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First timer at this weightloss thing, so hi ya!

Another newbie. To be honest guys I'm still very much a virgin to this dieting lot of things. I've ever had an issue with my weight till I was around 12. That's when I turned to emotional eating, i use to swim competitively prior to this so if I was depressed due to bullying I'd throw myself in to training till I did a extremely bad injury which forced me to quiet swimming for good but I only turned to emotional eating when I was abused and repeatedly raped by my then best friend dad, at the same time my gran on my mums mum died from cancer and mum was in south Africa at e time so at home I never had someone to talk to as I am not close to dad to my brother. My dad is the sort to ignore things while my brother he was to involved in his school work (he is extremely smart and didn't listen to me because was in simple terms far to dumb for him to accept me as his younger sister *rolls eyes*) so as you can see I could not talk to them. An so I turned to all things yummy and bad for you, my affair with junk food mainly chocolate and salt started, it was in hopes I'd gross out my abuser for him to stop but it simply turned him on more. The only way to describe what he did without detail is he was in to bondage and the whole master/slave. This went from 13 (I was collared for my birthday by him, thus I do not celebrate birthdays) till I was 21, I am now 22 turning 23 this year, however I still suffer greatly by this, I am still learning to cope with every day life without him telling me what to do and I am only just attempting to challenge his rules and contract now. Although most of the time I think more of death and food then life itself. So yes I am an emotional eater, yes I have a weight problem, yes I am obese now, yes I use my weight as a means of protecting myself, no I am not ashamed to admit I have been raped, no I am not ashamed to admit I am suicidal most of the time, yes I feel like filth and a whore, yes I do feel hurt, yes I have been groomed by him this has resulted in me being highly loyal and obedient to him and hurt by him suddenly leaving without telling me (he left shortly after I attempted suicide 3 times in one night, it's how it all ended). Yes I have major trust issues with men and I do not date but I am working on it. Yes I suffer from severe depression and low self-esteem as well as bipolar 2 and post traumatic stress all due to the abuse, yes I am a survivor of bullying and I thank them for bullying me as I have grown stronger, yes I am obsessed with dr who ( who can't be? Love David tenant but Matt smith is winning me over but I have seen every episode from the start of dr who and own all the DVDs, lol). I use to live in south Africa ( I have a bad past there) but moved to Australia when I was 10 due to the violence that had started there. I have never been back since but my mum has. I am now far closer to my dad and brother and yes they know about the abuse and why I never told them in the beginning. My mu. Never found out till I was in hospital screaming when ever I was a sleep or waking up from being sedated due to my condition I have, ehlars-danlos syndrome vascular cross hypermobile. I don't tell mum a lot because she goes all banshee. So I am here to loose weight, gain my self confidence which will be a miracle. So here's to my first ever weightloss journey!

Well that's pretty much me in a very large nut shell
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