From a restarter...

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Laura Croft, 14 July 2009 Social URL.

  1. Laura Croft

    Laura Croft Happily maintaining

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    This is one of the hardest posts I've ever written but I just hope it helps someone.

    Last year I completed SS, losing about 3 stone and ending up quite happily around 9 stone 10.

    Like many on here, I'd battled with weight and depression all my life and thought I'd finally finally broken the back of it. I felt great, I looked great, and I was finally beginning to live. I made a lot of plans for this year doing all those things I'd put off for being overweight and just enjoying 'being normal.'

    I finished SS and thought that was it, I had it made. I was really careful with my food and exercise and maintained my weight for a few months. I didn't do the steps because I didn't think I needed them.

    Then I didn't deal with some of the issues that were bothering me. I made a few half arsed attempts to get back on track and would do okay for a bit but slowly, and then faster, I went downhill and I kept on tumbling.

    I didn't learn how to control my food, I didn't reach out properly for help, I stopped weighing myself, I stopped exercising, I stopped planning my food. I started to feel sorry for myself, I started to think 'just one won't hurt' and I thought tomorrow would be another day.

    Now I find myself 6 months later wondering what on earth happened. I'm back at the weight I was before I started CD, and perhaps a little bit more. I'm isolating from friends and colleagues, especially those that were sceptical about the diet. The diet didn't do anything wrong, it was me.

    We've all got battles to face and after the honeymoon period of losing weight is over, the hard part really begins. This is time you really need your CDC for guidance, use the forums and follow the steps - they are there for a reason.

    To anyone out there who is thinking about not doing the steps, about going it alone, please reconsider. We've all learnt how to NOT eat in SS/SS+, now it's time to learn how to eat. The steps teach you how to be control of your food.

    I don't want anyone else to end up like me - 6 months later looking at photos of a me that was so happy and feeling so free and knowing they have to go through the process all. over. again. Instead I feel guilty, ashamed, sad, and I'm hurting because I let down the one person I really need to look after - me.

    So financially things are going to be tough too but I'm determined to still have a life as much as I can. For (cliche two) it's often been about what's eating me, not what am I eating so I will get out there and keep meeting the triggers that have caused me to run back to the food and isolation before. I can do this, but it's just a pain I have to do it all over again!!

    I'm a big believer in life trying to teach you lessons and if you miss them the first, second, third.... time, they'll come back at you so you can learn them in order to move onto your next stage. This is where I am now, the kid whose just been told she needs to repeat a whole lesson that really the answer was just there on the page, she just didn't really think she needed it.
     
    Last edited: 14 July 2009
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  3. unreal83

    unreal83 Want to be a yummy mummy!

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    Hi Laura

    My goodness....this post gave me chills. I know its cliche when people say "I could have written that" but honestly, every single letter you typed, every single sentance you used to describe how you feel and whats happened is ME.

    Especially gave me a chill when you said about isolating friends and colleagues - I have just realised that is exactly what I have done.

    I am going back on it next Thursday, I also lost loads on it but made the same mistake.....

    Its so true...not eating is the easy bit, its what comes after....

    So glad to know im not the only one!

    xxxxx
     
  4. Coley

    Coley Re-starter

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    I'm in the club Laura....

    Just another lesson we had to learn I think! Luckily, this is one of the things we can have a second (and third, and fourth....hehehe...and five hundredth) chance at.

    Chin up sad face! Onwards!!!!!! wooooooooo!
     
  5. minxie

    minxie One day at a time!

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    (((Laura)))
    Thank you so much for sharing your story and well done for heading back here. As a lifetime serial dieter your story rings true for me too - each time I've got even heavier than before - but no longer. Here you should get lots of support and inspiration, and knowing the importance of going up the steps this time you will succeed.

    I think it must be scary going back up the steps - I look forward to being there though as it will mean I've reached my goal! Hearing stories like your really serve as a valuable lesson in doing it all the right way - brave of you to share it. Good luck:)
     
  6. LizS

    LizS Shut up Ethel

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    Gosh, how honest and painful that post was. I did this too. 4.5 stone off, 3.5 stone back on and here again.

    I've gone through all the negative emotions you describe - horrible, I know. Well done for having the guts to write it all down; well done for taking control.

    Now you've got it all out there, please start at least giving yourself some credit for tackling it and not burying your head in the sand. It'll take a while I know, but here's the turning point, here's where you start to feel good again.

    good luck hon xx
     
  7. mrsessex

    mrsessex Gold Member

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    Well written and really inspiring in a strange way

    I wish you all the luck in the world xxx
     
  8. eyeontheprize

    eyeontheprize can see the end in sight!

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    good luck in your restart laura. You post was so well written and heartfelt, and has really made me realise how important it is to do all the steps properly. I'm nearing maintenence now and am both looking forward to it and dreading it, as I still don't quite trust myself not to go off on a binge. Well done for taking control and being so honest with us x
     
  9. Nellyphant

    Nellyphant Silver Member

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    Very well written, thank you so much for this. It happens so many times, I've done it when I've lost weight in the past. We have to have the attitude that this is a LIFETIME change. And I'm definitely going to need the steps when I've got to goal.
     
