Feeling so deflated

[mudbabe]

After feeling chuffed yesterday after a good weigh in, today I just feel really low.

I went for a 6mile run yesterday afternoon, which was okay but should have felt amazing as it was my first training after hurting my neck last week but I just didn't get my usual buzz from it.

I got home, and although it was my day off I went and helped my boss battle through dinner with the little boy I nannie. I don't know why, but the last 3weeks or so he has become an absolute nightmare, not eating meals then demanding snacks. So we have decided to get really strict for at least a week - meals must be eaten and no snacks at all - but its such hard work.

Then I phoned my mum. We still don't know when grandad's memorial concert will be, and mum said 'I don't see why we are bothering with it anyway, theres no point'. I was so, so upset by this, especially when I remember how she was over her dads funeral.

This morning I went to my Bootcamp as usual, in the sheeting rain. It was the first session of a new course, so we always have a fitness assessment. On the whole my results were up on last month - a few down on situps due to being careful with my neck, but 134 pushups in 2mins and 98 starbursts also in 2mins (gutted as wanted to hit 100 this time) but even so, I have come home feeling sad and low:break_diet:

Don't know what to do with myself now...maybe head back to bed:nightf:

 

[cybill]

Sorry to hear that you're having a low day, I hope you're feeling a little better now. I think you've been through a heck of a lot in the last couple of weeks, and it's important to be kind to yourself. With the grief you're going through there will be good days and bad days, and days that just feel flat. I think one of the hardest times when you lose someone close is when the rest of the world seems to go back to normal, and for a while, for you it just doesn't have the same sparkle as you get used to how things are now.

I think you're doing really well to keep going with the diet and all the exercise. Just hold on to how much you've achieved already. And hopefully you'll have a brighter day tomorrow.

xx

 

[Bernice]

Sorry to hear that you're having a low day, I hope you're feeling a little better now. I think you've been through a heck of a lot in the last couple of weeks, and it's important to be kind to yourself. With the grief you're going through there will be good days and bad days, and days that just feel flat. I think one of the hardest times when you lose someone close is when the rest of the world seems to go back to normal, and for a while, for you it just doesn't have the same sparkle as you get used to how things are now.

I think you're doing really well to keep going with the diet and all the exercise. Just hold on to how much you've achieved already. And hopefully you'll have a brighter day tomorrow.

xx

Ditto!!!!! Keep strong Mudbabe xx

 

[mudbabe]

Thank you.

Its been such a tough day, and is now being a tough night. I have stuck to the diet, much as I craved pick and mix!! I am training again at 6am but sleep is avoiding me, so I have just done something pretty embarrassing and have got dressed ready, so I can sleep in my clothes and get up 20mins later Thankfully no one cares what I look like at that time!! Night night:4633:

 

[Bernice]

......................awwwwwww Mudbabe hope your day is ok!!!! xx

 

[mudbabe]

Well, its been another tough day, though I won't bore you with the details:sigh:.

We finally have a date for Grandad's memorial concert, 25th Nov, and I am really hoping that will help me grieve.

One positive I met my trainer this afternoon for coffee and a natter, and despite his best efforts, he did not manage to get me to eat an amazing triple chocolate cheesecake!!!

 

[Bernice]

...........well done you!!! Hope you can get closure after your Grandads memorial concert and then hopefully you can move on. xx

 

[x Nee x]

How are you feeling today Mudbabe? Here is to the 25th November for your Grandad xx

 

[mudbabe]

Hi. Today is going okay so far. This mornings workout was good, even though it was desperately cold - can you get thermal running tights???? With any luck I will get back from nursery in time to get to tonights class too, which will be good.

I am desperately trying to get a hall or similar for tomorrow:gen147: so I an practise for my assessment, but not having much luck so it looks like it will have to be in the front room.

Foodwise, yeah thats okay. I seem to have gone off coffee :jelous: so have been drinking nettle tea which I'm enjoying. Have some sweet fennel too which is just lovely:7834:

And as you might have guessed, I'm enjoying playing with the smilies!!!

 

[Divalicious]

Lol about the smilies. You can get thermal running tights from ebay, yes i love ebay.

 

[x Nee x]

Can I ask why you have gone off coffee? I am really struggling with drinking at the moment so quite interested in your opinion?

Glad its going abit better for you today xx

 

[mudbabe]

Lol about the smilies. You can get thermal running tights from ebay, yes i love ebay.

Oooh, have a few things to sell, so will look to get some thermal tights once I|have pennies. I love ebay too!!

