of weight I'll be like you, checking myself out. It's the novelty I guess!

I'm sure that you aren't obsessed...just happy with the new you and understandably anxious to maintain that.
Try to get a bit of perspective though- you're not going to put on 3 stone overnight and undo all your good work...just enjoy the feeling of getting into your size 12s and don't ruin it by worrying!

Big hugs xx

 

[nerac123]

I was certainly hiding behind my fat.

Oh, caren is great - she is so funny, the life and soul of the party, she doesn't care what people think. Actually, I did care, but felt I couldn't do anything about it because of my weight - and anyway - what was the point.

My turning point was when my husband said some quite harsh words which will never ever leave me about my weight. At my heaviest i was 19stone 1, i lost over 3 stone on my own - calorie counting then got stuck for 18 months.

I am now nearly 2 stone lighter than when i got married - and am very happy with that. however, my confidence at home hasn't increased. bizzarely, my confidence at work has.

I am able to play with my children much more and climb in the indoor play areas etc with them - and i am very grateful for this. I don't have much energy - and i know this will change when i start eating again.

Part of me never wants to stop LT - another part of me wants this to end now. I like the comfort it brings and the removal of decision making regarding food.

I - like you - am constantly looking at myself in windows etc - i'm almost glad i need the ladies so often at work as there is a full length mirror there !! LOL

Anyway, sorry for hijacking your thread - I obviously needed a rant too - and I echo a lot of the stuff you have said.

In summary - i think when the LT journey has finished - I would like to think I am able maintain on my own and stay focussed. My worry is I haven't broken the food obsession and it will spiral to where it was again.

I did see a psychologist for a while - who said I was fat because I wore a coat (of fat) to hide me and also to keep my mum happy (she is also overweight). My parents have split up (10yrs ago) and I secretly think I don't want to upset her more, so I stayed fat.

Anyway - there are various things that affect our weight - my main one is greed. I'm hoping this has disappeared ! or at least i'm more aware of it.

I hope your 'rant' helped and i know i can't put everything right at once - so, i'm starting with my weight - once that is more under control, i will move onto the other crAp stuff i need to address !

Good luck, xxxxx :hug99:

 

[BlackRose]

You're scared of caring about your body and appearance now but as long as you do you'll have that drive to keep on top of things. You don't have to be manic about it, just aware of what habits will bring back to square fat. Most of us are afraid of coming to re-feed but you can only cross that bridge when you come to it. Some have lost it somewhat and have had to come to TFR. The difference is, this time they know they have it within them to sort themselves out. You have it too. You can make yourself happier, so IF you slip, you can pick yourszelf up again. Meantime, enjoy the new healthier happier you!

 

[thefutureisbright]

I remember when I got to goal I treated myself to a pair of rock and republic jeans, i tried them on, left the shop for a walk around some more shops for like 1 hour, went back to try them on again, and I actually panicked that they wouldn't fit me, even though they did fit me 1 hour before.

It takes a while for your head to catch up with your weight loss. A few months of TFR can feel like a life time for some people but when you get to goal, it really feels like a short time!!

I would never knock Lipotrim, it changed my life, however I have to say that to make sure you do keep the weight off, it really is important to follow the maintenance plan. I did not like the maintenance shakes for Lipotrim, so thought I could do it alone. I think you really need to continue with a "normal" weight loss plan for at least a couple of months after you come off TFR. If you dont like the lipotrim shakes, do not do it alone, find something else.

You will keep the weight off you if you see coming off TFR as the start of the journey and not the end.

Good Luck and enjoy your new slimmer body, I wouldnt feel bad about wanting to look good, I think thats a good thing.

 

[cuddlyfairy]

I can sympathise with you. Before I started, although I didn't like what I saw in the mirrors and wouldn't have any full length ones in the house, I was never bothered enough to do anything about it. Oh I tried lots of diets, lost some then gained more than I lost! When I lost my weight last year I would always look in windows as I passed coz I couldn't believe the reflection was me! As I gained again I started avoiding the mirrors again.

There is nothing wrong with looking after yourself and admiring the new you. What is nicer than treating a good WI with a manicure, pedicure, hairdo, etc, you deserve it.

When you are used to being bigger it takes a long time to get used to the new you and, if you are scared of slipping back into your old ways and gaining weight, then that is no bad thing for keeping the weight off.

You are doing brilliantly and are already halfway to your goal, well done.

x

 

[Doirin]

Hi sweetheart,
I hope now you are feeling more confident and happy after reading the wonderful comments above.
My belief is as fat people we have two faces, the one which shows others that our being fat is their issue and not ours and the hidden sad face which we show only to ourselves in the mirror.
When we are fat we seldom receive the clothes related comments, "that's great on you", "oh, I need to borrow that", "that really suits you", all those comments were for our thinner counterparts.
However as we lose weight we are now joining the ranks of the slimmer people, those who fit more into society and we enjoy it. There is nothing wrong with enjoying becoming thinner, fitter, healthier, that's perfectly normal. We enjoy looking at ourselves more as we are becoming more attractive to ourselves, this should be encouraged as if we love ourselves first we will do good by ourselves. Unfortunately we can become too critical and start to look for flaws, after all we didn't have a good self image to begin with. You say you saw "a fat blob", I used to say that to myself and worse when I looked in the mirror, it's not a healthy way to view ourselves. We are used to seeing ourselves with a critical eye and perhaps worried we will do again.
I believe that with the right support we can overcome these fears. There are people who specialise in image, confidence, eating difficulties who are educated in how to help those of us who have difficulties in these ways. It is never to early to begin talking with someone, esp if we feel we need the help to carry on with maintenance after we come off LT. If you feel this is something you need to pursue, then go for it.
Just to say all the above is only my opinion and in some ways more about me but perhaps some points may echo with you.
I wish you all the best.
Doirin

 

[liz0703]

I too still feel 'fat'. A lot of people have said I should stop the shakes, as i was recently told I look emaciated!!! I don't feel 'thin, yes, I feel 'thinner', but definitely not 'thin'. I did hate being fat, I hated looking in the mirror, going out, buying clothes. And like all of us have tried every diet going, lost and gained a heck of a lot more.

Since loosing, I do take more of pride in my appearance. Nicer clothes, hairdresser more regularly, nails, eyebrows, make-up, shaving my legs. All of the above I seldom did before, I didn't see the point.