  10. boardwitless

    boardwitless Silver Member

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    Thanks so much for this, at the moment I swing between really optimistic that *this time* the weight is going to stay off (this is my first time on CD). However, bitter experience of previous gains kicks in sometimes and I can see my maintenance as being like on a knife edge - anything might tip me off. Thanks for your honesty, I have thought sometimes that I'm probably too smart to have to do the plans - after all, I've out-smarted every other diet I've been on in the past (and THAT'S exactly why I have failed on them). I guess I have only done well on CD as it's virtually un-cheatable unless you go for it big time.
    You have convinced me to go up thorough the plans - I wish you all the best with your journey this time
    Please don't think you have to put your life on hold though until you have lost it again - you are not defined solely by what your scales read xx :hug99:
     
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  11. Lexy1972

    Lexy1972 Full Member

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    Hi Laura,

    Wow, that really hit a nerve for me. I have done the same and in the process I lost the love of my life and the person that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. He didn't leave me because I got fat, he left me because of the person I became when I got fat again.

    It was worse than before because I hated myself more for having lost the weight and then put it back on again. I totally lost my sparkle and energy, didn't want to go out and just isolated myself from everyone and everything and ultimately pushed him away. I won't make that mistake again.................... thank you for writing such a personal and open post that touched my heart and I'm sure many others on here xx
     
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  12. canireallydothis!!

    canireallydothis!! Gold Member

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    Wow, what a post, it must be one of the most heartfelt posts Ive ever read.

    It must have been sheer hell for you to write it, but I hope once you did you feel proud for facing up to it.

    I too am in the same boat, hard lessons learned by me over the past 2 years.

    I am now taking control, but your post is the most inspiring, it was me 6 weeks ago, and now I feel and look so much better, and you will too.

    Please change your sad face as soon as you feel able, youve reached out to one heck of a lot of people on here, and I wish you all the luck in the world x
     
  13. Annie 100

    Annie 100 Likes to chat

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    Hi Laura,

    I can't add anything more than everyone else has said, but I really want to wish you well and thank you for your post, food for thought (sorry, bad unintended pun)
     
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  14. Laura Croft

    Laura Croft Happily maintaining

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    I'm so overwhelmed by your lovely posts and so much honesty. As the saying goes, or something like that, whatever you give back, you get back 1000 times over. Okay I made it up but you know what I mean... I'll write more when I'm a bit more awake but especially to those struggling, or back with me, know you aren't alone either and we can do this.
     
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  15. Jellababy

    Jellababy Likes to eat.....

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    Thanks for your honesty, I did the same thing last year just came off it, did ok till christmas then slowly gave up and put it all back on. I'm 3 weeks in now and struggeling but reading your post has made me remember the bigger picture Thank You
     
  16. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Have replied on your other thread Lc. Wanted to pick up this bit in the replies.

    This is exactly what went through my mind when I was doing CD..well, just before it anyway. I wanted to do it my way. I thought I knew better. But I failed over and over again.

    That's why this time I did the plans. I suppose I wanted to blame Cambridge if it all went wrong :D

    For once though, I knew that I needed guidance, and I had to put my pride behind me and do it as laid out.

    I think that when you are in ketosis, it gives you a false sense of confidence. After all, if you can manage under 800 calories, then double that will be a cinch. Except it's not like that at all is it.

    I've been talking with my clients about this recently. Not wanting to paint a dark picture, but I do want them to be aware of the pitfalls.

    When they get to goal, I'm going to tie them up here and not let them go until they've done the plans and passed a very strict test in all aspects of maintaining that weight :D
     
  17. devilishandsweet

    devilishandsweet 100% all the way!

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    Thanks for sharing with us xxx
    A really good and helpful post x
     
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  19. imagisal

    imagisal Full Member

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    Laura, like all the above posts I wanted to thank you for your courage and honesty in telling your story. Before I read it I truly believe I was lined up to follow the path in losing weight not working up the plans and regaining. It has been a timely and precious reminder that the joy I feel now at having lost an amount of weight can very quickly return to the depression,trauma and mental distress of returning to my heaviest weight (17st) I have been developing the 'doing it my way' mentality and WILL fail again if I follow that path. So, I am recommitting to working the plan......no tweaking it to suit me ........abiding by the rules and the re education of learning how to eat for maintenance and health. A huge heartfelt thank you and so many best wishes to you as you come back to CD. Hug
     
  20. curlywurly1234

    curlywurly1234 Cambridge Consultant

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    Laura
    Thanks so much for sharing with us...... It really must have taken alot to write it down.
    Wishing you all the best...... and big hugs you have done it before so you can do it again!!!!! xxxx
     
  21. BREN

    BREN is going to loose!

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    Hi ya Laura!

    How are you going back on the CD journey?? If you are having problems with your internet shutting down when you open your PM prompts when you first log in I was having the same issue but have since fixed it.

    Bren
    xx
     
  22. dreamingmaid

    dreamingmaid Silver Member

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    Wow! I could have written this myself. I did exactly the same process as you hun. I lost 4.5 stones with CD last year, didn't follow the steps properly, thought i could go it alone and hey presto, regained all my weight. I kick myself now because restarting it again has been so hard, but just look at my ticker....it CAN be done!
    Oh, and i isolated my friends too, stopped taking care of my appearance, got myself stuck in a rut which i couldn't find a way out of.
    I'm on a slightly different plan to CD now, It's called Exante but it's still a meal replacement program and it has been bloody hard at times.

    Thanks for your post, it has helped to know that i wasn't the only one who did this.

    xx
     
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