 

[mudbabe]

Can I ask why you have gone off coffee? I am really struggling with drinking at the moment so quite interested in your opinion?
xx

I don't really know I got halfway through a cup yesterday then didn't want anymore, and then when I met my instructor yesterday he bought me a coffee which I struggled through before switching to herbal tea. I never have trouble drinking per se, but its just coffee I'm off for now.:coffee:



I'm feeling shattered tonight, have been working on my class for my assessment a lot today, my friends who are coming up to help me on the day are coming round tomorrow to practise (neither of them actually take aerobics classes so I want to just go through basic moves with them)arty0049:. I'm actually simplifying it quite a lot as I think I would rather do a nice, clean, simply programme and demonstrate good technique than get into complicated choreography and it becoming a complete muddle!!:silly:

 

[Toots]

Sorry you're having such a sucky time :hug99:

As for your assessment - keep it simple, clean and effective - it's like a story with a beginning,middle and end (warm up, main exercise and warm/cool down). Build it up in layers so that they can follow it simply without getting lost - even the weakest link in the class. Remember to keep telling them to breathe etc, ask if ok, etc. Give higher option .....or get them to stay with you (and do the basic) etc etc. Remember to count in and give plenty of queues to the moves - let them know what they're gonna do before they do it - I found that pointing to my left when I wanted them to go right helped, or pointing behind me when I wanted them to go forward did too - visuals always do

Practice,practice,practice - you'll find that if you lose concentration in the assessment the music will help you find your place

I'm preaching to the choir,I know!!

I'm sure you'll do great. It's something you're passionate about and I'm sure that will come across

xxx

 

[mudbabe]

Thanks Toots, thats actually really helpful. I've done the paperwork part of it so that outlines all the progressions, layering etc that I will do once I am actually teaching classes, but over a few sessions, so it shows I have thought it through, but will probably only use the simplest progressions on the day, such as box step becoming eggtimer but not adding the turns that I would if I knew the class and had time to build it up very gradually. Similarly, I have on paper put 3 sequenes that, once built up, will be 32 count, but I fully expect to only use 1 or possibly 2 on the day as I know I won't need to do the whole class.

We are the first group on a new syllabus so even the tutors were a little uncertain of some bits which is a tad scary!! But I know I can teach a safe, effective class without it needing to be too fancy, so thats what I hope to do on the day.

 

[Bernice]

Good luck Mudbabe but I don't think you will need it, it sounds like you are pretty prepared. xx

 

[mudbabe]

My friends are due in the next half hour to practise, and I am feeling strangely nervous!! Its so silly, but hey ho.

I want to eat today, I'm not hungry, I just want food. But I will not give in!!! i want to get my weight back to where it should be far more than I want food...or so I keep telling myself!!

I will be having 2 days off next week, for the assessment days. Firstly because the day before mine I will probably do at least 6 classes, helping out my coursemates, so will probably need more energy than the packs will provide, and secondly because after my assessment, whether I pass or fail, I want to take my friends out for dinner before they head back - they have taken a days holiday, will be getting the 4:15am ferry, and not getting home til after 10pm just to help me, I think its the least I can do!

 

[mudbabe]

Been a funny old day today. Well, started with a hard night as the little boy I nannie was poorly so I was up and down with him until about 3am when his mum decided to take him in with her. I was then up again at 5 for my workout. Walking down my head was still asleep, but strangely my body felt good and the class went really well. Well, it was sprinting which is my weakest activity, but it still went well considering.

When i got home small boy and his mum were still asleep so I had a nice long bath and read my book (I'm reading The Devil Wears Prada, had seen the film but not read it). Then I sent a long email to an old friend, telling her about my grandad's death etc, and sobbed my heart out as I wrote it:cry:

Little 'un was fine when he woke up so took him to nursery then had my monthly 'treat' of a brazillian before coming back and sorting out a pile of stuff to try to get on ebay over the weekend - need the pennies to buy next lot of shakes

Now I'm feeling a bit low again, for no real reason. I'm trying to be gentle on myself as I realise I am grieving for the closest person I have ever lost. I have the pic I had as my previous avatar as my screen saver and I love it, I love the twinkle in his eye and the obvious affection between us, but I also feel so sad that I will never see him again in this life. I am just glad I have my faith, and so know that he is with God now.

 

[helloworld!]

Mudbabe I am really sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my grandad in March 2009 and it broke my heart. I still miss him every single day. He was an avid church goer so I know he is still around, and I have so many of his traits that I carry him around with me everywhere.

I can't really offer any advice because grief is such a personal thing, but there will be times when you suddenly feel really low because of it, and they will become less frequent as you begin to adjust to him not being around, but it takes a long time. x