Woah, Stupid,
Please don't say things like that. You seem very down on yourself hun, and you have no reason to be. Just like the rest of us, you've made poor mistakes to do with your health, lifestyle and eating in the past. There is NOTHING any of us can do about those decision, other than forget them, stop beating ourselves up and move forward, towards our end goals.
You seem to think that you are less worthy than others, and that youre a bad person, and will never get anywhere with your weight loss!! I'm telling you now, you aren't, you're not and you will!! But you'll find all these things a lot harder if you continue dwelling on what you have or haven't done in the past.
I'm a great believer in change (I have to be in my job), and whether its just our sweet tooth, over-active appetite, or under-active body, it can be rectified. Please believe in yourself, we all do!!
You will find things so much easier if you just cut yourself some slack, and start to appreciate the good things about yourself. You're not stupid, and you're not a fat greedy pig, and you don't have to keep apologising to us, we're all here to help each other, and if it's you that has the questions or needs the support, it's you that we'll help.
Hugs